Everything Wrong With Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

this movie exists 26 seconds of snow, man can this beginning be more? Harry Potter over three and a half minutes of making Concepción opening credits if I wanted to know how

chocolate

came to be, I would take a trip to Hershey Pennsylvania this is a story normal boy named Charlie Bucket Walker a ship this Charles Dickens meets dr. The Seuss House appears to be run down, except it was obviously built this way, so there is no way this door exists if it is not specifically designed to fit into this door frame. The late-night movie Evening Buckets pays homage to the four-person bed from the original film.

An incredible image, but it's completely impractical where Grandpa Joe and Grandpa George put their legs and do we even want to know? I saw one with my own eyes. I used to work for him, you know, Charlie has been building this exact scale replica of the Chocolate Factory for who. He knows how long, but Grandpa never mentioned that he worked there until now. Willy Wonka started with a single store on Cherry Street. Subsidy position. I guess Wonka somehow bypassed the FDA by inventing his candy stores with that illicit genie, if he can do it. that we've seen so far the door where Grandpa Joe is looking for his magician or, depending on the way Depp plays the character, possibly easy.

I'm with Charlie as we grab Joe here, that part of the story I don't think he understands. irritated in the four-poster bed was a good idea, but mr. Wonka was right of course, shortly after this came a very hot day with a boiling sun, so Prince Pondicherry thought that this would not happen if there were no hot days while Wonka was building the palace and how did this conversation arise about whether the prince intended or not. eating or living in the palace didn't appear the entire time he was working on it, they started sending spies to steal the secret recipes.

I'm not the most up-to-date at my craft of candy spying, but generally I would do it. Didn't you meet somewhere a little further from the

chocolate

factory

you were spying on? Think about how the bus started making good cream that would never melt, so we, but not melted ice cream, was actually invented and sold and Grandpa Joe shouldn't be talking about it. like it's some big reveal, he's running the machines, no one knows, Johnny, certainly, it's a mystery, not that big of a mystery, it's how no one told Charlie any of these stories before. He would give anything in the world just to get in one more time.

And look what has become of that incredible

factory

fast. I was lucky that we were so hard here that he could start to smell the toast, so they just eat and go to bed. Nobody gets bathroom breaks. The four of them are cleaning the bed. I think it's impossible. Jothee, saw how. a character suddenly becomes lucid just in time to give sobering, clichéd words of encouragement. Plus, this all seems like a strange motivation for something that hasn't even happened yet. Charlie's family seems to be setting up this goal to get Charlie into Wonka's factory even before the gold.

In fact, news of the tickets was announced that same night that Charlie died of severe hypothermia due to a gaping hole in the ceiling just inches from his bed. I'd take a good score from Danny Elfman as much as the next guy, but sometimes I get the feeling he's simply been using variations of Men in Black School or for every movie since 1997, which is why dozens of people converge on this post at exactly the same time. You're all there for the snow-on-telephone-pole orgy every second Thursday and find this? message from Wonka dear people of the world the world so the delivery guys traveled on those Vespas all over the world to publish these ads in one night what kind of Santa Claus tag does that too where did that huge staff come from they are not opelu us but Wonka trusted In them to deliver all these notices and the chocolates with the golden tickets even though they swore to abandon humanity years ago one of these children will receive a special prize beyond anything you can imagine.

You're giving them the factory, right? I think so. I may be selling my imagination, Wonka, because I simply achieved it by imagining that chocolate bars can be anywhere in any shot and on the streets of any city in any country in the world, as long as the five winners can speak English for the good of the movies. Ha ha, I understand that kids are fat and love chocolate, but you're telling me that her mother didn't wipe the chocolate off her face before going in front of the cameras. Yeah, man, let's assume she's her daughter. And there is no point in spoiling a child like that. that someone hasn't been keeping up with the kardashians oh wait damn that was a quick math buy grab joe or has been creepily monitoring this total for a while what's the point of this full bogus reveal of attention?

Is there only one human being? watching this movie he doesn't know that the bucket boy will eventually get a ticket. Manufacturing dates are offset by the climate in this room. I and I will give you the manufacturing dates and the weather, but the Nikkei index, what does the Tokyo stock market have to do with anything? and regarding mike's strategy, the bar with the ticket would still have to randomly end up in denver, right, you ungrateful guy didn't, but jesus did, mr. the cubes have sound canceling capabilities beats by dre in his hands Charlie should still be able to hear at least some of Grandpa George's tapestry of profanities.

Oh, for the love of Roald Dahl, how many times do we have to go through this pointless disappointment that we spend the first 30 minutes of this movie about the golden ticket fake outz poverty born and narrated in can we come up with some chocolate factorization? Charlie finds ten dollars in the snow and his first thought is to buy a third bar of chocolate even after hearing that the last ticket was already there. Don't worry, Charlie, you have a family of seven in a one-room shack eating water from cabbage at every meal, but go ahead and buy a little more chocolate.

