Loqueesha: A Movie That Shouldn't Exist

I'm on a bridge over the river and I'm going to jump, but thanks for calling, enjoy your jump. Hi Kevin, it's me. I miss you, please come home. This is probably one of the strangest and most difficult videos I've had to make in a long time. and the

movie

we're going to talk about today was brought to my attention thanks to someone on Twitter, just me innocently scrolling through my feed and suddenly this image appears and then obviously I'm sitting here thinking, damn, this. It's going to be a good

movie

and obviously I'm guessing just by looking at the picture it was made in the early 2000's/late 90's.

There's no possible way this could have been made recently. Then I find out it was actually made in 2019, so a little worrying, but again I wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt, it's 2019, Amazon Prime picked it up, there's no way it can be as bad as the picture shows and then I read the plot summary of the movie, an adult white man. she needs to earn money for her son to go to school so to achieve this she goes to a radio station and pretends to be a black woman doing a black woman accent to get more listeners on the radio station again even after everything .

I still tried to give this the benefit of the doubt and just from the plot summary you guys are probably thinking, man this is going to be bad, but I'm here to tell you it's a lot worse than you think, oh god. but while researching this movie i came across the writer director and main star of the show, jeremy seville and jeremy is first and foremost a comedian, as he says on his twitter, he started films like the visual bible, the little vampire and the test and the test too was written, directed by and starring Jeremy Sevilla and it also sounds pretty bad.

A guy subjects her unwilling fiancée to a series of bizarre stress tests to see if she's a worthy man. This guy sounds like a cool guy to hang out with, but after doing your research. Deeper down, I discovered that he actually hid his way when it comes to comedy in his Instagram posts. He's a cat, oh now he's a pickle, oh funny face, how come this man isn't famous? And listen, I know he may sound like he's being a little bit. hard on the guy, you know, he's just a director who thought he came up with something amazing, but I need you to understand that you will have a different view of the guy once you see the movie, this movie is full of pure narcissism and much more. of really bad inspirational quotes and advice and the whole time he makes every supporting character brag about how good he is in this movie, he tries so hard to be nuanced and really smart, but it comes off as super super pretentious and I love you guys. to know before we start here when you're sitting there thinking there's no possible way this movie can get any worse oh god that's right so the movie starts with our main character joe who was obviously played by jeremy seville and he's a bartender who struggles to make ends meet but has a skill, no, he has a power, the power of advice, he may just be a humble bartender, but I always say that I have to be the one who will do it the most.

He just changed that man's entire life. With that phrase, how is this advice so powerful? I've been coming to this bar for 10 years and it never ceases to amaze me how you always seem to tell the right thing to the right person what your secret is. I'm really talking to myself, this bartender is not only an amazing advice giver but also very humble at the same time, so we meet Rachel and Rachel is having problems with her boyfriend. Well, thank goodness, she walked into this bar with this genius bartender who's about to drop some bombs. Some advice now, first of all, you're an idiot, stop pandering to him if you're going to play enabler.

You are as guilty as him, in fact you are worse. What a game, set and combination, and I thought this drink was strong, so remember again. People, this was written by him, so not only does he think the advice he just gave that girl is really good, but he thinks it's so good that people will just back off and agree with everything he says, I'm sorry, but yes Tell a person who is being cheated on that it is their fault and that they are allowing it and that they are worse than the person who is cheating on them.

You won't get a positive response. I don't charge for my advice. Well you should because it was amazing for a guy who only talks to himself, I'm sure it will make a lot of sense to the rest of us, I'm not sure if you know this, but he gives good advice, so Joe goes to his ex. his wife's house makes a joke about sex change, in fact it's good news, hey, he changes sex and finds out that his son has a chance to go to a really good school, but money is a problem , you need a lot of money to do it motivation motivation these I am in favor of your fantastic advice, honestly this is quite normal for me, every time someone gives me a pretty good advice, the next day I bring a bouquet of flowers and brag about how rude that advice was yesterday.

This is very normal, so Rachel gives them to me. a flyer that's the size of a fortune cookie and the flyer asks for a radio show host oh yeah by the way this little fortune cookie paper says um minorities and women encouraged to apply oh god yeah If only he weren't a white man, life would be much simpler so Rachel continually brags to him that she has superpowers to give advice. Yes, a waiter tells her that she's stupid for getting mad at a guy for cheating on her and she tells him that she needs to sell her advice.

Oh my god, so she convinces him and now she's at her house, where am I? Didn't you meet yesterday? So Joe is obviously very bad as a radio show host because you know he has trouble being himself if he were a black woman. your friend's name his name is joe just a normal joe eh no he's extraordinary you met him yesterday ma'am why is this whole movie just sucking the main character's dick? Don't take credit for the wisdom you gain, no, I'm just saying I keep my ego in check, you sure that dude, you really keep your ego in check, Joe, really, so he ends up not appearing on the show. radio and makes a couple of outlandish jokes.

