Rodney Dangerfield Finds True Love (1985)

- Dude, wow! It's quite a collection you have there, you know? - Do you see something you like? (dramatic music) - I'll take the blonde. The one who has class. - Hello Wanda! We have a live one for you. (audience laughs) (romantic harp music) - Finally, a woman who would be mine alone. Without conditions. Well, maybe one. What did I care? I was in

love

. Our first night together was heaven. Wanda was not only a great listener, but also a really cheap date. - How many sir? - Oh, just one. (romantic piano music) (audience laughs) (blowing sounds) They should have sat on the balcony. (Audience laughs) Boy Wanda, that Shirley MacLaine is cool, huh?

She deserved that Oscar, you know? Oh, sorry Wanda, here. (Audience laughs) Oh, Wanda, my darling, I can't live without you! We belong together! - Puh-lease! - We have much in common. We both don't want to have children. - Ssshhh! We are trying to see the image. - Oh thank God! I thought it was a leak! (Audience laughs) Wanda, you say you'll be mine? - If you can't stay quiet, I'll call the manager. - Take it easy friend! Have you never been in

love

? (Audience laughs) Come on, Wanda, let's get out of here. The daughter dies in the end! (crowd shouts angrily) - Can you believe this guy?! - And then we got married.

It was beautiful. We had a lot in common. My father was a gardener, his father was a hose. (Audience laughs) What a girl! We just had a fight. When I told him to keep his mouth shut. (audience laughs) I should have known, this could never last. Hello honey, I'm home! Did the plumber ever come? Wanda! What's going on here? She didn't have to respond. It was written all over her face. (Audience laughs) I went crazy with rage. I saw red. Then I saw the screwdriver in his toolbox. There was no turning back. I was crazy. Wanda tried to stop me.

But I told her she was full of talk. (Audience laughs) I was a man possessed. (high-pitched sounds of stringed instruments) (air hissing) The poor thing never had the chance. My God! What have I done? Maybe we can fix things? (Audience laughs) Wanda, quick! Crazy glue! The Band-Aids! Wanda, something! But unfortunately, I was too late. The police arrived and I found myself behind bars. (Audience laughs) So this is where my story ends. I'm just another prisoner of love. - Hey you! You received a package from home. It's from Wanda! I thought we were done. (Audience laughs) Wanda!

What a woman. She broke into jail. (audience laughs) (snorting noises) Hi Wanda, either I'm short of breath or you're gaining weight, you know? (Audience laughs) - Hey, guard! Bread and water for two! (audience laughs)