Dan Soder & Shane Gillis Answer the Internet's Weirdest Questions

Calling you man, you understand that Malcolm Gladwell 10,000 hours is true. I'm Shane Gillis. I'm Dan Soder and This Is Us responding to the Internet. Shane, if you had to pick a cartoon animal to have sex with, who would it be? Obviously, old Lola. Bunny, that's the easy one, that's the easy one, a lot of people like that, those damn tits were big, he forgot about Jasmine, who's human, yeah, and we're done, damn, uh, this ain't the month to say that ass, why don't Asians. I don't hate Asians, no, they're not that kind of Asian, yeah, uh, cartoon animal, what a cartoon animal, there's a fox, there's a fox like, oh, Robin Hood, yeah, Mary Magdalene, no No, that one, there's like a new card.

Don't know. I didn't watch Bible cartoons, it was awesome dude, yeah, well I think the girl was too, yeah, all the animals in Zootopia, I'd finish them, oh yeah, I just got into that guy, I'll say it right now. I'm normal in front of Garfield. I don't know, normal, Jim Davis' sexiest ass. Drew, no, he's trying to think about him. I'm making a lot of Garfield references today. He'd have the Watership Down rabbits, yes mate he would, oh yes I want rabbits. water boat down check it out awesome dark Minnie Mouse Minnie Mouse might get it should catch it that's fair would you rather be bald at 20 or 5'3 with a full head of hair but I'm going bald soon yeah? m I guess in my mid 40's 50's I'll be bald so I'll go bald oh you're coming don't you dare mate no I don't care.

I'm going to be the boss when you're 20 when you're young. Dude, just got bought, just be bald and people care too much about hair, pretty gay, if you're a guy worried about your hair, congratulations, I have a weird head, you can care a little, you don't care too much, yes, although you have a large dome. That thing goes bald, it's going to be bad, look at its head, dude, it's a size eight, yeah, wait, put your hands there and let me shake my head, there's a reason my mom hates me, I broke my head half. In the end, baby, ew.

It came out of that like that lady and Siege out of that cake. If every time you had an erection the same song started playing, what song would you like? go first, let's hear it for the kids, let's give them a chance. I go, yes, he is. too fast uh I'm coming I like the cashier I've been on a cashier kick oh okay it's going down or you're going to die young yeah you're gonna die yeah yeah oh I'm here to promote Kesha's old stuff, Just Lose Yourself you have a chance because then I won't get a bonus for the rest of the night yeah I don't have it like that yeah oh man this is great what the latest movie made you cry Moneyball easy what a performance what a performance Brad Pitt what a performance , how can you not be romantic about the game?

Would you rather sit on a cake and eat a cock? sit on a dick and eat a cake. I have done this one. What would you do? Have anal sex with a boy and eat cake? You gotta take it on the case, dude, you're sucking it, it's a more masculine thing about getting in the ass, yeah, we're like oh yeah, oh, did you do this? Frost, no, oh, you're going to finish, aren't you?, yes, oh you. Oh, we're both standing, you need something to hold on to, man, would you rather be an amazing NFL kicker or an average NFL tight end, average NFL tight end, no way, man, definitely, so Could you play for years as a kicker?

I played for 15 years and you could also have that cool look after the kick where you go as you go, yeah I don't like it, I'd probably do a brace. I don't want to do something cool where I'd be like every time I made a field goal I thought there's the app ad, it's good and Dancer makes your double shots. It would be a kicker on your part, no, you can think about being a backup tight end, how amazing, who is the Russian? Raiders junkie Sebastian Sebastian that actually let me stop you there that's actually my confirmation name is Sebastian by Sebastian janakow yeah my name is Shane Michael Sebastian Gillis by Sebastian is always awesome in the top 10. no that was my choice which I was in 8th grade and I thought this would be funny, wasn't your first round pick, uh, I think Oakland, yeah, they took him early and he was a friend, I think I'm about to get you a Florida FSU Janikowski pretty tight, How many? another fat legend who just trusts the guy, fat guy, yeah he was the John Daly of the NFL, yeah he was just busting ass on the sideline, it's like, what is it?

We don't remember, remember the Raiders line them up like the logo, yeah. would you rather be LeBron James or Tom Brady LeBron James I would be Tom Brady you know why you want to know why you say I'm just kidding man I can't one of them supports Trump one of them supports China who do you think I? I'm choosing whoa, whoa, buddy, did you see where there's a horse, but yeah, hey, I got you, buddy, you were once with me, so you got quick

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s. I'll just say Tom Brady, stop grabbing my balls, no, Tom Brady.

I don't know, I'm serious. It would be so good 6.9 and it could just rain and you go to a team and do that, I don't know, but LeBron has all this pressure now to be like he has to be like a civil rights leader, yeah, that's right, Tom. Brady just goes around on boats and throws around Super Bowl trophies like everyone doesn't care, yeah Tom Brady, like uh, also football is way cooler than basketball, but the damage, I think the damage on LeBron probably is getting closer, yes, friend. right, if money didn't matter, would you rather be the first pick in the draft and have to rebuild a shitty team or the last pick in the first round and instantly have a good team?

