Simon Sinek - Understanding Empathy

so I'm ashamed to have a career. I talk about things like trust and cooperation and there shouldn't be demand for my work, but the fact of the matter is that there is demand for my work, which means there is an opportunity, it means that trust and cooperation are not yet standard in our organizations and yet they should be and we know that, so we're looking for ways to bring those things to our organizations, so I thought I'd do something a little different today, you know, when we're talking to tens of thousands of people and you have the opportunity to share a message.

Of course, most rational people would say: let's go with something I've talked about many times and am very good at, but I'm not normal. so I'm going to do something completely new and hope this works. There are two things that I think great leaders need to have

empathy

and perspective and I think these things are often forgotten. Leaders are often very concerned about their status. their position and organization, they actually forget their real job and the real job of a leader is not to be in charge but to take care of those who are in our charge and I don't think people realize this and I don't think people realize this. train for this, when we are young our only responsibility is to be good at our job, that's all we really have to do and some people are really going to get advanced education so they can be really good at their jobs, accountants or whatever. , and you appear. and you work hard and the company will give us tons and tons of training on how to do our job, they'll show us how to use the software, and they'll send us away for a few days to train us on whatever it is we're doing. doing for the company and then they expect us to be good at our job and that's what we do, we work very hard and if you are good at your job you will be promoted and at some point you will be promoted to a position. where we are now responsible for people doing the work we used to do, but no one shows us how to do it and that's why we have managers and not leaders, because the reason our managers micromanage us is because they really know how to do it. work better than us that's what promoted them really what we have to do is go through a transition some people do it quickly others do it slowly and unfortunately some people will never make that transition, that's why we have to go through this this transition of being responsible for the work and then handing it off to someone who is now responsible for the people responsible for the work and, as I said before, one of the big things that is missing in most of our companies is that they don't teach us how to lead and leadership is a skill like any other, it is a skill that can be practiced with balloons and it is something you work on, it is like a muscle, if you practice it every day, you will be good at it and you will become a strong leader if you stop practicing will become a weak leader like being a parent everyone has the ability to be a parent does not mean that everyone wants to be a parent and does not mean that everyone should not be a parent leadership is the same that we all have the ability to be a leader does not mean that everyone should be leaders and it does not mean that everyone wants to be leaders and the reason is that it involves a great personal sacrifice remember that you are not in charge, you are responsible for those in your charge that means things like when everything goes well you have to give all the credit and when everything goes wrong you have to take full responsibility that sucks well it's things like staying up late to show someone what to do it's things like when something really breaks, when something goes wrong instead of yelling and screaming and taking control, You say, try again when the overwhelming pressures are not on them, the overwhelming pressures are on us, at the end of the day, great leaders are not responsible for the work.

They are responsible for the people responsible for the work, they are not even responsible for the results. I love talking to CEOs and telling them what their priority is and they put their hands on their hips, proud old men, and say my priority is my customer. I actually even talk to a client 15 years from now. There will be no CEO on the planet responsible for the customer, they are simply not responsible for the people responsible for the people responsible for the customer. I'll tell you a true story A few months ago I stayed at the Four Seasons in Las Vegas.

It's a wonderful hotel and the reason it's a wonderful hotel is not because of the fancy beds. Any hotel can buy a fancy bed. The reason it's a wonderful hotel is because of the people who work there, if you walk past someone at the Four Seasons and they say hello you get the feeling that they really wanted to say hello, it's not that someone told them you have to greet them. all the customers greet all the guests right, you actually feel like they care, now in their lobby they have a coffee stand and one afternoon I went to buy a cup of coffee and there was a barista named Noah who was serving.

I, Noah, was fantastic, he was friendly and fun, he interacted with me and I had a lot of fun buying a cup of coffee. In fact, I think I tipped him 100 percent, right, he was wonderful, so, as is my nature, I asked Noah, do you like him? your job and without wasting a second Noah says I love my job and then I continued. I told him what the four seasons do that would make you tell me I love my job and without missing a beat Noah said all day long. Managers walk past me and ask how I'm doing if there's anything I need to do my job better.

He said not just my manager, any manager and then said something magical. He says he also worked at Caesars Palace and Caesars at Caesar's. Palace, the managers are trying to make sure we're doing everything right, they catch us when we do things wrong, he says, when I go to work there, I like to keep my head under the radar and just get through the day so I can make my paycheck. payment, it says here at the Four Seasons I feel like I can be the same person, a completely different experience than the customer who will relate to Noah, so we in leadership are always criticizing people, we always say we have to hire to the right people.

I have to film, I manage my crew, I have to get the right people, but the reality is it's not the people, it's the leadership, if we create the right environment we will get people like Noah in all four seasons, if we create the wrong environment . will bring people like Noah to Caesar's Palace, it's not the people and yet we are so quick to hire and fire that you can't hire and fire your children if there are problems, we don't say that you have to see in school you are up for adoption, So why is it that when someone has performance problems at work why is our instinct to say you're out?

