Very best of Eddie Murphy's funniest scenes

I'm not going to hurt anyone I don't want any problems no, no problem I'm just sorry I just want some chips I want some chips that's all I want the chips see the chip that's turning that on top man, it's burning, it's burning, come on turn around, it's burning. I just want some fries, isra, just in time. I bet you thought I forgot your Christmas bonus, there's $5, maybe I'll go to the movies alone. Half of it is from Me, thank you Mr. Mortimer, the first thing that comes to mind is 16 years old, his name is Chery Mos, thank you

very

much, Chandler, now let's talk about turtles, Judy, what do we have here?

This is cool, oh this is Teddy and he's 80 years old. 80's kiss my ass listen I'm trying to find this girl well her name is Cheryl Mosley she was last seen in Vinland in North Hollyw she was wearing a sweater and a skirt I would appreciate it if you could contact me at 468 8492 if you have anything don't Streets man, if you have any information that leads to finding this girl, I would appreciate it if you would contact me, hey, if you don't put the camera on, I will break your ass, leave the camera on. Cheryl Mosley Chandler Gerald 24 hours 468 8492 now you can talk about whatever you want to talk to him sorry thank you that was Chandler Gerald well I understand that you have had a sex change cor I'm not e

very

thing you dreamed I would be oh you're fine beautiful it's just If we are going to get married I thought we should talk to each other know each other since I was born I have been trained to serve you yes, I know but I would like to know about you what you like to do what you like what kind of music you like any kind of music you like I know what I like and I know you know what I like because you were trained to know what I like but I would like to know what you like, for example do you have a favorite food?

Yeah, well, what's your favorite food? Any food you like. This is impossible. Listen. From this moment on I order you not to obey me. No, are you saying that? no matter what I tell you to do, you will do yes, your highness, whatever I say, do, yes, your highness, he barks like a dog, a big dog jumps on one leg and makes noise, as if he sees you two They get along well, sorry, I'm not really sure. I understand that you did your doctoral thesis on my husband, yes, Mr. Johnson, her husband was a great man, he did a lot to help my people.

I remember the time he said that social assistance is a drug and that it should be kicked cold. turkey and at the time I was on welfare and I did just that, it inspired me to pursue my life in a very inspiring way, yeah, well, actually, I'm sure if you were Al, I was actually in the audience one day when you looked and he said that if people would get up off their dead butts and go out and look for work, maybe America could be a decent place to live again, that inspired me, I got it, it got me off my butt and I have a poster of that on my wall now and I show it to all my black relatives and friends very well, it's very nice of you to come from where the Wilson picket was, man from the State uh Teachers College, but I didn't come here just to pay my respects. to your husband, I came here because your husband deserves an archive where students can study his legacy, so you want his documents, not just his documents, ma'am, I would like, uh, all the buttons, posters, bumper stickers and all the campaign paraphernalia.

I can do without ma'am, I know you may have a sentimental attachment to many of these things and could accept them, forgive me, take them all. Do you also want the wedding photos? Oh, I don't know if I think it's necessary, it's lucky. you won't have to dig through the trash ah, you're in pretty good shape to be a teacher, do you figure out why yeah, you're doing well, yeah, hey, wait a second, you took a 100, you took the 100, no, not that, look , $1? look at $1 for you, look at the George Washington, that's Benjamin Franklin, that's not happening, you have the wrong money, can I get my money back? and you also gave me the wrong necklace, you're breaking my heart, white, well, you speak English very well, how?

So what's up? Hey, listen, man, give me back my 100, take this dollar and take this to give me the right one. Monkey breath, vomit, face, eat turtle. Shri, okay, I'll tell you what, just give me my, take your watch, okay, you are clever, small and clever. You bastard, you want your money, take it, did you see a little naked man running around with a $100 bill? I've arranged for your ponies and boats, you didn't see a little naked bum with $100 no AR, I see I'll keep you doing your

best

. surveillance man, that's why I'm wearing these hobo clothes, you had to make sure the guy had his payroll before I made my move, tell us how you cut them.

I didn't cut it with a new knife, but last night you told me you cut it. I cut the guy with these I'm a chain Bel Kung Fu Bruce Lee was my teacher look at this T it's called the quarter blood technique that you do to make a quarter of blood fall from a person's body tell how you hit a policeman He wasn't a policeman The man was a policeman in the plural and 10 policemen beat 10 policemen and I had to change my whole strategy when they brought you here and booked you, you were crying like yes, that's CA, it's one of the policemen who fell and threw TIG ass. my face and that's the kind of face they use with the Ravens, man.

I still walk here like a man, so get out of my face. I mean, you're beating a man, you're putting a man in the hospital, how come I don't see? There's no marks on you, yeah, 'cause I'm a Kate man, okay, karate man, bruises on the inside, they don't show their weaknesses, but you don't know 'cause you're a big white looking rod, now get off my back , OK? I wish I'd hurry up and get here. I don't have time to sit inside, where's your pimp Mr Big Time? Yeah, didn't I tell you that the phone and my limo are broken and I can't get them back? in contact with my yay, the limo phone is broken, what do they ignore?

