Why We Left BuzzFeed | Kitchen & Jorn

hello friend, hello, it's that time of year, this will be a rough video. I feel like I've spent seven months working to get to the point where I can make this video and even make it what I think it is. It's going to be difficult, so yeah, welcome to the

kitchen

and the drawing journey. Welcome to Jordan's Kitchen Show and welcome to a time-honored Buzzfeed tradition. The video of why we

left

Buzzfeed. I should mention that at the top there are some trigger warnings here for suicidal ideation. Yeah, so it's going to be that kind of video, yeah, two, two, two, yeah, honestly this is a video that I feel like I need to make just because I feel like it would be important for me to have closure and it's important for me to have catharsis.

Talking about my experiences is probably the best way to feel this way and I will say that we are taking a risk. People here may say we don't care about yes, but that's how you feel. You don't have to watch it, you can click on it, we have a lot of other videos, so first things first, obviously, I'm like a fat white queer woman, so my experience as a feeder is going to be through that lens, obviously, Many of the things I'm going to talk about are not particularly rosy, other people have had different and in many ways worse experiences than me and you should listen to them.

Yeah, we just want to start this video by acknowledging the fact. that we can make this video that we have the energy to make this video it comes from a place of privilege that we have the resources to make this video it comes from a place of privilege we recognize it and it's as if there are people who are going to talk about their experiences or things that they have been through and their voices are valid, listen to them and we are contributing so that they know where we come from the fact that we can make a video like this and it will not ruin our careers is also a privilege yes, yes, that's the first thing, the second is that, this is a story about Jen and I, yes, it is not the story of Ladylike, there are many things that intersect with those two stories, but The Story of Ladylike is a story that, as the five of us, should tell and It's not a story for the two of us to tell, yes, so there are some things in this story that will be

left

out that you can probably fill in. some of the gaps but I won't fill them for you so the third thing is in every company the culture is set at the top these are all the companies I worked at at

buzzfeed

for six and a half years you worked there for four five five yeah we don't even know time is just you know yeah it's not real and every time we heard someone come out with a ylf

buzzfeed

video uh we were like oh man yeah and that It's not because we feel like they shouldn't. make those videos or because they were saying things that weren't true, but the only thing that would happen is that people would see those videos and get rightfully angry, but the people who would be affected by those videos would not be the people in the upper establishment. of the culture would be the people, like the mid-level employees, the lower-level employees, the producers, like the people who create content, were the ones who received the support and rejection of those videos because they are the ones that are visible to the people. mad at buzzfeed and then you just don't watch the videos made by people who work at buzzfeed who honestly don't have much power.

Yes, I would say that if you love buzzfeed creators, the best thing you can do is to help support them. them is to watch their videos and follow their Instagrams and Twitters and their tick tocks because having a huge support base and proven numbers gives people the resources and confidence to walk away if their answer to this is: I'm not going to watch. Those videos where you're really going to hurt the people we care about and who want to have a career after this company because of all the frustration we may have towards our former employer, that doesn't mean they work with people who At work, there are people bad and that you shouldn't support them like I still watch Buzzfeed videos because I still like people who create content there and do good things.

Being able to leave your job is a privilege, yes, to be able to acquire something. Resources acquire enough audience to make the break, you need a lot of things, yes, and the fact that we could quit is a privilege, yes, so you should not look at people and continue being like you. work at best feed why it's like having a job in media is a big deal yeah that's health insurance that's stability that's your rent especially right now they want to do things that make you make them happy so they love you so please love them yeah next up.

What I want to say is that I was with this company for six and a half years. I love this company. I love being there. I love people. People are actually the part that keeps you there for a long time. Yeah, because it's like what are you going to do? leave, leave your friends, no, never, it's like that, that's the part I really want to say, we didn't do it, yeah, I know we took our friends with us, so we actually circled no to all of our friends, we still have friends there, we're still friends, it was a It's hard to leave a company like I loved my job and I gave my all to my job.

This is coming from a place where I think there is a deep feeling of pain because a place that I loved so much didn't love me in return, yes, that is the preamble to my story, yes. Is it time to start the story? I think it's okay. Yes, I'm going to tell the story of when everything started going downhill for me. Yeah, starting in mid-2016 and early 2017. That's when we really got on a treadmill. Releasing like two videos, sometimes three videos a week and if we didn't put out as many videos, it was like more videos.