This old puppet carousel is the perfect metaphor for this movie. A fake plastic reproduction. irritatingly loud and strident and ends completely in flames. Tim Burton obviously decided that the 1971 version of this story didn't have enough nightmare fuel. Where exactly did Wonka come from if the entrance to the factory is right in front of them? If there is even a murmur among the crowd behind the door at seeing Wonka for the first time in a long time, good morning, Starshine, the earth greets you, if you listen carefully with the right kind of ear, somewhere in the middle from that line you will be able to hear the exact moment when the world had had enough of Johnny Depp's nonsense and the rest of you must be his parents, yes, mom Z, dad's dad.

I cannot begin to tell you how quickly and forcefully I would remove the children from this man's presence. Would he like some chocolate? Then you should have bought something because you are literally in a chocolate factory. I'm pretty sure that was the only thing you didn't need to bring. Furthermore, Moody is deeply committed to making us hate all characters not named Bucket. I don't mind. how much you like good old Charlie, it's too quick to sit down come with me, try some of my beans. I'm guessing there were a lot of people involved in this mental journey of a movie who didn't pay attention, try some of the Wonka bits you need. the cross, of course you can, but if you wanted to, they have been walking everywhere.

I get that they had to make these kids unpleasant, but Tim Burton went too far. I mean, if you're going to remake this, why don't you give it? these characters a little nuance instead of doubling down on the Tuna Oompa Loompas imported directly from the label. He would have done so if he didn't encounter a sudden and conveniently subordinate workforce; he had already fired all of his staff at that very moment. He wants us to believe that, like annoying and I don't know what's going on with Willy Wonka, he travels through King Jungle earning Swaddlers and snozzwangers and those terrible, evil Wang what are the names of my penis doodles?

I'll take the name of the actor Johnny for 500 Hours of Sword Swallowing. I went to Loompaland in search of new exotic flavors, instead I found balloons and I wouldn't have believed at all that these new balloons existed if I didn't have this completely necessary backstory. I am more willing to buy. that won't learn the looper language and could communicate with them than being able to acquire all the necessary passports and documentation to get them back to their factory, hey little Mike, they have to be touched by human hands, that doesn't seem like a great marketing strategy and also why the hell didn't I want to tell them that from the beginning there was a rule why not all Oompa Loompas look the same why they are miniature humans where did they find their love for musical theater? wearing full body latex uniforms and why they rate songs like a 5th grader trying to figure out what rhymes with poop looking movie, you're the one who wanted to tell these guys backstory so now I need to know If I know my high school physics and I probably don't when you have an overweight child's object stuck in your vacuum cleaner, isn't the pressure above the blockage or below?

So why would it spread down here like this? So did the song and the dance number solve the situation because open circuit is different, right, Jack? I didn't say that, don't even bother with Hearst, they knew it was going to happen, as if we needed any more reasons to hate them, these snozzwangers would be great in theaters. I want you to take Mrs. Go up to the candy room, okay? Is it just me or taking Mrs. Gloop to the candy room sounds like a new euphemism for going to the bathroom. Wong Kanta continues the tour forever.

They're still on tour after the whole Augustus Gloop. These people deserve what they once saw as a torture device falling on their heads. human hands can't touch the chocolate, the bottom of the boat is fine, as we've been told several times, the churning waterfall is what makes the chocolate unique, so this definitely introduces an unnecessary variable. God, why is

everything

in this movie trying so hard to happen? Look, one percent of Tim Burton's imagination would drive out the rest of the world in a battle of imagination, but this seems a bit far-fetched, even for him, sure Wonka would have an extravagant ship, but wouldn't he choose something that fit better? with the topic?

That's a Dragon has to do with any of these Lluís antagonists and objects to the 2000 rehash having an origin story even though it doesn't need one and no one asked for a cliché, plus it's completely contradictory that this film is called Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when it is much more eccentric than the first. I know it's supposed to be a more faithful adaptation of the book, but you know how many people around here feel like that, candy would get stuck in your braces, right? Oh man, I had a Drag poor Christopher Lee to this I didn't think about it, plus of course Willy Wonka's father was a dentist who never let him eat candy.

The backstory was apparently written by the admiral. It's also obvious why Count Dooku saw it in Willy going out trick-or-treating in the first place if your candy burns like that and I hate to be the one to tell you this, either you have some bad candy or you're in a movie. Tim Burton and we can add animal cruelty for the sake of a visual pond to the growing list of reasons why this factory would have been closed years ago. These are eternal gobstoppers that you can suck on all year round and they will never get smaller, aka the eternal choking hazard.

I'd rather you did it. There's still one or two things about them, oh come on Wonka, we all know what you're doing. You put a stick of gum right in front of the gum champion. This is all a big mix of traps. with a lot of endangering children and you're loving every second that it's a stretchy sports suit that someone called Bruce Banner's stylist because I think we found the material for his next outfit. I swear to the Greek Gobstopper in heaven, the music in this movie makes the music in the lorax look like Hamilton in comparison, no matter how exaggerated his appearance is, that's still a purple body, the Oompa Loompas could be causing serious damage by jumping on it, we have to squeeze all that juice out of it immediately.