I'm more of a one-on-one guy. Anyway, you know, plus, a lot of what I do is very non-verbal, it's all in your face, like when I say you're acting really stupid, guys, you get it because, like on a radio show, you don't show your face. and he's making jokes, oh my god, how is this not an award-winning comedy? That's why your man made me take care of this form. Okay, okay, so some things here is not only a poor green screen, but the fact that they had to put. he put it on top of the tv instead of just playing the video on the tv and they didn't even do a good job of putting it there this is basic dude this is what youtubers do man they want women and minorities nah.

I want white people like me to be told what to do if I were a black woman I would be perfect oh no don't you dare think about it son of love and love Grisha oh no no no this is not fiction. Oh God, oh I'm going to be sick, oh God, why is it edited at the top of the screen so that Joe miraculously gets accepted into the radio show? I think the part of this movie that is extremely difficult to accept is the fact that he thinks he is black. The girl's voice is so damn convincing that he tricks the radio station into believing that he's not a white man and that she's just a normal black woman.

Once again, this movie feels like the writer wrote this to stroke his own ego and see that you're working. Hard Joe, I have a smartphone, now they're dubbing, I guess they said iPhone and they had to cut it off, but jeez, that was so good, so after he tells another really bad joke, okay, just let me check my email because Santa Claus. he could be contacting me to tell me that we won the mega millions, oh this is how he will get the money to pay for all the toys this year, no he will have the elves do it as usual, but then he will take the money from the mega million and why that?

They still say the joke was over so we cut to the radio station and they talk about how they are competing with Spotify and Pandora so that confirmed that this is technically set in 2019 which makes the story of the radio station be much more ridiculous. this my name is ted terran you sound dead inside you think i can get away with anything at all but you're going to end up with that job i hate it so joe ends up accepting the offer to go to the radio station and says yes a weird case of xenophobia. I can't come to your station for a meeting.

I have a weird form of xenophobia, so Joe or Laquisha ends up calling the radio station and then they find out. Oh hey, I need to be there in person to do it. to do the radio show conflict i can't do this i can do this i'm so sorry gentlemen i just had to sneeze so what's up it's so bad so anyway joe somehow convinces the radio station that he can hire her own sound engineer and at the same time At the same time, everyone has to be outside the building and no one can technically see her come and go.

I kind of made him believe my name was Laquisha. Wait, you're not some kind of transgender or transracial intercultural locker room. You're okay, yeah, leave it there, thick Jeremy, just slap it, why don't you do it? That's how he ends up finding a sound engineer. His name is Mason and he agrees to do this, which no sane person would do, so they arrive at the studio and Laquisha starts his first show. He's going to be great. Remember it's not a crime, it's theater, yeah buddy, don't worry, you're not actually racist, you're just acting racist. Okay, so the whole first episode of Laquisha's show is pure. pain basically people call laquisha or joe and then boom he instantly finds them out hi laquisha my name is dan don't excuse me I can tell you're lying from the beginning okay so this montage of him doing a show The radio lasts about 15 minutes and all the time all he does is give bad advice and literally find out every person he calls a problem instantly he is a genius, a well made brain, thank you, I don't know what, I you impress more as a black woman or your therapy techniques, this movie was written by him, he thinks his accent is so good that he wrote a black character saying his accent is good, how crazy do you have to be to write this all these years, White people are not slaves, how? so every time I think he's not going to top himself, he instantly does, he just explodes one after another, so anyway, oh boy, after all that nonsense, we cut to his scene where he talks to a guy white which I guess is supposed to be a reflection of himself because the guy Laquisha is talking to is in the exact same situation that Joe has been listening to your shows lately.

You are learning something, yes, that you are racist, what the hell would you know about being a white man? Anyway, am I in the Twilight Zone? There is no possible way this movie is real, it's just me, this is a big joke, okay right, Jeremy is just joking, the whole movie is just a big troll, so anyway, Laquisha talks to this guy and this guy says Laquisha. he's racist against white people and what's interesting about this scene is how Joe assumes all these things about this guy and once again the guy just says, yeah, you're right, yeah, you got me, boom bam bop, you got me, you're unemployed.

How did you know to tune into Lokwisha and start listening? I make a lot of sense to you. Some of you are 50 years old, right, you are 50 years old. They are unemployed and bitter because you are not the king of everything that happens. It's not fair that a teenager just received shocking news in her case, she's pregnant and yours are fired. Honestly, they fired me. All Jeremy would have to do to completely save this entire movie and make it make a lot more sense is just say the main character has superpowers because no human reacts like that Do I sound like a black woman? what does a black woman sound like? anyway I can't I can't I can't apologize uh I'm looking for a Mr.

