Justin Fashanu - Fallen Hero

BBC Radio 4's six o'clock news with Korey Kuhl Campo former footballer Justin fashion EO has been found dead in a garage in east London It is understood that fashion II, who was 37, was strangled to death although the results of a post-mortem exam are good Justin's death was told to me by one of my brothers who called me and I was very hysterical at the time so it took me a while to come to my senses to understand what he was really saying and then we had to take a decision on how to do it. Shall we tell our mother about Britain's first million-pound black player after his move from Norwich City to Nottingham Forest in 1981, but his career on earth?

I thought to myself, oh, why doesn't he get to the point and before finishing what he was? Saying I told you he was dead, didn't I? No one answered, I just slumped in the chair, so of course they told me he had hanged himself. Police in the United States were looking for a seven-year-old boy for questioning over allegations that he had had sexual relations. assaulted a teenager modeled his life in and out of football this is a movie about a man who had it all looks like talent money who lost it all and died alone ashamed Justin was my shining light he was my life he was the one I saw as my mother and father while I was growing up he was my strength he was my inspiration he was what I idolized John and Justin were Barnardo's sons their father and my lawyer Geryon left the family when the children were little their mother already had a nurse two other children and couldn't cope, it was obviously very difficult for me.

I would prefer to have them with me all the time if I had the means. I wouldn't have let them go at all financially. It was very, very limited, in fact, it was very. heartbreaking but I had no choice until the breakup really hurt. My first memory of Justin is at the Benardo house, being very, very close to him. I think it happens when you realize you don't have a mother or a father. who are with you after two years at Barnardo's John and Justin aged four and five went to Norfolk and foster parents Betty and Alfred Jackson decided to move to Norfolk because our own children were hands or more or less hands and always wanted to live in the country when we got here we found a lot of empty rooms upstairs and the most important thing we could do was raise some more children we were thinking of doing so we went to Tasha dr.

Benardos and they asked me if we could place having two black children so they are going to separate us they were brothers if they didn't take them in very soon I remember that I was very insecure and at that particular time I had a speech impediment and I didn't have that for three or four years and I found it very difficult to communicate, but the irony of this was that I adapted. I knew exactly what she was saying, consequently, Betty Jackson, my affectionate call, my white mother told Justin. Justin, what are John and Justin saying? Well, John sang, he would like more sweets or he is tired or not.

John doesn't like that, so I clung to Justin. He visited them very frequently and when they went on vacation they sent me cards and so on, um, the communication was always there. and since I was satisfied with the treatment they were given, I thought it would be very foolish of me to remove them from this environment because whatever, it was all I had for them. We are like your own children. I think it's hard if you had a black child raised by a white family. We were the only two black kids in a very small white town.

I remember you know it all the time explaining it to all the other kids. why your hair was different why your skin was different you know there are two ways you can go you can swim or you can sink we choose to swim we take the positives we are a hundred miles from London and 20 miles from Norwich and we are a small town and There aren't many colored people anywhere around, at that time there weren't any people of color, so we didn't have the problems that were happening in London at that time. his upbringing Justin was considered brilliant although he certainly wasn't a hard worker his true talents lay elsewhere Justin was fantastic like Ford he was strong at running he was strong at football basketball baseball rugby he was a natural athlete and was very very ambitious he never was I have There was no doubt that he would not become a first-class footballer.

He was 13 years old when he came to trial and I was paid to do the work of recognizing ability and that was not very difficult to do. I mean, Justin had skills in abundance, he was mischievous, boisterous and stubborn, he was a boy that I had to keep under my control a little bit because these natural billions, Ronnie Brooks was like the father, not only to Justin but also For me, he was a very respected figure in Norwich, a magistrate, he is one of the few people who could control only him. I think I was a father figure to Justin and I always made it clear that my job was to make sure he reached his potential well, I guess the fact that he hadn't had the same home life as most kids and I guess that was part of the problem and he felt that indeed in the face of this closeness of people and a relationship the people and I gave him that I gave him that I mean I made a great friend of Justin.

He came to me in times of stretching issues and I thought a lot about Justin. You really knew it. I felt a lot of pressure trying to follow Justin. He had a natural talent. Justin was probably the better of the two. because some he was strong and powerful as in fact they both were, but Justin had a little more about him than John. Four or five clubs rejected me, he said at the time look, you know, I'm sorry, you know you're not good enough. You're not big enough and that was a direct result of having a brother with the name fashionista because everyone expected me to be as good as him at 17 he was playing romaine to a tune from 21 22 my maturity would come early part My 1920s style Justin who made his debut for Norwich City one day in January 1979, a month before his 18th birthday, was an instant hit.

