Don't Die Before Your Death - Muniba Mazari #IronLady

whoa I'm running out of words right now but I can't afford this because I have to talk thank you so much for all the love for all the warmth thank you for accepting me thank you so much well I always start my talk with a disclaimer and that disclaimer is that I have never claimed to be a motivational speaker, yes I talk, but I feel more like a Storyteller because everywhere I go I share a story with everyone, well it's the story of a woman whose perfectly imperfect life made her. who and what is today is the story of a woman who in Pursuit offered dreams and aspirations made other people realize that if you think

your

life is difficult and you are giving up on that because you think

your

life is unfair, think again because when you think that way you are being unfair to yourself it is the story of a woman who made people realize that sometimes problems are not too big we are too small because we cannot handle them it is the story of a woman of the That time we realized true happiness does not lie in success, money, fame, it is in true happiness, it lies in gratitude, so I am here and I am going to share the story of that woman, that is my story , the story of gratitude, I love you too, I love you.

Everything I believe in the power of words Many people speak before thinking, but I know the value of words. Words can break you, they can heal your soul, they can hurt you forever, so I always try to use positive words in my life. Wherever I go, they call it adversity, I call it opportunity, they call it weakness, I call it strength, they call me disabled, they call me differently capable, they see my disability, they see my disability, I see my ability, there are some incidents that happen in your life and those incidents are so strong that they change your DNA those incidents or accidents are so strong that they break you physically they deform your body but transform your soul those incidents break you they deform you but they mold you into the best version of yourself and the same thing Something happened to me and I'm going to share what exactly happened to me.

I was 18 when I got married and I am sharing this for the first time internationally. I was 18 years old when I got married. I belonged to a very conservative family a Baloch family where good daughters never say no to their parents my father wanted me to get married and all I said was if it makes you happy I will say yes and of course it was never a happy marriage. Almost after two years of getting married, about nine years ago, I was in a car accident. Somehow my husband fell asleep and the car fell into the ditch, he managed to jump out and saved himself.

I'm happy for him, but I stayed inside the car. and I suffered many injuries the list is a bit long don't be scared I'm perfectly fine now the ulna radius of my right arm was fractured the wrist the humerus and the clavicle were fractured my entire ribcage was fractured and because of the injury to the rib cage lungs and liver were seriously injured I couldn't breathe I lost control of urine and bowels that's why I have to use the bag Wherever I go but that injury changed me and my life completely as a person and my perception towards living My life was spinal injury, three vertebrae in my spine were completely crushed and I was paralyzed for the rest of my life, so this accident took place in a remote area on the outskirts of a very small province of Balochistan, where there was no first aid.

There is no hospital or ambulance I was in the middle of nowhere in that overturned car a lot of people came to rescue me they gave me CBR they took me out of the car and while they were dragging me they did the complete surgery on my spinal cord and now there was this debate going on ? Should we leave it here? She is going to die. Where should we go? There is no ambulance. There was a four-wheeled Jeep stopped on the corner of the street. They said to put her in the back of the Jeep and take her to the hospital, which is three hours away from this place and I still remember that bumpy ride.

I was all broken. They threw me in the back of the Jeep and rushed me to the hospital. That was where I realized that half my body was fractured and half of it was paralyzed. I finally ended up in a hospital where I stayed for two and a half months. I underwent multiple surgeries. The doctors put a lot of titanium in my arm. There's a lot of titanium in my back to fix. That's why people in Pakistan call me. I, The Iron Lady of Pakistan, sometimes wonder how easy it is for me to describe all this again and someone has rightly said that when you share your story and it doesn't make you cry, it means you have healed those two and the months and a half in the hospital were horrible.

I won't make up stories just to inspire you. He was faced with words of despair. One day the doctor came to me and said, well, I heard you wanted to be an artist but you ended up being an. housewife I have bad news for you, you will not be able to paint again because your wrist and arm are so deformed that you will not be able to hold the pen again and I remained silent the next day the doctor came to see me and told me your column The injury It is so serious that you will not be able to walk again.

