How To Stand Up For Yourself Without Starting A Fight

We've all had a friend who said something we didn't like, whether it's a passive aggressive comment or a playful insult that goes too far, it can be hard to know how to respond, so in this video we'll cover three ways to handle it when a friend crosses the line and you want to defend

yourself

without

starting

a

fight

. We'll start by breaking down some examples with Jonah Hill in this first clip, he is reacting to insults made by a paparazzi. It's an example of how. Not reacting, he publicly apologized for this. A common reaction to being hurt by an insult is to respond and insult oneself.

This works if you're both joking, but it's a mistake if your intention is to be hurtful, especially if friends retaliate because your hurt feelings set you up to damage the relationship and to the other friends around you, you may end up looking like the rude one, Even if you didn't start it, it may feel good in the moment, but you'll almost always regret it, unfortunately. For Jonah, he has been insulted a lot in public, the good news is that over time he has gotten better at handling it. Here's an example from later in his life, but do they still think of you as the fat one when you go to a party or something?

See Jonah's response. This is not the best answer we will cover today, but you can see the improvement. Are you still the fat guy from Hollywood? Or does everyone like to look at you and say oh wow? You know this is great now that you're healthy. you have other questions that are smart i have a question because you're in atlanta most people insult you you're looking for something, whether it's attention, a laugh or an emotional overreaction to punish behavior you don't like jonah denies the boy what he wants wants attention and an answer to his question sometimes with friends this is the only strategy you need ignore the person and actively shift focus to another person in the group your goal is to eliminate any positive reinforcement of the behavior you don't like and like kobe once shown with matt barnes sometimes he doesn't react that's all it takes to look confident if that doesn't work the next step is to draw a boundary there are two types of boundaries soft lines and hard lines the following set of clips is an example of a smooth first line look at how jimmy kimmel starts this interview first of all you smell good which is surprising why it's still impressive i don't know i just wouldn't think of you as a guy who would have a nice smell in a pretty strange start an interview jimmy tries make people laugh with a backhanded compliment jonah doesn't like it so watch how he responds i'm going to work really hard not to take that as an opportunity you know what i mean because i think you smell good, no, but no, i don't have time, No, let's go back, okay, Jonah calmly and kindly yells that he doesn't like Jimmy's comment, then when Jimmy starts to get uncomfortable and backs away from his insult, Jonah pretends like he's going. prolong this awkward moment but then release the tension and allow them to move on, this is great because even if you are in the right conflict it makes people uncomfortable so other friends in the group will feel the desire to get through the conflict alone to escape your own discomfort as an observer, so you calmly call out the behavior you don't like and once it's clear the message has been received, you move past it, you've set your boundary, and you've done it without alienating anyone else in the world. the conversation if a soft line doesn't work then you may have to put a hard line a hard line is one with explicit consequences here is a great example with julian assange this is for more serious situations where someone does something that you find really unacceptable , has been told he was there to talk about documents Wikileaks published that show possible war crimes committed by the United States.

Instead, the interviewer asks about a personal investigation against him. He begins by calmly and firmly interrupting her and drawing a soft boundary. One aspect of that has been the legal situation. For you in Sweden, you are now facing charges. I'm not going to talk about that in relation to this. He now watches what she does when she doesn't respect her soft line, but it affects Wikileaks. Yes, but this interview is about something else. so i will have to walk if you do you would still do it if you are going to contaminate this extremely serious interview with questions about my personal life three things make this a good example of a hardliner speak calmly draw a clear boundary and he explains why the boundary is important to him now he watches as she crosses his boundary he

stand

s firm in defending himself but his calm ensures this doesn't turn into a

fight

, this is an attack, it's completely, it's completely disgusting.

I'm asking if I'm going to walk or not if you're going to contaminate us by revealing the death of 104,000 people when she still refuses to move on he's actually leaving it's that simple no need to yell or say anything negative about the other person, if someone does something that you consider unacceptable, let them know calmly, let them know why it is a boundary for you and let them know what the consequence will be if they do it again, if they cross your hard line, just keep your word now . Specifically with groups of friends there tends to be a social hierarchy.

