More Dumb Stuff I Did as a Kid

Part of growing up is learning

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about how the world works. And one of the ways to learn is by experimenting. Try things, because why not? I don't know what will happen and besides, it could be fun. So it's natural to remember the things you did when you were younger and less experienced and think why would I do that? Knowing what you know now seems silly, but you wouldn't know what you know now if you hadn't tried what you did then. Which is mostly my way of justifying the

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things I did as a kid so you wouldn't judge me because I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER, okay? *crying* I was nothing

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than a sweet, innocent child trying to find my way in a cruel and confusing world.

Some of the

dumb

things I did as a kid were no big deal and honestly, they're kind of adorable. Like one time, I grabbed a cardboard box, carried it to the top of the stairs, climbed up, and slid down. Like a roller coaster, made of cardboard. Five-year-old TimTom didn't know what would happen once he ran out of stairs. However, thanks to Tim's sacrificial cut experiment in the past, we now know that the box will escape, and that the only passenger will actually hit the concrete basement floor, and it will hurt, and much like a fighter pilot with a bird cut, he will do it.

He stood there in shock before yelling "MAYDAY!" because that's what you're supposed to shout when you're in trouble. Apparently. Speaking of stairs...when he was younger (and smaller) he climbed stairs on all fours. He would bend me over and go into animal mode. Something about this just feels faster, and I think it's probably a more efficient way to climb stairs when you're little, you know? But the thing is, I only lived in a house with stairs for about a year when I was 5, so I picked up that habit when I was young. But then we moved to a place that didn't have stairs, which meant I never had a chance to get over it.

As far as my body was concerned, the best way to climb stairs was still like a dog. It just came naturally. So years later, as a teenager, I remember going to a friend's house for the first time, and as we walked up the stairs to his room, my muscle memory kicked in and I walked up the stairs with all the coordination of a greased fawn. Both he and his mother said, "What uh...what are you doing there?" And sure, that's a little embarrassing, but old habits die hard. So, as much as I knew it felt weird to walk up stairs like that, I probably only had one or two opportunities a week to break that habit and practice walking like a normal person.

So every time I went to his house, I went back on autopilot and kept walking up the stairs like a complete weirdo. I'm not the only one who climbed stairs like that, right guys? Guy? …*distant voice* Ok, I'll be here if you need me… I pooped in the bushes once! Don't worry, this also happened when I was 5 years old. I'm not going to walk around pooping anyway when I'm an adult. Go to a friend's house and say, "Excuse me, could you show me your bushes?" I was at a playground and there was a huge bush that had a small tunnel in the middle, big enough for a small child to walk through.

And on either side of the tunnel, the bush had what I can only describe as two small rooms. For some reason, the kids on the playground took turns going into the bush and urinating in one of the small rooms. And at this point you can probably guess the rest of the story. I needed to go to number two, and I figured if one of the rooms was for peeing... then the other... must be for pooping. I'll remind you that I was only 5 years old! A five-year-old child without PD. This is where my memory of the situation becomes as blurry as an analog television in the middle of a blizzard.

I don't know if I confessed to my mom what happened, or if I just pulled up my pants and dealt with it later. Either way, the whole ordeal was very uncomfortable. But at least that time I was the only victim of my stupidity... if we don't count that my mother had to put up with a smelly child. Another time, and again, I was only 5 years old and I couldn't have known better, *sigh* I saw someone do that classic magic trick in a movie where they rip a tablecloth out from under a pile of plates and cutlery, and all. remains in approximately the same place.

That's because of a little thing called...   inert-a. But I didn't know physics when I was a kid, so when I tried, I couldn't properly account for several variables. This is how it happened. One of my friends came to play and I was excited to show off a new trick I saw on TV. But I didn't have a tablecloth or anything to put on it, so I looked around the house until I found something close enough. The bathroom rug was like a tablecloth, so I put it on it and pulled it as hard as I could. Instead of sliding effortlessly like she expected, her feet flew off the bath mat and she hit her head on the edge of the tub.

And she didn't make it... long before bursting into tears. My mom ran in and asked what happened, and I didn't want to get in trouble, so I said she had fallen. Which is... technically true! Please don't judge me, I feel pretty bad. But one of my favorite stories from when I was a child happened a few years later. One hot summer weekend, my mom installed a new ceiling fan in our living room. That doesn't seem important, but stay with me. Not long after, one of my friends, my sister, and I were in the living room, trying to cool off.

My mom stuck her head in to tell us that she was going to run to the post office real quick and that she would be back in about 10 minutes. A while after she left, my sister went to the kitchen and grabbed some soda cans and a pen. She explained to us that the rivet that holds the tab on a can is exactly in the center of the can and that you can use a pen to make a hole in it. So she punched a hole in the top of a can, covered it with her finger, shook it a little, and then drank some soda by shooting it into her mouth.

It was a cool thing, and my friend eagerly tried it for himself, but he shook his can much harder than necessary, and I guess he wasn't very accurate, because when he went to drink, all he got was a nose. -full of carbonation. When she moved her head out of the line of fire, the jet stream continued. It completely covered the ceiling and my mother's new ceiling fan. My sister and I just looked up, paralyzed by horror, not knowing what to do. Before we could finish processing what had just happened, my mom walked in with a big smile on her face that lasted about two seconds before she screamed, “I'M GONE!

FOR 10! MINUTES!" The aftermath of that story is that my friend started crying because my mom yelled at him and we never spoke again. Also, some of you may know that I hide an ice cream cone in every video, but this time I'll make things be interesting and I'll run a contest. The first person to find it in this video owes me twenty dollars. Have fun!