Rich, Please! Zuckerberg’s $100M Hawaiian Doomsday Bunker Inspires Other Paranoid Billionaires

Quit the band, everyone, Louis, your band, thank you all, Lois, very exciting, you know, there are some names you want to see on that board when you know you're going to talk to someone tonight, who am I going to talk to? I'll be talking to there's just one name that's just a pure vacation for me yeah and that name is Neil degrass Tyson right there there's a lovely guy, great explainer and then in a moment we'll have Ariel elas a A young man and wonderful comedian will be here in a moment, friends, if you're like me, you may be feeling, what's it called?, a constant, crippling existential dread, with a new crisis being thrown in your face every day.

Climate change. the fall of our democratic institutions and earlier this year the

doomsday

clock was set at 90 seconds to midnight amid AI threats, but whatever the future holds, I have some reassuring news, the

rich

will be good because the hottest trend is billionaire survival

bunker

s, just two. things in life are certain death and taxes and

billionaires

have figured out how to cheat both, which brings me to my trend-setting segment on the grotesquely

rich

Rich Please, I'm worth more than a human life, like this is, cashy, the biggest billionaire in the

bunker

boom is Facebook founder and cream cheese bar with eyes, Mark Zuckerberg, uh Zuck, has bought land in Hawaii and is building a Bond villain compound where his family will be able to see the apocalypse that costs one hundred million and has two mansions joined by a branching tunnel. to an underground bunker, so if you want all the

billionaires

to be six feet underground, you should have been more specific, and Zuck's bunker isn't even the strangest.

Billionaires are now building forts with burning moes and water cannons. Well, water cannons only make sense. You're going to need something to get your moat out, and by the way, this here isn't a Minecraft screenshot, but rather an actual rendering of a real complex being built by the Doom bunker developer and a man hinting with his eyes Where are you going to place that? thumb Al Al, who brags that we ended up literally building a 30-foot-deep lake around the complex, doused with a lighter-than-water flammable liquid that can transform into a ring of fire and Burn Burn Burn the ring of fire and the thugs I hired oh the livelihood but not all the fortifications are for fighting greedy pores some are for having a good time in The Afters scape because Corby says the owner's friends could enjoy a game of football on jet skis dodging the water cannon's ability to block and eject them from the skis creating a mind-blowing Nintendo game for adults a wild entertainment factor Sorry if you say Nintendo game for adults I don't think the billionaire jet ski flag football I'm thinking of Super Mario and Donkey Kong boning in a barrel and if you really want Billionaire's bunker maker has one with a huge chimney that rotates like the one in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and a giant shark tank in the basement that shares a wall with a swimming pool, so it looks like you're swimming with The sharks and the pool is more like a water park with a Flow river, a lazy river, a glass bottom grotto so you can see a go kart track under the pool and and uh and uh and uh and uh and uh and more. coke, let's start a gang with the sharks M Indiana Jones, but wait, there's more, then there's a giant staircase that rises to reveal a large basement where a vehicle lift lowers into the garage.

We also installed a British telephone booth when it dials 8675309 on the receiver the song plays and the glass becomes opaque and you disappear, then the back wall opens and there is a real slide that takes you two levels where there is a flight simulator and a sensor it makes the rear panel of the cabin come back and the glass becomes transparent so no one can understand how you got out of there and I'm sure that trick will never leave you and the three people you're stuck with for the rest of time They will laugh and laugh as they hit. to death with your British telephone receiver 86753 n 8 6 7 you can fix that well so let's be clear fire remotes are not there to protect against a nuclear attack nuclear weapons are fine with fire these people are afraid of Normal people like you ordinary Americans will eventually realize that the billionaires have taken over all the resources and let the normal people fight over chicken bones in the dust so you billionaires can build apocalyptic pleasure domes with water parks and shark tanks or and listen to me.

I know this is Crazy, you could pay $1 in taxes and then maybe eventually you won't be dragged by your heels into your own burning pit while everyone applauds. We'll be right back with Neil thebrass Tyson.