Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer Play Truth or Dab | Hot Ones

What do you want more from biceps Rolex guys? I'm Tom Segura, now I'm burnt glass. They brought in Hot's two biggest guests to do an episode together. That's right, it's not Kevin Hart and Shaquille O'Neal, it's Wale when. I was 22, I got involved with the Russian mafia, you're safe, damn, hey guys, check us out

truth

or dab this week, hot

ones

first, we delight first we delight in

bert

tom, let's go, hey, what? What's happening everyone for the first week of feasting? I'm Shawn Evans and welcome back to another special episode of Truth or Dab The Hot One where we give our guests two simple options: tell the

truth

or suffer the wrath of the latest app and today we're joined by two of our favorite comedian friends. from the brand Tom Segura and Burke Kreischer, both have Netflix specials available right now. your mother's house and the cast of burke wherever you get your podcast you can see tom live on the second half of his take it down tour tickets are on sale now and coming soon city near you and for fans

bert

's fall tour dates for his body slamming world tour will be announced later this month get your tickets bert tom welcome to the show thank you buddy thank you for having us both in front of you you have three fiery chicken wings which have been sprinkled with various versions of the last touch.

I have a series of potentially uncomfortable personal questions for each of you. Do you realize how difficult this will be for my career? Our career is based on simply saying the worst things about ourselves on our podcast for the last nine years I'm dying to see these questions well we'll see how far we can take them today and bert let's start with you you seem anxious I'm very anxious you just finished the American. part of your body shot tour of the 28 cities you visited, which was the biggest landfill. I can't wait to go back next year.

He's starting to dive by the way, it was Albany. How is that not bad, man? It's really not bad. I'm cleaning this bone. I can see it's coming in. I'm going to commit well to the tour that's hot, yeah, hmm, Bert, you dove into it. It's like you've forgotten what it's like to be here. You know, you sent me a bottle of this on my tour bus I gave it to my cobra assistant and he threw up immediately started throwing up that's a good selling point for you yeah, yeah, it's not this part, it's when it comes out, that's it the bad thing, yes, after I did the hot

ones

the first time in the second season I was one of the first fans, you are our first famous fan, yes, I know it and I tell everyone, holy shit, what was I talking about?

Oh, my pants at security, going through the airport, relaxing, you know, you forgot the initial part of the story last time I was in the hot ones I didn't put my pants on, I was fine what's the next question these tables go down it was just for kevin hart when he left i think it's just because you're yoked i think more fire today i think it could be weight related okay tom it's your turn okay as we land on your intro you host the podcast of the your mother's house along with your wife and co-host christina p, your fellow comedian, what's a secret you've kept? from her that I wouldn't be happy to hear if she said she's watching right now Tom diving in Bert setting a high bar so Tom now say it now say it oh it's so bad it was bad oh man dude this is like taking a viking and your El Brain just shuts down.

I crawled under a pillow. Wait, you're supposed to eat the wings and then tell the truth? You have a choice. You know, if you're going to tell the truth, you don't have to eat the wing that was really bad. Well it hurts to laugh, are they getting hotter? Are they going to get hotter in the second round? Okay, you guys are moving with a bunch of comedy heavyweights, but it's time to burn some bridges. Bert ranks these comedians from funniest to least funny. Joey Diaz R.A Shafier Joe. Rogan and Tom Sure, yeah, holy man, yeah, how is this so much worse than last time?

You get to work until the last dab when you're on the show here. A very steep ramp when we only placed the last three wings of the dab. down, ori is the least funny, can I say that, okay, you don't actually have to respond, I just wanted to post that so everyone knows, or is it the least funny, okay, tom, yeah, again, add a little in the pot, I know. You're a really nice guy, but comedy is a competition, it's a sport, so keep it at 100. Who has the worst stand-up special on Netflix right now? Who do I know?

I know you know it too. We just talked about it in green. room we made yeah okay I can't talk damn dude what are you doing? It's a tough show, it's a tough show, you got the league favorite, uh, embarrassing, damn, throw it on the ground, I don't want to, I really wanted to do it. answer that one I don't know right the answer now it doesn't make sense no which one turn something off there is something yeah okay what you said I'm hannah gatsby god I mean it wasn't him it wasn't meant to be funny you I know it was like it was thought provoking, it was a ted talk, it was good, can't wait to see the next one, already on the third round, maybe we need to give these guys more wings, my mouth is on fire bro, yeah.

You're known as the champion of water right here, let's put that Aquaman knowledge to the test. You know it's one thing to drink water and call yourself the water champion, but how much do you really know about water? You, with a surprise quiz about water, answer all three questions correctly. You are totally clear, but you are wrong. You know the man with the drill, how much of the human body is water? And I mean a normal body, not like a water champion. body is 20 60 or ninety-five percent sixty isn't that right no cow is going to be sixty you're full of blood your skin is ten no, it's sixty sixty percent sixty percent good job time five well which of the great lakes is it The deepest thing between Lake Superior, Lake Michigan and Lake Ontario, deer coming down, ah, it's always that left eye, Tom Michigan, right, it's superior, damn, let's do this, oh, you're crying, yeah, we're inside, let's do a little double or nothing, okay, listen. you got that wing, let's get to this last question here, okay, you get it right, you're safe, but if you're wrong, we'll up the ante, you'll touch that last wing, okay, well, you know he's saying you're right. pour some stuff on top, I heard it sold in a 14 karat diamond encrusted bottle.