I took a deep breath and said it was okay. The red stay doctor came to see me and told me that due to your spinal injury and the fixation you have in your back, you will not be able to walk again. Not being able to give birth to a child again that day I was devastated. I still remember asking my mother why me and that's where I started to question my existence. Because I'm alive? What is the point of living? I can not walk. Can't. paint well I can't be a mother and we have this thing in our heads as women that we are incomplete without having children I'm going to be an incomplete woman for the rest of my life what's the point people are afraid they think I'll get divorced What's going to happen to me pass?

Why am I alive? We all tried to chase the tunnel. We all do this because we see a light at the end of the tunnel that keeps us moving forward. My dear friends. In my situation, there was a tunnel that I. I had to roll but there was no light and then I realized that works have the power to heal the soul. My mother told me this too will pass. God has a greater plan for you. I don't know what it is but surely He has done it and in all that anguish. and pain in some way or another those words were so magical that they kept me going.

I was trying to put that smile on my face the whole time I was hiding it, it was so hard to hide the pain that was there. but all I knew was that if I gave up, my mother and brothers would give up too. I can't watch them cry with me, so what kept me going was that one day I asked my brothers. I know I have a deformed hand, but I'm tired of looking at these white walls in the hospital and wearing these white coats I'm getting tired of this I want to add more colors to my life I want to do something bring me some colors bring me a small canvas I want to paint like this The first painting I did was on my

death

bed, where I painted for the first time.

It wasn't just a work of art or just my passion, it was my therapy. What an incredible therapy it was, without saying a single word, I was able to paint my heart. I was able to share my story, people used to come and say what a beautiful painting, so much color, no one could see the pain in it, only I could, that's how I spent two and a half months in my hospital crying, without complaining or complaining, but painting and then I was discharged and I came home and I came home and I realized that I had developed a lot of pressure ulcers on my back and on my hip bone.

I couldn't sit down. There were many infections in my body. allergies, so the doctors wanted me to lie in bed for not six months or a year for two years. I was bedridden confined in that room looking out the window listening to the birds singing and thinking that maybe the time will come when I will be going out with the family and enjoying nature, that was the moment I realized How lucky people are, but they don't realize it, that's the moment I realized that the day I'm going to sit down, I'm going to share this pain with everyone so they realize how blessed they are. and they don't even consider them lucky.

They are always turning points in your life. There was a day of rebirth that I celebrated after two years and two and a half months when I was able to sit in a wheelchair that was the day I had rebirth I was a completely different person I still remember the day I sat in the wheelchair wheels for the first time knowing that I'm never going to get out of this knowing that I will win' I won't be able to walk for the rest of my life I looked in the mirror and talked to myself and I still remember what I said I can't wait for a miracle to come and tell me make me walk I can't sit in the corner of the room crying and crying and begging for mercy because no one has time so I have to accept myself as I am the sooner the better so I applied the lip color for the first time and wiped it off and cried and said what I'm doing person in a wheelchair I shouldn't do this what people will say clean it put it back this time I put it for myself because I wanted to feel perfect inside and that day I decided I'm going to live life for myself I'm not I'm going to be that perfect person for someone.

I'm just going to take this moment and make it perfect for me and you know how it all started that day. I decided that I am going to fight my fears. We all have fears. unknown fear to known fear of losing people fear of losing Health money we want to excel in our career we want to be famous we want to get money we are afraid all the time so I wrote down one by one all those fears and decided that I am going to overcome these fears one at a time , you know what my biggest fear of divorce was.

I couldn't stand this word. I was trying to hold on to this person who didn't love me anymore, but I said no, I have to do it. It worked but the day I decided that this was nothing more than my fear I freed myself by letting him free and I became so emotionally strong that the day I received the news that he was getting married I sent him a text message telling him that I am very happy. for you and I wish you all the best and he knows that I pray for him today. My number two biggest fear was not being able to be a mother again and that was pretty devastating for me, but then I realized there are so many.

