Trump Washes His Hands of the Coronavirus

thank you for being part of our mandatory quarantine, no one will leave the room for eight weeks, so get to know each other, although I am honored that you braved the germs to be with us tonight, the stock market is down and the

coronavirus

is up on this planet. going to Purell in a basket and they just identified the first case of this new corona virus here in the state of California and it's mysterious because the person who contracted it didn't go anywhere or come into contact with anyone who traveled from one of these viral hotspots abroad and to be honest, I'm getting a little paranoid last night.

I asked my couriers and before opening the door I had the delivery guys spray themselves with the hose, that's how they are cracking down. about the virus in China they have deployed remote control tanks that shoot disinfectant at the citizenry it's a spectacle, clean it up, it's a Lysol Roomba, but we don't have President Trump worried, not necessarily for health reasons, but because the Dow almost low. 1,200 points today was the worst one-day drop in stock market history and a weak economy could hurt his re-election chances. It's virus versus virus right now, so yesterday Trump put Mike Pence on the case, the New York Times. reported that he said he chose pence because he has nothing else to do, although it is interesting that he chose pence to handle this, especially since in 2014 Donald Trump tweeted that Obama just imported an oboe lazar with zero medical experience and zero experience in infectious diseases. disease control is a total joke, he really has a there's a tweet for everything it's almost it's almost like Donald Trump of the past is trying to stop Donald Trump of the future and it's just not working.

This is also a fun joke in May. In late 2018, to save money, the Trump administration disbanded the US pandemic response team, although to be fair, who could have seen something like that being useful and another reason it would be better to start taking this more oh really? The corona virus may cause a shortage of your favorite drink, apparently the artificial sweetener used in Diet Coke. It comes from China, it's made there, and you know he drinks 14 diet cokes a day. In fact, in the morning he mixes it with fried chicken skins and calls it a smoothie, so the president you know is a germaphobe and doesn't like getting sick. people around and that's why the White House and the CDC are reinforcing the importance of washing your

hands

with an instructional video to teach Americans the proper way to keep this virus at bay the White House presents how to wash your

hands

step 1 turn on the water step 2 apply soap to your hands step 3 rub your hands step 4 dry them now you can do the things you love virus fruit vale a message from cdc.gov the president and first lady held an event to honor black history month, for Of course they chose February.

On the 27th doing so is like a New Year's Eve party that starts at 11:58 p.m. but they really tried, they had special outfits and everything. The Prince of Bad Hair and I love Donald Trump's idea of ​​black history. This is a man who thinks Rosa Parks is short for Alma. Rosa Parks. Danny's character High Yellow and does the right thing has a higher favorability rating among black voters than Donald Trump, but the campaign has a plan to win over those voters and that plan is to open community centers. Team Trump calls them Black Voices for Trump.

Black Americans call community centers a trap. They say the goal is to engage voters and discuss the incredible strides Black America has made under President Trump's administration. That's good, what's next? Mike Pence's LGBTQ Club they are opening them in Florida, North Carolina, Lanta Cleveland, this is not an outreach program, this is the sequel went well, so they posted some photos of one of the senators and enlarged this sign that made me It got attention because they were asking you this is not a joke, they want you to text. I woke up at eight eight zero two two alone Finding out how stupid you are is like when the Nigerian prince emails you asking for six hundred dollars, but in this case he's our president, so these guys are so opposed to wokeness that they even sell hats with the word wake up. and of course, who better to model those hats than the sleepiest guy in Maryland, Snorunt ben Carson, so if that doesn't get the black vote, I don't know what will.

I don't know Kanye, he'll have to come down. your chimney I guess Trump's New York enemy Michael Bloomberg shot the president during a CNN town hall lecture in South Carolina and this guy says whatever you want about Mike Bloomberg, this is a gentleman who knows how to do laugh. I spell team. TEAM there's no I on team I always joke about it, I bet they're rolling and the cubicles when you pull that one out On the opposite end of the political spectrum, the Conservative Political Action Conference, also known as CPAC, is underway in Washington and if If you are not familiar with what happens at CPAC, this clip should tell you everything you need to know, we have David Schneider dr.