It really started when we started the channel, yeah, and the idea was that we would work very hard on this channel. for a year and then something magical would happen or whatever that I don't even know, like we'd get paid more or get more resources or whatever, then that's happening in the background, I'd say vidcon 2018 is probably when that will be. The suicidal ideation really started for me because we were in a situation where we were just going to go go go and it was like until the end the way we were working on something feminine was that there was something beautiful. high quotas, which meant a lot of filming had to be done and new ideas had to be proposed and new content published, so those demands were increasing as time went on, but the amount of resources that were assigned to us and the amount of faith that it seemed like the company leaders had in us really seemed to go downhill, so you're in a situation where a lot is asked of you and it feels like the end goal.

It keeps getting further and further away, I would say like the second night of vidcon. I thought maybe I don't want to be alive anymore. I'm here at this convention. I'm here at what I assumed. having sucked and I'm not happy I'm barely hanging on I don't know if this will ever stop or not and I know I have two thousand dollars in my bank account so it's not like I could just walk away, I did I didn't have any kind of prospects or plans and I also didn't really have the energy to create them because I was so tired, yeah, I was going through my notes in preparation for this video and I found something that I wrote, this was this.

It was December 2018. Oh, like six months after six months after vidcon. I remember being angry one day and locking myself in a conference room and thinking I needed to write down my thoughts. I need to give answers about insert. project here I need to give answers about insert project here uh I'm missing the keys I'm not packed my house is a mess I haven't done the laundry I don't have the energy to shoot every time someone tells me I know you I'm working hard I just want to throw them in a lake I'm treading water I'm drowning How am I supposed to be inspiring?

Is this even fun to watch? Am I even funny? I hate myself I hate my voice I hate my face I'm getting older, but this is all I have, this job is all I have, so that was like 14 months before I quit, so it's like right after Montreal yeah right after Montreal so I'm not doing well and then in January 2019 the layoffs happened yeah so if you don't know January 2019 Buzzfeed laid off a bunch of people and it was very disruptive, yes, it was very honest, I think it was permanently detrimental to the culture and morale of the company, yes, as I think.

I don't think the morale of the company culture has ever recovered from this, like our close friends getting fired like a bunch of people who really care getting fired. I was already like I was barely hanging on and then that happened and then it was like Obviously I still had a job so I was lucky, yeah I would say psychologically that bothered me a little bit because I felt like I was lucky. I still have a job. I should be grateful. I'm in a better place than many of my friends. I need to get over all my negative feelings and I need to just act because it's as if and being angry is worthless right now.

I'm disrespectful. the fact that so many people are struggling right now, yeah, and that's the vibe that some of the leaders had anyway, so it was easy for us to internalize it, yeah, because we obviously had a lot of empathy for our friends, as well as we were. I was already feeling it and people above us were saying, "You're right, you should feel that way." Not only are you in this endless cycle of peeling your body and putting it on the Internet, but you should feel grateful for it because your friends are suffering, yes, and complaining about the job you have, which is a privilege to have, is something you should do, yes, and then that spring a lot of things happened that we can't talk about in this video, yes, but I can summarize them briefly by saying that it got worse, yes, much worse, much worse, then summer comes, I would say in May 2019, I was actually in my therapist's office and she, very seriously, sat me down and told me you have to take a month off and I thought what I am. like it was around the time we were throwing the empty suitcase, yeah, I can't take a month off like I have to pick a TV show in the second half of this year, like what and she said yes no yes no If you take a month off voluntarily, there may come a point very very soon when you will have no choice.

You may reach a breaking point where you will have to be hospitalized. I'm worried that you're getting to the point where you're going to have like a psychotic break, yeah, and that's something she's never told me before in the 12 years that I've known her, yeah, and I thought how are you, no, no, I just need to work harder. I have been working. My whole life to have my own show, the empty suitcase show, and I finally got it, so now I just have to keep working and then when I finally get that show, it will happen.

Lucy won't get the ball out from under me this time. This is all I said mentally to my therapist. I just said, well, I'm going to talk to HR. About this, we'll see. I went to HR and I thought I need to take a month off and she was just like, let's make sure, let's find a way to make this happen, I think you know because I had a lot of pto and they were like we can, we can figure this out, we can find a way to make it happen, but then that. The HR rep left, yeah, because she was sick of it and then they bought the empty suitcase and it was like, well, I didn't take the month off, that didn't happen, yeah, obviously, like the team, the HR team. empty suitcase is amazing because there are so many amazing people that we work on it and we love them and you absolutely love them, but yeah, you're like I don't take the month off.

