Top 5 Comedy Acts | America's Got Talent / Britain's Got Talent 2016 HD

ready yes more or less what do you mean more or less I'm ready I'm doing well have fun I'll do it oh well look at this hello hello uh my name is Derek Santos you seem a little nervous don't you? all Derek, what do you do? Well, I'm a security guard, you're a security guard, yeah, and what are you guarding an empty parking lot? So I figure having that job in the parking lot, you have to be great. with the ladies, am I right, oh yeah, you can't tell her if you have a girlfriend, I do have a girlfriend, she's here, oh, no kidding, yeah, somewhere out there and still looking for her, no, you're just in a serious relationship, yeah, uh.

Well, well, I like to think it's how many years have you been with her, uh, three years, three full years, are you starting to think about maybe proposing to her or would I like to? I mean, that's why I'm here, I think I'd like to be able to propose to my girlfriend with something other than an onion ring, in other words, you don't have money for a ring, no, so you're hoping you have some money Now what about his parents? Are they disappointed with their decision to leave? You too, is it the job or is it just your behavior?

I mean, yeah, being a comedian, I don't think they believe in it, wouldn't that be cool? Revenge if you could win the million dollars, oh yeah, and you're this funny guy and suddenly the parents will be like oh yeah, Dereck is a great guy, we always loved him, wouldn't that be the fantasy? Oh, yeah, well, then you wouldn't talk to him again, would you? I love Revenge, how I do it, uh. this is your big moment the stage is yours good luck great everyone here we go so my parents are really weird my mom dresses like my dad and my dad dresses like my mom they're transparent oh yeah they're a real pain so I've been using diapers recently, guys.

I usually only wear diapers for two reasons, number one and number two. I'm going crazy, is what I tell my bananas before leaving the house. I'm going to go crazy, so I'm glad, guys. I found him attractive. I hate it when my friends ask me to do them a favor, especially when I've been eating grapes all day. It'll be okay guys, I'll leave you on a high note, funny guy, okay. Let's find out how the vote goes. This should be interesting. um, you're a little polarized. Some people just won't understand you and I know that, but I understand you and I will tell you that you are the guy. as a kid I will remember because you are different and I applaud differently oh thank you very much and I'm going to give you your first yes thank you Heidi you are always hard on comedians but I wonder what you thought of DK I really like ER, but for me it's not like the act of 1 million dollars from America's Got Talent, so unfortunately today I'm going to have to say no, sorry.

Howe, you know you remind me of me, you really remind me that you have less energy. me and I can't tell you how much I love myself what you vote for me is a yes thank you I won't let you have the final vote I think and I know that you have taught me this how is it going if you laugh once in those 90 seconds that means that he's good to you um so I have to give you a yes, I have to, we'll see you next round, good job, I heard Howe Mandel say, I know you care. him on himself, how does that feel?

It feels so good to know how much he loves himself, that means he must absolutely like me. I think this guy will do well, people will remember the way he looks. I'm so glad you put him through everything. yours, have fun, enjoy when you see John come out for his edition today. I will feel very proud. Hello how are you? I'm fine, what's your name? John CLE, nice to meet you, John, how old are you? I'm 43, okay? and where are you from eh I'm from Brighton who are you here with today I'm here with my mum and dad now the act you're doing for us today what got you into that my dad was an impressionist comedian when he was about 11 or 12 years.

I started doing impressions with him, so I'm following in his footsteps. Funny enough he turned up in new faces here in Birmingham about 30 years ago. Oh wow, he won his heat, but unfortunately not. he wins the vote by mail like he was then is your father here today he is yes where are you? I'm here when you're ready good luck here we go here we go dear 25 8:48 am and the new famous housemates have arrived Red for Big Brother Carl oh did anyone mention Carl yes oh hi Simon or can I call you dad 8:49 a.m. the housemates are having donuts for breakfast I'm Emily pulling out Donuts Donuts m is there anything they can't do Marge oh Homer what are you talking about, you're talking about Donuts again, buddy, buddy, we'll be back after the break.

I had an accident and I think I will have to receive compensation. 949 BC m., time to find out if you have the xfractor. pop star you sound like a pop star I'm bound to but g g sh sh Nicole sh we need to know the thoughts of a final judge Simon amazing very good amazing okay let me stop you there thank you wow we think incredible, okay. Right, David, what did you think? Well I love it oh thank you you are a very funny man and you know you ticked all the boxes. The impressions were fantastic and you know your experience really shows and oh thank you fantastic well done. regards thank you I am completely delighted for you because it is a really difficult genre

comedy

and I hope your dad is proud what do you think joh you did really very well it was a great great act apart from me I loved them all impressions.

