The Addams Family Goes To School (Full Episode) | MGM

♪ The Addams Family ♪ Is this where the Addams Family lives? Yes. Are you going to go in there? I'm the truancy officer. They have two children who have never set foot in

school

. Good luck Charlie. (CREAKS) (Foghorn SOUND) (DOOR CREK) Hello. Hello. Uh, you must be one of the Addams children. I'm Wednesday. I'm Mr. Hilliard. Are your parents at your house? They are always at home. I would like to see them. Do you mean you want to come in? If you do not mind. (BRUNO GROWING) (BRUNO GROWING) Nice place you have here, Wednesday. We like. It's so cute and dingy. (BIRDS CREAKING) Who is that?

WEDNESDAY: That used to be a friend of my dad's. Wednesday! Wednesday. Here. I fixed it for you. Pugsley is very helpful. Did he fix it? That doll has no head. It's Marie Antoinette. Grandma told us about the French Revolution and Pugsley cut off her head. (GRUNTS) See you at the cemetery. Mommy is in the greenhouse. (BIRDS CHIRING) Wow, you cheered up my African Strangler. Come here, darling. Mommy, this is Mr. Hilliard. How are you, Mr. Hilliard? Uh, Mrs. Addams, they sent me here... My hemlock has been very listless lately. Do you know anything about hemlock? No, Mrs.

Addams. They sent me here to... Oh, what a shame. I think I'll run and bury Marie Antoinette. Have fun, dear. She just looks at my beautiful poison oak. Each leaf so alive. Mrs. Addams, her children are six and eight years old... and they are growing like toadstools. My hemlock keeps falling. They have to attend

school

. Is the law. Oh, I'd love to talk to you about that, Mr. Hilliard, but you see, I can't. You should talk to my husband. The law is his responsibility. (GONG RINGING) That's quite a bell. Yes, Gómez likes it a lot.

But we can never use it when we have a cake in the oven. Hello, Mr. Addams. I didn't hear you come in. Lurch is our butler. He'll take you to Mr. Addams. Couldn't he just stay here? I am sure that you and I can resolve this matter. On the other hand, maybe it would be better to see Mr. Addams. (IN BARITONE VOICE) Follow me. My poor hemlock. Where have I failed you? I know. You haven't been getting enough moonlight. Mr. Addams. Mr. Addams, I'm Sam Hilliard from Sherwood School. How are you, Mr. Hilliard? (TRAIN WHISTLE) HILLIARD: I just stopped by to talk to you about... (ALARM TO EVERYONE) They're going to crash.

You think so, huh? Beautiful. Beautiful. Did you want to blow them up? Of course. Why else would a grown man play with trains? Do you want to blow up the other bridge? Oh, another time. You know what happens with a small child and new trains. What can I do for you? It's about sending kids to school. Oh, mom is in charge of education. She's in the guest room playing darts with Uncle Fester. But they have to go to school. Everyone sends their children to school. Ridiculous. Why have children just to get rid of them? I object to all that nonsense.

But don't you want them to learn? Learn, you say? Check it out. Little Wednesday. Spiders. Pedigree. Have you ever met a child who could raise purebred spiders? No. There you are. But I was referring to more formal learning. Hey, reading. What can a six year old read? But someday he will be 26. See you then. Mr. Addams, surely you want your children to be like other children. But they are. You should see little Pugsley fighting with his octopus. A live octopus? He is quite a boy. What if he bites it? Mr. Hilliard, Pugsley doesn't bite. A little bite now and then perhaps.

But it's all fun. Well, look, this is not my idea. The board of education... We have our own board of education. Mom teaches children all the fine arts. Music, painting, ballet. She is the one with long hair in the

family

. And a fantastic darts player. You only got 10 points. I bit his ear, didn't I? Ear? Look at the teacher. You're standing right in my way. It's the only safe place. Step aside. Now look at this one. Right in the old gizzard. This is the guest room. That was close. Go ahead, Fester, you have another chance. This time, place it right on the old heart. (SCREAMING) What's wrong with your friend?

