How Reading Body Language Helps Influence People | Rich Ferguson | TEDxSanLuisObispo

Before starting I needed to pay close attention. I'm going to need you to pay close attention. I'm going to use some sleight of hand to change some hearts. Let's start with this one. Look very carefully now once again. Pay attention. So how many switches were made? See, did you see six card changes? If you said six, you'd be right, but did you catch the other things we've changed? For example, now Mar in a suit and my blue card, my furniture is gone and everything is behind me. changed while you're focused on watching me change the cards my team was changing everything else of course, it's evil I'm sorry, we're all blind, that's called inattentional blindness or change blindness, it affects us all and that's what we're going to talk about . about today I'm

rich

Ferguson I'm a wizard you may know me as a wizard but I bet you didn't know I didn't learn to read until I was 11 and that gave me a very deep appreciation for human behavior and today I'm going to share my biggest secret with you guys, which is crazy because I say wizards don't share their secrets, so I don't know if there's anyone here in the Union, but no, uh, but I'm going to be sharing. with you it's more of a life skill, how to read human behavior so you can use it to apply it in cells, communications, hiring, fire, negotiations, poker, anything where there is a situation where something is at stake, a stressor or a situation where someone can't tell.

I'm telling you the whole truth, but before I start I thought I'd play a little game. I want everyone to close their eyes for a second. Everyone close your eyes. I've been up here. The Cup has been here in front of her for a couple of minutes. Imagine what I'm wearing, but specifically imagine that my tie has dots or stripes. I can imagine what color it is. Now open your eyes. Some of you probably got it right, but some of you might have gone astray. What I was saying, of course, it's black, I'm a magician, the Union requires it, okay, it's not a big deal, but before I get into the whole program, I have to warn you that

body

language

and

influence

go hand in hand. hand, but you can't try to

influence

someone when it comes to cells or negotiations or something like that without observing first, so the first rule of persuasion is that you must observe the details and clues before pushing your agenda, otherwise, You're just a cheesy salesman. and you're just putting pressure on them without regard to their snow, their fears, their beliefs or whatever, so we'll start with human behavior from a

body

language

standpoint, but since we're at a university and we're in this beautiful place .

I thought I'd give you a pop quiz where I can already see the stress on some faces and say you can trust me. I'm a magician, okay, maybe not, so proof number one is a person who lies if they look to the right. You've heard that a lot, right, it's very common knowledge, but it's not true, they keep you looking at a lot of things, it could be, look at those balloons, there are no balloons, he looked, you looked totally like you, he knew it, there are many. reasons why

people

might look that way, but the most important thing is that you haven't established a baseline for this person, you don't know how they normally function, maybe they're left-handed, maybe they're right hemisphere dominant, you don't know if there is where they look when they lie or if that's where they look to fabricate information you don't know, then if it's commonly known that someone looks to the right and is lying, did it make sense for them to look to the left?

You are always telling the truth, no you can't, you have no context, you don't know them, so the real secret of body language is to evaluate a person and understand their reference point before making a decision, because if you make a decision and call someone for something like oh why are you touching yourself and you're probably nervous, well that says more about me, it's that I'm projecting than about the person, so I'm always careful about that now, if someone is looking straight this is very common among compulsive liars be very careful know what that means they are lying no it could mean many things one could just be how they are socially - it could be that they are if they are in love maybe they are amazed or maybe they are just They are lying to you, who knows, so when you go home tonight, if your partner looks at you a lot, they may be lying to you or they may love you.

I don't know the answer, the fact is that we. I have no context, I don't want you all to go home and fight now, okay, you have no context, it really comes down to context and more importantly, even if everyone wins, does behavior change occur? That's key, the fact that they are in a certain position doesn't mean anything, this whole thing comes down, this whole ice thing comes down to the visual auditory regions of the brain, over 25% of our brain is completely dedicated to vision alone. and another 25% is loosely related to vision, so it's a lot. of your brain dedicated to this, so it makes sense that your eyes can follow when I'm researching information from my database instead of me fabricating it because I'm kind of dominant in my brain arm, right hand, it's things like that, so you can't based on you can't take this information and say oh someone is lying because they looked away there are many reasons why they could try number two what does it mean if someone has their arms crossed if they're not interested or they don't care listen? how common you might think when it comes to human behavior but this is just a snapshot, we don't know why this person is like this, if you meet this person and they have their arms crossed it doesn't mean anything to you because you didn't do it.

Now, if you're trying to sell them something, you might want to get them out of this state because they'll be more receptive to information if you can get them out of that state; However, if they are like that and you say yes, the price. It's $13.99, I say, oh really, and they crossed their arms. Now you have excellent Intel and that's what we're talking about, we're talking about victory, this is excellent, it's the person on the left or the right who is more confident and receptive to information now a casual observation might say well, you know to the person here on the right, he's leaning back, he's comfortable, his legs are crossed, he's got a smile on his face, of course, he's the one I want to talk to and you'd be dead. wrong, let me tell you why the person on the left is doing a couple of things that you may not be aware of and this all boils down to subconscious behavior.

