Old People Get Cramps In Weird Places. Tom Foss - Full Special

You will never have a cramp in a workplace like your eyes 56 years old someone my age you are older your partner I'm sure your body is starting to play tricks on you he said I don't remember get up you remember how from time to time I have hair inside my nose or here we go week for no reason no wind no bug walk hit me this life do 9:56 I have to get up five seconds before I start walking there you go oh I'm fine I'm all right, I'll be walking having a good day just to find the perfect day and my need will stop.

I feel like a man I can't believe how cute I hope Fisher's bite when he comes down looks like a chicken trying to get home do I ever wake up injured like what's wrong with my wrist oh yeah I made a bowl of ice cream it's today I have to warm up to make ice cream I'm awake I practice ice cream tea sick I never get a cramp in a workplace like your eyes I'm looking at it you're like that again now I'm 56 I can look at a squirrel for like an hour that's what I do jump to the next tree and the next day I wonder what's happening? my knee oh it happens to grow seeing never do this ever lose something that's in your hand like man I haven't seen my phone in a while I should have someone call and see if it rings some of you have done that today here's something Lo I do it all the time now, oh, I'm leaving a store, I have no idea where I park my mug, never lose your own car, nothing says loser, Martha walking through the mall parking lot, hitting the panic button, you're like dink dink, honk where the hostage is.

It's snowy and we're cold I once spent half an hour in the airport parking lot looking for my car before realizing that someone who dropped me off at the airport once tried to get into a car that looks like yours, thanks, but close the door. tear off your nails because the doors are still closed and the guy in the cars like you're an idiot he's using windshield wipers police I have to wear glasses to read anyone else yes yes sometimes I forget them worst case Lowell restaurant adding little words on the menu Me I forgot my reading glasses.

I have to order what I think they have. I'm going to a steakhouse. You better believe it. Give me a Mexican steak. You know I love them. A couple of tacos. Olive Garden. I have to play with olives. And before they could. to anything anytime anywhere now if any of the cheeseburgers go past nine o'clock it sounds like my stomach is filling up with meat lady it's embarrassing sitting with a group of friends your stomach goes boom , so not your stomach, it's my ringtone, I got a call, I have to go home. Have you ever tried to do something you haven't done in a long time.

You realize it a little late. You can't do it anymore. Remember that you are a child. You run through the park. You cross the fence. Put your hands on top and your legs. keep running not Mississippi but um in a park at ten years old you're a little slower a little fatter gravity's got you pretty good at this point everything in your head says don't do it you're an idiot everything in your heart says I'll try once again, run out to that fence, you can hear your heart beating in your ears, just climbing aboard, get up, fans put your hands on it, though your legs up, Lily climbs two feet high and offensive three feet. behind it hits that fence ten seconds later or six hits of junior go up and now you are if it were a sensation, they say that when you grow up, gravity is hard on your right makes everything timid and fallen and blah, blah, blah, I'm happy by gravity, could you?

Imagine if fat increased, we'd all still be walking around like bobblehead dolls in retirement. Hey, I almost didn't, oh my darling, we're getting older. Things that you once put somewhere, put something somewhere so you don't lose it and then you forget you're putting it so we have to go look and while you wait forward you find other things that you put in

places

so you didn't move now you have to find new

places

to put these things you finally find what you were looking for you don't need it anymore, I can't watch medical shows like doctors or just a simple medicine commercial anymore because if I listen too closely I think I have the problem because the symptoms They are very lazy, aren't they?

Do you have a penis? I have Do you have trouble sleeping at night? Do you have that? You got lost in a shopping center parking lot looking for your car. He's gone these days. I have mad cow disease. My first time in Provo 20 and I did what everyone does. the first time they came to investigate, oh, I went to Walmart because I wanted to look good. I love all the markers. You may think your life is pretty fucked up and then you go to Walmart. You like those

people

who drive around the city. I passed by the house.

For sale by owner Well, who else have you been sitting with? I noticed that Joe and Mary Ann are almost never home. I think I'm going to sell his stuff. House for sale by neighbors driving past a picnic area with no facilities yesterday, how cool. concept here how many times have you been driving on the road think about yourself man if I have to have a picnic you guys like magic yeah I don't do anything the only thing that appears out of nowhere from me to the police I always say stupid things and Col moves you now as fast as you were going.

I'm like, well, apparently very trainable, right. I have a picnic like a racehorse. Maybe you can tell I'm from the south. I live in New York now. Where are you from? Virginia. Hello neighbors, things are different where we live, like crime, like they won't come into your house where I'm from, but they'll hook it up to a hitch. You could drive home past your house. Hey, there's our stuff, Greg Dogs. trying to keep up I have cookies there you would ask me why you live in the south I would say that's where my stuff is here's the one I didn't like what it's like to live in the south I'd make things up oh that's cool we have glaciers and unicorns the spider man, hipster, it's like living in a warehouse, get up in the morning, pick up your things and go home, I travel, that's what I do,

people

, I fly a lot, someone else, yeah, yeah, I think we should address the planes now, abort anyone who doesn't have a ton of stuff to drag to the plate.

