If Tom Segura Could S*** His Own D***, Would He? - Answer the Internet

So I think I can grab my legs and just do that. I'm Tom Segura and I'm going to

answer

the Internet and go to my website to buy tickets. Would you kill baby Hitler if he had to be? in a very gruesome way, yeah, I mean it's not difficult, well I mean to each his own, but as you know, there's a picture of an ax like you have to put an ax on a baby's head. I

would

gut that baby with an accident. just nice adolf, he doesn't know it yet, you know he will, yes, but you know, you know what you do, I agree, but you, since you know what you do, you go in there with one of his speeches like his in your headphones, yes, etc. you're listening, I was in Iceland and then you didn't come out and you're like you so you kill him while listening to adult Hitler, yeah, and then his parents come in and say what and you're like you don't know that's what I mean, although at that moment you don't know how many Jews are going to thank me for this.

Would you change the size of your penis with the size of your foot? I don't have any doubt in my mind. They're nothing, they're 10 and a half years old, but yeah, I mean, that's a yes, but you have to walk, but then you have a yes, so I fed my dick a little from which side, oh, I thought you meant If you

would

want to be here, oh no. so now you're walking around in probably a size six shoe, well, I mean, it's funny, people would always say what's wrong with your little baby feet, but then you have to think about the point of having a dick, let's say.

Even though you say you're not married all the time, but how funny, how funny would it be if people were like, "Oh, you have little feet, I know what you are and then you just pull out this hammer and people are like, "The man you have a 10". and a half inch penis, would you rather have your grandma give you a good handjob or a bad handjob from your grandma, honestly, I'd rather have a good one, yeah, just to have the memory that I don't remember much about my grandma. so imagine she really made you cum hard and it's like it's that orgasm you're always chasing you know you start telling the girl she's like how do you know this you're like my grandma would you rather have two kids? normal or one? disabled kid and a kid in the nfl, what the hell did they write this?

This is a call like a call to our program many years ago Well that's a really difficult question just because I love football How disabled is. the child. Oh, really two normal children. Would you rather live for the rest of your life with a feeling just before you sneeze or come? OMG, you have to pick one of those. Okay, they are all paralyzing, yes they are terrible, I mean the sneeze you literally have. I like it I pause life goes on pause yes, are you induced by light? yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a great moment, me too, people who don't do that, like, they think it's crazy, it's true, I don't know if it is, I do know it is. uh it's genetic like it's in your DNA I didn't know that yeah it's called light induced sneezing right yeah I like walking out of a movie theater I'm like I see this the feeling like you're about to if you need it, right? before you oof or come I mean that means you're like you have blue balls yeah I guess that's true I guess I mean pain too yeah but it's like you're you the thing is you'd end up eventually and also. you'd end up in a lot of accidents and you'd be like, oh this is something I always feel like, yeah, I guess I'll be everywhere if someone asks you for a picture of your balls and you don't

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, is that you? you're drunk that's what you are you're damn drunk would you rather wake up with one or a hundred dollars under your pillow every morning probably two bridges i'm getting a thousand what's the number so it's not an under the pillow every morning it's like 500 dollars enough no thousand no ten thousand how rich is Thompson I guess 20 25 grand yes yes I'm on tour I'm on tour here okay listen when the tour's over I'll be like everyone right, let's lower that number, let's adjust it a little bit, but right now you have Given the option to choose between a sum of money and world peace, how much money would it take you to give up world peace?

No, I like to suffer, uh, I want to. things get a little bit worse, I mean, there's a higher rate for Kobe, you know, oh yeah, yeah, I mean just the chaos, people can't, you know, get medical care, it's great, yeah, there's no amount of money if you had it, there is a lot of impact. work stuff if you had the flexibility to go broke would you do it that's more of a philosophical question well yeah first of all would you do it? Of course, anyone who says no to that, I'm saying they

could

do it once there's no way to do it.

I have the ability, I'm never going to try it, yeah, you're going to try it and say okay, this is weird, but if it's amazing, then I'll do it all the time, all the time, good and I like it, what if everyone? I knew he'd say, Yeah, can you blow yourself up? Would you think that if it was public you

could

just do it? You would just own it. I'd be like yeah, definitely, what about you idiots who can't suck yours? you know, once you're 40 and you're like, oh yeah, you feel more comfortable with yourself, you're like you're 40, you blow yourself up and it's good.

Go back to like when you're 13 and you masturbate everywhere like you're like where is Tom? like he was in his room and I would say he would show people how I do it. How would you do it? You do? I mean a lot of saliva and more physically like oh would you like that? Well, I tried, you know, when I was a kid and I just liked that, just trying to like it, he got on his back and across his legs over his head, yeah, well, I'm imagining I'm tremendously flexible. in this scenario, so I think I can grab my legs and you know, yeah, yeah, so you're like you're not even.

You brought your face, yes, of course, yes, would you rather be the president, the Pope, or whoever is in charge of North Korea? Well, I mean, I think it would be amazing to be Kim's chairman in North Korea. Okay, yeah, some of them get. illuminated by aircraft carrier guns, well, yeah, but if you're in charge, you're lighting people up, yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, so I guess what I would do is take that as just the guy in charge. , the demagogue, like just being a kim like a palace, you know, killing your aunt in front of you, I think you have to be able to unleash the dogs on people, yeah, like you flex it for a moment, enjoy it and then You can also play the role of knowing what I'm going to take us to the era of democracy so that you become a hero, but you still know that you are your harem for a while, like you have fun Dennis Rodman, yeah, buddy.

You stone some people to death and then say okay this was a trip I have to take if you were taken hostage five years ago what would surprise you most about the world today I mean five years ago what was that? 20 16 you missed you missed the last presidency, yeah, so that would be like, uh, yeah, you'd be like that, that's crazy and then they came back, then a pandemic happened, you're like, wait, wait, when um still still, I mean honestly. They'd probably just be fans, I'd say it's probably fine, it's 100 free, it says for three thousand dollars, you could airbrush your face into gay porn?

I'm sure it already exists and they can put my face on whatever they want. Yes, yes, that's a gift. I was faked under the Taliban like all kinds of things. I wonder: what are you going to do? Fight against the Internet. They can't do it. Yeah, yeah, sure, if you agree with Tom that Kevin is an idiot and tries. to suck your dick the wrong way, subscribe right now for ati, leave a comment with the most comedians you want to say so I can come in and tell Kevin he tried to suck his dick the wrong way, hit the notification button, hit the notification. button to remember ah tip to subscribe subscribe I don't want to do this again