This is key to

reading

people

and gathering information so you can create your best strategy and sales success. on the right, his legs are spread, that is a very confident position, now it is different if he is next to you in a poker player and he has his legs open and he is occupying your personal space, now his dominance is very different from the trust and is sometimes greatly misunderstood. unfortunately he's also sitting forward, he's engaged another subconscious sign of engagement, he made it so he didn't even know he was doing it, but most importantly the two things you'll notice here are: on the left, his thumbs are facing up and to the right, your thumbs down. and that's a really strong sign of engagement and interest in what's going on on the right, he's got his thumbs down, he's got his legs crossed, he's leaning back for comfort, he's very nervous and he's not understanding what he's hearing and it's You might see that face he has. smiling that's from nerves nervous tension released because you're nervous about the situation but again I just made all that up because these are snapshots we don't have the context but if it was from here to there I know exactly what it means and that's the key Now I'm playing poker It's my turn to play It's not his turn to bet yet He's already angry chasing me He already has his hands on his chips What does this mean and who has the best hand The more you evaluate it for a second Well, I can observe a couple things right now, one of them is playing the magician.

Well, I don't know why he's doing that. He's going to lose his money. I can change the cards, so that's it, but moving on to body language, there are a couple of things you might notice that I'm wearing the radiant wedding ring, he's not, what's that, I have someone to answer to when I go home he doesn't do it, so he might play a little more relaxed and take some risks more aggressively, that's just something to watch. It has nothing to do with body language, but it is about clues and evaluating the whole package. A couple of things you might want to know.

He's angry chasing me, he knows what he's doing, he's doing it consciously and when it comes to acting consciously in a situation where there is a stress stimulus not only in life in general, but when something is at stake, you can bet the opposite of what he's trying to represent, so that's just what his card tells me - it's probably not good, he's just trying to steal some money - at the beginning of the hand. I am holding my cards because they are valuable to me. You've heard walking down the street and you see that something strange is happening here.

Let me feel your wallet. You always protect what is valuable to you and many times. The subconscious and subconscious signs are the key to this. He is not protecting the cards from him. They've already thrown you on the table. Now let's see the reason. If his cards were so good and he had the winning hand, why would he do things to intimidate me to scare me from giving him more money exam number five who is telling you less or more than he should what is going on here does anyone know more let's see how can I tell you this have you ever come across a moment in your life where you're talking to a little boy and a couple of his friends and you already know the truth, like who broke something and then you pin them down, you're like Johnny, You broke that vase and you find this?

I don't know right, I was playing with Kathy and she was playing with the ball and then it's just a bunch of talk and filler, shrug a shoulder, it means they're literally telling you half the story, lower your shoulder sir, it's well, what message is being sent? Here this is a perfect slide to demonstrate that other elements can be an extension of your body language. Here a woman shakes my hand, but she is very delicate. Her fist isn't there. My sister's fingertips are very shy, but she also confirmed this shyness by mentioning an element between us that is called blocking and that allows me to know in this particular environment or the environment or something that we said is causing her to be very afraid , so I want to get her out of this position if I want her to be receptive to information.

This is my favorite slide because it shows how you can project or miss someone's

reading

based on just a snapshot of life. You find yourself in a situation. You see someone doing something. You get so nervous. It's a bad thing because you don't have the context. Here is a situation this tall handsome guy shakes my hand his hands on top very dominant position to be in he is bigger than me he is tall he is handsome he is tanned what does he have to intimidate him? you know he doesn't need to be dominant oh what is the hair that's what it is no sorry uh but let's evaluate this I'm going to give you two scenarios they end up in exactly the same shot one let's say I extend my neutral hand like this to shake his hand in A business meeting where everything must be neutral and fair, it is a fair playing field, we must start neutral and be open to information from each other.

I extend my hand, nice to meet you, and he twists my hand, brings it closer to him, and squeezes it. It's hard that he's trying to dominate me. I can tell you right then and there. He won't care what I have to say. It's all about his agenda. So what can I do? I am a magician. You could do a lot of things with your unprotected pockets. you could do things you can't even see well. I don't suggest doing that from a body linguist's point of view. This is what you could do. he is in control.

I just invaded his space and put my hand on him like a politician and guess what. what I just did, I invaded his space subconsciously letting him know that it's all in the back of the brain, he doesn't even know I've done it, but the vibe sent is that I'm in control now, thanks for trying, that's great . but that's not what happened here, that's not what happened because I'm a professional observer. I already knew where I was with this guy here, he's calmly six feet tall and handsome. I'm like, okay, I got this guy's number. I offered him my With my hand facing up I offered it to him that way and that's how I got to this scenario, it gave him the illusion of comfort and control because I'm sneaky that way, so the body language strategy is very simple, first You identify if there is a change. behavioral or not and then decide what you are going to do with that information, that is completely up to you.

