Robin Williams Rare, Exclusive Performance: Stand-Up at Al-Asad, Iraq, 19 Dec 2004

I'm going there, we're going to work on the other side, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overlook you. Wow, hey, I just want to say hello. I give a shout out to our three wounded Marines down here, okay, next guy, our closing. Act, you know, the big guy here. I had the pleasure of traveling with him last year on the daily and his wife was fun for a vacation tour last year. We are also here and we are not only one of the funniest men on the planet. great actors of our time, what a great human being, very intelligent, very intelligent, brilliant, funny, witty, knowledgeable.

I mean, I can't say enough about him, he's actually a very, very cool guy, and it's like you know it. I even say, oh, me. I'm traveling with this guy so please everyone and I want to hear a loud marine welcome for Mr. Robin, it's like it's genuine, these guys leave every time she bows, thank you sir, damn, hey, mosh pit, just kidding, damn, oh we still don't have power, hopefully we'll pay the bills next week, bring me a little fundraiser, but hey, I appreciate it. the trip on the c-130 is a great plane if you are very critical thanks for the work, but like Jimmy, the special white night to be here, I like being on a plane so loud that it even makes you feel behind.

I'm fine, sighs, there's only one place, Pierce, it's fine, summoner racket farmers are doing great. I also get on that to go directly from there to the helicopter. That's great too because your balls disappear. How are you? We're about to land. Oh good. It would be very good. I'm going to go here for a while and maybe work on my right hand. Some of you have been here a long time. They look at home and leave, baby, I'm back, baby. I love them. Oh guys. front row with tanks before the show ok Bobby thanks guys we'll be back chilling I'm a sniper I can catch you from here ok just a movie tour just got holes in it for no reason this show movies like us They're matching the bone goodwill it's just ice , well I also got thanks for the meal, I didn't have to eat the MRE which is bad for your butt, it's a meal ready for the extreme, thank you, it's so nice to have. remove the dust because when you swallow the dust and an MRE you can basically make adobe bricks.

The good news is that you can build your own house with your own feces. It's very nice and you don't have alcohol, obviously, here's the one with what. the non-alcoholic beer beer beer thank you you're fake yes that's Tommy as opposed to masturbating with an oven mitt yes it took me so long beers did you have to keep hydrating because I learned that if you don't hydrate it's okay, more or less? m 50 I'm peeing like this all the time the camouflage covers the Marines were in digital camouflage it's like your whole body is in witness protection that's so cool you can't see my dear boys even though everyone else is in camouflage of the desert. some guy dressed like jungle green and I guess he didn't get the memo either.

They have deer hunting in Iraq. I like green. It's like you have your desert green and you go. I hide behind a bush. I know very, very. Don't worry, I'm a sacrifice, you know? Basically, I played with this down here, just in case, a small Christmas decoration and the only tree in all of Iraq, coins, the only pine tree planted ten years ago, put on the thumb of the hat, Nick Jesus, nice hat, lots of Everyone has clothes that don't fit true to size. Oh, thank you all. It's going great, I have to pay for it now, so I guess we heard the news and they need shielding and now we're trying to get everything we can.

Guys, if you have armor, that's good, if not, there are people in Tennessee who say: I'll be a truck, I'll be able to bag a Hummer, I'll get you to get your feet off your bike, it's crazy the fact that when people who They hunt, kill the thing, and basically stuff it right away. I'm a bear, you know, somewhere like a deer and everyone beats or moose to cut off the head, they put it on the bar and the moose has the same expression as him. a gun, pretty things, all the animals, even a squirrel to make it look like a badass squirrel.

I shot that one going towards the train. I don't know if somewhere there's a big bear waiting in the woods and some guys are going to be out there like yeah, I'll get a bear on the bear, reveal what you're going to do now up there, you know, I usually had Molly. , but today I am everything, I am all long and hard, I am going to fill you like you filled me. brother, I'll leave you in the dugout like this, everyone else wants to dress like Elmer Fudd, where the weapons you'll see you feel ready at home too, ah, you've seen there's been a brief problem with steroids again, baseball players. taking steroids and you know they're drugs, not like the old days where Del Strawberry snorted third base.

I can under

stand

that maybe he did a little bit of speed with baseball in Mexico, a little bit, there's a guy, I mean, catfish, who actually threw a baseball game on acid, now that's really crazy. that's basic where you put the ball in the balls good starts to finish in the throw meanwhile the receptions you look like this who is your dad who is your dad it's scary they always discover that they are taking some strange drug some tranquilizer for animals or what are you taking horse hormones, why did the Australians have an Olympic swimmer who was six foot eight with webbed feet?

Basically the Australians said drugs, we're doing genetic engineering, bring on Timmy the kangaroo boy, the Ethiopian runners and the Kenyan runners, are you doing drugs, no one's watching. For food I don't have a card I have to run 20 miles to get a chicken but for me my favorite part of the Olympics is, besides beach volleyball, thank you any sport that involves a song in which I participate I know a lot of guys, but I love this sport. Do you mind if I put it in slow motion? Basically, a song is like anal thread. You know, you see when she brings Spike up, can you kids leave the room?

