Oklahoma Is The Home Of Stupid. Russ Nagel - Full Special

That's where the comedy is. Believe me when I say the next part I'm about to say and I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate each and every one of you for supporting live comedy and giving me the opportunity to work, but take your pick. read the newspaper watch TV or surf the Internet comedies right there the comedy will write itself anyone see this this was about eight months ago and USA Today we are that hunter in Wilmington, North Carolina, shot and killed a jogger David because he thought he It was a deer How many times have you been deer hunting and seen a deer running around with headphones and sweatpants on?

It's just that a white tail, I don't know, says "pink love." I don't do these things. Months ago, USA Today, a nine-year-old boy pulled a knife on his mother and told her he was going to cut her throat because she wouldn't take him back to McDonald's because she had gotten the wrong toy with this Happy Meal. and Everyone noticed that I wait just a couple of seconds, yeah, you know why I do that because people laugh at those people who laugh and I just gave you an example of what I think is wrong in this world.

People are afraid of their children. People are afraid of him. your children there are people out there right now that were not in my audience and in television land that are afraid of your children and I'll tell you what if you're afraid, why don't you bring them to my hotel? and I'm going to cut your ass off because I'm going to say this right now. I don't know how they were raised. I'm not from here, but I'd tell you this if I were nine years old. What, but let's say it was twenty-nine and I pulled a knife on my mother?

Not only would I be in my room waiting for my dad to get

home

, but I'm pretty sure I broke a knife somewhere I don't. I don't want it to be because my mom didn't play that my mom is old school. You young people here with your little free time, you see the people here who are my age or older or black people, we didn't have time. What is dead time? It gives them more time to think about more things to do. That's all the time outside. You are wrong in my house. My mother would spank you with that wooden spoon.

I'm not talking about that little one you pulled out of your kitchen drawer. I mean that big one I had hanging on the wall, I had that spoon, maybe the fork, a measuring stick, a rag, a tennis shoe, a fly swatter, a hairbrush, a telephone extension cord , my older brother, a tire, my mother's favor that said: Oh, get up. It doesn't hurt. I don't even think my mom would love me. I'm not saying that means I'm 57. I didn't find out until I was 40 that I had been adopted. What's so funny about that? I thought it was cool when she told me I was like in a room

full

of babies, you chose me, she said no, you were the last one, I'm not adopted, I'm not adopted, but I think I'm an accident, I'm the baby of my family I am the eighth of eight children.

Do you remember when you were little? their face could get dirty their mother would spit in a napkin and wipe their face my mom spit in my face hello that's just gangsters I guess I'm my the kids at

home

say, "you move around with them like the dog at Walmart." That's my theory about my mother. I'll see if I can prove this to you. I'm originally from Louisiana and I no longer live there and I moved back. at home about seven months ago visiting my mother I found my birth announcement my birth announcement my local newspaper in the year 1959 it said that he was born to the Nagle family the boy weighed 7 pounds 10 ounces 19 and a half inches long he would be changed by low ship I would say let me say it my mother is young people appreciate this my mother just turned 91 for her birthday I pierced my belly button whatever she kept losing her car keys I have to I have to be wrong with that retractable cable she he goes to the casinos a lot he puts in a player card I don't live in uh, I don't live in Louisiana anymore.

I actually live here in Utah. In fact, I moved here about ten years ago and I tell people this is God's country. I will never leave the state of Utah. I live in Clinton, around the Ogden area. I'm married into a Mormon family for fun on Thanksgiving right there because I was raised Catholic. I am raised Catholic. Do I have any by chance? Catholics with me probably in a bar somewhere playing bingo they got it Baptists to have Baptist people with me no BAPS has a couple of you well you know this is a bar I'm not supposed to be here had to put their beer. down to applaud, they don't serve alcohol here.