I'm just going to work, work, work, this summer, so we were trying to do prepro episodes in Europe and obviously, We're on the west coast of the United States and Europe isn't there, so what was happening is I was waking up at 2 a.m. m. and at 5 a.m. m. every morning to try to send emails and contact the social media representatives of different stores because if I didn't talk. For them at that time I wouldn't get a response for a whole day. Keep in mind that when you're not sleeping and you're making all these calls and you're running around, that wasn't your main job either, oh yeah, our channel. it had to run, so basically it was like you were pre-testing the show and at the same time it was like, hey, basically we still have to film, we have to give notes, we have to have all these ideas for this channel that's happening in the background and You weren't really sleeping and the channel was like this thing that will keep running and running and running ad nauseum and the amount of help we have is established over the years that I was making videos there, I gave it my all. about myself to buzzfeed I spoke about extremely intimate things, yes, that do not belong to me I cried in front of the camera I spoke about my fears in front of the camera they shaved my bikini in front of the camera sometimes people mentioned facts about myself to me and I said: Did you know and then I realized we had made a video about it and I had forgotten?

Yes, my entire body, my experiences and myself were real estate for the content I gave voluntarily because the idea was that eventually there would be something like I don't know reward yes, that would meanor would it mean something yeah, would it mean something the other thing I want to mention is that buzzfeed is a very collaborative environment whenever you see someone succeed in all of your major franchises. your main shows are made by multiple people, yes, no one person can claim credit for any One thing that comes out of Buzzfeed Ladylike is that we all made videos, but we had a team of researchers, we had a team of editors, we had people who worked very hard. hard to do things and do them well, yes, a lot. of the things we were feeling and many of the frustrations did not come from the people on our team like the other collaborators we had, we did not feel bad because of them and many of them felt terrible because they stretched very thin because they were working with other teams yeah I think Ladylike is actually a good example of this because it's like you know the person who came up with the name Ladylike Ashley Perez someone who literally isn't even on Ladylike yeah so like that is.

The kind of place Buzzfeed is is the place where you work together as a team to achieve a common goal, but the idea is that your team will also look out for you if bad things start happening and I don't think so. that part of the social contract within the culture is being respected and that doesn't mean it's not being honored by people at our level, it's not being honored by people who have power in the company, fast forward to fall 2019, fall 2019, we are filming nbc case, yes, I made it through the first four episodes which were seattle, philadelphia, charleston and tampa, I'm tired, but I like it, but I like to get the adrenaline pumping, okay, we can do this, we can do this, we can do this. we can do this and then I had a trip to Disney World that was planned in the middle that had been planned a long time ago.

We actually planned the season around that trip because it was the only time we could film it. I literally went from tampa to orlando started my vacation and then had a fun vacation for two days yeah and then on the third day I woke up walked out of the hotel room and my body fell apart I was dizzy I couldn't get up . I couldn't breathe I was nauseous I couldn't I wanted to be on the floor I thought I was dying and from then on for the rest of our time every time we left the hotel room it happened again I went to the emergency room when I was in Orlando and they told me there's nothing wrong with you, you're fine, it's literally just anxiety and I'm like, but I'm not anxious, my body is just angry, I feel fine, why is my body acting up? like we were in an emergency, the problem is that I was so used to saying out loud that I feel fine and ignoring the fact that physically I didn't feel well and then we got to the second stage of the empty suitcase, yeah, which It was difficult.

It got to the point where I was afraid to leave the hotel room but you're having panic attacks. I was having panic attacks. I was praying. I thought, "Please let me be able to stand up, please don't be able to speak, please let me." Being able to get through this as if we were so far from home. I don't know what to do. It was bad in DC. It was a little. Maybe it got a little better in London, but it still wasn't great when we arrived. For Greece it was bad, the grease episode was probably one of my lowest points, yeah, because in between takes of that episode, I'm literally on the floor in the bathroom or someone is holding me up, the crazy thing about it. it's as bad as you were doing mentally and physically, that's probably one of the best empty suitcase episodes, so upset because you're a guy, it's like that, I mean, it's just one of those things where it's like you can't . hide that shine, God love Erica, who is our producer with our linebackers, our line producer, who literally said, How can I help you get through this?

