How to make a perfect E3 press conference (or drinking game) | Unraveled

E3. The Electronic Entertainment Expo. What started as a humble video

game

industry trade show has turned into something more spectacular. More extravagant. More... of whatever this is. E3 is an opportunity to show off new

game

s and the theatrical skills of its executives. Because that's what E3 really is now. It's theater. It's like the musical Cats but with more weapons and a better plot. But this E3 is different. Many companies are abandoning the

press

conference

altogether and those companies are cowards. Sony won't even show up at E3 this year! And it's not because they lack something to say.

It's because they have forgotten how to say it. The industry has lost its way. That's why I'm going to give you the 10 keys to creating a

perfect

E3 presentation and then I'm going to give you the

perfect

E3 presentation. It's theater, baby! The first step is to throw out everything you know about public speaking, because E3 presentations are a beast in themselves. You have to observe them to learn from them. You might ask, "Brian, wouldn't learning from the old E3s keep you in the rut of old thinking, making the same mistakes that business geniuses of the past made?" No.

And that brings us to the board. I've watched hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours of E3 presentations and analyzed what

make

s them compelling. I've distilled the essence of E3 into 10 simple keys. If you include these 10 keys, you will create the perfect E3 presentation. And if you, like most people, aren't hosting a

press

conference

at E3, then you could use these 10 tips for a

drinking

game or something. I'm not saying you should do that, I'm just saying it is. So. … It's possible. You could do that if you wanted... it's not...

I did that, okay? You can use them for the

drinking

game. The first key: a strangely high-budget opener. It's essential to start your presentation with a lot of energy, and it's essential to do it in such a way that the audience says, "Hmm, yeah, wow, they really paid for that, huh?" Sony used to be great at this, starting E3 2016 with a full orchestra playing the God of War theme, and then last year they started E3 with a full banjo. Something strange to spend money on. But both intros still get BONUS POINTS, because they started with a live musical number.

The second key is for the presenter. They have the unenviable task of connecting with a notoriously difficult audience. How can they reach the fickle player while maintaining business poise? Business gamer fashion. Business Gamer Fashion is an outfit that is professional and yet still conveys the idea that this person could be seen sitting on a couch for 14 hours straight. She says, "I'm one of you... but I'm also much richer than you." But BONUS POINTS go to the only real business gamer fashion: ill-fitting jacket, diesel jeans, gamer t-shirt. The third key is to dress. This has to be theatrical, that is, inappropriate for a trade show.

Take a look at Sony's strange barn church. It was like an immersive theater experience, but with the 10-minute scene transitions of a high school production of Les Mis. But the BONUS POINTS are live-streamed, human scenes, like, I don't know, bodies hanging from the ceiling that WIG when a character moves across them on screen. There's that classic Sony magic! I want to remind people that E3 is a trade show. And this is like Disney holding a press conference about the Avengers and then DISINTEGRATING A MAN LIVE ON STAGE. Now we move on to the meat of the presentation with key number four: Numbers.

Video games are just programs and programs are just numbers and for some reason gamers love it when the numbers are big. Some good numbers to tell are polygon count, number of enemies on screen, and RAM. Maybe? I don't know, who cares!? Honestly, EXTRA POINTS come from saying a number that is completely devoid of context. Because numbers mean… INNOVATION. Key number 5. More specifically… less specifically. I need this to be the laziest discussion ever. I need you to state how you are doing something that has never been done before and then not tell us what you are doing.

Here is a list of innovative words and phrases. It's the presenter's job to say each and every one of these. But BONUS POINTS go to the purest form of expressing innovation. Look at the screen behind you, look at the audience and say... "Wow." Key number six is ​​the montage of the game trailer. You've probably never heard of these games before. You may never hear about them again, but BONUS POINTS go to the gameplay trailer montage at the end of the presentation, which simply shows you everything you've seen so far in an Arcade Fire-like sound. These six keys are the foundation of a solid E3 presentation.

If you get these six right, you're safe. But you have not yet reached perfection. But before we move on to the final four, let's talk about the notable absences. These are anti-keys, things you'll never see at an E3 presentation. I have a list of them here... Oh, what is this? It's just an entry that says "A legitimate discussion on how to address the critical crisis prevalent in almost all game studios." Well, I guess we don't need them anymore! *wild laughter* *scary laughter* *painful laughter* *pain* And now, it's time for the last four keys. These are the Truly Special Moments.

They are difficult to incorporate, but they turn a good presentation into a transcendent one. Key number seven: a game of “WHY”. This is an acronym that means “What? Hell yeah! "What!?" and is used for a game that

make

s you say, "What? Hell yeah! WHAT!?" Often these are for games that are completely standalone, but the best ones are the oddball entries from the beloved franchise, like Final Fantasy XV VR Fishing Game. Even now, when someone tells me there's a Final Fantasy XV VR fishing game, I say What? HELL YEAH! THAT!? But BONUS POINTS... you know what? Not really.

You only get bonus points if you make a VR fishing game for a beloved franchise. I want to see Doomslayer catch a bass. But sometimes, the presenter has a WHY moment. That's why key eight is sincere emotion. Genuine emotion for a game, joy, sadness. This has to happen naturally. Honestly, if I'm having a rough day, I'll go back and watch the video of Ubisoft developer Davide Soliani crying after Shigeru Miyamoto congratulates him on stage, because that's the most real and joyful moment. Honestly, who wouldn't cry if Shigeru Miyamoto, the architect of many of our childhoods, congratulated them?

