Chappelle's Show - Black Bush (ft. Jamie Foxx)

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, NOW I BRING YOU BLACK BUSH. Narrator: PRESIDENT BUSH CONTINUES TO PUSH HIS ARGUMENT FOR AN IRAQ INVASION. - AFTER CAREFULLY EXAMINING THE REGION, MY CABINET AND I ACCEPT THAT THIS AREA IS DEFINITELY RIPE FOR A REGIME CHANGE. - ALRIGHT? - BUT IF I CAN BE REAL ABOUT IT-- - BE REAL, SON. - REAL? - BE REAL REAL, SON. - I TRIED TO KILL MY FATHER, MAN. all: WORD. - I DON'T PLAY THAT SHIT. - SAY THE WORD, HE TRIED TO KILL YOUR FATHER, SON. - THAT NIGGA TRIED TO KILL MY FATHER! - WORD TO ALL WE LOVE, WE COME TO SEE YOU, SON. announcer: MEANWHILE, PRESIDENT BUSH AND BRITISH PRIME MINISTER TONY BLAIR OFFERED AN ANIMAL EXPLANATION FOR A POSSIBLE WAR WITH IRAQ. - THIS NIGGA VERY POSSIBLY HAS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION.

I CAN'T SLEEP WITH THAT. IT'S NOT ON MY GUARD! That's not how I move. THAT SHIT IS SERIOUS! Now, if you don't want to take my word for it, why don't you ask Tony Blair? HE HAD A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SET OF INTELLIGENCE. What's up, Tony? - WE DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT SADDAM, BUT WE CAN'T TRUST RANDOM NIGGAS WITH THINGS LIKE THAT, AS GEORGE SO ELOQUELY PUT IT. I AM WITH HIM 100% OF THE WAY. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HE HAS. Male Narrator: IF THE US GOES TO WAR WITH IRAQ, WILL THE US FIRST HAVE TO PROVIDE EVIDENCE THAT SADDAM HUSSEIN HAS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION?

SO FAR THE UN HAS FOUND NOTHING, BUT PRESIDENT BUSH ANSWERS THIS: - THE BLACK MAN BOUGHT ALUMINUM TUBES! DO I NEED TO TELL YOU WHAT THE FUCK YOU CAN DO WITH AN ALUMINUM TUBE? ALUMINUM! ARE YOU NOT AFRAID OF THAT? GOOD. I DIDN'T MEANT TO SAY THIS. HE (BLEEP) BOUGHT A YELLOW CAKE, OK, IN AFRICA. HE WENT TO AFRICA AND BOUGHT YELLOW CAKE. - ARE YOU SURE? - YES, I'M SURE, BITCH! I HAVE THE CHIEF OF THE C.I.A. RIGHT HERE - HE WILL TELL YOU! - WHAT'S HAPPENING? ARE YOU SURE? ARE YOU SURE? I CAN'T BELIEVE MOTHER (BLEEP).

THIS IS RIDICULOUS. RIDICULOUS! JEB and I just returned from Africa. - CRADLE OF CIVILIZATION (BLEEP). - AND THIS NIGGA HERE BUYING YELLOW CAKE. - OF THE HOMELAND. - ARE YOU SURE IT WAS YELLOW CAKE? - ALL YOU NIGGAS DON'T BELIEVE ME, I HAVE A YELLOW CAKE HERE! LOOK, SEE? DO YOU BELIEVE THIS (BLEEP) NOW? - DON'T LEAVE THAT (BEEP)! - I KNOW. I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT! THAT'S WHY I HAVE IT WRAPPED UP IN THIS C.I.A. SPECIAL. NAPKIN. - DON'T LEAVE THAT (BEEP) HERE. - YOU BETTER HOPE I DON'T LEAVE THIS (BLEEP)! - PRAY TO GOD THAT YOU DON'T LEAVE THAT (BLEEP). - YELLOW CAKE. - (BLEEP) RIGHT. male announcer: A SENSITIVE ACCUSATION FOR THIS ADMINISTRATION IS THE THEORY MAINTAINED BY MANY THAT THE REAL REASON WHY THE UNITED STATES IS SO INTERESTED IN DEFEATING SADDAM IS CONTROL OF THE OIL ON WHICH IRAQ SITS. - AND THE PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY ARE ONLY INTERESTED IN THE MIDDLE EAST BECAUSE OF OIL? - THAT?

