Stewart Lee - Office World Man

What I can do? I don't have anything. I drive and take care of the kids about nothing. I have to do whatever is at hand. You know nothing. I called a lot of us young comedians and then what to do. Yes, you've seen all these young comedians. now they have all the young people call the whisper that I just saw everyone could whisper at will these whispers turn yellow on the road and a lot of Russell's blows one down another springs in his head many the skeletons in JSTOR the argan oil but thinner and with less joy behind his eyes, so wrap them up and call all the Russells in their hutch.

I said Russell Russell by Haley Russell. RussellRussell. I told them I don't have material. What should I do? walking and looking after the kids about nothing about no idea this show opened in november in london in october i have no idea what to put on i was desperate i used to go out in the afternoon and go round and round the north circular road in london just hoping that something funny happened to me, they did. I ended up with a bunch of ideas for routines about the names of the roadside shops, so I went around the North Circular, yeah, and passed by World of Leather.

I thought about the

world

I would never imagine if it were a

world

made of leather. I hope there's five minutes in it, so weddings in a leather world were just a store. I went up into the world of leather. The man was not me. I have leather, he's made of skin and hair and stuff. I said, hey, I thought this would be a leather world and he said, how would that work? If you got a leather chair like that, turn it sideways like a Lever that will be forgotten when desperate. Return to the car. He headed south on North Circular West along the A40 towards Oxford.

He went through the world of golf. I thought so, the world of golf. Imagine if it were a world made of gold, because hope is hope. could it be five minutes please I walked into the golf world it's just a store and I walked up to the golf world man he wasn't made of golf he just did it drink me water 95% did you know that? 95% water for all of us and yet they say there is a shortage I said today I thought this would be a golf world he said how would that work I said yes, let's go golf clubs, we stick it in the ground like trees, a bag of golf kicked next to him a cave golf balls maybe things in nature that are white and round like the moon or a worm egg on the edge of a cat's butt and said I'm going to have to stop you there he said this is the world of God or are you describing his world of golf equipment, golf is abstract, now go away so I don't care, I don't even write golf, I hate early tea, I was desperate, I got back in the car and drove east on the a14 or where they were.

North Circular, two staples, corner, world of

office

s, there is an

office

, a land, it is a world made of offices. I went to the parking lot and the man from the office world came running down the track towards me, the man from the office world and he had a typewriter for a head and staplers for hands and now mice, mice, matte mouse pads, mice , dough for feet and a tidy desk, a pen that holds something for his heart and he had a balamani ruler for his good miles of front work and he had a pen cap, yeah, you know. pen cap on a pen, pen cap here was his nose, nose added and he had things lying around, all stickers on that big white one, those round white stickers, he pushed the middle out like a lolly, like a flat sticker with dimensions of polo and used them as reinforcement. a flimsy document in a folder saw these little white polo stickers on about a million of them yeah, they were his mind the thoughts yeah running around then he had a little, you know, a little, a piece of string over that long green like Wow, fibrous like wool, with a label on each end.

Treasury taxes, little metal tags on both and yet there are thousands of them tied up in a big spiral and that was his DNA next to him, triple subatomic Watson, yeah. DNA and it had a rubber band, yes. that was his brain and yeah, I don't do this anymore, it's actually like a black sphere with letters and numbers, I write on a casing, a printer casing, remember these are not feeders, order a strip of remember this, yeah, uh, yes, you can. I can't get them now. Can you insert a similar plastic strip? Do you print the word makers label for a desk or whatever?

Anyway, I don't forget about it. Did you have one? Do you remember the strip that went through it? I'm not interested in the Lo of the printer or the top bar, the strip we talked about, under the strip was what I think of you that you ripped off, remember, so protect the sticky part under a thin transparent strip that you ripped off that's what I'm talking about a clear strip that I had and that was cut into a bunch of much smaller, thinner strips and they were like you know when you say oh and you can see your bacteria in your eyes and you had a pencil sharpener and then The pencil surprised me.

Put a pencil. on it, don't sharpen it, yes, that's Charlotte, yes, the pencil goes in turn, it comes out round, shot, pencil shot, you see, that was her anus anyway, I told her what's going on here, I said well, I heard you were coming, so I quickly underwent all these painful and expensive surgical procedures where parts of my body were replaced through office supplies, some of which are no longer commercially available, but to stay up until late I made an offer on eBay and I did all this, he said with a view to improving his attempts to get material from coming here I said what he didn't think he did you demonstrably I told him I had about four or five minutes he said I thought about it in the long run he said he said how he said well he said you're a professional comedian.

I'm not going to be condescending. You said you'll know the rule of three. So it's true. Any list of funny things must have three things. The third one must be the most fun. He said it's true. You should have done three of the things and the third should have been the balamani ruled by a penis or the pencil sharpener's anus, he said, but only the pencil sharpener's anus if you had had the foresight to tie it back to the bleeding, they said. what I did, he said you should have gone in there 1 2 3 what I did, he said I had a lot more surgical procedures done that he knew would be optimally fun, but knowing that you work, he said: I've seen you, I know you were I knew that you would feel obligated to list them all and that would mean that while there were pockets of hilarity in the room overall, unless that time caused the confidence and energy in the room to break.