Juston McKinney: On The Bright Side - Full Special

We packed up the transport and headed north to a town called Kittery Maine, two miles away. Just across the bridge, it was two miles from my old house to my new house. It was the first house on the left as you crossed Interstate 95 at Main. It was the first house on the left. Now I know people in Maine make fun of it. and all that, but when the first house in Maine has a father and an aunt, two cousins ​​and four brothers, that's not a great look, that's not northern Maine, that's the southern tip, that's the first house and I told my dad, I'm like dad, you and I wanted to be in the same bed so much that he looks on the

bright

side

.

If I'm going to break up with one of your aunts, it better be your mom. Sister than my sister, this was the last time we talked about it and my grandfather lived with us, so there were nine of us, nine in a three-bedroom house and a bathroom, yes, because my grandfather divorced my grandmother, my grandmother was married five times. my grandfather was her first and fourth, yeah, imagine that, then they got divorced, she took half of his stuff, she came back and took half of the other half, she got three quarters out of that first divorce, she's thinking, I can't believe that you are keeping half of my things.

She says oh wait, I'll be back I'm not done with you so my grandfather, you know, he died broke, you know, my dad has nothing but listen to me, this is what I'm trying to say, there's a good

side

to not being broke. super rich, okay, be glad you're not super rich, you don't have a place like on the ocean, a place in Florida, place in Winnipesaukee because I'm just when you wake up between 80 and 90, I'm not saying your family wants you you die but they're thinking about how they're going to divide all that up when you do, am I right? my dad has nothing when my dad leaves we have to pay for the funeral the burial we want my dad to live forever we You're like dad, you're taking care of yourself, we can't afford to lose you right now, we just put a new terrace on the House, if you leave now, we will put you under the terrace until spring, no pressure, take your vitamins.

I need you here and my father is an incredible story. My father was a homeless alcoholic for many years, but he will be 15 years sober on April 1st. 15 years sober, yes, I am very proud of my father. I'm very proud of him, but it actually happened. The time he lived in the bathroom he didn't live in the bathroom, that would have been very bad. He lived in the parking lot bathroom in Portsmouth, New Hampshire and he used to. It was always positive. He then says that he is on the positive side. I have a place with a garage for 400 cars, but this is my point: everyone wants their children to have the life that you never had, but I would like them to have the life that I had for just a week, you know what I mean, so you can appreciate it. you know they have no idea they talk very well they come one day they are like dad we want bunk beds I'm like you have your own rooms I think so but we want it for when we have sleepovers you want a guest bed in your room that doesn't happen , it's like this, we can't get bunk beds, if anyone is going to get bunk beds, it's your mother and I, yes, I'm trying to convince her, yes, because apparently I snore, do you have any snorers? over there, yeah, over here you snore, yeah, yeah, so, so, this is me, okay, every night, okay, just when I go to bed, just when I fall asleep, okay, I put my head on the pillow , well and by the way, you're in your twenties.

I still don't understand this, but you will reach an age where going to bed at night is the best part of your life, yeah, it's one of the few things you have to look forward to when your head hits the pillow, you say, oh . leave that show behind me we'll start again in the morning right, is there anything better? some of you seem like you're already thinking about it now like how long will this guy be doing it just when I just when I fall asleep I get? in that beautiful remote dream, that beautiful, there is nothing better just when I fall asleep, suddenly I feel my wife's arms like you are snoring, I'm like she says, try sleeping on your side, I say, oh, it's okay, okay, just don't do it.

Don't hit me again I'll sleep on my side Okay, okay, just when I fall asleep again, you're snoring again, oh, she's like testing your stomach, oh, okay, I'll try, you're snoring again, trying, now you are breathing. Yo, let's see if you set up a time lapse camera. This is what 1.2 miles would look like on my Fitbit. I went down the next morning. She says: You look tired. You really don't look tired. I slept for about an hour and finished an exercise. right my watch was like you kicked your ass last night keep it up make it two nights in a row listen to me i'm snoring because i have nasal polyps because i'm allergic to dogs she has the dog sleeping in the bed let me take the top bunk the dogs They can't catch me You can't hit me I'll be in heaven and there won't be any mixed signals If you want to waste your time You have to go up You know where to find me, would you?