Children in the world all they want is acceptance so there's no point in crying just go and adopt one and that's what I did I gave my name to different organizations different orphanages I didn't mention that I'm in a wheelchair dying to have a child , so I just told them this is it and she wants to adopt a boy or a girl, but I want to adopt a boy and I waited patiently two years later. I received this call from a very small city in Pakistan. I got a call and they said are you manipa

mazari

?

There is a child and you would like to adopt him and when I said yes I could literally feel the pain of childbirth I said yes yes I am going to adopt him I am going to take him home and when I got there the man was sitting and he was looking at me from head to toe and in my head kept thinking oh my god he's going to say she's in the wheelchair she doesn't deserve it how is she going to take care of him and I looked at him and said don't judge me because I'm in the wheelchair but you know what he said He said I know you will be the best mother of this child, both of you are lucky to have each other and that day when he was two years old and two days old and today he turns six, you will be surprised to know that another biggest fear I had in me was facing people.

I used to hide from people when I was in bed for two years I used to keep the door closed I pretended I wasn't going to meet anyone tell them I'm sleeping you know why because I couldn't stand that sympathy they had for me they treated me like a patient when I used to smile they looked at me and said you're smiling you're fine I was tired of being asked this question are you sick well a lady yesterday at the airport asked me are you sick and I said well um besides the spinal cord injury I'm fine, I guess, but those are really nice questions.

They never felt pretty when I was in bed, so I used to hide from people knowing that, oh my God, I'm not going to see that niceness in their eyes. okay and today I'm here talking to all these wonderful people because I've overcome the fear. Thank you, you know, when you end up in a wheelchair, what is the most painful thing? It is another fear that people in wheelchairs or people who have different abilities have in their hearts but never share. I will share that with you the lack of acceptance people think that they will not be accepted by other people because we in the world of perfect people are imperfect so I decided that instead of starting. a disability awareness NGO that I know won't help anyone.

I started appearing in public more. I started painting. I always wanted to do it. I have done many exhibitions. I am Pakistan's first wheelchair-bound artist. I have worked a lot as a model. campaigns different campaigns for brands like Tony and Guy. I've made some really fun models breaking barriers. There was one called Clown Town where I became a clown because I know that clowns have hearts too and then I also decided that if I really want to make a difference. I will not allow people to use me for their anti-polio campaigns where they will make you a victim of an emblem of misery and mercy and we will say that you know what to give anti-polio drops to your children or SeThey will come back like this girl.

I have decided that I will join Pakistan National Television as a presenter and I have been doing many shows for the last three years, so when you accept yourself, The Way You Are The World recognizes you. you, everything starts from within. I became, thank you, I became the national Goodwill Ambassador for UN women in Pakistan and now I speak for the rights of women, girls, we talk about inclusion, diversity, gender equality, which is essential.appears in BBC 100 Women for 2015. I am one of Forbes 30 Under 30 for 2016. And it didn't all happen alone, you all are thriving in your careers, you have bigger dreams and aspirations in life, always remember one thing in the The path to success always exists with us, not me, don't think that you alone can achieve things, no, there is always another person behind you, maybe not coming to the front, but behind you, praying for you and supporting you, never lose that person, never, no.

No matter how much I say I couldn't find a hero, so I became one. I still want to acknowledge those three people in my life who literally changed my life completely and I am inspired by them every day. Waleed Khan, many people know about the terrorist attacks in Pakistan we have lost many people and I am sharing this with great regret because actually we have lost many people in this huge agitation of terrorism these people are barbarians, they do not see the people who are , they are They are even worse than animals. They have killed people in mosques.

They have killed people in churches, temples, even in schools. There was a terrorist attack in the military public school in Peshawar, where these terrorists entered an examination hall and killed our children, and in that attack That day, this beautiful boy Waleed Khan, who is my hero, my hero of life In reality, he was the supervisor who took care of the students and monitored the students. Those barbarians shot him three times in the face, five times in his body and he fell. I was asked to give a talk at school a week after that terrorist attack with a very heavy heart.