HEY? OIL? WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT OIL, BITCH? YOU ARE COOKING? OIL? MAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT... COME ON ALL. GET OUT OF HERE! announcer: PRESIDENT BUSH MET UN SECRETARY GENERAL KOFI ANNAN AND MADE CLEAR THAT THE US WILL ACT EVEN IF THE UN IS RELUCTANT. - UN, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO? YOU MUST SANCTION ME. SANCATE ME WITH YOUR ARMY. OH WAIT A MINUTE! YOU DON'T HAVE AN ARMY! I guess that means you need to shut your mouth! THAT'S WHAT I WOULD DO IF I DIDN'T HAVE AN ARMY.

IT WOULD MAKE ME SHH! HE (BLEEP) UP. SHUT UP THE (BEEP) CLOSURE! THAT'S RIGHT, KOFI ANNAN. DO YOU THINK I'M GOING TO TAKE ORDERS FROM AN AFRICAN? YOU CAN SPEAK 16 LANGUAGES, BUT YOU'LL NEED THEM WHEN YOU'RE IN TIMES SQUARE SELLING FAKE HATS. I KNOW GUCCI WHEN I SEE IT, NIGGA. I'M RICH. I HAVE A COALITION OF THE WILLING. I HAVE 40 NATIONS READY TO ROLL, SON! - LIKE WHO? - WHO THE HELL SAID THAT? HEY? HEY? LIKE WHO? ENGLAND. PLAYSTATION SHIPPING FROM JAPAN. STANKONIA SAID THEY ARE READY TO DROP BOMBS ON BAGHDAD. THE RICKETY ROW IS COMING!

AFRIKA BAMBAATAA AND THE ZULU NATION. THAT MEANS I'M NOT DOING THIS ALONE AND I'M NOT DISRESPECTING THE UN, EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T HAVE ANY ARMY. LET'S GO SELL SOME MEDICINE, BITCHES! I'M TRYING TO GET THAT OIL... OH! announcer: THE UNITED STATES FIRE THE INITIAL SALVO IN THE WAR AGAINST IRAQ WITH AT LEAST 40 TOMAHAWK CRUISE MISSILES AND PRECISION GUIDED BOMBS, FOCUSING ON BAGHDAD. male announcer: GOOD AFTERNOON. TONIGHT, PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH IS ABOARD THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER U.S.S. ABRAHAM LINCOLN OFF THE CALIFORNIA COAST. IT WILL BE THE SITE OF WHAT IS ESSENTIALLY HIS VICTORY SPEECH IN THE WAR AGAINST IRAQ. - WHAT DID I SAY?

I'M NOT BLORING, BUT WHAT DID I SAY? DIDN'T I SAY WE WOULD WIN THAT SHIT? WE HEAR THEM 'BAMAS! WE HEAR THEM! NIGGA, DO YOU SEE ME GET ON THAT PLANE? SHHHHOOO. DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DAH! Announcer: FOR THE SECOND DAY IN A ROW, THESE HARDLINE IRAQIS PROTESTED THE AMERICAN PRESENCE HERE. - MISTER. PRESIDENT, WHEN DO YOU THINK GENERAL ELECTIONS WILL BE HELD IN IRAQ? - DAMN, I KNEW I SHOULD NOT HAVE CALLED THIS NIGGA! I shouldn't have called you because you're always trying to distract mothers with things like war and avoid all the real problems. GAY PEOPLE ARE GETTING MARRIED, FOLKS.

YEAH. DISGUSTING! IMAGINE THAT. TWO WOMEN TOUCHING EACH OTHER'S BALLS, WRESTLING WITH THEM, GENTLY FOSTERING THOSE NIPPLES UNTIL THEY GET SO STIFF AND ERECT! BLOWING ON THEM. MEN. GRILL. "I LIKE YOU." "I like you TOO, DOG." "LET'S GET MARRIED, MAN." IT'S CRAZY! - AND YOU... - THAT (BLEEP) IS DISGUSTING! - MISTER. PRESIDENT. MISTER. PRESIDENT, SIR. HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE CONTINUING UNREST IN Iraq Even After Saddam Hussein's Capture? - WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS, MAN? I THOUGHT HE WAS MY BLACK BROTHER. WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME QUESTIONS LIKE THIS? WELL, I'LL ANSWER YOUR STUPID QUESTION. THIS IS HOW I FEEL ABOUT IRAQ.

I feel like you guys keep trying to distract people with Iraq when I'm focused on other things, specifically the moon. YES, I SAID IT, THE MOON. HE CAN'T BE DISTRACTED. "WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH THE WAR? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE ECONOMY?" STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT! I'VE GOT THAT (BLEEP) UNDER CONTROL! LET'S FOCUS ON SPACE, NIGGA. THE UNITED STATES OF SPACE. BECAUSE I WILL NOT STAND ON THE MOON. WRITE THIS: M-A-R-S. MARS, BITCHES. HERE WE GO. MARS. RED ROCKS! - YES YES!