Matt Gaetz is So Toxic, Even Trump Won’t Meet with Him

Hello everyone, I'm Jimmy, I'm the host of the show, thank you for watching, thank you for joining us on a very important day, today was back to school day here in Los Angeles, this is back to school week, really, parents have been waiting for this for almost a year, our kids came back this morning, we can't wait to drop them off, I'm honestly not sure if it was their school, we were great when the lockdown started, our daughter was in pre-k when the lockdown started start now she has her learner's permit she's picking me up from work tonight after the show after over a year of zooming from her rooms that's what it was like in LA this morning that's just right for Applebee's you know, um them We're improving, there are new policies implemented to make schools safe.

Some classes are held outdoors. The desks are separated so that the children are not closed. Bullies are asking nerds to put their heads in the bathroom first. This is interesting. you know what you're seeing an increase during the pandemic besides UFO cries or at least UFO sightings, reports of unidentified flying objects have skyrocketed, there were a thousand more sightings across the country during the same period of the year Last, most of the reports came during March and April, when the lockdown was at its strictest and we were at our highest, but listen, when you've been staring at a ring of light for 12 hours a day, you're bound to see some circles in the sky, Florida Congressman Matt Gates, thank you all, I appreciate it. no it's no it's just that you're being condescending now okay Matt Gates it's just that a congressman from Florida with hair that is under investigation by the department of justice and the house of health ethics committee became a Warner brothers' car, okay, and the health ethics committee and them Gates, who is investigating allegations of sex trafficking of a minor, made an appearance at the Trump Doral Resort in Miami this weekend for something called the summit Save America, organized by a group called Women for America First, which is hilarious and their keynote speaker had a dire warning for the ladies at the lunch, so when you see the leaks, the lies, the falsehoods and the slander, when you see The anonymous sources and insiders predicting my demise, know this, they're not really coming for me, they're coming for you, no, they're coming for you, they're not coming just because you let the one who has never been a prostitute cast the first stone, Unfortunately for Matt, that Trump hotel in Miami was as close as the doors he had to the T-Man, the congressman was supposedly denied a

meet

ing with Trump at Mar-a-Lago, which has to be a heartbreaker, Matt Gates was like the son Donald Trump never had.

Now they treat him like their children and this would be the part of the movie where Gates dresses up as a caddy and tries to sneak into mar-a-lago, I mean how

toxic

do you have to be for Trump not to want to

meet

with you, he's literally pen pals with kim jong-un, he once invited the taliban to a glamping weekend at camp david, and now he won't let

matt

gates come see him. Team Gates rejected the report that he received the cold shoulder. A spokesman for Gates said he has not requested a meeting with the president at any time recently.

By the way, this is Matt Gates' spokesperson, no joke, his name is Harlan Hill, what's going on there? That's not a spokesperson. That's a four-year-old boy dressed as Orville Redenbacher for Halloween. This story about Trump not wanting to see him was really. a mistake Matt Gates because he tweeted that this is a total lie. I'm on a pre-planned vacation with my fiancé and it has to be a fun vacation right now, honey, it's all fake news, no, it's the deep state, no, the president loves me, nothing is more fun than these. the guys who sold their souls to Donald Trump come to him in his time of need and think he will help them.

Asking Donald Trump for a favor is like asking a Nigerian prince for a refund. You're not getting it right instead of meeting with Matt. gates

trump

um, on Saturday night, Trump received the first Champion for Freedom award, which was given by a group of Republican fundraisers. Trump walked into the golf clubs and had these kind words for his old friend Mitch Trump, called Senate Republican leader Mitch. mcconnell, quote unquote dumb son, I don't know, that doesn't sound like my President Trump, according to aides. Trump also mocked McConnell's wife, former Transportation Secretary Elaine Chow, saying I hired his wife, did she ever say thank you? and he also very falsely claimed that the crowd that stormed the capital was over a million strong.

He can't help it. The violent and treasonous insurrection I led was the largest violent and treasonous insurrection in history and he still wants credit for the vaccine. he said someone suggested to him that the vaccine should be called the Trump scene and he liked that the Trump scene was a mix of Adderall hydroxychloroquine and ketchup and of course he still says he won the election. This is getting sadder and sadder. He crushes your mouth at a county fair by telling you that his new album is number one, only the billboard won't report on more important

matt

ers.

There is an infestation developing in the state of Ohio that I believe demands national attention. It started Wednesday night. Various citizens. called 911 claiming they saw monkeys loose in a cemetery in Cincinnati's East Price Hill neighborhood. Police officers and animal experts searched for hours and found no monkeys and the only hard evidence that these monkeys exist is this grainy video someone posted. to facebook they were just sitting there they were swinging in the trees hey there's one under you yeah it's right there look you can see them they look like what they look like yeah I'm too blind for that oh my god look there are three , I'm there, oh, there's three, right there.

Wow, thank God someone was there to shoot him with a broken Motorola knife. No one is really sure what is going on. There is no shortage of monkeys at the Cincinnati Police Zoo. I think they might be from a private collection, but no monkey owner has filed a missing primate report and not only is this group of mysterious monkeys starting to grow, they now say it's a gang of five, five monkeys have been seen in Saint Joe's Cemetery officers and volunteers are canvassing the area in East Price Hill. We talked to people in the area who have seen them and they say they are very tall, almost uh you know, human sizes as big as trash cans.

