Community Affairs Cold Open - SNL

YOU ARE WATCHING NEW YORK ONE BECAUSE YOUR WI-FI IS DOWN. LATER, A SUMMARY OF HOPE HICKS' EMOTIONAL TESTIMONY AT DONALD TRUMP'S HUSH MONEY TRIAL. FIRST, IT'S COMMUNITY ISSUES WITH RYAN ABERNATHY. GOOD AFTERNOON AND WELCOME TO COMMUNITY AFFAIRS. I'm RYAN ABERNATHY. COLLEGE STUDENTS HAVE BEEN PROTESTING ON CAMPUS AROUND THE COUNTRY. TONIGHT I WILL DISCUSS WITH MY GUESTS WHO ARE STUDENT PARENTS AT NEW YORK UNIVERSITIES. JOIN ME IN WELCOME NEW STUDENT PARENT, DOUG HOVING. SARAH HIMES. HELLO. THANK YOU FOR INVITING ME. AND THE DAD OF COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY, ALPHONSE ROBERTS. HELLO RYAN AND HELLO MY WIFE. AS PARENTS, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THESE PROTESTS ON CAMPUS?

SARAH, WE'LL START WITH YOU. FOR ME IT HAS BEEN DIFFICULT. I'M FOR FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION, BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY THINK THEY'RE ACHIEVING, AND THAT'S REALLY PUTTING TENSION ON MY DAUGHTER'S RELATIONSHIP AND ON ME. YES. I WANT TO LET MY SON MAKE HIS OWN DECISIONS, BUT TO BE HONEST, IT'S A LITTLE SCARY. THESE PROTESTS ARE BECOMING MUCH MORE AGGRESSIVE. RIGHT. BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY, MY DAUGHTER IS AN ADULT AND HAS TO LIVE HER OWN LIFE. WELL, I THINK IT'S JUST GREAT. IT IS WONDERFUL. NOTHING MAKES ME MORE PROUD than young people who use their voices to fight for what they believe in?

WOW! THAT'S VERY ENCOURAGING. YOUR DAUGHTER SHOULD FEEL VERY SUPPORTED WHEN SHE IS THERE. WHAT IS THAT NOW? WHEN WHOSE DAUGHTER IS OUTSIDE? IN THE PROTEST. NO, NO, NO. Aha, man. MISTAKES. ALEXIS VANESSA ROBERTS BETTER HAVE HER ASS IN CLASS. Let me find out she's in one of those damn tents instead of the dorm I pay for. I THOUGHT YOU WERE IN FAVOR OF STUDENT PROTESTS? BROTHER MAN, I SUPPORT ALL OF YOU CHILDREN PROTESTING, NOT MY CHILDREN. MY CHILDREN KNOW BEST. SHOT, ALEXIS VANESSA IS NOT CRAZY. YOUR DAUGHTER ATTENDS THE BOO COLUMN I CAN'T. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE STUDENTS WHO TOOK HAMILTON HALL?

THAT'S GOOD FOR YOUR CHILDREN, BUT THEY'RE NOT MINE. DO YOU FEEL ME, RYAN? YES, I FEEL YOU, ALPHONSE. TELL ME, WITH THE INCREASE IN ATTENDANCE TO THIS PROGRAM, HOW DOES THE POLICE PRESENCE FEEL TO YOU? I AM VERY WORRIED. ONE OF MY WORST FEARS IS THAT MY DAUGHTER WOULD BE BEHIND BARS. THIS IS A CRUCIAL MOMENT IN HER LIFE, AND I WOULD HATE FOR SHE TO HAVE AN ARREST THAT FOLLOWS HER FOREVER. MAN, I DON'T CARE ABOUT 5-0. THAT'S NOT MY BUSINESS. MY BUSINESS IS ALEXIS VANESSA ROBERTS. SHE'S NOT TALKING ABOUT NOT RELEASE THIS, RELEASE THAT.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S NOT FREE, COLUMBIA. SHOOT. DOES EVERYONE KNOW THAT THEY HAVE THE Audacity to want 68,000 A YEAR? I MEAN, WE TOTALLY RESPECT YOUR RIGHT TO PROTEST, BUT I WANT TO SAY THAT WE ARE ALSO MAKING SACRIFICES FOR OUR CHILDREN. YES. I'm here busting my ass to pay all that tuition. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR LIFE? SISTER, I DO IT ALL. UBER ALL DAY, UBER EAT ALL NIGHT, MOWING LAWN ON WEEKENDS, SELLING GUCCI WALLETS IN MY TRUNK, LIFE COACHING ON IG. I HUNT REWARDS WHENEVER POSSIBLE. ALL THAT SO HE CAN SAY HE GOT A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN AFRICAN AMERICAN STUDIES.

LOOK GIRL, YOU'VE BEEN BLACK YOUR WHOLE LIFE. KNOW WHAT IT IS. THAT'S A GREAT INVESTMENT IN YOUR DAUGHTER. DAMN SKIPPY IT IS. BUT IT IS DONATED. SHE IS GOING TO CHANGE THE WORLD. SHE IS SURELY BETTER. I'M SURE HE WILL. YES, YES, SHE WILL. SHE'S WORTH EVERY PENNY, AND I KNOW I LOOK ANGRY NOW, BUT WAIT UNTIL GRADUATION WHEN YOU SEE THAT SMILE ON MY FACE WHEN I HEARD THAT NAME ALEXIS VANESSA ROBERTS AND SEE HER WALKING DOWN THAT STAGE. I'VE ACTUALLY HEARD THAT SOME SCHOOLS ARE COMPLETELY CANCELING THEIR GRADUATION CEREMONIES. GIRL SISTER, I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND.

ALEXIS VANESSA WILL GRADUATE, EVEN IF I HAVE TO DO IT MYSELF. BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU THAT AT THE END OF THIS MONTH, I PUT ON MY CHURCH CLOTHES, THREE PUMPS OF COLD WATER COLOGNE, SMELLING GOOD LIKE A CUP, AND THEN, BAM, I GET INTO MY '98 FORD EXPLORER, SHOOTING ANITA BAKER, AND YOU BETTER BELIEVE I'M GOING TO BE THERE HOWING AND SCREAMING AFTER THEY EXPLICITLY TOLD US TO WAIT UNTIL THE END. THAT'S ALL I KNOW. WOW! I HAVE IT ALL PLANNED. YES. YOU CAN TAKE THAT TO THE BANK. THIS GIRL STARTED COLLEGE DURING COVID, HAD ME HERE PAYING $68,000 IN TUITION, AND SHE AT MY HOUSE TAKING CLASSES ON ZOOM AND LEARNING ABOUT THE APPLIED HISTORY OF THE B.E.T.

AWARDS. Man, if she doesn't walk, Columbia will be in the news for something else. THAT'S ALL I KNOW. AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!