I love Marge Simpson, that was thinking my favorite, yeah, me, and what was great was that when the public supported you, you became more confident. I could see that I think you did well, John. I totally agree with them. I think you got better and better. that act went on and I think you should get extra points for playing Simon because I think that makes you a very brave man, we have to vote David, yes or no John, it's very easy, yes, absolutely yes, for me, welcome , Simon, it's a yes. for me it's a yes for me you have four yes congratulations done done stamping Ovation at the end again for you that I realized that it overwhelmed you a little oh I did it yes I was almost I was going out there I thought they were together oh he was he was BR so you are a success in bming as a father as a son wow let's wait then let's see if you are in the portal v now oh i know yes this is the fairy tale of love thank you this is the story about love when a boy meets a girl in a bar, he sees the girl, he looks at her and all he wants to say is a big hello, is it me you're looking for?

She looked beautiful. The dress she was wearing that night was gold. She does not. She looked at him and he showed her her best dance moves. What's happening? The fox says she is coming. He tells the girl. Hey, she looks thirsty. You want to drink whatever you want. That? Why does she make me happy? Fairly good. The girl looks at the boy. and says sorry, I have to go to bathroom, don't go, he says please don't go, I love this act, suddenly the girl comes back, I am so excited, I am about to do it, I think I like it, The girl laughs at a boy and says hey I want to go back to my house where the coffee is, the boy says hey I had a feeling that good night so the boy stayed with the girl and now they have been together for 45 years Yes I could go back and that is the fairy tale of love thank you for watching good luck enjoy hello hello hello what is your name I am taju and how old are you 40 and are you married is that a proposal no not married not that I know and what is it what you're doing for us today eh get up Brilliant impressions we'll wish you all the best yeah thank you I love TV man does anyone here remember the blind date ladies and gentlemen fly today and here's your hostess Miss Black, oh. oh, we've got three Bonny Lads behind that screen.

I really wasn't expecting DOA and here's the beautiful girl who has a Mee him, her name is Amanda, she walks in and you know, I would love to have seen the screen come back, she didn't. I don't like her looks, she makes it clear, pretty women, why do you always come to the club with a friend who doesn't look as pretty as you? Yeah, and guys, just when you're about to get the cute ones, number the friend. shows up and completely ruins it yeah let me set the scene Alice hi you're kind of cute oh you're cute too here comes the friend who are you who are you who are you who are you then they turn to their friend who is he?

Who is he? Who is he? Then they turn to you. It's you? and you look like and you act like you can prove that you're not exactly what I thought you are if I'm not getting a man not one is getting a man Action Movies Total Recall Predator Commando. I love them. Favorite action hero Arnold Swartzenegger, yes, because Swartzenegger is always asking what the hell is going on, what did I do wrong and he's always trying to explain the drama to other people who don't. I don't care some men just tried to kill me I think they were spies or something Harry from work he was the boss blood on my shirt blood on my hands blood on my knife tried to take my life get off it's funny I like it I like it funny I like it like brilliant, wait a second, we have something we have to do, oh my god, together, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know what to say, that really touched me.

I mean, Anton Dex, thank you so much, kid. well, it's very good, it's good, congratulations, see you, there's no one I can think of right now, who is this, it's nice to see you again, it's nice to see you too, okay, remind everyone your name ,uh, my name is gtis Candis, right? I know this is the only comedian I've found funny, look, gatis, welcome back to the stage, your good luck, oh, everything's fine, it's fine, thank you, carry on, so you know that now, after a few days cold, it's hot outside and I like warm weather because it makes me feel warmer.

That's my warm-up joke when my chicken has a birthday. I don't call him H because he wouldn't understand, um, so, yeah. I have another animal joke, woof, woof, woof, woof, that's a joke. You can take it home for your dog Simon, do you have a dog three? Will you tell your dogs my joke? I was thinking about that when you said it, yeah, let me hear it, wow, wow, wow, wow, no, I'm not sure they're going to understand, can you? Try it with my accent vof vof vof oh, thanks for making me sound so sexy. Does anyone like seeing couples kissing in public?

No, no, how well I do it and every time I do it, I always go up to them and look directly at them. and they usually stop and then ask me if you mind and I say, I don't care, my name is gtis Candis and in case you want to follow me, uh, this is what I look like from behind, thanks oh gtis Alicia. Do you know that I absolutely love you? Thank you. Your jokes are just ridiculous and I like the way you deliver them. It's like you accidentally found the stage. You're actually, like I said, the only comedian who's really made me long.

Your jokes are. how stupid it seems funny to me thank you gasis you are very original and anyone who doesn't understand it is stupid you know what you are something sexy too yes let's vote Simon I'm going to say yes it's a yes on my part it's a yes on my part four yes gtis well done thank you very much come wait