I went there and talked, we sang some national songs. I thought maybe I had done my part, but deep down it was killing me. I could see injured children. I could see children sitting in wheelchairs, looking at me and wondering what's next. What was our fault just because we were here to take an exam? They shot so many of us. So many children lost their friends. Their classrooms were empty the next day. The day they went to the classroom, so this boy, Walid Khan, they asked me that he is in a hospital right now and that you have to go see him, motivate him and tell him that everything is going to be okay, and when I saw coming to Valid Khan. in the wheelchair for the first time in front of me his face was all deformed his leg was broken his arm was broken he couldn't speak he lost his teeth he can't sneeze he can't smell he can't eat and I kept thinking what should I say that everything is going to be okay no, nothing is okay and as I was juggling the words what to say what not to say, this beautiful boy Waleed Khan came to me and said are you

muniba

mazari

?

I told him yes, he said bhaji, let's take a selfie and with that beautiful toothless smile of valid Khan we took that beautiful selfie that I still have with me that I don't share here because he was in a very bad state that time and that's when I realized when he was thinking too much about his deformities he is happy with himself he doesn't even care because today he goes to the same school and when someone asks him what happened to your face why so many scars you know what he says these scars are my medals and I wear them with pride and How nice it is to say that the terrorists wanted me not to study.

Am going to study. One day I will be a doctor and this is my way of getting revenge on those terrorists. Another real-life hero, of course, my son, name him. is Niall n-i-l-a River Nile I learned a lot from this child the first and most important thing is patience how to be patient when you know your mother can't walk when you know your mother is different from other women when you know your mother can't go out to play with you how to stay calm he loves soccer and when we got the first soccer ball he was four years old and he was super excited.

I still remember that he came into the room and said: Mom, let's play soccer and he kept the ball. on my feet and he told me let's kick it and that day I felt disabled I said I can't kick the ball and I was left with the same face he looked at me and said well it's okay your legs don't work but your hands do let's play catch the ball, you know , that day made me realize that when you think your glass is half empty, come on, your glass is half full, everything is here and here, last but not least, the woman who made me realize that heroes have no gender the woman who believed in me even when I was completely in the words of Despair where everyone left she was there and every time I looked at her without saying anything she looked at me and said this too shall pass God has a bigger plan and One day you will say that oh my God, this is why God has chosen me, she never cried in front of me, she has always said that there will be enemies, there will be detractors, there will be unbelievers and then there will be you proving them wrong. mother whatever it is today I am nothing without her I am nothing without her thank you mom I wish you were here thank you for making me who I am today you know what human beings have a problem among many problems there is one more and this is one created by ourselves We always expect ease from life we ​​have this amazing fantasy about life this is how things should work this is my plan it should go according to my plan if that doesn't happen we give up so dear Friends let me tell you something.

I never wanted to be in a wheelchair. I never thought about being in a wheelchair. I always aspired to do bigger things, but I had no idea that this is why I have to pay the price to be where I am today. a very high price this life is a test and a test and tests are tests they are never supposed to be easy so when you expect ease from life and life gives you lemons then you make the lemonade and you don't blame life for it because you expected a test to relieve you and make you a better stronger person life is a test every time you realize it's okay to be afraid it's okay to cry everything is okay but giving up shouldn't be an option they always say failure failure is not an option failure should be an option because when you fail you get up and then you fail and then you get back up and that keeps you going that's how humans are strong failure is an option it should be an option but giving up is never what we do we have this in mind we call it perfection we want everything perfect we want ourselves to be perfect there is this image in our head about everything perfect life perfect relationships perfect career perfect amount of money we need to earn no matter what nothing is perfect in In this world we are all perfectly imperfect and that's perfectly okay, okay, you were sent here, not to make us the perfect people, those people who tell you how to look perfect, even those people are imperfect, trying to fight this fear of looking imperfect.