If we had two hours to talk about it, we could talk about strategy, so now that you've passed the test, do you feel confident? Do you feel good? Now don't stress, I will judge you and not grade you now that you have met the prerequisite to go on a career path for me.super secret flowchart and the only thing you're going to take away from today's quote is that the subconscious is telling me that I am I will train you to look for them and ignore everything else because they are always accurate, they always tell the truth and they are amazing, so So this is what we're going to do, we're going to stay here for a couple of minutes, we're going to think about reading a person.

You go into a situation, only two things can happen, one is already in that position or two, you put it in that position, so let's go. Through this, we'll start with the static side. The static side is interesting because you meet a person who is already in a position and you don't know why they are there so you have no context and then you also need multiple indicators you need other clues to tell you what is really happening, for which you will be left with a vague result that is not actionable information. Now I have to back up for a second, it's really important to understand that this refers entirely to situations where there is a stressor and when something is at stake someone may not be telling you the whole truth, very important because in the static side, of course, you can just come up to choose your girlfriend, oh, why are you sad and they will tell you this? is in a situation where there are negotiations, poker, hiring or firing, this is different, so when it is static behavior you know nothing, so it leaves you with no actionable information.

Now let's go to the change side, that's the world. I live like a magician on the side of change, only two things are going to happen, whether it's conscious behaviors or subconscious behaviors, if it's conscious behaviors, you know they're doing it, they're thinking about it like the poker player they know they are. doing that but they don't know that they are holding their cards more or less tightly or moving their feet, so that is the difference between hundreds of conscious and subconscious, so on the conscious side only two things will happen: either it will be natural and honest and all the other clues also support that or there will be overacting, for example, you are selling something to someone and you finally hit them with the price which is going to be thirteen thousand five hundred dollars for this used car and oh yeah, you know, and they. his feet pull back his thumbs are teeth on his arms everything about them says oh there's no red flag but his face lights up oh that's cool you know I'll talk to my wife tomorrow we have three other cars we're looking at but yeah you're my man let me call you tomorrow all that is acting and overacting and you can read it simply if you can compare it with the pills of the subconscious because the subconscious says it is always correct, they never lie because the person does not know what he is doing.

That's why I want you to focus on the subconscious story, so if there is acting out involved in a stressful situation, choose the opposite and you'll most likely be right, it's very counterintuitive, but that's how it works, if it's Naturally, it's probably not true either. The way it leads to actionable information is information that you could take to build your strategy and improve, increase your sales or whatever it is now on the subconscious side of things and this is the one thing I want you to take away today and that It's just amazing. They always tell the truth They never lie They don't know they're doing it They think about the power and gold of that right there Then a subconscious tells Abby I'm playing poker with someone Let's say the cards are dealt They look at him and just subtly change a little up, they might also tell me that their cards are great or that if you're dating someone and they say, oh, you know, that sounds great, we should go out again tomorrow, but you see their feet pull back and bend. around the corners of their chairs, getting comfortable, they just say things, but what they really feel is I'm done if you're selling something and you see some of their hands retreat or their hands go into their pockets and their thumbs disappear.

The thumbs disappear, it's a big sign that it's no good, so you're looking for the subconscious to tell you that they are always accurate and that's the key to success in reading people in magic in life, so the Golden rules of body language are very simple. I am a possessive stance. or gesture means very, very little without context subconscious signs are almost always true in conscious signs when there is a performance involved or they are almost always false, so I'm leaving with a couple more ideas here that go beyond this because we are Speaking of reading others, people take advantage of situations to sell to them and negotiate with them, but you have to stop and realize that you are only half of the equation, because what is wrong with you?

Now we have to evaluate ourselves, so here is just an example of the message being sent here. a woman in a business meeting let's say she has a handful of business cards, we are sure that maybe she doesn't have a purse, maybe she doesn't have a suit with pockets, so she has this handful of business cards just for the situation , but the message sent unconsciously to the other person is still the same, so you have to be careful about the message you are sending unintentionally, so in this case it seems like she is there to hand out her cards and doesn't care what what you have to do.

Say that it is a very dangerous thing to do now in this situation. Who here has a desk? Many of us have desks. Have you ever sat on the client side of your desk? What messages are sent? Is he intimidating or domineering? What is Woody? How does he feel? Well, in this situation here's this guy on the other side of my desk who I'm maybe trying to negotiate with. I want him to open up. I want him to be receptive to my information, but he will be 25% less receptive to my information. If there's trash in the way and it's blocking you and making you feel less safe than I do, it's not an equal battlefield, so what you want to do is clean up your trash, sit on the other side of your desk, look at it, and that's it.

Does this feel appealing or just get up and leave your desk or better yet, if you want to corner this person and this is your goal, then by all means fill your desk, just leave it? You know there's so much more I can say, but I just hope I've helped expand your horizons when it comes to body language, especially subconscious tails because they're golden. My name is Rich Ferguson and I have one last thing to ask of you. Keep your eyes open this time, but tell me what. color my tie it's you