Justin's all-round ability was there to be seen in the two seasons he played in our first team and scoring around 40 goals in a team that was not good it was obvious that the boy had the makings of the top striker that everyone was looking for at the time. everyone wanted to be a striker and there he was knowing that she was sensational, he was impressive, he was like a black panther. Justin shot with his right foot, shot with his left foot and was suspended in the air. Oh, you knew that before he got out of his head.

That was a goal. Yes, you are a strong and handsome guy. I remember sitting. the crowd that watched the games and listened and watched the way he excited people all the little kids wanted to emulate Justin, it's so much attention that it's all good. I saw some of his complete menstruations and I felt extremely proud to have heard his interviews on the radio. I saw him being interviewed on television and I was one of the proudest mothers in the world. When you see them in the countryside, they are mothers, but it would have been nice if you had been a scientist or a doctor in the unit it's still difficult Reading is what motivates me, the fact that I'm playing for black people who maybe haven't had as good a life as mine, who have been living in ghettos and who have had to the Predators launched against them.

All this time I think it's good for them to shut their mouths and know that their black person can get along. I think it's an encouragement to them, so I think it gives them hope. It's something serious, more serious than I thought. I always say that my relationship with Justing was starting to change I was starting to have a lot of success I was starting to say John, come on, you have to work for everything, I have worked for it, you have to work for it, he played too, Justin now had to the position where he was so popular in Norwich that he could do anything, he could go anywhere, he could say anything, he would park his car outside a restaurant with double yellow lines and go to eat and refuse to move it and that Stubborn, arrogant kind of thing that would then start getting into whoever they would call Brooks running around, we became a little harder to control and take care of after he came in with who he had won the parking tickets and said what am I.

I'm going to do with these he said look they've been giving me parking tickets unless well you said I'm just in fashion I said I won't take you or if you've broken the law you should pay penalty, what do you want for yourself? How do you want your life to develop over the next ten years? I would like to be richer and more famous being selected my age. You can have one or two of the rewards. I have a nice car and of course there is one of the two girls that come my way every day in the papers she was hailed as a major superstar, everyone knows her, everyone sings only her praises, you know, I go to school and they would have another story about Justin. score three goals, beat eleven men alone and put the ball in the back of the net.

She always told Justin, come on, help me. I love it. You know, give us some money. He would never do that. I remember he would do it. I would go through his suit pocket at night, when he was still training in Norwich, looking for money, he would find a fiver in one jacket, he might find some coins or a tenner in another jacket and he could never understand how anyone could lose money on their own jackets. Do you feel there is any danger to your stability and dominance? I just hope we can keep his feet on the ground and make him understand that he still has to fill up my old car.

What tasks are they not letting me complete? the wine colored box please okay, come on dad, what are you saying? I'm not really afraid for him because she is a very helpless woman, so my man is guilty, eh, box, please, dying. Sorry, very sensitive and he knows this is short. What he experienced in real time when he becomes a nobody again. He always used to think what will happen when this is over. I realized that the topics are not healthy. I was starting to feel envious and I think we started having a breakup from then on.

Let's give him the Money is full of fans who worry you. I think they can be a bit annoying sometimes when you're not in a good mood. You have a lot of people around you and they put their fingers in your car. freshly cleaned, but I'd like it most of the time because it shows you want it, it shows people love you, and it's something you'll miss when you're not in the spotlight as a solo trainee at Courtenay signing autographs. After a youth team game some kids came up to me and asked for autographs and I remember he took the pen, broke the pin and said, "Earn the right to sign your name.

These kids only want your name because of the success I had." ". I have had you and your own name and the right to be idolized. I remember I didn't feel like I could go over and talk to him because I was so busy with the PR TV papers that were always going around and things like that that I was starting to lose control. reality February 9, 1980 a match and a goal that would change the life of Justin fashion who for good fashion Oh Justin, on behalf of the match of the day, it is a great pleasure for me to present you this wonderful silver platter for scoring the goal of the season, thank you , that goal is impressive, it really was and that certainly led to his downfall as far as other clubs are concerned.