The higher up you are, the more likely people are to respect the boundaries you draw. If you don't feel like your friends would respect your boundaries, you may benefit from our psychological six video. Tricks to generate respect instantly, you can find them in the description and at the end of this video. Now, what about situations where you don't feel offended and want to turn a potentially offensive comment into a friendly joke? There are three quick things you can do. the first is jokes to highlight some tips on how to do this right. Here's a quick example with Jay Lino and Louis C.K.

I hope I can say this without insulting you. Yes you are. No. You are the strangest person on planet Earth. Thank you. Thanks, no, that doesn't help me at all. A laugh and a thank you are a great way to show that you are confident and that you are not fazed by an insult. Now look how Jay keeps going. I don't. I mean that as something negative, not at all, he is simply nobody. I can't describe the fact that I have a full head of hair, that's what tells you that yes, you want to match his level of insult.

Louis started off with a negative comment about Jay's appearance. Jay matches it if Louie had insulted Jay's shirt and Jay had insulted Louie's weight, that's much more likely to go wrong when you match their level of insult, they're more likely to react well and even if they decide they like to dish it out, but they can. I don't take it, it makes it very unlikely that anyone else in the group will consider you rude listen to this while they go back and forth again here it's just that I don't have to cover my chin because I'm proud of it, no, no. but go ahead, if you weren't famous and you robbed a bank and the guy described you as if you were a wool sketch artist, yeah, I'd say no, seriously, what did he look like?

They are two for two jokingly, they agreed with each other. The other's insult level went away and neither of them got upset, that's what you're looking for now. What if someone says something potentially offensive and you want to be playful and fun but you don't feel comfortable responding to something potentially offensive or you just can't? think of something clever to say there's a second thing you can do false offense as an example here's a clip with anne hathaway wait, have you lost to get in this shape right now? You didn't just ask me, I'm just saying you're like what a bold young man you are, OMG how much weight I'm not saying you needed to lose weight, she fakes a fence but indicates it's not real with a big smile and exaggerated facial expressions, This shows that you are confident. so as not to be easily offended and doesn't require the same quick wit as Jay Leno's responses when he doesn't catch the non-verbals, she even explains it to him in detail.

I'm just saying, look, I've worked. It's very hard to become Selena Kyle, I know you're fine, thank you very much, I'm sorry if I offended you, you didn't at all, I'm just playing with you if you completely blank on anything to say, just power. Really laughing when someone tries to insult you is enough to convey confidence. Some people don't like them, but Brendan Chubb is someone who does it very well. I don't think many Indian kids look at you and say, "I want." You know, you look like a French Paul Bunyan when he's older. You know what I am saying.

Do you look like Paul Bunyan? If he only drank champagne all day and never did forestry, his ability to laugh when people shoot him is probably why. He gets along great with comedians like Theo Vaughn and Joe Rogan and it's part of why he was able to make a successful career after MMA. Being able to laugh at

yourself

projects confidence and makes the three of you fun to be around. Some of these are super simple, illustrating how easy it can be to handle an insult when you're not actually offended. The hard part is developing the self-confidence to remain calm no matter what people say about you, if that's something you'd like. more help I think the quickest way to be confident in social situations is with our charisma college program.

It's a step-by-step guided program guaranteed to give you more charisma and confidence in 30 days and is structured with a daily action guide, so there's no guesswork when it comes to learning these habits, just follow the guide and you'll get the results to get an idea of ​​what the program can do for you. Here are some things that previous members have written. I was confident in some areas but not in others then Charisma University changed that for me since I started the program I have seen notable changes in my life. It has helped me unlock the confidence that comes with knowing that I can face any social situation and overcome it.

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I love this course and keep coming back to it when I need a refresher on the daily action modules and lastly a member writes thank you. Much for this program after going through the charisma. I have made more friends. I have greater self-esteem. I can talk more easily with people I don't know. I have solidified my values ​​and know who I am. You will see more. success stories like these in the comments if you decide to join the course if you join it comes with a 60 day money back guarantee which is 100 for any reason and that's 60 days even though the course is only 30 days long. just to make sure that every member really feels like they're getting a ton of value out of the course, so you're either going to love it or you're going to get your money back if you want to check out the course, go ahead and click the link on the screen now. or below in the description, we've had thousands of members take this course and get the most out of it and I'd love for you to do the same either way.

I hope you enjoyed this video and I hope to see you next time. Also a special thanks to our editing team of Andre Therese and Ivan for all the hard work on this video.