How can I help you get through this? And it wasn't like mentally I wasn't there. Mentally fine, I would walk out of the hotel room and feel like dizziness, nausea, heart pounding, a panic attack. Physically, I feel like I'm having a heart attack, even though I'm not and like we would. You take where it would be like jokes, jokes. jokes jokes jokes and the moment we cut it it would be like I was on the floor, yeah, I remember like sitting in that bathroom like in the store in the store and saying they're going to have to fly me out of this country like I.

I'm dying like this, I'm not, this can't just be in my mind, I've never felt like this in my entire life and it was even scarier to feel like this when I was away from home, we finally found out. In Scotland I found out that if I took was going to die, she was like our boss at the time, yeah, she came to Philly and she was like she looked like, she investigated the situation, it was like this is not sustainable and I at the time was like we're going to be okay. because honestly, in my heart I knew that the only way to make it better was to get more resources and like the ship had sailed, it was like a time crunch, there were all these deadlines that you had. to hit you wouldn't like to take breaks basically if you didn't if you didn't like to get to the show on the deadline the show had to happen the show wouldn't happen my dream is to have a travel fashion show i was living my dream but also not I could get up.

I came back and it didn't go away. Yes. In fact, it got worse. I didn't leave my apartment for a month. Yes. And this was before all this. before quarantine, a really funny joke to me, you know, because I was terrified, I was terrified every time I wanted to get ready to leave or I was walking down the hallway of our apartment, I would just say, "I can't do this." I'm going to die like a rubber band broke in my brain, yeah, and it can't be fixed, yeah, and the thing is, Busting was a company I was willing to walk to hell for because their response was like, oh can you choose?

Tell us a few things while you're there. I was worried about my program and I was worried about my team, but the people at the top, very high up, no one was looking to see. They let me get seriously hurt. Yes they did it. There is nothing. I mean. I wish I could brush it off and say this didn't happen but this did happen no one was watching no one was paying attention even if anyone had actually been paying attention there was nothing they could do because they were overworked because they were overworked and an established culture at the top and the culture is that you do it and you don't complain because if you complain there are other people who wish they had this job, yeah, and I think that's what broke my heart the most.

I was on Buzzfeed, you know, it's a team and I realize it's naive of me to say it, but I thought that the great team that was Buzzfeed cared enough about me to not let me get hurt and I realized that didn't happen. It was true, yes. This is a really long story, a way of saying that I knew my time at Buzzfeed was probably coming to an end in mid-2019, but I didn't know I literally had to quit, I honestly felt like they were going to save my life. Yes, because he simply wasn't a person anymore.

I don't think I really got to the point where I recovered and was able to leave the apartment without being stressed until I want to say the end of January I think it took two months and even then it was like drugs were introduced, the therapy was intensified. I'm better now, obviously I can leave my apartment, it's not like anyone is leaving. Anyone can, but if you could buy George you'd be out there, I'd be out there, I know, literally, as soon as I started getting better, it was like coming back in, I was like, okay, I don't want anyone else to do it. going through what I went through and if saying what I went through prevented someone else from suffering, then it was worth it, but also, at the very least, finally saying how I was suffering alleviates some of my suffering.

This feels cathartic for me to finally say this. What was happening to me? Because I think if you watch all these videos and I'm happy. Hi, I'm Kristen. What happens if you touch your breasts? No one will pay attention to your feelings. I think it's important. so people would know that at the same time I was really struggling literally every day, I would wake up and think, I really wish I hadn't woken up today, it was like I had to put myself in front of a camera and I have to give a little bit of myself to a company. which I don't think likes it very much.

I think sometimes not everyone feels cathartic when talking about things like this and not everyone, uh, I know, is necessarily ready to talk about it. Things like this, but I know that for me I'm ready because I think that, like now, talking about it, I can move on with my life and I can do interesting things and be the person that I want to be and you want me to be. talk about your story, yes, I got hired at buzzfeed when I was 21 and just out of college, it was my first job and I was very excited to be there, I was very, very happy and very, very grateful that I got it. hired, I loved the friends I was making, I loved the work I was doing and it felt really exciting and obviously, as time went on, a lot of that youthful enthusiasm and desire to please, uh, just dissipated and kind of faded away. disintegrated, a lot of that came from the fact that when you have a culture, a company culture that is like this strange mixture of we are a family, we are friends and everyone helps everyone and at the same time it is also very like dependent on the end result and very ruthless in certain ways, it just creates really bad boundaries.