You know John, certainly the younger brother was special and certainly that goal changed his career and his life, unfortunately for the worse. Justin's move. Nottingham Forest is a big movement, a very, very big movement, overnight the registration fees started coming in with boot and shirt sponsorships and a lot of money. It became ridiculous to spend thousands of pounds on clothes and shoes and it was getting disgusting, I don't know. Whoever was looking after his finances, whether it was himself or someone else, was doing this for him, but they were making his money and had complete control over him.

He really he couldn't intervene. I didn't feel like he was in a position. To do that, looking back, I lost Justin when he went to Nottingham Forest, he lost his record, he started believing in the hype, the hype of our industry, once you believe in the hype of the hype, you're going to fall quickly. , be careful if I received a phone call from this public relations manager. Would we, as a local shop, be interested in sponsoring Justin with a car? I thought I understood it. It must be the best thing in football and I gave in to his instant decision.

I told him yes. They were supplying the car, he inevitably chose the newest and most expensive model at the time and then said: Teresa, when can I have it?, I can have it quickly. I think his first accident was about ten days after delivery, then he had accidents about once every fortnight. When his car came in for service one day he had actually left a payment receipt in the car and the mechanics of course saw it and I think in those days he was earning something like nineteen hundred a week and that was in 1981 , so it was pretty well paid to see someone so close to you being so successful and for everyone to believe that he's giving you all his pounds and dollars, that he's doing somethingreal that it doesn't give you anything at all, it can be quite painful and I just wanted, I just wanted my closeness.

With my brother I just wanted him to be with me. I don't see any point in you taking corners. Brian Clough, his new manager was direct, frank and relentless, he praised you for taking corners. A clash with his 20 year old centre-forward was inevitable there, that's what I paid. If I had known he was going to Nottingham Forest, I would have strongly advised him not to go there because Brian Clough was a very abrasive person who would not wait for belittling a player if he felt he wasn't doing something he wanted to do. I saw the beginning and end of Justin when he moved to Nottingham Forest.

The relationship they had was based solely on the fact that Justin would score goals and he would do well. I think it's a moment when you realize that all footballers are rational commodities. For him, he came from lovely Norwich, where the people were sweet and kind and protected him, and if he missed a few shots, no one, the kids, are Justin modeling Bassin, who wants him on the right side and gets him on top Justin was alone and for the money he had earned and onwards to a tender age II, he had not grown up, we had not matured as much as they thought it was an unbearable pressure.

About him from all quarters, he lost his Wallace and the fashion of him. Oh, he'd only scored three goals and obviously that wasn't a good return for a million pounds. I suppose Brian Clough thought he had signed a player for a million pounds. and I rather made a bone and he knew that at the end of the day the blame had to fall at his door, so obviously it slipped his mind, but it wasn't just his failure to score goals that made Justin feel not wanted. attention, he was also beginning to develop other interests. My immediate memory of Justin is that he was clearly a very handsome, very attractive and very friendly young guy.

They had a huge warm smile, a huge happy face. I first met him with his girlfriend Julie when he was running a club in Nottingham. It wasn't until Justin started coming around more on his behalf and Julie wasn't around much anymore, but Fanny started to get carried away with Mammoth. I thought, I think Justin could probably be a fully paid up member. from my club, if he ever left, it would usually just be with a young guy for a one night stand. I could never believe that someone would say that he's gay, most people when they become famous, you know, there are rumors, or he's a womanizer or he's gay or you know, but that's part and parcel of the terrain.

Brian was upset if he found out that Justin went to gay clubs and I would have, but I feel like from a football point of view he was too much skating with Justin was allowed that term to really flourish when you give it a try. pat on the back. He had had another accident in his car and he came to my office and sat down. He seemed a little dejected. I think he had a bit of a hard time. with Brian Clough and I looked him straight in the eyes and said Justin. I said, "I think your life is a little messed up right now, isn't it?" and he looked at me like I dared to say something about the way his life was going and I said Justin uh I really think I know someone who can help you and he suddenly said who is that oh who is that who can help me and I said I think Jesus Christ can help you Justin and he looked me straight in the eyes and said tell me more when he came to church the following Sunday and our church is very lively, there is a lot of singing and a lot of activity, a congregation of several hundred like candy, an atmosphere there , Justin just enjoyed it, he came to our house.