You know, that little thing... that reminder that these people behind the games are human beings and can be emotionally moved by the same experience they can share with you. What could be better than that? If they farted. That's why key number nine is screw-ups! The bugs are INTEGRAL to E3, to the point that they fall into three different categories. The first is technical. The game is going bad. The cameras cut out too soon. The microphones do not turn off. The second category is human. Awkward pauses, stiff actors, strange phrases. These stay in your brain forever. Honestly, it seems like they are planned to be memorable and rememberable.

Mem- and memorable. Memorable. God, I can't talk today... OR CAN I? THE THIRD CATEGORY ARE PLANNED GAFFS. I'm about to ruin all of this. Everyone can cite at least one mistake from E3. Even people who don't know who Reggie Fils Aime is have probably said “my body is ready” at least once in their lives. And you want to know what that is? GUERRILLA MARKETING. The only reason there are so many gaffes in E3 presentations is to MAKE YOU SHARE THE GOALS. YOU MAY NOT REMEMBER THE GOOD PRESENTATIONS, BUT YOU WILL SURELY LAUGH AT THE NUDE ONE.

GAFFES ARE AN INSIDE JOB TO MAKE YOU BUY MORE VIDEO GAMES. Honestly, I'm going to assume this is all planned from now on for you to talk about them online. Except when Todd Howard says something that's weirdly horny. Todd: "You'll never know when you'll need hands-free." That's just Todd. BONUS POINTS for horny Todd. And the final key: The Grand Finale. This is a game advertisement that falls exclusively into the fanservice group. It's unimaginably amazing, incomprehensibly great, incredibly too good to be true, and honestly, it's because it's probably too good to be true. The presenter will say "And one more thing" and then show a trailer that will probably be a landscape shot, maybe some voiceover, and then just a title screen.

BONUS POINTS if it's literally just a title screen. And then that game will probably be stuck in development hell for 7 years and maybe never be released. But isn't that what we want as players? To be disappointed? And those are the 10 keys to a perfect presentation at E3. Follow these and you can't go wrong. And if you're not presenting at E3, again, you could use them as a drinking game. It's not like I've already written all the rules and you can click and play them with us, since we'll be looking at all the E3 presentations. And to demonstrate the power of these keys, here's my perfect E3 presentation.

Sony, go ahead and just plug your trailers into the placeholders I set up for you. What does a player want? (what does a gamer want, tell me what a gamer wants) What does a gamer need? (What does a gamer need? Tell me what a gamer needs) The games we create are powerful, they have never been made before. So let your inner gamer out, we'll open the door for you! I know you'll love these games, because I love them too. And it feels better when there's an excited gamer inside you. Hunter, Hunter, let me get off the skate...

Jesus. Hunter, get it! Good afternoon and welcome to the Unraveled Games E3 press conference. As a gamer, you can see from the t-shirt, I am very excited to share these new gaming innovations with all of you today. But before we get to the fun part, let's talk business. Let me put on my jacket. Let's talk about how we are changing the game... of games. The new Unraveled Engine has allowed us to create more detailed experiences than ever before. I'm talking about 1,200 enemies on screen at the same time, over 49 megapixels of screen resolution, 62 gigabytes of RAM and SEVEN HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND...

I know it sounds like science fiction, but it's scientific fact. Why don't we highlight some of the games coming to Unraveled Engine? We can go to the next slide. Jen? Jen, we can move on to the next one. Next Generation! First up, Unraveled Research 2. Fans loved the experience of creating spreadsheets about video game history, but in this immersive sequel, you can do it with a mustache. Wow. And that's not all. We have the Explaining Your Job to Your Family simulator, the Dark Souls of simulation games. Experience the terror first-hand as you try to explain to your uncle that you work in a very specialized and unstable industry, but with graphics so realistic that you will feel like you are living in the world of the game.

No, Uncle Bob, I don't make video games, I just make videos about them. No, they are not the trailers. Frightening. And finally, something groundbreaking, something that seems impossible, but we did it. I hope you'll join us on this journey of... BDG is going fishing for the first time in virtual reality. *That? Hell yeah! What!?* *Audience applauding* I have to finish the rest of the press conference, can you please shut up. But is that all we have for you? In the least. Now it's time to show them a few things about the company that didn't present and let us do all the hard work for them.

Beat him. *Arcade Fire-like sound plays* Wow. You know, I'm going to go off script a little bit. I, uh, it's just... It means a lot to me to be here on this stage in front of you. It's been a dream since I was a kid to present something at E3 and have you here in the audience... to feel the support you've given to Unraveled Games is... Honestly, it's... ...Never in a million years I thought I might have- OH JESUS, HUNTER, DON'T TRY... DAMN IT. Well, that's all, thank you all for coming. Except we have one more thing for you.

We have been working on something very special with very special people. From the visionary minds of David Cage and Peter Molyneux, we've teamed up with publisher Konami to release a console exclusive for Soulja Boy... you know what? I won't bore you with the details of the business, I'll just let you see. the trailer. Voiceover: Yes. I think it's time. *intense music plays* *applause* Thank you all so much for coming! Thank you. Have a great E3! Hunter, get it! *CRASH* Ha, we're fine. But that's the conclusion. *everyone laughs* I almost, almost broke a laptop. But that's okay.

We're ok. Clayton (offscreen): Light a couple fires, okay! Brian: We, we, this is the most intense... Pat: We can't do this show anymore.