Dad, they need some quiet, some scary things and then. They also have those suits, the new swimmers swimming, where they take a look and it cuts right above here. The speed is more than Tommy's speed. It's fun for the whole body. Basically, all of this can barely cover our guy here. I was always worried. that the guy had gone off the block to get into the water Zuko Bobby touched the wall but I don't think he used his hand he was doing his back now I've never seen a periscope like that field scary but true and then you have it Gymnastics for girls, in It's actually women's gymnastics, but I think it's basically living proof that the Olympics have daycare.

You've got these little girls doing amazing things that even the super team sees, watch out, baby, each other doing. I'm like this. They do the double triple back jump. oh yeah, eat scraps again, let me hold a hand, a finger, a foot goes next to you, too bad: Gigi loses Sweeney's box, she should have a friend, Lance Armstrong competes in the Tour de France, wins the 6- 2 from France, the French are still there. doing is on some kind of drug they are spending money on road trips has a testicle at 0 dynamic you will be fast in three turns of the V we will not fight your war here in the Iraq saga we will not do it well, but we can we have some oil look , you make everyone react, you're crazy, you shock people, the Germans are here, hello, America, California could be here in California, against, like that, now, California, working and she said Martha Stewart, we talked about it in dr.

Michaels is in trouble again, it's always strange for those of you who don't know Michael Jackson, that sub, you're old enough not to go there, but with Michael you know the white guy wears gloves, he doesn't have fingerprints, number one , number two, Michael. he's starting to be like that he says he hasn't had surgery and I'm going Michael is starting to look like Gollum from Lord of the Rainbow it's like there are no children no Frizzle no he's German faster I really hope there's no trial because the prisons don't They're going to go well I think Someone is waiting, bring me the little white guy you caught a year ago.

Remember that when you caught sodomy she came out of that hole and when she got on a plane, seventy thousand dollars came out of that hole. Next thing I know there's a marine. removing the lice from my beard closing me I had balls so I came out of the hole saying I want to negotiate step here I would like to meet Robert Blake quite crazy I'm not going to tell you anything okay Sodom would do it I like that you reduce yourself to your new cellmate, this It's a scary oral moment, you suddenly go Scottish in the middle of life, you have a whole front row, like sitting at an NRA convention, you have the big news that the used car lot is pretty rude .

Do you have the Hummers? You have the Stryker, which is pretty much the best car. I mean you know a lot of people at home have Hummers and they're like, "Oh, you little bastard, get a Bradley." I can't wait until someone starts buying the first civilian Bradley. Come on, I need a place to park. I'm sorry. I think I have one now. Children. Let's go to the store. We get out of the car. They both go for the ice cream. Now it's a combination of the two. The Lions, oh. It's not the end of the world, but you can see it from here.

Al-Jazeera outtakes. How silent there is in electricity. This is very quiet. I feel like we're playing golf. Bob on the third team. It would be great if you had a golf commentator. in the bedroom Bob is playing with the nipple now I think he'll try a little more foreplay, let's wait and see what happens, the guy who practices soccer plays golf once and watches all those old hornets say Oh my God, because all those guys they're terrified it's their last resort, we have these amazing things in Tiger Woods, yes, son of a black man and a Thai woman touching a tiger, their worst fears, the golf cart with the big speakers gone, I'm fine, I'm playing , whether you are Gentile or Jew.

I'm signing you up now because it's basically a sport invented by drunks. These are people who drink so much whiskey that their idea of ​​a musical instrument is a guy playing a cap with his finger up his ass. What are you doing? Dance, but this is not it. It's my idea for sport, I like a bone to a gopher hole, no, the ball goes very far, oh, you mean, like croquet, isn't it, okay, a small child, I work at all, very hard , it's very long, oh, like bowling, no, your bathtub, it. He gets into the grass and walks away from him with his little wooden stick.

Do you feel like he's going to give you a heart attack? We'll call it that, a knock to the bottom, hitting until you feel like Timmy, hurting despite the way it is. We will call it handicap. If you think it is good to put it there, but never save it like trees and bushes, so that you wander around like a dog hitting your ball differently and finally, at the end. We will put it right there we would have a little grass shaved like a Brazilian and with a little flag to give you hope and there you know but no one with you again because we will put a swimming pool in a sandbox Let's get up again and do this once, it wasn't the day, you guys, take care of yourselves, members, if you get a tattoo, especially if you get a kanji tattoo or any Chinese symbol, be very careful, just like if a friend gets a tattoo and an interesting tattoo.

I said what does that tattoo mean, you said golden warrior, I brought a Chinese friend, a Chinese friend said he's not going to be a warrior, he says monkey, okay, another friend had a beautiful tattoo, it's about him, it was in Sanskrit, he said What does that mean, power, power? and alma and a basically Hindu friend said I would say power and alma says deliveries on Monday so now he has a monkey that delivers on Monday Barry Kevin and now boy, go over here I want to thank the electricians that we are, but in a strange way , this has been a very fun, intimate and calm moment.

You guys are doing an incredible job. That's why we came here. We wish you a merry Christmas. Santa Claus is coming, we are screwing the iron right now. He has two hills spanning a 50-in. back and the reindeer are dropping sparklers from their butts, so I came here to wish you Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa and damn, you are the best empire and also a pretty small army of stranded people, all the people of the coalition, you are the best, thank you. all of you