David Schneider, a leading orthopedist and author of a new book, will tell you, among other things, why socialized medicine killed Princess Diana. He heard it here first and hopefully last. I don't know, this year CPAC covered the entire building in tin foil so they don't have to do it where the individual has been. Wow, there's a fugitive on the loose in Australia. A male baboon escaped from an Australian medical center where he was going to undergo a vasectomy and ran away with two female baboons who were there to keep them calm during the procedure called unfinished business I don't know why for some reason it makes me miss Charlie Sheen is a strange thing another primate new invasive species of herpes carrying monkeys from Zion have invaded us. state, can you guess what state?

Oh yes, of course, it's Florida. Florida has monkeys with herpes, which is basically Planet of the Apes meets The Bachelor. Six of these monkeys were brought to Florida in the 1930s to give tourists a jungle-like experience and have been ever since. They have then multiplied to almost four hundred herpetic monkeys. Local officials have been trying to teach the monkeys about safe sex, but every time they get to the part where they put the condom on the banana, one of them eats the banana. I was almost popular. Bad joke: you know tensions are very high right now with this virus in airports around the world, but if you fly with Air New Zealand, you can relax because starting in October, Air New Zealand will offer bunk beds in economy class, these are for those moments when you're on a flight you say you know I wish this felt more like an orphanage in space those aren't pieces let's call them what they are overhead compartments that's where they want you to sleep and if this capture is on your air trip we'll pass from this to this so as not to be left behind.

Spirit Airlines is now testing what they call underwing hammocks, which is a special departure row in the state of Virginia. Lawmakers are in the process of getting an unusual law, a law against fornication of their passengers. books, it is currently illegal for single people to have sex in the state of Virginia and if you are caught you can be fined a real $250. This is like the porn version of Footloose, so state lawmakers have now decided they want to repeal the law. but then they're waiting for the governor to sign it any day now and of course I want to know more about this so we cut it out, we track someone down and now with us is the man who's been leading the effort to repeal this antiquated law.

Charles Potter, Hello, Charles, and thank you for joining us. Hello, Jimmy Kaffee, sex to you, and happy sex to you. We were talking about what's happening there illegally, so tell us what you're doing and how it's been going. a long battle, but I'm proud to say we're closer than ever to putting this nonsense in our baton code to bed, well, well, and the reason I say bed is because I can't wait to have sex, since I've been. He said I heard it's just great, wait, wait a minute, you've never had sex, of course, I'm not married so you're a virgin, so I guess it's all because of this damn law, excuse my language, oh yeah, No, it's okay, it's us.

So wait a minute and you let this law stop you from having sex for your entire life. Well, what else am I supposed to do? Go out and get busy with a woman who is not a wife. Well, yeah, that's what you're supposed to do. What a criminal would do and criminals go to jail, yeah, where you could lose your virginity the hard way, yeah, I know, I know, but wait a minute, right? You're not going to jail, isn't it just a $250 fine if you're stuck oh listen to Mr. Money Bags here just walking around with 250 dollars worth of bong boners in his living room yeah, yeah, yeah, no, yeah, I heard it of the erection, yeah sure, plus if I spend all my money on fines how am I supposed to pay for my sex equipment?

Well, what do I do? You mean sexy gear? Don't know. I haven't done it before. Don't you need some kind of equipment? I'm excited for you wow this is going to be a lot of fun keep up the good fight and I wish you the best of luck thank you but I don't need luck what I need is experience yes that's why I put an ad on the World Web asking for a sex lesson Oh and let me tell you, a lot of people responded Oh, they did it right. What website did you make? It's called Greg's List.

Oh, Craigslist, that registration list rings. Yeah, yeah, well, that might not be a great idea. say Charles because oh, those must be my instructors now oh hello gang, come on, take off your tunic and make yourself at home, huh, that's it, oh, hello, Andy, you brought your horse, oh, you know, yeah. I want to know more about that. sold saddle deal yes, yes, yes Charles, I'm having fun, but keep up the pace, okay. Oh, cut it out, prude, don't be so square now, who wants to go for a Rita Meeta? William is you. No, it's okay, no names allowed here.

Jimmy, it's okay, I am. That's it, okay, go ahead, but I just want to warn you guys, no, no crazy stuff, okay, there you have it. We wish you all the loss of verginity. Thanks for staying tuned to River. Every time they click the subscribe button, one of their enemies is destroyed.