Broccoli Cheddar Soup - You Suck at Cooking (episode 97)

You asked for it and now it's here. If you didn't order it, it's still here. You Suck at Cooking Available everywhere books are sold. Now let's make some

soup

. We'll start by hunting for deciduous wild

cheddar

cheese. The end of the season is approaching, so get everything you can. If you're lucky, you might still be able to get some nuggets. Oh yeah, look at that bud. Perfectly ripe. Now let's try to find some

broccoli

. Many people don't realize that

broccoli

comes from the evergreen tree, because broccoli does not come from the evergreen tree. It is a fungus that grows on old fallen logs.

Bingo. Now we are going to extract some fresh vegetable broth. We need 4 cups in total. I've never used one of these stock extractors before, but I think I'll just... Yeah, attach that... Okay, then... It'll start by extracting from the carrot *Broth extraction noises* Perfect. Okay, we'll extract some yam broth... Ope! Okay, wow! I think that's good. Hello Siri, turn off the broth extractor. Siri: I'm not sure what you mean, could you rephrase that? YSAC: No, no, no, no, no! Arrest! - Siri: Sorry, I didn't hear. - YSAC: Come on, come on. Well well. - Siri: Make sure you are on the same Wi-Fi... - YSAC: Turn it off! - Siri: ..access configured throughout the map. - YSAC: Someone call someone! *exhales*...

Okay, I panicked. I... I forgot about the switch. You know, there's nothing wrong with buying broth or using bullion cubes. There is nothing wrong with that. Now let's take some time to repair broccoli's self-esteem, since most children are raised to think that broccoli is bad. Hey. Look. You are well and you are enough. You're smart... I think? And you're green enough to do whatever you want, especially be in a

soup

. Do you think cookies are better than you? Just because everyone likes them more than you doesn't mean everyone likes them more than you. And you're so much better than that idiot kale.

And don't even get me started on the crispy water. So do you have that going for you? Amen. Now that the broccoli is feeling better about itself, gently place it on the cutting board and mash it well, or pretend it's the 1930s, or get out your yellow belt. (Growling) Dah! If you want to break them down into fairly small quantities, we'll need six cups of mushrooms total. Now we will heat that broth until it starts to boil, then we will reduce it to a simmer and add the broccoli. We will leave it there for 25 minutes. This is a case where boiling is better than baking because we are going to drink the broccoli water.

After 25 minutes, remove from heat and let cool for 10 minutes. Then it's time to use an immersion blender, aka a rotary wand, aka a decimator wand, aka a rotary masher. How do you use this thing? Well, the instructions are built into the name; you submerge it. Otherwise, molten soup splashes will occur. So make sure it is turned off before taking it out. But if you don't like the masher, you can also opt for the manual masher to get a thicker soup. But if you don't have a hand masher or a baton, you can use a blender. First let it cool for 10 to 20 minutes before carefully pouring it in, then open or remove the cap and place a towel over it.

This lets the hot air out so it doesn't explode. But blenders are for smoothies, so let's get back to that rekt scepter. Once that has been broken down to your personal level of non-fragmentation, you can start working with two cups of grated deciduous leaves. Don't forget to check for WABS and add more salt or bullion if necessary, and as much Triple P as you like. When you serve it, don't forget to sprinkle some of that deciduous

cheddar

cheese in a smiley face to make the soup look attractive. This helps win over the broccoli haters and cookie lovers.

Four ingredients, tastes great. Super easy, as long as you don't have to clean the pot. The easiest way to clean cheese from the pot is to put it in a sink, then carefully lift it and throw it in the trash. But if you don't want to throw away the pot, use very hot water and soap with a scrub brush. Once it is clean, use another brush to clean the cheese from that brush. Okay, this was supposed to be a joke, but it actually worked really well. ♫ Stomach is ♫ ♫ Noises ♫ ♫ I think I need ♫ ♫ To fill it with something big ♫ ♫ My hunger is on the verge but the soup is not food ♫ ♫ It's just a drink with chunks ♫ ♫ I need to stock up ♫ ♫ Pretty quickly ♫ ♫ But something dry ♫ ♫ That doesn't splatter ♫ ♫ Keep that soup away from me ♫ ♫ Because I want food ♫ ♫ Not cheddar and broccoli ♫ ♫ Soup is not food ♫ ♫ Because you don't have to chew ♫ ♫ Yes I have to chew ♫ ♫ Still primarily a chunky drink ♫ ♫ Yeah, don't you think? ♫