I used to be perfect I still remember I got this compliment years ago when I was walking oh my gosh look at you you're fair you're tall you're perfect Look at me Now only perfect eyes can see that only the Perfect eyes will see that only perfect eyes will see that . So yes, in all those imperfections you have to listen to your heart. You don't have to look good to people. You don't have to be perfect just because other people want you to. Be perfect if your soul is perfect from within, that is okay, this is all you want, this is all you need to be.

Our society has created very strange, very strange norms to look perfect and great for men, it's different for women, it's different. we think too much about what people say and we listen to ourselves too little you know what makes you perfect when you make someone smile you know what makes you perfect when you try to do something good for the people around you you know what makes you perfect when you feel the someone's pain and how beautiful the pain is that connects you with people no other medium can connect you with others except pain that's why I always say that I am in pain and that is a blessing in disguise for me today just because 'I am in pain and I am in a chair of wheels I work for children being the CSR head of a company.

We conduct medical camps in remote areas of Pakistan where so many children die because they don't have medical facilities and I personally believe. just because they can't afford to live doesn't mean we let them die so we give them a lot of medical treatment we try to heal their physical and emotional wounds and I also work for The Beautiful People we call them third gender the transgender community of Pakistan you know what connects me to them all my imperfections when I go and hug them they never judge me and this very good friend of mine her name is bijli bishlim she is electricity she is called electricity and I told her you are electricity she says no I am lightning I am so strong like the lightning we have because we have a very strong power outage so she doesn't want me to call it electricity so she says I'm very strong I'm thunder I'm lightning she came to me and the first time I hugged her She said are you like me and I said yes I am like you because to people we are so imperfect, so how beautiful are these imperfections, because of these imperfections you can connect with people, so why are we all running?

After being perfect, what's the point every time I go in public? I always smile, there is always a big toothy smile on my face and people ask me: don't you get tired of smiling all the time? What is the secret. I always say one thing that I have. I stopped worrying about the things I have lost, the people I have lost, the things and people that should be with me, are with me and sometimes someone's absence makes you a better person, value their absence, it is always a blessing in disguise. I always say that people are so lucky that they don't even realize it.

You must be thinking, "Okay, you're lucky, in what way." Well, the breath you just took was a blessing, embrace it, there are so many people in the world who dream of living. a life you're living right now you have no idea Embrace every breath you're taking celebrate your life live it don't die before your

death

we all die oh we lived this one day routine for 75 years and we Call it life, no that's not life, If you're still thinking about why you were sent here, if you're still juggling the concept of why you're here, you haven't lived yet, you work hard, you make money, you do it for yourself.

That's not life. You go out and look for people who need your help. You improve their lives. You become that sponge that can absorb all the negativity and you become that person who can emit beautiful Positive Vibrations and when you realize that you have changed someone's life. and thanks to you this person did not give up that is the day you live we always talked about gratitude why do I smile all the time I cry all night when no one sees me because I am a human and I have to keep my balance and I smile all day because I know that if I smile I can make people smile, that keeps me alive, be grateful for what you have and you will always end up having more, but if you cry and if you do it for the little things that you don't have or the things that you have never lost you will have enough.

Sometimes we are too busy thinking about the things we don't have and we forget to appreciate the blessings we do have. I'm not saying that I'm not healthy and that makes me unlucky, but yeah, it's hard, it's hard when I say I can't walk, it's hard to say that when I use this bag it hurts, but I have to keep going because I never give up. above is the way to always live so I will end my talk on a very short note live your life fully accept yourself as you are be kind to yourself be kind to yourself I will repeat be kind to yourself and only then you can be kind to others love yourself yourself and spread that love life will be hard there will be turbulence there will be trials but that will only make you stronger never give up true happiness does not lie in money or success or fame I have all this I never wanted this true happiness lies in gratitude, so be grateful, be alive and live every moment.

Thank you all very much, thank you.