We do not practice

empathy

. What does empathy look like? Here is the lack of empathy. This is normal in our business world you walk into someone's office someone walks into our office and says your numbers are down for the third quarter in a row you have to improve your numbers otherwise I can't guarantee what the future will be like how inspired do you think that is? person will come to work the next day this is what empathy looks like when you walk into someone's office someone walks into your office and says your numbers are down for the third quarter in a row, are you okay?

I'm worried about you, what's going on? we all have performance problems maybe someone's child is sick maybe they have problems in their marriage maybe one of their parents is dying we don't know what is going on in their lives and of course it will affect performance at work empathy is caring about the human being, not only about his production, for some reason our world of work has changed in the last 20 and 30 years, we are suffering the side effects of the business theories that remain from the 80s and 90s and are bad for people and are bad for business, let me give you an example: the concept of shareholder supremacy was a theory proposed in the late 1970s, it was popularized in the 80s and 90s and is now a standard form, today it is spoken with any public company and you ask them what their priority is and they say maximizing value for shareholders, really that's like a coach who prioritizes the needs of the fans over the needs of the players, how are you going to build a winning team with that model, but that is normal today we do not even perceive it as broken, damaged, incorrect or obsolete.

Remember that the 80s and 90s were boom years with relative peace and a friendlier cold war. No one practiced hiding under their desks at school anymore. We are not in those times anymore. These are no longer boom years. These are no longer times of peace. And those models can't. work today here is another mass layoff using someone's livelihood to balance the books, it's so normal today in America that we don't even understand how broken and how damaging it is not only to human beings but to businesses, you know, companies talk about how If you want to build trust in cooperation, then they announce a round of layoffs.

Do you know the fastest way to destroy trust and cooperation in a business? Literally in one day they fire people and everyone freaks out. Can you imagine sending someone home to say honey? I can no longer support our family because the company didn't meet its arbitrary projections this year and forget about the people who lost their jobs, think about the people who kept their jobs because every decision a company makes as a piece of communication and the company short. the company just told everyone else that this is not a meritocracy, we don't care how hard you work or how long you've worked here if we don't hit our numbers and you happen to land on the wrong side of the spreadsheet.

Sorry, we cannot guarantee employment; In other words, we come to work every day in fear and we ask our younger generation to work in environments where how could we stand up and admit that I made a mistake? They constantly tell us yes. be vulnerable leaders are vulnerable, what does that mean? It doesn't mean you're crying. I'm honorable, right? I know what vulnerability means when you create an environment where someone feels safe enough to raise their hand and say, "I don't do it." you know what I'm doing you've given me a job and I haven't been trained to do it I need help I made a mistake I messed up something I'm afraid I'm worried all these things no one would ever admit within a company because it puts a goal in your head in case that there will be another round, so we keep it to ourselves and how can a company run well if no one is willing to admit that they made a mistake, that they are scared or that they don't know? what they are doing and that is why we have literally created cultures where every day everyone comes to work and liya hai lies and hides and pretends and we ask our younger generation to work and be successful and find themselves and develop your confidence and overcome your addiction to technology and build strong relationships at work we are asking to do this and these lis environments that we have created we keep telling you you are the future leaders we are the leaders now we are in control what are we?

Doing this is what empathy means, it means that if there is an entire generation struggling maybe it's not them, it's like you know the only thing I have, that the common factor in all my failed relationships is the same. Oh I can't do the right act or you know the right performance of our people maybe you're right it's not a generation it's not them they're not hard to understand they're human beings like the rest of us trying to find their way trying to work in a place where they feel that someone cares about them as a human being by the way that is what we all want in other words it is not even generational we are all this is the practice of empathy that if we are struggling to communicate with someone if they are struggling help someone to be at their natural best I'm tired of people telling me how can I get the best out of my people really that's what you want they're like a towel just lingam how can I get the most out of them?

No How can I help my people be at their natural best? We are not asking these questions, we are not practicing empathy, we have to start practicing empathy and relating to what they may be going through and that will profoundly change the decisions we make. It will profoundly change the way we see the world Someone is driving to work You are driving to work and someone wants to cut into your lane What do you do if you stop your car? Would you let them in? most of us stop our cars and go like this wait your turn now let's practice empathy I don't know maybe they've been out of work for six months maybe they had trouble getting the kids to school this morning and now they're really late for a meeting important interview and they just have to get to this interview and they're going to get in our lane or maybe they're just a bastard, I don't know, but that's the point we don't know, we don't know and the practice of empathy will say: the I will let in andI'll be a car late to work, right, we don't always have to be right, we always have to be in charge, we don't have to be the one who succeeds.

It is not about winning or losing and that is where I go to the second point after empathy comes the perspective where it is not about winning or losing in game theory there are two types of games there are finite games and there are infinite games and that's how it is how you are I'm going to change your perspective, right? A finite game is defined as known players, fixed rules, and an agreed upon goal. Baseball, for example, we know the rules. We all agree to the rules and whoever has the most runs at the end of nine innings is the winner and the game is over.

