How to find your perfect partner | Nancy Benitez | TEDxTenayaPaseo

Imagine, imagine if an expert gave you the tools you needed to attract

your

perfect

partner

, would you use them? Hold that thought and lean in while I tell you a love story. It's 2001 and I'm divorced, but I feel like I'm ready to get back on the dating scene and I want to try something new, so I'm signing up for Match.com now, after a few months of very interesting dating, some marriage proposals and getting ready to quit, this attractive guy sends me a message. and says hey, look at my profile, I really like

your

s, let's connect sincerely, Mr. that night for a few minutes. hours we also agreed to meet at Starbucks the next day we had a great time the next day we ended up talking connecting and we ended up dating for a few more months now before I continue with my story I need to tell you a little secret about this it's the same guy that just a few days before I was passed by your profile because something didn't resonate honestly I don't know exactly what it was but I chose to ignore that little voice that some of us call our intuition so why?

Did I choose to ignore that little voice? Why did I choose to have another relationship after getting divorced? It all came down to a lack of clarity in one word. I didn't know my limits. I didn't know my non-negotiables and I didn't know. my values, all I knew was that this guy treated me better than my ex-husband, that he had no interest in being intimate or vulnerable with me, so Mr. Now let me ask you a question: how many of you have settled? Being with someone just because they treated you better than your previous

partner

and that's why I struggled and talking to friends, family and clients, that's the number one reason they struggle too, we end up getting into these relationships. relationships where we think we know what we want and then end in massive breakups or divorces, so why is clarity the number one thing to help you attract your

perfect

partner?

Clarity eliminates everything you don't want so you can move toward what you want, helping you know exactly where you want to go. So how can we get clarity? How do we know exactly what we want? Asking some very important questions, like what are my boundaries, what are my values, and what are my non-negotiables. second how I want my partner to communicate with me third how and what do I need for my partner to love me better and lastly what is my love language and what are some of the things that help me feel loved now I encourage you before completing those dating profiles before you go on your first date or your next date and even if you are in a relationship you should ask yourself these questions now, back to my story, now it's been 10 years and I'm married to Mr. x i I'm a sad woman, unhappy and dissatisfied.

I have become the woman who says "yes" to everyone in my life and, even worse, I have become dependent on my happiness and unhappiness on my husband. I am sad and I am miserable and I know this is not the way to do it. live something needs to change I need to change I feel lost and worse I feel like a victim so I do what many people do when they feel lost I went on a journey of introspection to

find

myself I read and listened to hours of self-help books I spent thousands of dollars in self help programs i became a coach and mentor in several different areas i studied the law of attraction for hours and had mentors like abraham hicks ecartoli and brene brown and although all of these pieces were a beautiful part of my healing, they were all outside of me and do you know where I finally found the answer here inside my heart and inside me when I realized this, everything changed?

I realized that I was the creator of my own reality. I had to choose who I wanted to be with so how did this happen? How did I come to this huge two-word self-reflection? I needed to take a hard look at all my failures, all my unhappiness and not depend on anyone else if I wanted anything to change I needed to change I chose to be the winner and no longer the victim so how do we do self-reflection when we feel so scary, uncomfortable and messy again? It is asking something very important. questions that may sound familiar the first: do I honor my limits, my values ​​and my non-negotiables, how do I communicate with all the people in my life, am I responsible for my own happiness and unhappiness and lastly and most importantly, do I love?

I feel enough to make a change, so why self-reflection, how and how to start attracting your perfect partner? Because if we are not willing to heal those wounds, if we are not willing to heal those limiting beliefs that keep us stuck in a great relationship, we will never be able to attract more than we are now, it is the law, so self-reflection was a big part of my healing and now I go back or forward to the last part of my story, now we are in 2018 and I love the woman I have become, I am focusing on my own life, I am focusing on my daughter and I I'm focusing on just living the best life I can, then one day this sadness hits me and I realize I'm longing for someone to co-create with. someone to have beautiful adventures with and align me with the woman I have become suddenly tears start streaming down my face and I look up and say where is he where is the man who is coming to align with me?

I need to be shown to align with who I have become. I wipe the tears from my face knowing that by publishing the result, he will be led to me and I will be led to him. Now it's been a few months and I have a girlfriend and I plan to take a road trip to Portland, we are having a great time and a few days after we get there we decide to go out, we are having a great time, we are dancing when suddenly I run into this guy. I look at him and his energy is magnetic.

He is beautiful and someone I feel like I've known all my life. We ended up spending a night together. We exchange numbers and he leaves a few days later. You know, my girlfriend goes home and I get the message. courage to call him and see if he can spend a few more days. Now we end up spending more days together and I love who he is and I really resonate with him this time, even though something is different. I am different and I know it. I'm ready, I'm not ready for another committed relationship, I know my limits, I know my values ​​and I know that at this point in my life I just want to have fun, plus I think it can happen.

He lives three thousand miles away. in florida and he's in portland it was amazing we ended up talking over three thousand miles for a year and a half we had wonderful, beautiful conversations on the phone we aligned and built this beautiful connection and ended up ascending towards love we finally moved in together but my favorite part It's our communication when those awkward, messy conversations arise that we tend to have in relationships. We come from a place of love, understanding and self-reflection to solve any problems that arise, so wait, how did I attract my perfect partner? i was drawn to inspired action inspiration is that which ignites our souls action is what moves us forward towards whatever we want so how can we take inspired action again by asking two very important questions?

The first is what is a false limitation. belief that keeps me stuck in a great relationship I'm not good enough no one loves me I'm in this I'm in that and the next question is what is an inspired action I can take every time I think about this limited belief to replace it, things like meditation, affirmations, a lifestyle change, a diet change, those are all forms of inspired action, so now I have shared three tools with you to attract your perfect partner and now you have to make a decision, you can stay where you are now. or you can say yes to what you want and who you want to be with, so say yes, say yes to yourself, say yes to what you want, say yes to what sets your soul on fire, say yes to love and say yes to your partner perfect. who is also there saying yes, thank you