Yeah, I have uh, I don't have Protestants and I wouldn't have Protestants because I think someone told me this that Protestants don't recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian Church. and that Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah and Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store. I will tell you that wherever you find Baptists you will find 1/5 thanks for getting that when I work in Canada. I have to change him to leader I don't have any Jehovah's Witnesses with me no unemployed witnesses I'm not going to bother you there are five thousand religions out there I don't know which one is right Jehovah's Witnesses believe that the good Lord is only I'm going to call 144,000 people home , but I don't know if that's true, but if it is, I wouldn't be going to people's houses and telling them about it.

I need to increase my odds as much as possible. That's how there is always a stretch. Does anyone have an atheist or agnostic with me? You are afraid to applaud because I am a point for Jehovah's Witness in the Mormons towards his house. You are so funny. The agent called me deaf. People wanted to do this. I said yes. It sounds like a lot of fun and because what kind of set do they change you or change pennies every week? And I said, well, you know, I'm a biker. I would like a motorcyclist. I guess I can use it if they make a new version of The Wizard of Oz who is the evil old biker?

I'm married I've been married for 15 years I have two stepdaughters and I don't like that term stepdaughter I prefer a wedding gift I love two girls to death Their names are superfluous and luggage Oh, some of you are mad because you didn't think of that. I make jokes about him. I love him to death. XS is 13 and luggage luggage is 17 and she is not married and just had a baby so now I have excess luggage in a carry on because guess who they live with I have a newborn granddaughter her name is unique that is her name is unique I'll have her with me at the supermarket the mall people say oh she's beautiful what's her name?, I go, it's unique, they say, really, what is it, I go, it's unique, really, what is it? , he is unique, that is his real brother.

My daughter gets mad at me because I called her Uniqua. In fact, I have six children. I know. It probably scares everyone to know that I'm reproducing. I have six children. I have nine grandchildren, two of which my wife and I are raising because someone else is not my wife and I am raising two of my grandchildren, Ethan Ethan and Murray Ethan. He's six and Maria is four, she'll be five next month and Ethan loved him to death, he's on the

stupid

question. I just did the dumbest things in the world to you. I took him out fishing and not long ago he and he called me Popo.

He told me simple Poe why not why not the fish down there in that water why don't those fish rust Oh get up you're not hurt that's not salt water let's go home along the road we have the windows down you don't want the car to pass flying next to you on a two lane road why not Ethan told me he said Papa Otis our car makes that same noise like that when they pass by his car I had no idea so I got home safely and I tell my wife. I told him: look, get in my car.

She tries not to get ahead of you. I told. Ethan and I are going to get in your car. We're just going to hear what we hear when we pass by. I heard when she passed it was your I guess not and Marie oh my lord she is going to turn out to be a fine young lady I said she will be turning five next month I know this only for the simple fact that she is already asking me for designer clothes and she is five years over five years I said what do you want for your birthday girl she said I want some OshKosh B'gosh I said okay they sell it to kkq mark because we will be safe and get you some shoes with an overpayment papal s which is where I buy their shoes because I learned this my wife and I have a 13 year old son together her name is Taryn a Taryn with a tee ter R a and she is named after two of my brothers Terry in there and my wife let me choose that name and we are still fighting So because it's not a common name for a little boy, we can't find a license plate for his bike.

I said if she looks like my brothers, she will do it. be doing your own license plate, that's a whole different sight right there Terrence 13 years old I came in off the road he said he wanted said he wanted some Air Jordans I didn't know what this was at the time turns out it's a tennis shoe ever heard of this It's an Air Jordan I said okay, okay why do you want that he said because they make you jump higher and I took him to the mall $180 I jumped high right there a little boy got everything in the world Nintendo a PlayStation PlayStation 4 Xbox Xbox Kinect he Every man got it, that's what the kids had.

I just asked him to improve his first smartphone. He is 13 years old. We didn't think he really needed a smartphone, but my wife and I thought we would get one. one who could teach me and my wife how to use ours and they took it away the first day back at school because he got caught texting his friends. I had to go to school to pick up the phone from him and we came home. and he left me, he said he, didn't they ever take your phone away while you were at school? Because anyone here is my age or older.

