Is Alcohol Really Helping Us Cope? | Samantha Perkins | TEDxBellarmineU

Transcriber: Natalie Reviewer: David DeRuwe I left my job in mental health to become a stay-at-home mom to my then-two-year-old newborn daughter. It was a difficult transition. I felt overwhelmed by the number of diapers that had to be changed, the sleepless nights, the isolation. And so I didn't know how to handle this new stress and anxiety I was feeling. So I turned to other moms to see what they were doing. There seemed to be some sort of common underlying theme: drinking. I would walk into a store and see hand-painted wine glasses that said "Mom's Sippy Cup." There were T-shirts in the women's department that said, "They complain, I came." And there were moms sharing memes on social media with other moms saying, "It's not drinking alone if your kids are home." So I thought this was fun and I didn't like drinking so I joined in and started drinking to relieve stress.

I waited until an appropriate time to pour myself a nice, relaxing elixir that would numb the sound of that damn Elmo singing. At first it

really

worked. I felt relaxed. But after just a couple of drinks, I noticed that I was waking up at night tossing and turning and feeling stressed and anxious. So I started thinking about what was causing the stress and anxiety, and I realized that I'm actually not alone. The American Psychological Association says that 50% of us report that stress negatively affects our mood and behavior; The CDC says the more stressed we are, the more we drink; and since the pandemic,

alcohol

consumption has increased by 41%.

So

alcohol

seems to be our go-to when things get tough. It's what we turn to in times of stress. The messages about this are everywhere: drink and be happy. Drink to feel relaxed. Drink to calm yourself. Think about your last week: How many times did you hear someone refer to alcohol as a solution to stress? Maybe someone on their way here said, "This is a stressful week, I could use a drink," or, you know, on your social media, in commercials, on your favorite TV show. So my question is, if alcohol was

really

the solution that marketing tells us it is, then why aren't we a culture of zen, chill, laid-back people?

Why, instead, do we report so much stress and so much drinking? So here's the thing: alcohol is a little complicated. When you first drink, your brain produces a lot of feel-good chemicals. Your arms and legs become numb; You become warm and cozy inside. At first you feel relaxed and that is why we believe that we need to drink to combat stress. But very soon after those first few sips, your brain says, “Uh-oh, too much of a good thing at once; “We have to rebalance things.” And then your heart rate increases. Cortisol and adrenaline are produced. When your liver realizes that it has put ethanol into your system, it goes into overdrive trying to remove toxins from your body.

The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism says that drinking disrupts all of our body's natural systems. This leads to mood instability, anxiety and depression, sleeping problems. And that's not all. The American Cancer Society says no amount of drinking is safe because of its link to several different types of cancer. It increases heart disease, destroys our stomach lining, and depresses our immune system. The CDC says it is responsible for 95,000 deaths per year. It is the third leading cause of preventable death. It also plays an important role in some of the issues in our community. The Bureau of Justice says alcohol plays a role in crimes of violence, rape, assault and robbery, and costs us about $250 billion a year.

But when I was drinking to combat stress and anxiety, I didn't know any of this. I thought I needed to exercise more, read more self-help books, or eat more kale. (laughs) My story was like when I came of age and, to my surprise, it wasn't as good as I thought it would be. I did all the things I was supposed to do: I graduated college, got married, and had kids. I drank responsibly. When I woke up every morning, I was anxious, tired, and things felt bad. I wanted to feel better, so I dieted, drank shakes, salt baths, and drank.

I cut carbs, did keto, tried being vegan, cleansed and drank. I ran, lifted weights, read self-help books, and drank. I didn't feel better. Then I felt tired and discouraged, so I searched, read, googled and discovered... it was the drink. Drinking gave me a hangover, it gave me anxiety, it gave me a headache, it made me bored with life. I stopped drinking. I came to life AF. AF means no alcohol, in case anyone was confused. (Laughs) But also... (Laughs) So, you see, I didn't know you could drink kale smoothies, go for a run, be a good mom and have problems with alcohol.

I thought that something harmful had happened to people who had problems with alcohol, that they had hit rock bottom in Hollywood like we are used to seeing in the movies, that they needed rehabilitation and recovery, and while that is very true for many people , it is also true that nine out of ten people who have problems with alcohol are not clinically dependent. So when I first discovered this, I was so shocked that the only thing I could think of was, "I have to tell people." So I spent the last few years building a platform where I could talk about the effects of alcohol on us, in addition to addiction: the role it plays in our mental health, the way it makes us feel when we drive to work. in the morning, the way it affects our parenting.

So "Dry January" is a challenge that people do all over the world, which just completed, where they go 30 days without drinking to see how their health improves. In 2019, the University of Sussex did a study on some of these participants and found that just after a month, people reported lowering their cholesterol, losing weight, reporting having more energy, more clarity, more focus. I've been alcohol-free for over four years and I can attest that I have definitely improved my physical health, but most importantly, my emotional health is much better. That stress and anxiety I had has almost completely decreased.

Except, of course, when I'm on stage giving a TED talk, but... (Laughs) My life is so much better. When I stopped drinking to

cope

, a whole world opened up to me. I was able to find time to do what the CDC says to manage stress and anxiety, which is to create, establish authentic connection, and spend time on hobbies and games. I started a blog and writing became a great coping skill, something I turned to at 5 o'clock during happy hour instead of drinking. Every time I published a blog post I connected with other people all over the city, all over the country, who had the same problems with alcohol, but didn't know that because they weren't addicted, they couldn't stop.

It never occurred to them, just as it never occurred to me, that you can stop drinking when it no longer works for you. This led me to write a book and the book has led me to lead women's groups, teach classes all over the city and really make this my passion to help people understand that... you don't have to wait to stop drinking. . You don't have to wait for happy hour. You can be happy at any time. I'm having happy hour right now and I know it's not worth it if I don't have a glass in my hand.

And now that? Well, scientifically we know that alcohol does not help us

cope

. On a physical scale, it wreaks havoc on our bodies, making us sick. At the community level, it causes a lot of death and destruction. I'm not suggesting that we all have to stop drinking, but I am suggesting that when we encounter people who are experiencing anxiety and stress, maybe we can offer them something a little more helpful. Let's hand-paint some glasses that say: “When I'm stressed, I go to therapy” or “They complain and I take a break.” Can we finally cultivate the calm necessary to create a culture of justice, equity and peace?

I think so. Thank you. (Applause)