Imagine I hear her climbing that ladder, oh yeah, it's about time and she's climbing the ladder to heaven, as far as I can go with my asthma, as long as I can carry that too, my wife and I have been, we have people . ask me what is our secret because we have been together for 27 years like what you see here is the secret for everyone is communication okay you have to communicate if you don't communicate find ways to communicate my wife sometimes you know what she would do I would communicate to through my children's spelling test.

Yes, I remember my son was in second grade. She is giving him a test. She says: Okay, are you ready? Okay, the first word is car, dad, he got a new car, mom, won't he? The next word is, away, dad. I left last weekend, leaving mom alone to take care of the kids. I'm like you want to talk about something. She's like the next word is tree. I said, "Oh, let me do this. I'll do this all." right, are you ready buddy, okay, let me do this, are you ready, here we go, tree, mom, you need to stop complaining about everything, tree, it was a good talk, it was a good talk, I told my wife one day, I told him I had a dream. that you left me she's like she's not going to leave you I'm like I know I said it was a dream she's like she woke you up in the middle of the night oh no I wasn't sleeping it was during the day I was driving in my new car.

These cars are like computers and computers. Now we have to worry about computers. You have to worry about people accessing and stealing your accounts. Yes, I had a friend. Someone's account was hacked. Let me tell you. this right now, okay, if someone hacks my accounts, I will chase them down and ask them what my passwords are. Isn't it ridiculous? It's all username and password. I need to log in to my patient portal at the doctor's office. No? You need a username and password. First of all, before even entering the username and password, something appears saying that if you have a medical emergency, dial 9-1-1 immediately.

Are there people in America who don't know the whole thing? Dial 9-1. -1 if you have an emergency I don't know if you're outside I don't know how to use your generator and you lose two fingers ah you're going out she says where is my laptop let's log in to my patient portal username the password is not a recognizable password oh, all caps, i think it's all caps, try the caps it's still not a recognizable password, okay, okay, let's reset the password, here we go, listen, right click on the link we emailed to your registered email, okay, let's get it.

That's okay, prove you're not a robot, I'm about to bleed out in five minutes, I don't think a robot would do that, click on all the pictures with an ambulance in it, there's an ambulance, it's two ambulances, oh man , is it a truck or an ambulance damn those robots must be so smart who is texting me right now someone is texting me someone is trying to log into their account if not please let us know immediately if you have an emergency medical call 9-1-1 Duh, why didn't I think of that 9-1-1? What is your emergency?

Yes, I am having trouble logging into my patient portal. Okay, I have to use this patient portal all the time because I have problems with my sinuses I've had nasal or I have a deviated septum I had deviated septum surgery and that, by the way, is the worst thing it's like I ask the ent, I ask her how I can deviate my septum, she says, well, do you do mixed martial arts? I mean, are you a fighter? Have you ever broken your nose in a fight? And I say, "No, I look like a fire." I mean, come on, I tore my meniscus.

She says: Well then it must have happened at birth, so basically I got into a fight with a vagina and lost the first day, that beginning of the pattern that has continued to this day. Yes, that's why I don't mess with women. I got tired, but I'm trying to deal with everyone. I'm trying. I am taking Flonase nasal spray, my allergies I am taking that now. One of the side effects of Flonase nasal sprays reduces sexual desire. If I did not know. My wife found out before I did the same. One night I found out she was sleeping, I woke up and surprised her by spraying my nose while I was sleeping, it reduces my sex drive and stops you from snoring, as my wife calls it flonase miracle mist, more like it doesn't go to bed, but you know what it probably is.

Well, it's probably better this way, you don't have to worry about the kids running into us, yeah, because that's a fear. Anyone has children. You have to worry about your children. Why does anyone here ever meet their mom and her dad when you go? so here, yes, yes, you remember it well, don't be like, eh, I'm not sure, no, you would be sure that certain memories will stay with you for life, falling out of moving vehicles and meeting mom and dad, so traumatic like you. I think it would be meeting your dad and mom. Imagine that I meet my dad and my aunt.

My aunt looked directly at me. I'm like she's watching. She was like a deer in the headlights. I was frozen. She couldn't move me. I started sweating. I didn't know what to do, so I turned on the air conditioning. She said: What are you doing? It seems to be hot here. Hey, you guys have been fabulous. Thank you so much. It means a lot. Well, thank you very much guys, thank you very much.