Pig, yeah, that's me, what's up? Yes, the name is Dale, I'm the inventory manager here. I just want to let him know that we're currently running out of reactions, so he might want to back off a bit. I'm out. of reactions, what does that mean? Yes, apparently this movie is so absolutely atrocious that you've exhausted our entire stock of reactions. What do you mean this is my channel? I could do whatever I want. Oh, try telling that to the boss. Now what, but good news. Looks like we just got a big shipment of G fuel. If you want to add G fuel or something, you know, just to give us some time to get some reactions.

How am I supposed to? Guys why don't you go buy g fuel at g fuel dot com and use the code pig to get 30 off your order. We have a new special flavor called peach cobbler, so why don't you gothe boss with that killing right now? What's happening to me? Then, Laquisha's old radio show was such a hit that it blew up all over the news. Station owner Bob Richardson of WCRW. Alright. What is the station owner, WCRW's Bob Richardson? Uh oh, he's fine, then we'll have more people. brag about how absolutely amazing Laquisha's advice is, so now Loquitia's popularity poses a problem.

People want to see the real Laquisha, so they go through this awkward scene of trying to hire a fake Laquisha and end up settling on Renée, who fits the stereotype. that joe was made up and it's funny because they don't even sound remotely similar in any way when you said you were looking for a little question like I almost fell off my chair because I'm your girl but anyway they go through an extremely long montage of laquisha like it explodes and all the fans like to go crazy and go crazy because it's laquisha so yeah laquish is a big deal so we're back to the Ex-wife Joe ends up giving the ex-wife the money for their son's school.

Remember the only reason Joe does this is because of a son, so okay, oh yeah, by the way, remember Rachel from the beginning of the movie, so she finishes. She calls Laquisha and she confesses that she is in love with Joe. I'm realizing I have strong feelings, but the guy who reminds you of me literally two seconds after she jumps his bones and this, yeah, this is where it gets bad, oh you thought it was bad before Oh, that was the good part, that was the good part of the movie, we're just getting started, baby, so while he's very close to closing the deal, something strange happens, oh, you don't know.

Joe, damn, that feels good girl, guess what, okay, now it's officially weird. I think she might be a black woman trapped in a white man's body. You're gay, no, I'm not gay. I'm just very confused right now, but then I went through some things. Very strange changes Rachel, are you transgender pre-op? Let's breathe, why do they keep mentioning homosexuals and transgenders as if it is wrong? Do you expect me to laugh because I don't want to laugh? I want to cry, so obviously many of you probably are. Confused about what exactly is going on because I also saw that he developed split personality disorder and Laquisha she is taking over.

I thought it was a joke too, but it's not, so he starts yelling at Laquisha in the car, you're like that. an idiot what's wrong with me there's nothing wrong with me what's wrong with you and then they arrest him and the policeman lets him go because he likes her impersonation of laquisha i'll let you go with a warning you go straight home and stop listening she's clearly on you going crazy then he yells at Laquisha in the mirror you're out of control you can't control me white boy and then he ends up talking to his mom mom it's not what you think what are you? gay, does the writer have the maturity level of a fifth grader?

Does he think gay jokes are still funny? Long story short, he talks to his mom and decides that she's going to talk to Laquisha on the radio show and I'll be honest. The part is just narcissistic and painful. He goes to great lengths to make the scene a moment of epiphany in which he realizes that acting like Laquisha is okay because it's his creation. Not cool at all, oh yeah, he also makes another gay joke. I've been very confused lately. your sexual identity you are gay why does everyone keep saying that but then this whole talk turns into some weird thing about equality and then says that every person has a man and a woman inside them and then compares themselves to God alone because you have a penis doesn't mean you don't have a little woman in you when people talk about God, they usually say he, but clearly there is no gender in the divine nature, so its feminine side, regardless of whether you know if it is a Racist stereotype, it's okay because accept it.

This side of him makes him a divine being, ladies and gentlemen, we just discovered how to evolve, how to become gods in our own lives, there is a lot wrong with what he says here and I almost feel bad for the guy because this is his masterpiece. he thinks he's a genius, he thinks this is top-notch poetry, he tries so hard to be nuanced and intelligent and it just seems like he's narcissistic and pretentious and just because of the movie writing of everyone sucking the main character's dick. , Yeah. It just seems like narcissism hey, I know you just convinced yourself that you can't really do it, this time you have a sweater, hey, I'm uh, Mr.