Beverly Hills 9-0 h2o claims to sell the most expensive bottle of water in the world. How much does it cost? 45,000 75,000 or 100 grand, come on man what? what's happening here the most expensive bottle of water in the world costs a hundred thousand dollars oh did you do that? It's a hundred thousand dollars tom it's a girl with a life preserver she swerves out of that pothole yeah I got you man I got you man we I still got two rounds left buddy it disappeared and then I wiped my mouth with my thing and it came back from new, Burke, you two are prolific podcasters in the 300+ episode history of the cast of Burke, who has been your worst guest, oh, I have. the answer I have two answers, should we choose the one that everyone hated the most?

No, I can't say it, I can't do it. Explosion like that. There is a. Do you remember that girl? Yes, yes, she is Irish, she has a lot of hate. Yeah. and she got uh, what's the other one? I don't know any guy who was, I think it's like I'm not going to blow anyone up, but you, ya, you already did what I did, okay, okay, okay, you didn't do it. you named him, you eliminated him, we could do the math, okay Tom, yes, stealing jokes, it's one of the biggest taboos in comedy, can you identify a comedian who you think has gotten away with copying material from other comedians?

That's great, this is called truth. or dab or ruin your career it's not even about not saying it I can't think of one now whisper in my ear I can't I can't because I'm going to hear all the microphones I'll say it I'll say it after you say oh just turn up the levels what he said, that counts, Tom, there's just one more wing left, you could eat it and that's it, oh, Bert, he's stealing everyone's jokes, which hurt his nerves, I think it is. where i got the machine story from, oops, some guy was telling a rambling 13 minute story, big joke, dave, big joke, thief, well listen, there's no way out of this stealing, okay, now it's the Pop quiz time for you, you are a product of Tampa. a florida state graduate, a sack of trash from the sunshine state and proud of it if i have ever seen one, so what i'm going to do is give you a series of floor to man headlines and it's up to you to find out if they are real or fake ok Florida man denies syringes found in his rectum are real or fake that's right I can see it I bet it's real it's real I can totally see myself on the back of a load and I don't know how they got there, that's right, as reported by local news channel 10, that's the story of Wesley Scott, 40, and he's sticking to it.

Two more headlines to go, bert, we have this easygoing man from Florida showing his butt cheeks on ihop after posing as a cop. official to get free food, real or fake, it's the final part that baffles me after impersonating because in the first part you say, oh, that happens once a week, um, I'm going to be real, it's real, oh yes this is real according to the Orlando Sentinel when asked if he had money, Matt Skiddah, 55, said no but I'm a cop and I get free food, obviously things escalated a little after that. So big, Florida moves, okay Bert, one more headline for you, yeah, you know the drill.

Get it right, you're clear, get it wrong, that wing is waiting for you. My mouth feels perfect right now. It's okay, it's okay. A Florida man was sent to jail after pouring hot sauce on a three-month-old puppy. That's fake, unfortunately it's real, fortunately it's a gimmick. He's ready to make a full recovery, but that's a real headline, everyone was very cocky, they put a lot of finishing touches on him, in fact, he put it on, in fact, he put it on mine, he put it on, let's sweat, right? it's a it's by the way this is a real fan here it's a uh uh coolio dab that's a real fan there that's a real that's a real end right there what happened to coolio did it was bad you know it was really bad Yeah, he sued them.

I worked with Coolio once he did. He was an asshole. Wow, Bert cleaning wings going five rounds. How does he feel now? My molars hurt. I don't feel well. Yes, I don't feel well. Oh, holding a milk in a nap that's building up. There is a unique chemistry going on. I'll swallow it. One more question missing. You're still asking questions. One more wing. But you're done. You're done. You can continue with one more wing. How did you do that? you know which bert you're not out of the woods because he's coming right at you okay tom which part of bert are you pretending to laugh at because you're a good supportive friend but deep down you think it's a trick and you're Too good a friend to tell them I'll eat the wing, don't answer seriously, it's a horrible idea.

Now I'm trying to think. I'll do something for you real quick. Yeah, well, my kids are so dumb. My daughter is stupid, yes, I like her. Can we explain some other parts of this context to me? Oh, I farted during oral sacs, that's good, fire in the hole, that was good. I like to spread them when I have doubts, spread them. Well, yeah, pajamas, my dad, Thomas, pajamas, yeah, that's related, but I was like, you know, you know, look, I can tell you my answer, hey, no, he didn't, Jesus Bert leading the witness, um , I mean, I'm over the machine. tell me also he has had it with the history of the machine one of the biggest hits is the biggest hit stay tuned body blows world tour keeps making an international career and then the fall dates tom safe download it tickets on sale now visit thompsonviewer.com great domain name to get four birch trees was already taken that's it truth or dab see you next time hey thanks man good job it was amazing it was amazing how glad you are to get out of That last one, great job, man, I felt like, oh my god, I almost threw up on that last one.

Hey, you know what I'm soaked in when you tour internationally? It's probably very good for your health, yeah, hey, what's going on, horny fans? I hope you enjoyed today's episode of Truth or Dab. I'm not asking for much here, but you can see the pinned comment below. We have been nominated for a Webby. It would mean a lot to the team here if you could vote for us. To win, I know that would mean a lot to Dom and Sarah Honda Chris and maybe most of all the cameraman Bill, if you could send us a subscription and again, don't do it for me, do it for Bill you.