True Confessions with John Mulaney and Pete Davidson

-Wow. -Alright. -Wow. -Alright. -So that's how it works. In front of each of us are two envelopes containing

confessions

. One confession is

true

, the other is a lie. Once you read your confession, the other two players have 60 seconds to question you. And they have to guess if you've been lying or telling the truth. John, you'll go first. Pete, what envelope should John open? -Wait. Mine or yours? -His. -Oh. Number two. I don't know. -Yes I know. Doesn't really matter this part, yeah. Well, this could be a lie or truth, we don't know. -Cool. -Alright. -It is already selling.

Look at it. -Are we doing it correctly? -Yeah. -Is this mine or his? -No, this is yours. -Then what am I? Who am I talking about, you? -You're talking about yourself. -Oh. Alright. -Do you understand? -Yes, you should read the email. -Okay, gentlemen. My neighbor was arrested by the FBI for being a cannibal. -That? Uh, okay, what year was this? -2013. -So, cannibalism, totally illegal at this point. - So, wait. Is this Los Angeles? -NY. -Oh. -Oh, oh, wow, yes. -Yes Yes Yes Yes. That could really happen. Yes, okay. -The FBI got involved, but how did you know?

They called... Did they ask you questions? -When the FBI invaded our lobby and arrested this guy in a 6:00 a.m. raid. -Now, did you have any clue that he suspected something? -No, he never said to me in the elevator: "Guess what." "He could be a cannibal." -He is scaring me, because his voice is like an interrogation. You say, "I was there." -Yes Yes Yes. -"I was there. It was 6:00 a.m." -A pre-dawn raid. -Yeah. -Did the guy ever act strange? -He stay quiet. -Yeah. -But he was very hungry. -What was his name? -I don't know his name. -Oh oh.

Interesting. Didn't you... didn't you have a nickname for him? -No, it was a big building in New York, so it didn't have names for everyone. -I say no, because if it were Los Angeles, I would buy it, but I don't think people here are eating people. -I think it's quite the opposite. -Do you think it's quite the opposite? -I think some crazy and sordid things are happening in New York. -No, Los Angeles. Here they cut off your head, but there they cut it off and eat it. That's Hollywood. -I know. You'll say? -I'm going to say no.

I think it's fake. -I'm going to say... I'm going to say no, it's false. -It's

true

. -No! -That?! What are you talking about? -That? -That? -Alright. Alright. -How did I not find out about this? -Do you remember the cannibal policeman? -That? -Who remembers the cannibal policeman? -Yes Yes. -Do you remember that story? Alright. There was a policeman and he was... he was in line. He was on the message boards. He says, "I'm going to eat people. I'm going to kill and eat people." And then other people were like, "I'm going to kill people with you and eat them too," you know? -What message boards are you on? -I'm not in these, okay?

My neighbors and friends are. -Ah OK. -So, our neighbor was on a forum with him and was planning to kidnap and eat someone with the cannibal policeman. They did a sting operation in which an FBI agent posed as another interested cannibal who was also hungry for people. And then he said, "We'll meet at 6:00 a.m. and we'll go find someone and eat them." My neighbor says "Yes" and the FBI shows up at 6:00 a.m. m. and arrest my neighbor, and we haven't spoken since. -Wow! Incredible. Well done. Wow. I thought there was one out there. -I mean, yes. -I thought that one was there. -Yeah. -I didn't see that- -You've probably told me that before. -I have not done it.

I have lived a full life. There are many stories. -Alright. It's my turn. What envelope should I open? Does it matter? One or two? -One. -Sure? Two is pretty good. -No, I like one. -Here we go. I once went to have a beer with a musician and woke up in a hotel room in Nashville. ♪♪ -Where did the evening begin? -NY. -Yeah. It's true. -You have to ask questions! -No. -You have to ask questions. -It's true. I know you. It's true. -But you have to ask questions. -It's time to fill up. I also think it's true. -It is 100% true. -You both know what happened. -Eh, what instrument did the musician play? -Mandolin.

Just kidding. No, a guitar. -Well. -Do you remember anything about the trip from New York to Nashville? -I remember, yes, arriving in Nashville. -Remember... Did you arrive alert in Nashville? -Yes, I was in Nashville. I totally remembered that part, yeah, and then I just didn't know I'd stay there. -Was it the first time you met this musician? -No. -Well. -Is it a one-man band? -Not interesting. Good question. -Yeah. -No, like a one-man band? -Yeah. -No. It was a duo. -Is it a duo? -A duet? -A duet. -Interesting. -Yeah. -A mandolin and something else. With what? -Yeah.

They were both asking me false questions. They believe it really happened. -Of course. -Of course. -It's so true. Come on. -Yes it's true. Yes. But you didn't even question it. Why didn't you question it? -Because it's like... -It just ended up happening. -Yeah. -We have all been there. -Well well. Okay, yeah. -Wait, so... -So, who was it? -It was John Rich, and he... -Who? -Big and rich. -WHO? -Big and rich. -It's country music. -Oh. -They were on... They were on "The Bachelor" once. -So my reaction was correct. -Yeah. -We are not guessing because you are right.

Yes Yes. -It's good, awesome. -Pete, it's your turn. I'm going to choose envelope number one, of course. -Alright. -Yes, that's it. I can't believe it, not a single question. You said, "Yes, that's it." -I got vampired. -Yes, you did it. -Lorne Michaels and I went to Jamaica together on vacation for New Years. ♪♪ -I really want that to be a lie. -Wait. Lorne Michaels, who is... -Our boss. -Our boss. He started all of our careers. -Yeah. -Did you go to Jamaica with you? -No, I went with him... for New Year's. -Did you go with him? -Pete couldn't pay the bill. -When he was 20 years old. -I don't know if he would ever go to Jamaica with you.

He might as well go to Nashville and wake me up in Nashville. -Yeah. -There really is nothing in Jamaica that you haven't duplicated here in the United States. -That is totally true. -Wait. Were you 20? -Yeah. -Ah, 20 years. -In what year... How old were you when you started appearing on "Saturday Night Live"? -twenty. -twenty? The first year? -The first season? -Yeah. -However, in the first season you are never that close to Lorne. -Good. -New Year too? -Yeah. -During the break. -Spend a vacation with Lorne? -Eight episodes in 20 years. -Eight episodes in... -Yes. -...a man, your eldest... -Yes. -...says: "That boy, Jamaica." -Yeah. -No. -I mean, because I could see that maybe now you and Lorne could vacation somewhere, meet somewhere, but at that time? -I mean, Jamaica – the two of them walking through Jamaica.

I vote... -No. -I want it to be true, but I won't go. -I want it to be true. I'm saying no, it's not true. -It's true. -I'm terrible at this game! -That?! -Wow! I'm terrible at this game. That? As? What do you mean? -Oh, he made me grow up in the office. No, he was... I just... He just said, "I'm going to Jamaica. Do you want to come?" And I was like, “Yeah, dude.” -Did you guys stay next to each other at the hotel? -Yes, I stayed... Well, I stayed... I didn't want to stay... He offered to let me stay where I was, but I didn't want to, you know, be me with him.

So I stayed at the hotel 10 minutes away. Because they would have fired me if I had stayed there. I have to give him his... -Did you smoke that much weed? -Oh Lord. -Yes, it was really fun. -Yes, oh my God. -Yeah. -Our thanks to John Mulaney, Pete Davidson! Catch them on "Saturday Night Live" this weekend!