Pig, that's all oh, hello, yes, sir, uh, I'd just like to tell you that. It seems that the movie was too much for the boy and his body shut down Do you want me to send the replacement oh my God I'm dead I'm dead yes myself oh thank you but you must go back you have a lot to do come back why the no, no, I'm not going to go back there, I don't care what you say, do it for the crab, you just said, do it for grandma, do it for grandma, oh, even God shudders, okay, yeah, send me back, oh God.

I'm back, I certainly think I can, so when we come back for commercial, just pass 'em and we'll sink or swim, oh no, no, no, I changed my mind, no, take me back, come on, come on man, I don't wanna . be here more, so not only is he confident that his advice is so powerful that it could convince someone not to jump, but he will do it on live radio and not only that, but he said he will wait until after the commercial break and no. just that, but he nonchalantly says well, I mean, we'll try it and you know it'll be sink or swim, sink or swim, uh, the lady is trying to jump off a bridge.

Is this a simulation? What is this? Send me back. I do not do it. I don't want to be here I'm on a bridge over the river and I'm going to jump but thanks for calling enjoy your jump I have nothing he convinces this person who is suicidal not to jump telling him that he is selfish and I just want attention and then proceeds to say: go visit Paris. Yes, that's serious what he says. You're going to jump or you're going to go to Paris. I don't think this writer has ever dealt with depression or met anyone who has. even with a slight depression and he wrote a script in which he fully believes that he has the advice to speak ill of someone, so obviously this is back in the news in the press.

Laquisha becomes so damn famous that even Oprah wants to talk to her. Yes, that's exactly how I imagine Oprah's emails. it would be like and then there's another conflict in this movie the fake laquisha gets mad at him because he wouldn't accept Oprah's offer and the movie just makes her look like this gigantic villain, she basically threatens him to tell everyone if he doesn't do it. Don't start paying him more, are you blackmailing me? No, I'm a black woman for your pain, so Joe ends up shutting down the show before he's exposed. He just wants to get it over with and move on.

Thank goodness, maybe there is some good in this movie. he'll eventually learn the lesson that you can't do this, it's not right, it's just not acceptable, is what I would say if he learned his lesson and if that's really what happened, but no, he doubles down, triples down on this one. spot. so he leaves the show, then the fake laquisha takes over and initially I thought this was the good ending and in my heart I still think this is a good ending. I guess I just didn't choose the right dialogue, but what actually happens is the fake laquisha. even though she's giving the exact same advice, everyone instantly despises her, the first person who calls the show instantly hates her, don't you dare, damn it, tell me what it's like, you understand me, you called me, this is my program, I'll tell you how it is. she instantly gets kicked, I was wrong, you want me to admit it, I said it, you're a better black woman than me, we did it, oh man, we did it, guys, worst line written in film history, hell, worst line written in all future movies.

I can't find a line worse written than that, Jeremy, boy, what's wrong with you? What is happening in this brain helmet thing? What are you doing there? So after all this, Joe finally decides to admit defeat and tell everyone you know to confess that you know he was him all along and ends up letting it be voted on if he should stay or if he should go, whatever our fate, Aquisha, and I would like to express our sincere gratitude and guess what. happens, I know you all logically think that most people would be extremely angry and tell you to go away, get out of there, but we're not in the real world, honey, we're in Jeremy's fantasy, so first of all nothing returns to the bar where he works.

In they throw him a party and secondly he goes to Rachel, which obviously Rachel is very angry and she ends up calling him a racist pig. A misogynist gets angry at him because you know it was Liquesha. He's the one who basically told him. go after him like Rachel must hate him and then have sex with him you pretended to be someone else you cheated on me you're racist and a misogynist yeah that makes sense so in the end you want to know how the vows ended. top 20 of the people wanted him gone 40 of the people wanted him to come back as joe and then another 40 percent of the people wanted him to come back as laquisha and you want to know how this movie ends, oh god, you want to know how this movie ends, what's your problem slow clap baby just wonderful gorgeous brilliant what's that? what do you want jeremy what's wrong with you honestly I don't think I've ever seen a worse movie than this with the combination of the fact that the writer thinks he's a genius for writing this and at the same time you know the movie in general even if we cut it out you know the racism, the narcissism, so different, we cut everything out, the movie is still garbage, the story is garbage, everything happens in a strange way and it's like it basically looks like the main character's fantasy if at the end the main character woke up and was in a boom dream that would have fixed the whole movie but he didn't learn lessons, he didn't realize this was wrong, nothing. changed that's it but jeremy if you see this because i guarantee you google your name almost every day what the hell but anyway thanks everyone for watching this train wreck make sure you follow me on twitch Twitter and Instagram and make sure you use the damn code. 30 off pork but this is the new flavor by the way my personal favorite flavors are blue berry ice and of course strawberry lemonade just if you want some good flavors but anyway I'm going for a walk, goodbye. bye