Wonka's look and general demeanor. I think this environment is the only place where he could say the phrase and not be immediately arrested. What is the special prize you get? Syd. The best kind of award is a surprise, ha ha ha, the problem with Johnny Depp. The portrayal is that it takes the beautiful, beleaguered but eccentric frustration of Gene Wilder's Wonka and turns it into nothing more than the case of a sociopath with a severe Arrested Development, a take that steals all theWonka rejoices in finding someone to finally take over the factory and take his place. it just makes us want to alert the proper authorities oh, I think one is a bit mean, that's why we nickname him Lance Luca, Jesus' little girl.

Movies like watching a slow speed car chase after taking a couple of Valium. It's always fun to see a kids movie turned into a street horror movie, seriously, bring on the spiria squirrel, at least that would be interesting, sure most of these kids are horrible, but these parents are worse, they're incapable and they don't They are interested in helping their children, mr. Salt cannot jump over the railing and run down the stairs to save his daughter from some squirrels for the sole purpose of this visual guide. Wonka was able to get an oversized steak from the Looney Tunes lion ladies, is it just me or welcome?

Fudge Mountain sounds like a euphemism because you know, maybe this whole movie is a euphemism for shit and this is the puppet hospital and the burn center, it's relatively new, come on, movie, you've already established how weird Wonka is by the fact that she has random flashbacks and likes to play murdering children, this is an unfunny exaggeration, hi Doris, so the only blooming woman poses in the factory, she works in the main office. She knew her uncle. He was crazy but he was also sexist. She doesn't have to be right, so it's a pleasure. Try it, mr.

Burton, you're not covering up all your bull nonsense, so easily your Ruby still has to have a compelling story and voice, as is another flashback when we get the point, it seems like a new line like Christopher Lee keeps those Saruman powers for a while. extra year I'm not

wrong

and even if we assume that Wonka prepared all of this in advance, there are several things that still have to fall into place. Augustus has to be left alone and start drinking and fall into the violet river he has to take the rubber bait, which might be the easiest, but still he has to go exactly as planned.

Farooq asked to be interested enough in the squirrels to go down the slide and Mike has to ask. To choose a room, it turns out to be the TV room and he has to have the idea of ​​transporting himself. Wouldn't it be easier to just take them all to the factory and have them sign who is the last man standing, like in the joke we made in the dark night incorrect inertia alert when this elevator shoots forward everyone should fall backwards, not against the wall in front of them, cool, you invented teleportation and apparently also levitation, what's this Johnny Depp like?

Yes, sigh, chocolate bar floating, well, why would I want to send a person? they don't quite know Oh, for those keeping score at home, that's the third cannibalism joke in this movie, all of which had the same basic punchline and the same lack of funny oh no, Mike, I think mr. Wonka really knows what he's talking about mr. TV you can say that with a straight face prejudiced what are you talking about little known fact Warner Brothers originally hired Edgar Wright to direct the sequence but in a different way due to creative differences Johnny is the only one this you mean you're the only one, yeah , I don't blame Wonka for not realizing this because I didn't forget that Carly was a part of this movie and we shouldn't be too organic because we have a huge amount of things to do before the days end, but fortunately for us.

We have the big glass elevator to speed things up. I wish the creators of this movie had a glass elevator because this movie took so little time and had so many interesting things, sorry, cross all that backwards, it's amazing to think that 12 years before this Steven Spielberg made us believe that dinosaurs They walked on earth, but Tim Burton can't make us believe that a little girl is twirling down some stairs. Plus, it's great to get confirmation that the kids are okay and that this is the only residual issue they'll have. You have to deal with their horribly mutilated bodies.

You have some Star Wars and my Willy Wonka movie. The proper young Brit would say elevator, it's an elevator, dear Veruca, you want a flying glass elevator. You must be the boy's parents, yes dad, okay, that manufactured an unnecessary Wonka. the backstory hasn't been resolved yet I guess we have another 15 minutes a mountain of chocolate to get through I had the strangest revelation Bree there's still time for another flashback I'd take care of them after I'm gone I realized in that moment that I should find here, hey, the movie will take care of the clumsy puns here, damn yes please, and this movie concludes cleaner and healthier than an actual episode of peanut growing pains.

I love peanuts, just lucid Grandma Georgina, did Wonka also invent the cure for dementia? They built an exact replica of his entire house in the factory, does that make sense and don't be so cheap about how candy doesn't even make sense it's his home, what do we have root canals and by the looks of it? of those x-rays it's not going to be pretty since cinemas started, the most requested thing has been television since then and now it's a reality, click the link in the description below to see and now the audio shots you see some earmuffs and whatever you want. baby, Marie and don't look at it, no matter what happens.

I guess this flavored chocolate coated glue. Wow, welcome to look for Mountain. Could you give John Redcorn a warm welcome to the big mountain chocolate cake?