At first we thought they might have been possums. or something like that, but then we saw them swinging from the trees like monkeys and we thought, oh, those are real monkeys and that's when we started using flashlights and filming it and everything, seeing its white tail, right there, it's a monkey. Do monkeys move their tails? It seems that Tails has dog monkeys running around and the police have not been able to confirm any of these sightings or contact any of the people who made the 911 calls, but fear not because an amateur monkey detective named Charles is on the case i was there and he shot that way charles delph looked like he was that tall he says he saw one of the monkeys thursday morning decided to look after hearing the unusual story but then i was banging my grill and once i brushed the tree was when it came to this high shot that way, Charles, can you recreate those gorilla sounds for us?

You know, sometimes, to catch a monkey, you have to become a monkey. As of today, the police have still not found any monkeys and I think this could all be misinformation. What do you think Guillermo is? Do you have any theories? It's a crazy story. Maybe we'll have to go to Cincinnati to investigate this ourselves. Let's do it. We have many trips planned. Guillermo and I, and one of them is. to Japan to compete in the Olympics again, you know, the games were supposed to be held last summer, now they're scheduled to be held in Tokyo at the end of July and we want to be in them, not in them, we want to compete now.

Obviously we can't do gymnastics, swimming, tennis, diving or any of those sports, but there is an

even

t that I think we might have a chance at, so we contacted a former United States Olympian and asked him to join us. will teach He tells everything he knows in the hopes that Guillermo and I will have the opportunity to try our Olympic medal and before sharing this I want you to know two things, number one, it was raining and very cold and number two, I forgot that I was chewing gum , so I'm sorry about that hello we're in the rain with allen james allen you're a united states olympic athlete you practice

even

when it's raining even when it's raining your sport is walking and it's a 20k and 50k run uh didn't you used to be called fast march?

Well, some people call it fast walking, but it's called fast walking. Now it's raining. Actually, I'm cold too. My nipples stick out. That's going to be a problem. Should not be a problem. No no. Not at all, no, so tell us about your sport, in fact, let's watch some video of your sport here, that's how I walk when I really have to use the bathroom, that's the kind of thing we're going to do. Now these people walk as fast as they can. Many of them walk as fast as they can. You just have to respect the rules.

Which are the rules? The rules are that when one foot lands, the other leaves the ground. There is the contact with the ground, you always have to be touching the ground with your feet, that is the difference between running when you are in the air and running, you are bouncing on the ground, yes, okay, teach us, the key is to land. on your heel, okay and then you just roll forward, can you, can you bend your knee as it passes by Guillermo, are they watching very closely? Yes, and people are penalized a lot. Is it something that happens regularly?

Well, you can get three. disqualification calls and then in the fourth they make you sit in a penalty area wow there is a penalty area penalty area I like a sport with a penalty area Can I go to the penalty area for you? No, do you realize that Mexicans have earned more? medals going than any other it's true, it's true, yes, but let's go like this look, oh, you're improving, it looks better, oh my God, why isn't it moving, he's right, it's out, it's ready, okay, look at you again. I'm going to have you guys start with uh just don't worry about your arms, you're just going to swing them like a long motion with our arms in the air like we don't care, sure, okay, like you don't.

You care, but what you're going to do is go out and just walk with your leg straight and bend it. You're doing it perfectly. Crowbar, perfect. Now speed up the pace a little. A good turn from your heel to toe and this is great as far as picking up women, uh, so let's go home now, are you cold in here? Let me warm you up, you know that when you are in competition it doesn't have to be hostile? right, I'm starting to get a boner, let's split up, okay, okay, I'd really like to see you go full speed and see how it's really done.

Okay, oh, he's taking off, oh my God, okay, okay, here. take that, okay, let's start slow, it's like walking with something that's wrong, yeah, good job, keep doing it, keep doing it, good job, good job, don't give up, see it through, yeah, good job, sorry which could be almost as fast as If we were running like a sprinter, like if we were running against Usain Bolt, he would pass us by, but I feel like maybe we could hold on. These are correct, well, I think we should try it, let's try it. Do you mind if we try to compete with you? but we really want you to really compete with us, okay, he'll start back there and we'll start right here on your marks, get ready jimmy, don't let him catch up, we're doing pretty good, yeah, you know.

I didn't see it once the smoke got in my tail, yeah, but uh, oh, I couldn't see the way, but how do you want to go for the most part, absolutely honestly, on a scale of one to ten , what do you want? Think carefully, Guillermo would say, you probably have about three or four, okay, somewhere, I think with your build you could know, I would say between four and five, so a little work, good work, it's the first time That I do. Well, thank you, you know what we're going to try in a series of events and we think maybe this could be the one for us to get into the Olympics in 2021 or two or whenever they actually happen.

Sounds great, thanks. I appreciate it thank you very much it stopped raining alex you know it's not always worth arriving early what's next what do you think I'm playing what badminton oh wow yes yes think about it well hello I'm jimmy kimmel a bad guy The magician has trapped me inside this video of Youtube. Click Subscribe to help me escape.