Revealing Signs of Insecure or Anxious Attachment: How CBT Can Help

yourself in a cocoon in a bubble in a fortress or somewhere safe in some kind of situation where you are safe and protected some people like to imagine their adult self protecting their child self and it represents feelings if all else fails, Sometimes holding ice cubes or splashing cold water on your face or even doing 50 sit-ups can make you focus on something other than your feelings of anxiety. Gradually increasing space is another intervention for

anxious

attachment

, but this is something the person with

anxious

attachment

has to decide. To do this I want to feel more secure I want to start overcoming my separation anxiety.

The anxiously attached person needs to be trained to pace these things, so maybe start gradually increasing the space by spending 30 minutes while you are both in spending 30 minutes at home doing activities that are not together for some anxiously attached people. , which can be a big step if you're not constantly in the same room with your partner and then move on once you can do that and you're not feeling anxious and they say okay, this isn't so bad, maybe go shopping without the partner and then coming back or the partner going out and you know, playing golf or something like that is probably a bad example because golf usually takes like four hours for a round of golf, but if the partner goes out to do something what you want to do and you come back to prove it to the person or so the person can prove it to themselves, I guess your partner can go. do something they want to do and they will increase communication in the language of love.

This is another important tip because many people who are anxiously attached do not feel loved or worthy of being loved, so communicating with the person using their love language is the most efficient way to do this, but for the couple to communicate with you in your love language, you must tell them what it is, don't make them guess, many people tell them what it is. You're not even familiar with love languages ​​so this may be another thing that you need to educate yourself on or educate them so they know what it is and even if they don't fully accept it, they recognize that it's important to you and are willing to take it. steps to start developing friendships that way not all eggs are in the same basket this can be support groups this can be volunteer activities this can be anything and I don't mean you have to find another best friend, I mean , just go out and start connecting with a couple of people and try to find other people that you feel like you can talk to and so you're not dependent on just one person to make you feel worth living. and finally, respect boundaries and at the same time be sure that it is not rejection when your partner comes home and/or calls you or whatever and sets a boundary, whether something is bothering you and you don't want to tell them or they want to spend some time just with themselves they want some me time or whatever, encourage open communication but also respect their boundaries, if they're not ready to talk about it, set a time, you know, it's okay , I respect that you need your space, maybe when we can talk about it or maybe in an hour or tomorrow we can visit again if they need space, okay, let's define what that looks like and that will

help

the person who is feeling anxious.

No, you know, is it just the person who needs a little time to himself or is he evolving? in another thing if they say, you know, I just want to spend the afternoon, okay, you know, that's very different from, I need some space and I'll let you know now, here I have in quotes the best relationships, ideally people who have an attachment anxious. will work on their problems so that they can feel more secure and not carry this undercurrent of anxiety from now on and forever; However, not everyone wants to change their attachment style and that's great, you know, if you're fine the way you are and you just want to be in a relationship, anxious people who are anxiously attached tend to have better results with other people who are anxiously attached because They may both have similar needs and can work with each other.

Sometimes people who are anxiously attached can form relationships with others who are securely attached that can

help

them begin to move toward greater security in their attachment, but many times people who are a secure attachment they can recognize anxious attachment, they can recognize anxiety, and they can adapt to compromise and try to meet that person's needs while still meeting their own needs. If the videos on this channel have been helpful to you, please support us in our mission to make high-quality, actionable content available to everyone. You can donate in doc. snipes dot com slash donate. You can join the youtube channel on doc. snipes dot com slash join or you can buy a thank you for any videos you find particularly useful.

Anxious attachment is one of three types of

insecure

attachment that can develop as a result of insistent, insensitive, inconsistent, or rejecting parenting. The person who is anxiously attached often feels overwhelmed by their emotions and the emotions of others, they never felt safe in their own skin or in the world and as such, they never took the initiative to see what they liked. They never developed a sense of self. They never found out what they were. good or capable of doing it and this led to dependency in adult relationships because they do not feel able to leave that comfort zone.

Changing anxious attachment requires the person to feel safe in the current context they need to feel empowered they need to feel loved they need to feel heard they need to recognize how their relationship behaviors developed as a result of trying to survive in a chaotic environment that's where I talked about have Curious how this behavior developed as a way to help me survive how this behavior developed as a way to ensure that my caregivers would stay close and meet my needs until I could meet them on my own. The person also has to learn to recognize their own capabilities and develop emotional awareness and regulation skills and learn to establish and maintain assertively. and respect other people's boundaries if this video was helpful consider watching some of my other videos on abandonment anxiety developing secure attachment complex post-traumatic stress disorder adverse childhood experiences or improving your relationship with yourself