Stand Up Comedy Jokes that ANGERED Audiences

I was there in New York during 9/11, which is all God had. We ended up with 2,400 widows, 2,400 each, who finally this year ended up with a check for five million dollars each. I was thinking of any of you who have a partner. for over six years, think about it for a second, would you rather have someone who farts and drools in their sleep whose mother lives with you? Good check, there has to be at least three women out there, they were heading towards Harry and I's dead boohoo. I'm going to find those three women and I'm going to ring the doorbells Janna Bernstein I'm Joan Rivers guess what we found Harry you have to return the five billion dollars good night a pleasure working for all of you I have this nightmare I'm going to Hollywood and find out that Mr. .

T is really and he walks up to people saying "hey boy, hey boy, you look really cute named G and me up - I'm just saying I miss that guy, I miss him already, he should have told us he should have given us a chance to say goodbye at the Olympics, huh. I saw it on fries. I saw it on that horrible show. Well, he just walks in the background. It's the same wish. I don't know where it's just that he just took Caitlyn out, so you couldn't react right, you can't, you can't, on any level, say oh, come on, you know what the hell, on any level, you couldn't say. that or You're automatically homophobic, yeah I didn't hear your inner thoughts, yeah I don't know what you were doing, did you shave your beard?

I feel like oh my god that's your chin. you're eliminating the crisis I think the bubbles try again okay I got it I'm sorry they really freaked out about the pronoun yet yeah yeah you say bless him and they like it yeah I'm sorry , You know. I consider myself quite open-minded because something has caught my attention. I find it absolutely shocking. I don't know if you've heard of these new school books for kids to teach them gay lifestyles. You know, I'm talking when my name is Heather's two moms, the other one is called Dad's new roommate.

Don't know. I have to draw the line here folks and say this is absolutely disgusting, okay it's grotesque and evil. I'm talking about dad's new roommate. Both of Heather's moms are great. I don't know, they're hugging on page seven. Oh, come on, mom, Go Go. It makes me miss my youth. I have this belief, if that scenario is true, when you die, you go to heaven and heal. Peter, to meet you at the door, had this belief: the first thing he will ask you is do you have a light, you mean, you all smoke here, yes, that's why it's the sky, these are not clouds, this is cigarette smoke , hell is no-! smoking section do you want to see them for a minute okay, I can't believe what they do to their bodies it smells so much that it smells like an ashtray why do you want me to smell that god that is hellish exactly light up and light up Hendrix? he's playing the harp tonight, but I think it's interesting to note how people act based on religious beliefs, you know what I mean, a lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks.

Good feeling, but you think that when Jesus returns, he'll really want to look at a cross. Wow, that might be why he hasn't shown up yet, man, they still carry crosses, Dad, I won't call him, no, they completely missed the point, I'm not going to forget it, I'll come back like a bunny, there's no worse. life available to a human being than to be a trapped child molester and they still do it, which I could only assume must be really good, it was at this moment that Jackson knew he was awake, he probably looks, I can't under

stand

it because I don't know. love mound bars.

I love mound bars. It's my favorite thing, right? But there's a limit. I mean, I can't even eat a mound bar and do something else at the same time. I can't read the newspaper like hmm, I just sit there with it in my mouth and think why it's so good but and because they're delicious and yet if someone told me that if you eat other mounds sooner you'll go to jail and everyone would they will hate. I would stop eating them because they taste delicious but they don't taste as good as a child tastes because we are all amazing it's okay we did it it's amazing that you catch them and it wasn't enough to catch them but they had the divine witness protection program now find the priest here is the pedophile here is a brief fine to the pedophile find the violation I end up writing hail here we go here we go here is your Rome drink trick buy yourself, a new moon at home around applause break number two, it was amazing when the Pope gathered all the cardinals in Rome and left, the only problem is that he is dressed as Liberace's double, oops!

I have a solution for problem priests, buy the pinky, color if they approach a child it's like you know Timmy Oh Tommy I think the people in your line are very important, damn they say yes, they really don't seem very important, not because of the way you scroll through their names and your contact list like a gay. French king, who do I like today? Who will I favor? Whom? I've changed not as much as Bruce Jenner, obviously now Caitlyn Jenner, of course, what a year she's had. She became a role model for trans people everywhere, showing great courage in breaking down barriers.

By destroying stereotypes, she didn't do much for the female drivers, the target of everything, so I heard the guy walked into the theater about 25 minutes into the movie. She already saw the movie, movies that are shit and yes, spoiler alert and me. you know you know none of that is having a pretty sure it's suffering enough theater about 25 minutes to realize it was shit it was probably like shooting myself I would love to be gay I'll tell you why because I'm a man man I like men men like I like each other I hate women Women hate me We hate each other The only reason I couldn't be a guy is because I could never be a man Because I could never something I respect