On many occasions and we became very good friends, he seemed like a ship in a storm at sea without being able to have any direction. I was in a situation where I met someone who was a born again Christian and he enlightened me if he wanted to use those terms and I realized that something was missing in my life. There he said that he could have a meaningful relationship with Christ. Justin said a very simple prayer about inviting Jesus into his own life and something changed and from that moment on he was. never again the same person was talking to ladies then he said I never see things about you you are always modeling it is never God or anything like that I thought he was right I have been playing football just to cool off I thought from now on I am going to play for him , I'm going to play, to really please him and for the young man.

If you see Randy, you really blessed me yesterday and when I scored because I really think he should. I'm very happy to be able to do it. do well, start school, it will be for God, so it's me and I hope he can go from strength to strength, accepting his failures on the field and his deteriorating relationship with Brian Clough had a profound effect on him. In the summer of 1982, Justin left Nottingham in search of the father he had never met in Nigeria. It was something he had been thinking about dreaming about for a long time and I'm still really giddy in his arms, that's great.

It's very difficult to meet a man you've never met before and suddenly he gives you a hug and says "I'm dead. There are mixed emotions. People have said that your father abandoned you easily in England because of the way I see him." . I have said that my father has returned to Nigeria now, the way the press has said, they said well, he abandoned you now. I never said that I haven't had time to talk to my father, but unfortunately I never said it. The relationship did not continue from the day he went there, the last time I think I saw him again was in Nottingham for the start of the 1982 season, the summer holidays had done nothing to ease the tensions between Justin and Brian Clough who felt. his career was going to take a nosedive because once Brian Clough felt that Justin wasn't doing on the field the kind of things he felt he could do in his heyday, it was obviously going to cause conflict and it did, and I know they had a real He broke out in the locker room and Brian Clough said some very, very strong words to Justin with all the other players in the locker room and Justin told him where to go in two short words.

Things came to a head one Tuesday morning when Fashion Ooh who was now suspended due to his ongoing disagreements with his manager showed up at the training ground. I have come to train to try because I feel like I have to try and train because if I don't do it. training I'm going to lose shape they're just going to set me back a lot and I was still suspended and two police officers evicted me from their field I took two copper coins to a training field to take Justine's fascination the police officer found me I said Brian, he said that we can't catch him or fail like Bullock.

I said well I'll take the ball from him, you're getting off because I got rid of it and Brian Clough kept his word less than 18 months later. Justin Fashioning became the first black million-pound footballer and was transferred across Nottingham to local rivals Forest for just £120,000, but at his new club his fortunes declined further. The knee injury. I started. Something is a very small bolt that got stuck in the knee. and they gradually got worse and he was having a lot of problems with it. He spent most of his money looking for a miracle cure for his knee, traveling all over the world looking for orthopedic surgeons to repair this knee, so most of his money was gone.

That cost me everything, so I'll play football very well again, a relative, but it's a lot of money after his injury. Justin moved from club to club in both Britain and the United States. His own decline. He stood in stark contrast to the growing fortune of his younger brother. At that point I had started to have a little bit of success and had started to make a little bit of money and I was trying to support Justin the best I could a lot of times. I would get a phone call, I would have to transfer substantial sums of money to Justin, but Justin was draining my finances all the time because he was spending the money, but his lifestyle never changed, that was part of the problem I still had there, even though it was expensive . expensive watches and rings bought with the money I transferred to him he was gone he went to America and saw the success he had hello yes, the eyes I bought then he was playing with Wimbledon opening companies exploring business opportunities and I think he inferred Lo what he was doing, especially on the business front, you talk about ginger.

The reason I had some success is because I looked the other way. Justin did things and I tried to correct them, but Justin did the way he lived his lifestyle. We always saw the luxury that surrounded him and of course we always thought that he had prepared himself for the future and was ready for anything and you know that was not the case, the castle was built of sand, the trend that Justin was about to do . headlines again, it was October 1999, years after stories from his private life had first emerged. Another life woke me up in a desperate, desperate, panicked state.

Justin fashion oh he was going to be exposed in a national Sunday newspaper about being gay, homosexual, he was desperate for money too. I said, listen, that's cool, you know, giving birth to a bloodstone and I found out that my friend killed Mackenzie in the Sun newspaper, it's earlier in the week and he told me he would do it, even if the story confessed that he's gay , will talk about other Fullers. I talked about, you know, people. Who knew and please, what the day before was going to break the story and when he ingested he got up the courage to call me and then he told me, look, I'm gay, I'm homosexual and I'm going to let the story out into the sun and it's going to be a great story being black. and getting in trouble is a good enough story being black and gay it's Christmas John's reaction was incredulous God, enough because we're playing whoever taught him this Saturday and can you imagine, don't forgive me, wolf? -whistles and children's singing, you know, John's Brava is a blast.