If you didn't want to take my phone, you would have had to come to my house. Come to my kitchen and tear it off the wall, my son is doing well. What did you do for the self-service? we had this long cable that would reach every room in the house which was cool how did you text your girlfriend? we wrote to him on a piece of paper and then we folded them up, handed it to him hoping we wouldn't get caught, then spent 10 minutes looking at them trying to open it, he's something else man I won't play video games but horrible to him I'm horrible with him he got his John Madden football game to beat me 97 to nothing 97 to nothing he gets mad even letting me pick my own team I follow the NFL I picked a great team I had Tom Brady, my quarterback Drew Brees, I had Peyton Manning, Aaron Rodgers, I tried to pick him on the worst team, he let me pick his team, so the quarterback had Tony Romo and, yeah, and I had Colin Kaepernick because I knew he would never get up off his knee and me expired. 97 to nothing I had a great team and then I made him come into the kitchen and play soccer like I played soccer 27:24 anyway you guys are fun I was going to have a drink here it gets a little warm here the heat escapes through off your head, so it's always nice when you're under lights hot as a chip, you should wear a leather hat, oh how cute, they put a straw in my drink, it's kinda hard to be tough with that right there, you know , You know.

They call this a straw or stirrer, maybe here in Utah they call them stirring sticks. I don't drink anymore. I don't drive. I was sober for 15 years in the worst 15 years of my life when I was not good at drinking. I don't know, you know it and I don't defend it. I love working at this club. I know it doesn't contain alcohol. I think it's fantastic. I wasn't good at drinking once years ago. I've been talking for years. I got so drunk that I came. I fell asleep with my TV on and it was apparently silent.

I woke up the next morning and thought I had drunk myself to death. I'm just not good at it, man, I wasn't good at it, but this right here look, this is what happened when you go to a bar, I don't know if any of you drink like I said, I don't recommend it, but they put them on their drinks and they call them straw stars or swizzle, do you know what this is, that this is the DUI waiting? let it happen that's all it's okay because you're at a bar it's in your drink you're driving home and you're chomping on them right now this is a true story and I'm going back 17 years true story Little Rock Arkansas One night I was heading back to my hotel and took one of these.

I'm in my car. I'm heading home and having a good time. You have no idea how true this story is, and again, no. defending drunk driving I think it's the third worst thing in the world behind rape and murder, but I'll tell you what I love the police in the south that man didn't ask me for my driver's license he just came me I went out furious to my car he Keep going towards my car because you've been drinking if you make me laugh. Wow, that was good. My friends at home. Can I travel across the country doing this?

I hope to see you, maybe on a Carnival or Princess cruise. lines I work on you can friend me on Facebook facebook.com slash America's Funniest Biker the easiest way to find me is America's Funniest Biker Don't worry all my links are there Facebook Twitter Instagram why I'm on Twitter I have like 6 followers, I think it's a lot easier for me to just call them waiting in Provo. I'll be in Provo. I'll be in Provo. Come on, but I work on the road a lot and people find out I don't live in Louisiana. more and I live here and Utah oh oh you lost your house in that hurricane uh no, actuallyI lost my house in a divorce because I was married to Katrina and the wife I have now I love to do, I do that, I say that a million times during my shows you can see it right there I wear a ring finger a gold ring on my ring finger I don't play with my wife but I learned my lesson in my first marriage I don't do a whole I do a lot of what I do here, but I earned enough that my wife and I signed a prenuptial agreement.

She won't receive my computer. I'm on facebook. My friends go. You live in Utah. You married? Do you have several wives? I don't know why that's still a myth here in Utah you have multiple wives no, I married a girl with multiple personalities which is cheaper the only problem with that is we go out to dinner. I don't know who we haven't had dinner with because we. I had an argument not long ago with Cheesecake Factory. We had an argument. I said, "Let me be frank," and my wife says, "No, let me be frank." I'll see them again.

I'm taking a lot of rest in Detroit, Utah to see them again.