This is a very good way of saying it. As I spent my time at Buzzfeed, the general feeling I had was that to be successful I would have to give more. of myself and I like to work harder constantly and what became clear was that that wasn't necessarily going to get you anywhere, you throw yourself into this well and you think you're going to hit the water and when you hit the water you're going to be fine, but what you're real about is what I realized is that the pit never ends, so you're constantly falling. There would be people in power who would like to tell us that you are doing very well.

We love your work, we love what you're doing and then there would be people in power who would say I don't really see the value in this, it's not really like reaching your goals, it just feels like all the work you're doing never is. It's going to be enough, but at the same time maybe it's enough maybe if you keep trying, if you just rip it all off and throw it in there, maybe at some point you'll know, yeah, like I feel like I'm showing up because I was I care about this brand and I like people who make decisions and have power.

They see that and they care too. The company culture is no longer very good. Combine the fact that, as you know, we live in a racist sexist society, that adds to like the pressures that you feel in the workplace, you know, as time went on, I became very depressed, I guess I felt every I became more depressed and felt very bad because I felt that I was not performing well, I felt that there was nothing. There really is no point in the work I was doing. I felt ungrateful. I felt like I was letting my team down.

One of my big things that I felt was that I just felt like I was becoming a worse person because I felt like I was becoming a very bitter and angry person and I felt like I had a lot of resentment towards everyone around me and I felt like that made me lean into these really selfish bullshit impulses. There is still a part of me that is very similar. if you had done more it would have worked but that's the message you get even though you just need to do a little more and then everything will be fine but the problem is we kept doing a little more and it wasn't fine yeah it was like how many Are you sometimes going to rip the ball out from under us?

Yes, I left because of a lot of things I can't talk about, but I also left because I was very depressed and felt like I was working at a company that didn't really value me but would be happy for us to continue working there as long as we were according to this, something unspoken but sometimes spoken, which is as if you can continue working here and we. I'll still pay you, obviously, but you're not going to advance at all, but if you want to keep working very, very, very hard so you don't get diminishing returns, that's great when we were starting a channel, there were people who had said that I know I don't know if this is a good idea because you're not going to own it again like you think I'm going to be different and you know I was 22 years old and I had a lot of student loan debt and I thought I wanted to work somewhere that was stable and the People who have power say they believe in me, so I know that if I keep working as you know, I will get promoted or I will continue to get promoted. and things will be okay, another thing that I struggle with as I talk about this is the fact that I still feel like I was and am in a very privileged position and so I was struggling a lot to feel okay, like if, like there were some things This job sucks,but I also have health insurance, I get paid well, I have friends that I work with every day, and even now talking about it can be hard because I just don't want to make it seem like I wasn't struggling with those things or that they didn't matter because they did. they did.

It's like at the end of our time on buzzfeed every time I felt like I filmed the video I just felt like it was just a fake scam, you know? It was like this doesn't matter, people don't like this content, our viewers don't like it, as you know our views were going down because we were exhausted and a lot of the videos we were making with it just weren't connecting with the audience as much so I thought I was making no one care. I feel like I'm a little ungrateful for feeling this way because I still have a job so I'm just a dumb Idiot, I was really depressed again.

I'm taking antidepressants now and it's going very well. I should have been on antidepressants a while ago. Take your beds. Everyone, I love meds, make your beds. I love Prozac and again, like I have pretty severe ADHD. And that, combined with the depression, made everything worse because I felt like I wasn't performing at my job and that was reinforced by the message you were getting from the company leadership, so it was like you weren't doing very well. at your job and when your job is part of your job, you're yourself in front of Craig on camera, it's like you're not doing very well at your job it's because you're a failure, you suck, like people don't like you people. you're terrible and that's not how youtube works like you can be a great person and your youtube videos just can't work well and that's it and that's how it is and you can suck and think well yeah vice versa you know it's not So.

It's not about how good a person you are, but that's what it can feel like, so I left because I thought, hey, I'm really depressed and I need to get out of here and there are other things I want too. Know? So I thought I'm going to focus on you know writing, I want to be a screenwriter, so I'm going to work on my pilots and then I said, Hey, I also like to continue working with my friends, so let's try to figure out how we're going to create a channel and we'll know when the pandemic happened, but we thought let's create a channel, it'll be cool, we'll launch it.