I said, well, I thought they'd be fair, John, if they let them, you know, go to hell, so I say, keep the money they pay you. I believed my reflection. It was about 18,000 pounds, you know, at the moment I have that, so let me give it to you if it means you won't do the story, let me give you the money, okay, it's enough for him to tell them we can. do right now I'm not going to leave that story because I'm too late, you're too late, bubbler, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to realize the kind of impact that that story would have on the black community and the community. in general around the world I think in my own selfish way I felt ashamed I'm from the sexist world of football I bring tough people I was tough people You know I'm an African man and I couldn't understand the fact that he wasn't so apologetic.

About it, he was blind with pain. The camera crew came to my training room and finally caught me after chasing me everywhere and they did an interview and the interview was a very defensive interview, very aggressive, he came out publicly and said his sexual preferences. I know, I mean what every footballer doesn't come out and say they like women, I like men, that's nobody else's business, so now he's gone to suffer the consequences, which, looking back Now with that beautiful word, in retrospect, it was wrong, it was very foolish, it was very selfish. me, but I would like to play or even change in a facility that's how I feel, so if I'm like that, I'm sure the rest of football is like that, I'm disappointed because I thought he had more depth and more type of more about him that there because I actually think that more tolerance is the way because we've been through a lot of things together, especially when the kids would go through so many things that I think I was disappointed because I thought. he was better than that, which made him do this.

I'd really like to know. I find that the contact jokes on several occasions and the moment he picked up the receiver and recognized my voice, he left and simply cut off all contact from the situation with my mother is that I also find it too painful for me to confront my mother in that moment, my entire reasoning and understanding simply changed. So I just converted. At that time I believed that he was a family responsibility after his revelations to his son Justin. He further tarnished his name by making up stories to sell to the tabloids, once even posing as the centerfold of a women's magazine after that, while you didn't know which was true and which wasn't, and he'll tell you that now I will never do it.

I'm going to do more stories like that two weeks later, there will be another story and you'll have to put out more fires. Hearts have fired the controversial striker from him. Justin's passion follows the footballer's admission that he had been dealing with the newspaper about a lie. sex scandal the club said today that telling lies to make money was tantamount to conduct unbecoming a professional in any walk of life maybe I should have come out earlier and just denied everything but I was in a situation where I thought it was easy money because people were convinced that I was involved, I have never had sex and from then on our relationship became very strained to say the least and the only forms of communication we really had was when Justin needed something a little more on so we invented him later in 1994, after having finished his playing days in GranBrittany, in the style of Justin, who moved to the United States, where he dedicated himself to training.

His plan was to make the United States his permanent home. The last time I saw Justin was earlier this year in America we decided to go to the restaurant and on the way back we had a very long talk in his he asked the recipient over and over why you sent him both so Simply put, and every time I had the same answer for me, they looked after us very well, they treated them well as part of a family and there was no way I could have provided them with that type of treatment and facilities. I couldn't have done it.

He didn't seem to understand, he gave me that kind of blank feeling like anything I said to him just passed through him and never stayed with him. He didn't seem to accept it, I don't really know why in February of this year it was just trendy who moved to a small town in Maryland to help establish a new soccer club on the night of March 24 the events here would change his life for There's always a party at Justin's house. I arrived around 6:00 at night. There was alcohol everywhere. It was also marijuana. I went into the bedroom to call my girlfriend, Laura, and Justin followed me into the bedroom and I was sitting on the edge of the bed, right inside, behind me, and while I was talking to Laura, Justin came around me and started caressing me. and I quickly told Laura that something was wrong.

I had to hang up the phone and I don't know if she ever said anything, but I hung up. The owner got up. I turned around. I told Justin that he wasn't gay and that he preferred women. He said he was sorry, nothing would happen again, come on, let the microphone continue as it was and I told him that it was fine with me and that he was having a good time. I'm not afraid to admit it and I didn't want to stay. I was partying and we were still sitting there drinking, dancing, having a good time.

I was starting to get tired, but I kept drinking until about midnight, a little after midnight, when I fell asleep. I remember falling asleep on the couch, but the next thing I remember. he's waking up in the bedroom with him I woke up and looked down oh my clothes weren't on me oh and the clothes weren't on me and Justin was performing oral sex on me but earlier in the night it was almost like a dream I remember seeing to Justin behind me and it seemed like a dream. I didn't even bother to do it. I took my clothes and just left.