I mean that's easy, I'll be the first pick in the first round and you come in and you go up instantly you have a good team oh you're saying you have to be a late pick yeah I'd rather be the last one okay I'd rather be the last pick , enter and just start. win because then you have that motivation that Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady have or they're like you didn't think I was you, whereas if you get to pick him and you have to rebuild the shitty team, that's that pressure, yeah. It's cool, yeah, it's cool pressure, it's cool pressure, but if you don't make it with your Manziel, I don't know about that party he was at exactly, Mandel ruled, would you rather have your balls permanently attached to your leg or? permanent swamp ass I have both what are we talking about it's not hard for me yeah I don't know if you want it to be Monday or Tuesday you know what I used to do talking about LeBron when I worked in a restaurant when that was when a season aired yeah In New York it was very hot, you were wearing your All Blacks, you used to have them very bad, yes, they murdered you, yes, they murdered you.

I'm doing it for someone's funeral, all black. You miss my friend, but I, uh, I'm Johnny Cash, but I would take cornstarch from the kitchen, shove it up your butt and wipe it on my butt, and then LeBron really swears to God I put cornstarch on you. the butt at work. good bartenders back me up bartenders do that, dude, stop being swampy, cornstarch, dude, if you don't have batteries, yeah, it's cool to look like you're bringing baby powder. I say: Hey guys, the cornstarch goes in the entrance like you know what that is. Crazy Sarge at work I'm sorry, I'm a diver I'm sorry, I'm MacGyver, go buy some body powder, it's body powder season, it's coming.

I've been starting to hit it with the Gucci come on but the worst thing is your hand yeah it holds the dust and then you have to put on a shirt or something like oh you got some of your uh yeah dust Sac in your hand it seems an old Renaissance king the whole time I walked in it was like a summer I had like a place in Newport and I walked into my room and I looked at my bed and it was G-Man, my friend, who's a bigger kid like not out Foley, that one is tall and completely descriptive size and you can see the outline of his cheeks with things like his balls and I like it and then just dust around it and I was like dude, did you put it on like a baby?

Yeah, he says, yeah, how else would people put it? It's so funny he rolls, oh yeah, all 350 pounds you get off my bed, wait. hold their legs oh no and sprayed it sounds honestly that sounds great that sounds very refreshing but you can see their cheeks the imprint come on when they are when they are very fat fat cheeks look like two triangles yes, I like it It looks like you're going to see fat cheeks because it's just a straight line. I like bodybuilders' pecs, yes, when they have them, when they have tits that sit on top of them.

Would you rather have a girl who's fucked a thousand guys who've been there or a girl who's fucked an animal, dude, a thousand guys, not even a question, damn it's an animal, I don't wanna know I can't go on to an animal, right, you don't want to know that she's like, sorry, I'm this rearranged German. OMG, he's always a German Shepherd, but what if you know why they listen to commands? They're good, they're hot dogs, they're good dogs. Thanks, like a disturbingly good job, yes, no, no, it's the other thing, it's the other way around, otherwise Arch. yes, they grab you, yes, you have a nice back, oh, there it is and you're looking at your dog um yeah buddy my dog ​​you been watching when you pull her in the park she's like she's still trying to get it. a lady, so I could be wrong, I don't know what's up with this for a fan, so go to Tijuana, the donkey show, it's sweet there.

The ladies just got murdered by a donkey, not literally, but yeah, pussy's been torn apart by a burrower, yeah, you're sitting there, you say, yeah, I can, so she goes, give me 15 minutes while I sit on this bag of ice, it's okay, I could save her, go, let me go, you know, a thousand guys, I'm going to grab the Buick I'm going to change this I can't believe this worked I can't believe this Doggy Show worked Who would have thought I found love? Who will sound crazy? My friends will love you. She is good with animals.

She is bilingual. a thousand guys a thousand guys a thousand dicks descending on you tonight we suck in hell yeah it's hard yeah a thousand dollars I don't know man I feel like a dog everyone has a dog yeah but I feel like in that moment she's got a throwing move yeah you love slots dude sorry she's within arm's reach every time she's a vet she's a sneaky vet lady with an animal I don't know what's going on to pick up and put that on. It might be good, though no, you want a joker in the house, no, no, I don't want her to say, hey, the way your tennis racket is, you're at the mall, walking past PetSmart, she says No, just grab your arm, you'll stop him, we're not going to the dog tracks, can I go see the horses?

She's a Labradoodle, yeah, what kind of animal, her sex with an animal, you could have a Richard Gere situation that's easily fallible, fight for her life. I don't drive well, well, hey, you could say animal, no, I mean, you gotta go with you, you gotta go with a thousand dogs, I'm telling you, man, you get that Malcolm Gladwell, ten thousand hours for real, that's how you know , yes I like it. I appreciate what you're saying. I agree. Jillian is still at the bonfires. She go and do both. You can do both in this world. Thank you for watching the first episode on the Internet.

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