Latinos Are Not All The Same | Gabriel Iglesias

oh thanks guys, everyone's on their feet, no pressure, pressure, mm-hmm, we're having fun, guys, we're here coming to you from South Florida, oh yeah man, real close. I have to ask a question since I just want to know how many. The Latinos in the crowd tonight notice that I asked the Latinos. I wasn't very specific because if you call a wrong Latino, there's a problem, you call a Mexican or a Salvadoran, we get mad, you call a Puerto Rican a Dominican, they get mad, you call a Cuban who isn't Cuban they'll stab you, so for everyone here and for everyone at home, I have found a way to find out who is who.

It's very easy, all you have to do is listen to the way the person speaks Spanish. You don't have to understand a single word, just listen to the flow that will let you know, for example, Mexicans when we speak Spanish, we sound loud, seriously, you ask us a question, we lengthen it, hey brother, how are you doing? Cubans, I found out, Cubans. The guys speak Spanish like everything means something, it's very serious, you ask a Cuban a question, brother, where are you going? There is a time limit, ask a question, brother, what's up? I mean, if I blow the heater a little bit, but let's look at Amazon, okay, no one comes to ask us, so they're thin, they're even Mexican.

Well, my goal is to write it quickly. Another way is drinking. The drink will let you know who you are dealing with, for example, the preferred drink of Mexicans is tequila. It's okay, Puerto Ricans prefer the preferred drink: no chill or go, people are okay and Cubans prefer the preferred drink is coffee. Now let me tell you how I know about this, so a few years ago Martina and I were doing a show at The Improv in Miami and after the show was over I was talking about Dennis, a brother said we had to try some of this.

Cuban food that everyone has been talking about, it's our first time here so we went out to take a taxi and when we got in the car I thought of something and that is that Cubans come in all the colors of the rainbow. Cubans and Puerto Ricans come from where you come from. really really white to the damn black navy blue just intense Wesley Snipes just dark scootaloo intense you know, I mean, I didn't know there was a black queue because we got in a car, we spoke Spanish and this The guy turns around and he's black and It's like Don MacKinnon hey, you want a hole, I got scared.

I thought the partition was stained. I didn't know who was shouting. I don't like. I'm like dude, oh why is he yelling? I said listen, we want to go somewhere to eat authentic Cuban food, where can we go? And then he takes us to this place called Calle Ocho, which for everyone at home, Calle Ocho is the Spanish word for Calle 8 and it's an area where I know it's very authentic and he takes us to this restaurant that's called la garita so no you can miss it there is a restaurant on the corner with a giant wagon wheel in front and a huge rooster I don't know what the rooster does but take care of him we went in and I think how he might feel 2 3 in the morning what we want him to be easy 3 in the morning easy 3 in the morning we sit at this table and We're looking at the menu, we're trying to figure it out and there's all kinds of bananas, all kinds of weird things I think, I didn't know, okay, bananas, okay, let's do this and here comes the waiter and the waiters.

He comes over and gets in my face and says I don't understand and I say he forgot why he's yelling. I don't know. I said listen, so let me look at this menu a little more. I think we need some time Rama, yes, we said yes, we need more time and I tell him that for now I can have coffee and he's fine, oh God, Seto and he walks into the kitchen and comes back five minutes later, seriously, with a a little coaster and a coffee glass on the coaster and he puts it in front, I mean okay and I'm like, what is this?

A homemade coffee. I'm going buddy, look at me, I'm not an ito Emma Andy and then. I started to think that maybe he knows who I am. I get the joke, take the very big guy the very small cup. You know what I mean and I said brother, what is it? I will do it, come and see. I don't know, no, no, I'll get me a big cup of coffee, take this back, the boy was frustrated, so the boy is okay, hey, why do you want, then he grabs it all angry and then he goes to the kitchen and starts talking bad about you. of the cooks and then he comes back with a bowl of Cuban coffee, okay, he puts it in front of me and he doesn't get up from the table and says, okay, okay, okay, okay, oh, I get it, he wants me I made sure of this.

It's what I don't know what I want, so I pick up the scoop and take a small sip and when the coffee hit my tongue I thought, "Oh my god, this is the most concentrated coffee I've ever had." It was really really loud and then it clicked, that's why they bring you a little glass of this stuff, so now I don't want to look stupid by making him drink a cup of coffee in the kitchen, so I brought it up to my face. again and drank it all, Wilda. I know I messed up bro. I knew I screwed up when a waiter looked at me. that's the only way in the world Cubans can make you swim