Next, we will begin approaching people to understand the alphabet and numerology. I have never seen these people sitting in row 21d checking each row. Not one, to meet you. Have you ever flown with creepy people, yeah, like this guy can do something to the plane, he starts asking questions, so what are you doing next week? Make sure they have plans for the future and if you are sick and have to fly, understand, but have some medicinal drink. a bottle so I wouldn't sit there coughing and sneezing on myself. I lay on the plane, blowing my nose, putting the tissues on the food tray, yeah, and my shampoos have to be in a plastic bag, put it in a plastic bag. let my shampoo run free for lots of driving.

Have you ever been driving on the highway? Get off the freeway and immediately get back on the freeway so you can be in a different group, idiots, yes I'm one of the idiots, I'm serious. I'm just a good driver, I've given up, I took my mirrors off, screw everyone, that's cool, so my big deal all day. I love watching television. I love those who watch television. You watch television. I love the news. I hate when they make fun. you with the news during commercials trying to keep you up late at night tornadoes in the area find out if you've been hit at the moment I'm just one step away a big story on the news for me it just happened again every months our The government has to pass a bill to borrow more money to continue functioning.

It scares me that I have better credit than our country. I found a few things to waste money on every 10 census years. Millions of people spend millions of dollars to count. People do anything. I want to count the population we count their birth certificates death certificates subtract this is how we're doing it the right of the South takes about an hour we're back on the streets here's the story I hate on the news every night the terrorists drown out the news given the publicity, if I were a presenter, I had to report these stories, I would say things that would make the terrorists angry, what I would call Isis, I really like the new group Tears, they are angry, angry and they want to attack New York, New York, because you are crazy about chocolate balls this is only Donald Trump who says it now that he was elected it will be it will be it was the world has gone crazy no one has it it is getting to the point where everyone will need to carry a gun and you know that Apple will be everything Also From that, by introducing the I gun, you can defend yourself when you are attacked, call the police, take a photo that the attacker posted on Twitter and then listen to your favorite music while you wait for the authorities to arrive.

It's the gun I, looking at the Canal truck today CNN says it appears to have been investigated by every organization in the world. Can you imagine that if Trump goes to jail it will be an interesting season in orange is the new black? I travel for my work. I have some fun things. I do well. I've been to Las Vegas, are you sure the next time you go you'll do what I do every time I go? There are no tables everywhere. An 800 gallon container. Do you have a problem with the game? I call them every time.

I tell them: Yeah, do you think I could borrow $100? in New York anyone for New York I love New Yorkers here's why there's no filter this is what I'm thinking you're going to hear sitting in a bar in Rochester the guy next to me goes where you're from I'm coming from the south he goes yes, I could live there I go why don't you look at it the women are very beautiful I swear the boy looks at me yes I don't know if I could be without any girl that sounds stupid how I see what you say an Einstein I have been to Hawaii Have you been there?

I ran the marathon there. The stupidest thing I've ever done in my life. My feet caught fire. It took me forever to finish the race. I'm reaching the goal. They are tearing down the stores. I'm like I am. I'm not done yet, the lady says: Oh, it's tough Wednesday in Arizona. Have you been there? My parents live there. I spent a week with them. I found that it was the best time I had in my life every night as a kid in front of the TV with my mom and me. Dad watching my dad try to stay awake after nine, even though every night at eight in the recliner, eyes are freezing, whoo 8:15 head minor Bob's two to three inches 830 Ray Charles a quarter ton outside like a light 9 o'clock clock we're in the kitchen with a can of whip ready I used to do that you could do anything while I was sleeping set the dog on fire tie up mom have a beer or anything except change that channel what are you doing Casey?

I'm watching this show like, come on dad, I've seen this one, they don't leave the island, my dad was tired because he worked hard, he was an auto worker, he built cars, come on, you'd kiss the door, they didn't look like anything. Hello, I got there, 100 cars, bill something and then we get here. It's like, what do your kids do all day? to fix that for half an hour because you are the main one my mom the woman she didn't stop working on Saturday morning at six o'clock in your room she rents on the vacuum cleaner boom now you go back to sleep you and even though I'm here go out to their wooden floors mom told us a lot of jokes she remembers joking in front of them with relatives so you want me to go there with a slap you know my favorite act of all time your age like well I'm eight years old my grandfather told me to try it it didn't work out with my parents, so the widow had a great grandfather, someone else has a cool grandfather, grandparents sure were cool, they could do things us kids would only dream I would do, yeah, like tell my dad it feels. and shut up, remember that day like it's dad, shit, I said sit here, he's coming, here, he's coming, you'll punish us both when you calm down, punished, you're not out, you're not going to undo enough, get out, I have the Car keys.

Well, he sings for me growing up, someone else, yes, my older brother, 19 years older than me. I would get stuff a year later, it would be back in style. I'm going to see Pink Floyd looking like Greg Brady a lot. seats around here everyone I have dyslexia I really like people what I don't have just comedy Plan B I just like to see it's not a serious illness I'm a regular disabled parking spaces has a back to carry here's my favorite dyslexic joke, you know, that book didn't start out like i thought a pager would. I have a mustache, people think you have a mustache, you're a tough guy.

I am a. I cried during American. I know I'm like Timmy's going home. Can. I don't think so, hikers come at me all the time you ride and I plan on riding what they are like pigs. I go, no, my feet drag on the ground. I got myself a horse. Now I'm a big boy. Terral, you know people. You have a mustache, you're handy, he tries to trick you into fixing his things, hey, you know something about air