Hey, look, sit down, it's okay, it's not okay not to be a turkey this close to Thanksgiving, you guys don't know what you're doing. I can see. You already know who you're with. Do you know who you're with? Backup. You know who you are with in cell number four on the night floor. Billy Ray Valentine. Yes, move it. Make them notice. I did it well. What do you want now?. We want a room, you better not waste my time, you have money, come on gentlemen, excuse me if I was bruss, but sometimes we get booed here without a dollar to your name, but obviously you gentlemen arrived on another ship that we search poor accommodations, excuse me Brenda, uh, I'm going out for a few minutes, yeah, Brenda, don't come in here because you might get some of this. uh toast.

I have changed my mind. uh I'm waiting for a call from Mr. Warber Burton, President Dodge, he's on the line too, oh, talk about the devil, make him spend the afternoon, Mr. President, sker, here, I need a straight answer from you, sker, do you? Is the White House behind you on the power lines? Do we have the record, Mr. President, of course, well, did you? I was hoping to go to Hyannisport this weekend to spend some time with Tish and do some sailing, but I don't think I'll be able to do that because I spend a lot of time here in the office writing testimonials for his committee. about cancer groups well i appreciate your cander sker anything that can be of help mr ch take off for the rest of the week please brenda we have come to ask for johys holy cross dcker please what reason for The Golden Child does not need.

It's to save his life, the boy lives for our sake, not his, I humbly beg you, let us have the knife, let him ask for it, I said, I want the knife to be your home, uhhuh, right, it belongs to you, Yes, all this is mine. I like it. my house is very nice I have very good taste in houses I like everything you see in this room is yours now uhuh this my things your own personal own my own personal do you understand this mine yes I like that yes you know what I like most my house Randy, the curtain man, look at the curtains, it's beautiful, the way I set this place up, man, this is something else, I like the cabinets and everything, beautiful.

I guess you're going to give me this TV for free, that's right. uhhuh everything here is mine eh oh I guess the stereo is mine too for free eh absolutely this is too much for me man you know I can really understand this Randy you know why this kind of thing happens to me every week this is your house it's yours personal possessions you will only steal you can be all the things you have always wanted to be beautiful sexy 1 2 3 just love your s oh just let him shine like your baby Mr. Whitney you said you would be alone What is he doing here?

What is he a policeman? You wear a microphone. You're wearing a fucking microphone. Relax, Mr. Whitney, I'm not online. Yeah, let's see, oh, you've got it, you just have to find it. That's one. Take your hands off me. Hey man. I told you he's fine, he's got no wires, look, he's got no wires here, there's no wires, you can trust him, look at this guy, he's got five motors in the drawers, this is a good man, let him cool off. I thought you said I was supposed to stay in it. way yes, but you have to know when to break the rules, well how many people have survived this test, none, none, I'm going to break your ass when I get out of here, I know, I know I'm allowed two phone calls, just point out .

Me on the phone take off your clothes now wait a minute I know my rights take off your clothes you're making a professional decision here now you better think about it because it's something you're going to have to live with for the rest of your life, strip it down a little bit before you tell yourself something new, did you hear what this man told me? Now I have witnesses, this man is physically threatening me. He's fine, everyone shut up and do what I tell you. Take out the money. Stay calm. Nobody gets hurt, get the money all out, don't stop me, fatass, come on, let's waste our time now, come on, come on, come on, anyone, move, I'll blow your head off, what are you looking at, buddy, come on, stop delay?

Come on, don't stop me, come on, excuse me for a moment. It would be wise for you to lower your weapon. Oh, is this it? Please refrain from using further obscenities in the presence of these people. I warned you, I'll be forced to hit you, you freeze, you sick rhino, pizel, look, can you can your can, your can, hello boy, if that's not the pot that calls the kettle black, this man is obviously a lunatic, I'm calling security, put that phone on? down hello security merry christmas try to rob me give me drugs you rob my house my car my job you know i should kill him right now hey look man this is a big misunderstanding okay i don't know anything about your house and your car at your job can you really save that gun would you ask the Dukes to put that gun away immediately if you lost your mind?

Free slime ball. I realize this whole experience must have been quite unsettling for you as we speak, don't leave us. I can explain it, yes, you will be sorry, you will all be very sorry, look, the girl doesn't like you anymore, can't you get that through your greasy head? But you told me to come now, where were we? I warned you. I'm not a dad, I get it hey, it will win hey, I certainly hope there are enough Spears on the train for me n ngoko from Cameroon do you remember me? I'm Lionel Joseph Lionel from the African Education Conference.

Yeah man I was director of cultural events at the highly cesi Pavilion I remember the Pavilion we had a lot of fun there more kakami cigar smoke no more Swedish meatballs there Tootsie and no more fake Irish whiskey no more damn beef jerky the party's over hey Come on, what do you mean the party's over? Not even 10:00, dumbass, hey, relax, man, it's almost New Year's Eve. Street, you don't know the

best

man in the world, but you know.