Conan Catches Jordan Schlansky Coming In Late

As many of you probably know, we don't record a show on Fridays, but we still come to the office and work a full day. Well, everyone is supposed to arrive at 9:30 a.m. m., including me, people on staff started telling me that one of our producers. Jordan Schlansky, there he is, yes, it really is him. One of our producers. Jordan Slansky doesn't come to the office on Fridays until early afternoon and he's been doing this consistently for a long time since I became the boss last Friday. I decided to investigate this claim that Jordan is

late

on Fridays.

He had a camera crew with me. I think it was a very good use of my time. This is what happened. I'm sitting in Jordan Schlansky's office, he's an associate producer on the show and it's recently been brought to my attention that on Fridays, for some reason, he doesn't come in until very

late

, it's now 12:20, no, Jordan Schlansky, so I'm sitting and waiting for it because I want to. to get to the bottom of what Jordan does every Friday he has a kaiser roll in a bag olive oil his own specialized mini pepper grinder look at this he has a giant thing of Clorox wipes now it looks like the office of someone who is afraid of gel fresh moisturizer Jones Alo the espresso cups he has two in case he ever makes a friend he has the death squad commander in his box and a backup why would you have two he's supposed to go to a children's hospital and he's hiding he has them in his office, oh my god, I'm curious, oh of course, cufflinks for his wedding day.

You'd better put them back in their place. I'm sure they're protected by the Floyds of London, if anyone ever wants to give Jordan a wedding gift. I think it's registered at Toys R Us what's happening here that's your reaction what's happening here you just walk into your office that seems like an acceptable reaction to me Jordan do you know what time it is 12:30 it's actually 12:50 I It has come to my attention that I like to be late on Fridays. Well, I work later on Fridays than a lot of people and I feel like I can adequately accomplish what I need to during the time I'm here.

I have prepared my daily task. in front of me now your daily task what is your daily task pouring olive oil on a Kaiser roll is that your daily task Can I ask you uh Jordan what were you doing this morning? Well, I woke up uh immediately I had a protein shake. I have been Experimenting with Oats and Whey with Oats and Whey I was trying to avoid synthetic maltodextrin which is derived from corn and had read that oats are a good source of complex carbohydrates when mixed with whey. Can I ask you a quick question?

Are you wearing sunglasses? While you make the smoothie you seek to eliminate them, what do you think would be humane? You've studied humans at our plant for a while, take them away, it makes you feel more comfortable, okay, you got up, had your whey and oatmeal shake. So, then, I prepared my body in various ways, I cleaned it, I shaved it, and what do you do to me? Well, I want to make it very clear to everyone at home, this is really happening, this is completely real, this is not written, he just said it. all those things this is a real person there are so many people asking me how you found that guy who writes the stuff about him you just said you just said I prepare my body in various ways did you say you shaved it? shirt please if you don't mind so this area is freshly shaved uh no I didn't say I shaved my chest I didn't say I shaved my whole body What part of your body did you shave my face oh just you? face, oh, you keep down, in the south, you think it's a private matter, you just took off your shirt, you ask, I just asked you if you shave, you, you, John Dory, that doesn't matter, you draw the line in terms of talk about my day to day. grooming rituals yes yes okay, you can put your shirt back on, wait a minute, put on your sunglasses but leave your shirt on.

Can I ask you why you have this instead of just a normal packet of pepper which is a pepper grinder? Yes, I have never seen it. Something like this before, why is it so small? It allows me to use fresh pepper in the food I eat without taking up an excessive amount of dead space, right? Because you wouldn't want your face to get messy, why do you have these? to me by who by a woman I know a woman sent you this correct the very definition of having this is proof that you don't know a woman is that you are not making eye contact with me why would it be your intention to wait for these or donate them to a charity for undecided children.

I would like to help you be on time from now on. I think that would be good for you, so we have some devices that could help you. Would this watch be useful to you? I don't see how you could have this at home and it would tell you what time it is and then you would know that I should probably go to work. My lack of time awareness is not responsible for the time I arrive. office office I would like you to hang this one in the office and I would like you to tie it to your Vasa, it would be a kind of idiotic Italian flavor.

I also want you to know that you are being monitored at all. times by this camera I will be constantly monitoring that camera to make sure one of my workers is really busy bee buzz this is a good old fashioned time card that you have to punch in and out every day I have had this They brought me the machine Would you like to check it out? Yes, I don't think the device works. Try again. You have to put it in the center. Do you know how I knew it was the center? No, I've worked for a living, he's the real deal. human being