Ricky Gervais being a savage for 10 minutes straight

If you don't drive at all, but do you know how well I've seen people do it? I don't know, but you know what you don't have. It's not okay, you can't drink and drive, so what's the point once upon a time? In Hollywood, Leonardo DiCaprio attended the premiere for almost three hours and at the end his date was too old for him, so you'll be happy to know that this is the last time I'll be presenting these awards, so I don't care. Also, I'm kidding, I never did it seriously. Just looking at all the faces here reminds me of some of the great work cosmetic surgeons have done this year.

The next host is an award-winning actress with special powers. dying from the day she used her powers of seduction to conquer James Bond in , welcome the very clean halle berry, all female remakes are the most important thing, there is a female remake of ghostbusters, there will be a female remake of Ocean's Eleven and this is brilliant for the studios because they get guaranteed box office results and not I don't have to spend too much money on the cast, so shut up, I don't care. Our next host is a beautiful and talented actress. She was born in England.

She came to the United States and took Hollywood by storm. The star of the nominated film. danish girl please it's a guy eddie redmayne i love this next host he's so cool um he's the star of iron man two girls and a guy awesome guys sorry these porn movies what kiss, kiss, bang, bang, bow, finger, really, yes, in the academy, come on, he has. I've made all of those movies, but many of you in this room probably know it best from facilities like the Betty Ford Clinic and the Los Angeles County Jail. Please welcome the Robert Downey Jr. chocolate bar.

It is a delicacy in Sweden. How are they not foreigners? How would they do it? announce it, how would you sit there and chew? If it's a Swedish ad, it would be very strange, wouldn't it? It would be something like, do you play the bloop? You like soups, don't you? Yes, yes, okay, so it's a flavored broth. great coke taste, oh God, bring it out, the great taste of God and now that you're older, has it occurred to you again? Have you thought more about God and whether he could be real? Uh, yeah, I think about it every day.

Yes, yes, it is not. Oh, you look so calm. I know I had some of your heroin. I was wondering where he put that. Uh oh, look, it's a gingerbread Frankenstein. You are 65 years old this Thursday. That's right. Yes, you can't use this until Thursday. It's official, I bought you a bus pass and older people don't, I get asked a lot all the time in the press why don't you have kids, which is a really strange question for them and why don't you have kids, yeah. against asking people why you have children it's like we're in tuberculosis now right, I've never heard of that yes, no, it's a growing concern, really in 30 years we're going to be Looking at what number in the dialogue, well, if it depends on the media you're using, Directv would be uh 247. 247 247.

Who finds it? They used to say my grandmother said that for about 20 years she used to say "Oh, I won't." I don't watch Christmas, yeah, she was right eventually, yeah, well, the last, the last, eventually, yeah, what constitutes the world of Ricky Gervais when you say world tour, well, I think in America we have the world series, but It's just us fighting exactly the same. as lord universe always comes from earth so its a solution, yes you look excited and cut off i mean you are ready to go thank you when did this happen for the love of god it has been a gradual process , yeah, well, what is your goal regarding 50? years, uh-huh, they started very young, yeah, and uh, what's better with your voice?

I have a sore throat, that's all, how long have you had a sore throat? Just a couple of days. Look, now I had a sore throat and, uh, around the holidays if we're out or something, I like to stay back and leave Jane alone without no and I take a picture and I tweet Jane with all her friends, yeah , so this is amazing, so imagine, so here's one. tweeted about jane jane thinking about making new friends look at those crows but doesn't he know you're doing it where is he where is she see the tweet yes this jane thought she made a new friend but it was just a shadow the next one just found this photo of Jane when she was little.

Jane looks very happy because her new friend hasn't left yet. Ricky Gervais couldn't be here tonight, so instead we'll give this to our friend Steve Carell. Look at his stupid face, have you even been to see the ghost town? Still, I sat there Evan almighty, give me my emmy, give me my enemy, I'll go down there, give it to me, I'll tickle you, I don't care, I've got nothing to lose here I'm nobody here where is it? yeah, you're, yeah, you're, yeah, give it to me, give me the enemy, give me the emmy, give me the enemy, give it to me, thank you, okay, that's settled, uh, these are the nominees for directing for a music variety show o comedy our next hosts are two of the funniest people in America.

She stole the show on Saturday Night Live and then created, wrote and started her own show. 30 Rock. He was a job in the acting career, no. it's going so well if I'm totally honest who got his big break when I cast him in a remake of a show I created called the office now he's leaving that show and killing a source of income for both of us please welcome to the wonderful tub fey and ungrateful steve carell i never knew you were so weird in a nice way yeah yeah yeah but the city of minnesota has canceled their plans to rename a street called stoner avenue it's a weird street and instead to say "stop all signs". say calm down brother I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry um yeah you're not yet you're not giving them you know they come out they've parked their cars they have babies they haven't paid why would you do that?

It would be crazy, but if I were you, I would thank these people so much and give them what you know, I mean, yeah, I'm not doing that, it was sleazy, it was um, I mean, you know you did, it did. Don't write it down and that's it, but do it like it's yours, do it like you're smart enough to come up with this joke yourself.