I don't know. (The door slams) That's strange, right? HILLIARD: So that crazy plant got me. And you should have seen how happy he was when he blew up the bridge. And that big monster they call butler. It would have scared Frankenstein. Now, Mr. Hilliard, really. I was there. That knife was pointed directly at my heart. Now, now, calm down. But I ran away. Please try to recover. Mr. Hilliard, if you take my advice, you'll go home and lie down for a while. If you follow my advice, you'll leave those Addams kids right where they are. That's the closet.

I'm sorry. I never knew he drank. Oh, the thorns are much bigger this fall. Beautiful, Morticia. You have such a way with roses. Thanks Gomez. (THUNDER CRASHING) Did I just hear thunder? You did it, Tish. You did it. Oh, that is the most heavenly sound. It makes life worth living. Do you remember our honeymoon, Gómez? Who could forget our first night in Death Valley? There was a stillness in the air. Tish. The moon was

full

. And that lovely soft flutter of bat wings. And the divine cave. You're so romantic, Tish. I think they're waiting for us, Gómez. (LURCH PLAYING HARVICOM) The music is so beautiful.

Look darling. I finished it this morning. Do you think cousin Imar will like his new sweater? UH Huh. That's weird. What's strange, dear? I didn't know cousin Imar wore turtlenecks. (PLAYING ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSIC) (PLAYING TANGO MUSIC) Mmm. Dear. (ALARM SOUNDING) The mail has arrived. It doesn't matter, Lurch. I'll get it. Thanks, Thing. It's for you, mommy. Thanks love. Oh, isn't that sweet? What's up, Tish? Sherwood School insists that we enroll children immediately. We must have made a very good impression on Mr. Hilliard. Morticia, you can't send the kids to school. I will be lost without them.

Gómez, I saw little Wednesday looking over the fence at the other children. I think he wants to play with them. Well, she didn't get that from my side of the

family

. School? I never went to school and look how I ended up. Uncle Fester, looks, charm and personality aren't everything. There is learning and achievement. Achievement? Who else do you know that has 110 volts? FESTER: Look! (BUZZING) Beautiful. I can even make it blink. (BUZZING) You're a natural, Uncle Fester. But that has nothing to do with learning or knowledge. I'll call the school and tell them we'll be there in the morning.

Morticia. Gomez. Dear. Mothers know what is best. Now, believe me. We will send the children to school. School? That's for kids. (PLAYING THE HALFWORK) (CHILDREN TALK) I'm sure the children are going to be very happy here. If we wanted them to be happy, we would have let them stay home. Now, Miss Comstock, I... Wasn't Mr. Hilliard so kind? It's certainly strange, isn't it? Have you noticed it too? Yes. Do you know that he suddenly ran out of our house the other day? Scared by a simple game of darts. I'm going to have to have another talk with him.

ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE. Alcoholic beverage. Actually? I guess I underestimated him. Come on children. Be good today, Wednesday, Pugsley. PUGSLEY: Very good. Bye kids. Bye bye. Oh darling. I'm going to miss the pitter-patter of his little feet sneaking up behind me. I'm really glad we didn't have any problems with this. Of course, these cases put the superintendent on us. And he is the most difficult and problematic man. Oh? COMSTOCK: And there's always one like that in the school system. GÓMEZ: Well, I know exactly how to handle it. Bring me the photo of him and I'll send it to my friend DuBois in Haiti.

When I finish sticking pins in it... Gómez. You haven't heard from DuBois in years. May no longer accept mail orders. How about a good old-fashioned horse whipping? GÓMEZ: Good, good. Or let our boa constrictor give it a good squeeze. A small bath in boiling oil? (LAUGHTER) Miss Comstock, you're my kind of people. Tish, what's up with Goomba in Nairobi? You get wonderful results with just one drum. And now that we have Telstar... You are very practical. Four minutes after 3:00 and they still haven't arrived. Will they keep them there for night school? Gómez, a guarded cauldron never bubbles.