In April 2020, that was our original plan, it was like April 15 tax day, yeah, that didn't happen, I didn't pay my taxes that day either or they were extended, although that's okay, you know, there will always be people who hear that . were that you had a bad experience at a company and your response is that companies care about their profits and their results and if things don't go well or if you give too much or you feel like your keyword may be being taken advantage of or like things were not well at that moment, that is your fault and that it is your fault for giving too much and for not going out and to those people I just say that yes, you are free to feel that way and believe that way. but at the same time it's like I just believe that we owe each other a little more than that, maybe in the most capitalist-like way you can look at our situation or maybe just in the coldest way you can look at it. . our situation and to be as if they were being paid, they had health insurance and that's what they were promised, and for them to complain, what are they complaining about?

I think that, on the one hand, yes, we live in a society in which we have to work. and this is the job we do and you get paid and this is how it works, people have it worse, it's true, yes, and I think we carry that guilt with us all the time, but I also know that, like I'm a fat woman queer, we check it out. boxes and when we check boxes we are a benefit we are a benefit to a company, I think the silent part was that as the company, I think sometimes they took credit for being like, look, we have these women, these diverse women working for us and thriving under Us, like there's some influence in having people like us working for them, right, yeah, and people like us don't usually make it in media, so the story of why I left Buzzfeed, why Kristen left Buzzfeed, like there were gaps in it just because there are some things we can't really talk about, but I hope it's kind of a picture of what was going on and also again we're creating this channel because we like creating content and we like it. like making videos and We're excited that we like posting things, I think we realize how much we like it, we like making videos again, yeah, but we just like making them when it's like we own them and we have a direct responsibility, it is on our terms.

In our terms, I'm just glad Prozac exists because I really have to tell you, I was very depressed, it was like I wasn't doing well, I hadn't had suicidal thoughts to the extent that I had since then. I was like in high school, I think that's also why I thought, Well, I'm not in high school, so it can't be that bad. Yeah, I guess I'm not locked up anymore. Exactly, I'm a lesbian. I'm fine. Can a lesbian be depressed? It's not impossible, just a straight lesbian in high school could be depressed as if she just didn't recognize what was going on until now.

I'm still a lesbian, but I take Prozac and I take a lot of it. I'm better and so are you and yes, that's why we left our old company and after this I never want to talk about it again. Yes, no, I'm serious. I would say there is a specific type. story that will probably happen later and that will be less about our specific experiences and more about everything that happened in the world, but honestly, this has to be the last time we talk about this, yeah, I don't want to talk about it. I know I've been very happy making videos with you and I think a lot of that is because we started thinking or talking about buzzfeed, yeah listen guys you know here's the thing like we don't want to talk about it but I like it , click on the video, you know what I mean, I suffered and it hurt a lot, I hurt and I cried and I wanted to die and I didn't know if I was going to live and I should make money from it.

Frankly, listen, I did the work of suffering, I'm the one who should benefit from that, obviously Buzzfeed gave me incredible opportunities, obviously you know who I am because of Buzzfeed. I had good memories at Buzzfeed. I liked working there. I was there for five years. I liked working there. Great memories, yes, and again. I'm not saying everyone is evil. I'm not saying you know the gallows, I'm just saying you know, yes, but at the end of our time there we didn't want to pitch for ourselves. Yeah, I think it was both me, I was pretty active, I was pretty active, kind of suicidal in the end, yeah, what I'm grateful for is that I'm grateful that there were amazing people there that I learned a lot from, yeah, and I want them to be successful. and there are some amazing people who are still there and I want them to succeed.

You must support them. You must support them. And yes, as you know, support us too if you want, support us. Please subscribe. please subscribe please laugh please clap please please we have to keep paying for our prozac no I'm joking it's okay I have health insurance everything is fine don't worry about us we are obviously very grateful that you followed us here. We are very excited to make things for you. Honestly, I think taking an involuntary hiatus for six or seven months was actually the best thing that could have happened to me. Yes, I feel excited to do things again.

Yes, and I feel like I did. I don't feel like that so yeah oh yeah oh yeah yeah so yeah that's the story we love you we're going to go to lunch we're going to have lunch and then we're never going to talk about this again yeah we I'm not going to see this again time, but thanks for listening, subscribe and kisses, excuses, take your meds, kids, take your meds, kiss your meds.