Nobody says if we can play two more innings. I know we can go back. It doesn't work that way. The game is over, right, it's a finite game, so you have an infinite game. Infinite games are defined as known and unknown players, the rules can be changed and the goal is to keep the game in play to perpetuate it when you pit finite player against finite player. player, this system is baseball is stable just when you face a baby, an infinite player against an infinite player, this system is also stable like the Cold War, for example, because there cannot be a winner and a loser, there are no winners nor losers in an infinite game. true, it does not exist and since there are no winners or losers, what ends up happening in the infinite contest is that the players abandon when they run out of the will or the resources to play, but there are no winners or losers, the problems arise when you face a finite player versus infinite player because finite players play to win and an infinite player plays to keep the game going well.

This is what happened to us in Vietnam, we were playing to win and the Vietnamese were fighting for their lives. We were the ones who got stuck in the quagmire this is the Soviet Union in Afghanistan they were trying to defeat the mujahideen and the mujahideen would fight as long as necessary quagmire now let's look at business the game of business has pre-existed or has existed Long before every company that exists on this planet today and will survive longer than every company that exists on this planet today, you cannot win the game of business and the reason is that we have not accepted the rules.

Coming out of this, you realize how many companies don't really know the game they're in. Listen well to the language of companies. We are trying to beat our competition. We are trying to be number one. Did you know that we? They occupied the number one position, look at the list according to what criteria income profits market share square feet number of employees according to what period of time one quarter a year five years ten years 20 years 50 years 100 years I have not accepted those standards, how can I tell you? You declare winner how can you declare yourself number one when no one else in the game has accepted the rules?

It's arbitrary you can't win because there is no end In other words companies play finite games listen to their language what they are trying to beat their competition what does that mean? It is leaders and companies that understand the game they are in and organize their resources and decision-making. Infinite competition is what survives and frustrates its competition. All the companies we have referred to. like the exceptions Southwest Airlines Apple computers harley-davidson are the exception no, they are playing the infinite contest they frustrate their competition that is what happens that is what happens because they are not playing to win Jim Senegal, the founder of Costco, which is the only real company giving Walmart a run for its money says public companies are looking to be successful during the quarter says we're looking at the next 50 years, you can hear it, it's playing the infinite contest I spoke at a Leadership Summit for Microsoft Too I spoke at a Leadership Summit for Apple, now at the Microsoft summit, I would say 70% of the executives and this was in the days of Steve Ballmer.

I would say that about 70% of executives spent about 70% of their presentations talking about how they beat Apple at the Apple Summit one hundred percent of executives spent one hundred percent of their presentations talking about how to help teachers to teach and how to help students learn. One was obsessed with their competition, the other was obsessed with where they were going. At the end of my presentation at Microsoft they gave me a gift, they gave me the new Zune which was the competitor of the iPod touch when it was a good thing and I have to tell you this technology was spectacular the user was beautiful The interface was incredible, the design was amazing, It was intuitive, it was one of the most beautiful and elegant pieces of technology I had ever seen.

They didn't work with iTunes, which is a completely different problem. I couldn't use it, but that's something. otherwise, I'm sitting in the back of a taxi with a senior Apple executive, sort of employee number twelve, and I decide to stir the pot and I convert him. I mean, you know, I spoke at a Microsoft summit and they gave me their new Zune and I have to tell you, it's a lot better than your iPod touch and he turned to me and said, I have no doubts about the conversation because the infinite player is not intended be number one every day with every product you offer. playing to survive the competition if I had sent it to Microsoft oh, I have the new iPod touch, it is much better than your new Zune, there was a can, we can see it, what does it do, how do we have to see it because one is obsessed with its competition the other is obsessed with why they do what they do the other is obsessed with where they are going and the reason Apple frustrates their competition is because secretly they are not even competing against them, they are competing against themselves and they understand that Sometimes you're a little ahead and sometimes you're a little behind and sometimes your product is better and sometimes it's not, but if you get up every morning and compete against yourself, how can I make our products better than they were yesterday?

How do I take care of them? our clients better than yesterday? How do we advance our cause more efficiently and more productively than yesterday? How do we find new solutions to advance our calling, our cause, our purpose, our beliefs are the reason for each of us? What you will find is that over time you will probably be ahead more often. Those who play the infinite game understand that it's not about the battle, it's about the war and they don't play to win every day and frustrate their competition until their competition. exits the game in every bankruptcy, in almost every merger and acquisition, it is basically a company that says that we no longer have the will or the resources to continue playing and that we have no option to leave the game or merge our resources with another player to that we can stay in the game, that's what it is and if you think about the number of bankruptcies, mergers and acquisitions, it's kind of proof that most companies don't even know what game they're in, you want to be a great leader start with empathy you want to be a great leader change your perspective and play the game you are really playing thank you very much