They'd be here by now if they let Pugsley drive. (CAR TIRES SQUEAKING) By God, I think so. Wednesday. (CRYING) What is Wednesday? What happen dear? That's all. There there there. Father, it was terrible. They killed him. Mr. Hilliard? The Dragon. What dragon? Who killed a dragon? A knight in shining armor. He killed the dragon. I can't believe someone would kill a dragon. The poor defenseless dragon. Thats not all. You should listen to some of the other stories in his book. Let me see that, honey. The tales of the Brothers Grimm. What a pretty name, Grimm. How could he write such terrible stories?

He must be sick. Atavistic cruelty. Perverse barbarism. What violence. (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) Gómez! That solves it. No more school. Good thinking, sir. That's fine for our kids, but what about everyone else? I guess you're right. We should do something. As ordinary citizens. You could call her Miss Comstock. No. I'll call that nice Mr. Hilliard and invite him. And we will discuss it with him. You know, I really think he likes us. Oh no no. Never! But, Mr. Hilliard, they insist on seeing you. Sorry, I haven't drawn up my will yet. What if Mr. Hilliard doesn't come?

Angel, your father sent Lurch to find Mr. Hilliard and it is very difficult for people to reject Lurch. He has a very nice way with them. Now let me see your hands. Excellent, Pugsley. The nails are nice, clean and sharp. And you did very well too, Wednesday, darling. I think we bathed for nothing. Mr. Hilliard. Mr. Hilliard. I'm very glad you could come. MORTICIA: Put Mr. Hilliard in the good chair. (BRUNO GROWING) That'll be all for now, Lurch. (BRUNO GROWING) Kids. You never know what they are thinking. Yes. GÓMEZ: We have unfinished business with you, Mr.

Hilliard. It is not like this? Oh, maybe I've done something. Ah, Mr. Hilliard, murder is no small matter. Murder? As if you didn't know. But first, a snack. Mother? Uncle Fester? (GONG RESONATING) Wait until you see what they have prepared for you. The end. That is what it seems. No! No, thanks. We made it especially for you. I know I know. You must try the cookies. GRANDMA: An old family recipe. Bats are my favorite, although lizards are good too. You can feel them moving practically all the way. Time to leave. Mr. Hilliard, you're a nervous wreck.

Isn't there something we can do for him, Gomez? Of course. The shelf. The shelf? That stretch, so relaxing. Lurch. (GONG RESONATING) Did you call? Mr. Hilliard's colt. No! Please! I just had it checked. I got all the squeaks back. If I've caused any trouble... Oh, we don't really blame you, Mr. Hilliard. But there are some things we simply cannot tolerate. Like what? Like violence. Well, what's wrong with a little... violence? The kind they teach kids in school. Did you say "Teach children in school"? Come on, Mr. Hilliard. Let's not pretend. Have you read your friend Grimm lately? (STUTTERING) Those harmless little fairy tales?

GÓMEZ: Harmless? Kill a poor defenseless dragon? But there are no real dragons. What gave you that impression? And that Hansel and Gretel? Little Hansel and Gretel? Little juvenile delinquents. Pushing sweet old ladies into hot ovens. Sweet old man... That's not what you want to feed little kids. Of course not. So why don't you go directly to the School Board and tell them to do something about it? Well, I... You know, I'm starting to think you're onto something. Are you? Another drink for Mr. Hilliard! No Please. (GONG RESONATING) I'm starting to see your point. Something must be done.

From dragons to toy guns, real weapons, bombs and atomic bombs! Did you know? Thinking like yours can save the world. (GROANING) I must confess that I completely misjudged them. Thank you. Do you think it will convince the School Board? I don't know. He is such a strange little man. (PLAYING HARVICOM) Fester, you're not cheating. I'm sorry. (machine whirring) Pugsley. On Wednesday he will build a small dollhouse. (SOUND) Wow, thanks, Thing. Hello. If wonderful. Yes, the children will be at school tomorrow. Thank you. That was that kind Mr. Hilliard. He said the School Board accepted our ideas with enthusiasm.

Actually? Well, now Mr. Hilliard may be right. Maybe we have saved the world. Do you think we did the right thing?