I didn't want to stay close. I didn't want to ask questions. Mom kept telling me. Yo, she thinks I'd better call the police, where would I better call the police? and she started killing one more, did she ever tell anyone before? As she warned Justin was questioned by the police about the alleged assault and was denied all knowledge of the allegations. against him, he then left his house, whereabouts unknown, but in the following days he contacted a chaplain he had met and told him his version of what had happened that night. He talked about his fear of jail, his innocence, the fact that he was being blackmailed, he said that they were sexually intimate together and the next morning this individual asks for money in exchange for the evening they had together and Justin told me that his response was You know I don't have money to give you and at that moment Justin said that the boy threatened him and said: "If you don't give me something, I will tell you what happened.

What do you say to the accusations that you were trying to blackmail Justin? No I know exactly where they came from, I know." yeah, we hired a lawyer afterwards to protect ourselves. I wanted a lawyer if something happened, open court that's the lawyer I wanted, but I never had any intention of blackmailing him at any point. I never intended to sue him at any time. I just wanted justice to be done. served without his family knowing Justin returned to Britain spent four days at Monson Barnard as a Catholic retreat in Leicestershire had been there once years before to pray when his knee injury threatened his football career Justin phoned in early April didn't tell me who he was he gave his name as

justin

lawrence as soon as he came here you immediately told me this wasn't his name he told me who he was and why he comments but I think there was only one I was a little afraid he didn't know He was talking about how much we knew about him and he was pretty desperate to come with you.

Lately I never got the feeling from Justin's materials in any way condom when it comes to the individual in the States and the accusations just seem to be very sympathetic, but I have no doubt that that was a catalyst that had led him to this Deep down, he was aware that he was a mixture of contradictions, actually a kind of puddles in different. directions and at the forefront of his mind was the awareness that throughout his life there had been a conflict between his faith and his sexuality; He was struggling to come to some understanding and know how he could move on because he was well aware that he hadn't.

I didn't deal with it well in the past, you know, it's been a very destructive force in his life. I realized quite strongly that he regretted many of the things he had done in the past. It was an area where he had been given a lot and he was a talented person and he knew that he had had a lot of opportunities and that in reality he had not always done things in the wisest way and to have recognition that John had perhaps been trying to save him from the wrong kind of publicity or something and maybe he regretted going down the path he had taken and in fact, guided by hindsight, it was a good indication that he would do things differently if he had time to finish Justin He left the Abbey on April 18.

I encouraged him to return to Maryland. I said to Justin, how can you live your life on the run forever if you finally get charged? You can't, you can't just run around. the world forever, I mean, so it seemed like near the end he would probably make the decision to come back or something, why didn't he call me? Possibly he became incapable because of the fires that had always been put out for him. Maybe that's why this was too much, Justin said in the past that the days of all these controversial things he was doing were over and that he just didn't want to do anything controversial to the family or bring the family down at all. wanted to help the family, I just think this was his way of saying, look no further May 1st Justin fashion, who hanged himself in a locked garage in London's East End, discovered that Maryland police had just issued a arrest warrant the painful thing is always realizing that you are never going to see your brother again if you had close moments with him if you didn't have close ties with him and I didn't really have more fights with my brother than most people will have with his brothers most families have some battles with their brother usually the brother they have the most fights with is the brother they love the most this is life I miss my brother I couldn't believe he had the courage to actually do that and I kept asking about why did he do it and finally I heard and read the note he had left for the pastor the reason why well if anyone finds this note I hope I'm not around to see it but let's start at the beginning what a start everything is going so well .

Then I felt like I was abandoned, left alone, with no one to become gay and a personality is very difficult, but everyone has it difficult right now, so I can't complain about that. I mean I didn't sexually assault the young man, he willingly had sex with me and then the next day he asked me for money when I said no he said wait and see if that's the case. I hear you say why I run well justice is not always fair I felt like I wouldn't get a fair trial because of my homosexuality nonsense do you really know what happens when you panic?

The blood comes from my cut wrists because I want to die instead of get sick. my friends and family through more unhappiness I wish I was more of a good son, brother, uncle, than a friend, but I did the best I could. This seems to be a really difficult world. I hope Jesus, whom I love, will welcome me home. I will finally find peace. you