Poppin Bottles w/ Instagram Models

I go out to run errands, meet this random girl... ...get her number, text her for about a week, and then take her on a date. That's all the backstory you need. I get in the Uber, I go to her house, I pick her up. We headed to this Italian restaurant in Beverly Hills. We sit outside and she says, "Let's drink wine." Mind you, we haven't even looked at the menu yet. The waiter comes, we place our orders, and the millisecond this guy leaves... ...she starts talking about her ex. Let's call this guy Alex, since Alex is a guy I'm collaborating with on this video.

He's helping me with the animation. "I'm so sick of Alex!" *laughs* "It's over." "I don't like." We each had three glasses of wine and I don't even drink wine. So I don't even really know how it will affect me. The food arrives, we eat. The server brings the bill. It's actually not that bad. We got up and I said, "Okay, let me take you home." And she's like, "I'm over Alex and this date isn't over yet!" Honestly, I didn't want the date to end so I said, "Okay..." "What do you want to do?" *whispers* "let's go...

SHOPPING TIPSY." What the hell is eck iz deh? We're going to Rite Aid in Beverly Hills. This girl, without even flinching, walks up and likes the juice... ...she buys two of those

bottles

, buys a bottle of wine and then goes to the register. And I say: This is clearly the first time she's done this. She goes to the side of the building, pours the juices, and then starts pouring the wine into the juice

bottles

. So now we have these two bottles that seem healthy, juicy, fruity, a-ma-jigie things, when in reality... it's that "good, good." And honestly, I still don't feel remotely drunk from the wine at the restaurant.

But deep down, behind, behind my brain, I'm thinking, "Okay... are you trying to waste... chocolate on me? So you can buy Lamborghinis? Is that what's going on here?" So she grabs my hand and we walk and we drink and suddenly... This thing, my arms start tingling, my cheeks start turning pink. Now I'm starting to feel... I'm starting to feel a little weird. The first store we walk into is like a paint store, I don't know, they're really big paintings. We go in there and say, "Lord, how much for this? Lord, how much for this? Lord, how much for this?" And the guy says "yeah, $30,000, oh yeah, $50,000, oh yeah, $80,000." For these paintings!

And the back, the back, the back of my brain, I'm like, "I'm not, I'm not even feeling it. I'm not even feeling it, man." I thought I was being pretty normal as she walked around asking about these prices. But then the guy who works there looks at us and says, "What are you guys doing?" And we just hung out with the Insta model: *singing drunk* ♪ooooOooOOoh♪ Swoozie: ♪Percocets, molly, percocets. Perococets, molly, percocets♪ IM: ♪ooooOooooOH♪ I thought we were being pretty normal. But apparently we were being quite extra. Then I thought: "The concert is over, let's bounce!" "You've ruined me if you think I'm going to walk in here... ...and drunk and buy you an $80,000 Marilyn Monroe.

I see what you're trying to do!" For those of you who are really familiar with Beverly Hills, you'll know all of these stores I'm talking about. Let's go to, uh, I think it was "Gallery Z" that has a lot of furniture. We go to Gallery Z... we walk up and down the halls. So we fell asleep. She goes one way, I go the other, and suddenly I hear, very loudly: "What are you saying!? Honey, this name tag is coming off!" Then I scroll up like "SKRRRR" "Okay, um. Dude, go over there." I turn to look at the girl at the register and you know when you see someone and she gives you that look of recognition?

That... This girl gave me that look of recognition and I was like... "Shit." I feel a little strange. I had to choose my words very carefully. His tone changes instantly once I get there. "How long have you been dating?" Now my brain was telling my lips to say "heh, we're not dating, this is our first date." What actually came out of my mouth was *laughs* "We've been dating for about three months." I don't even know why I lied. Under the counter, I'm rapidly tapping on my phone, trying to call an Uber like, "Confirm location!" I defuse the bomb in "Gallery Z".

We pull up to her house and I say, "Okay...bye." And she's like, "No, no, no, I think this is the part you're supposed to get into." Now, deep down, behind, BEHIND my brain, I think, "What's the worst that could happen?" I walked into her house, she walked me back to her room, we started kissing, she took off her belt and then I said, "SKRRRRT." "Wait, wait, let's hit the brakes." "Why? You don't like me?" I said, "Yeah, you're hot. Eat though, remember that part in the restaurant when you said, "Alex! Alex! Alex!" "You told me you cried yourself to sleep last night." "..Are you serious?" "If you want to hug and kiss us, coo.

But A) you've been drinking and B) you seem pretty emotionally vulnerable. "Good!!" The girl turns around and gives me her back/shoulder. Not even two minutes. then I listen, *snores* I get up, I walk out, I close the door behind me, I call an Uber and lately I've been hearing stories about guys who are giving the rest of us a bad name. I would jump in here and counter that. I'm trying to give us a good name ♪♪♪.