Bill Burr’s Issues With The Airline Boarding Process - CONAN on TBS

You know, in the last segment, you know, there's a lot of things you worry about, you know, and you've always been that way. I've known you for a long time. You worry about studying the happy universe because it was the way things were. Best when it was three days old, my tunas were guilty as charged, yes, so here's the thing. Now that you're playing at Master Square Garden, you have all these fans. You are a very successful comedian. Can you enjoy your success now? you are capable of having a little fun, it is a fact that you are a success, yes, I enjoy it, but still you know that the bane of my existence is that I let the little things bother me when downloading new operating systems, you know?

I bring a lot of tension. at home according to my wife, yes, yes, one thing I have noticed, we are always working on me, you know, my wife is obviously a finished work, like under the glass of the museum, I am like that building that has a scaffolding, she She is, she is a saint. for putting up with it, I know, but the latest thing that's driving me crazy is that I spent 20 years in the back of the plane being treated like an animal and finally made it to the front of the plane. Group one, which means you board like it's your plane, right, you just board, yeah, yeah, you sit in a chair that's the size of a human being, there's a place for your bag, yeah , yeah, right, you get a little hot towel and everything, and then the second, you get that, all of a sudden now there's like these 20 groups that are like pre-

boarding

now like half the plane qualifies and they're getting on and I just I sit there like I lost my you know, it'll start off softly, it's like anyone else. in uniform, anyone in the military, so okay, okay, but after the 20th guy you start to be like you've seen action, anyone with kids, anyone with disabilities and they just say anyone in a red shirt, hey, it's Tony Tuesday at the same time.

I saw this guy get on the plane, okay, she wasn't in uniform, she didn't have kids, she had all her limbs, she didn't limp, she had no police, she just walked on the plane, it's like she always hated anxiety . from being in the back of the plane, I just remember the worst thing is when you got your seat and you sat there, ready to close the door and you had that empty seat next to you at the end like a poor man's. First class you say oh, I'll raise the armrest. I can actually be cool and suddenly a fat bastard that you like Quint at the end of Jaws as a slide.

I swear to God, this is all true, this guy got on. he was so fat and he was sitting next to me, I was literally next to him and behind him he was smaller and he crossed his arm and his bib came out like some jealous thing from an old western tavern, so yeah, yeah, that It motivates you to try to achieve it. Until these layers, 20 years you fight your way to the front and now they still won't let you, those fat guys considered disabled because he can't stop, so he looks at me moaning. 90% of the world is dying of hunger.

Wow, okay, what could you do? Could you do something? So could you get on the plane? Is there anything you can do? I figure there's something I could be doing. There's always something I could be doing. That's what I learned being married, you know? What should you have done this way? Sorry, that's definitely why Mer, what am I doing now in the loop? What I am doing now? You know, this is what you know, what kills me, it's like I can fix it. my temper my wife she wouldn't have anything with me yeah nothing with me I worked hard and made a very good living I like washing dishes I'm a great father all she has with me is just I don't know how oh my general vibe , all she has on you is: your general personality and the violence of who you are is the owner there, but I was this guy when she met me, yeah, exactly like I changed, you always always turned over when you were sleeping out of the day . like when you met you went crazy and you would believe she told me to go see that monster movie, remember that movie with Charlie Theron, yeah, yeah, yeah, and everyone said I owe it to God, it was amazing, it wasn't like, ah, someone.

I stuffed a tuna sandwich up my ass and confused people with food, so I liked it if he made a great excuse, yes she was a psychopath who killed people and should have died, but I like to see him feeling guilty about somehow, our fault, why? Having a tuna sandwich shoved up your butt would equal it because another man did it first, so if you compare it, I don't know sex with food, I guess I figured out the idea, but she laughed when I said it. I'm dying of laughter and I get my point and I always hate when she tells me it would be like, you know, I just don't see what weight that comes from, where that comes from, she says like honey, how many childhood stories do I have to tell you before that you follow the crumbs of this psychopath that you are married?

I mean, have you ever taken a psychology class like you didn't see it coming? That's what it is, it's not that she says I'm an asshole, it's just the nerve to be surprised, it's okay, I wish we had more time, my God, it's okay, I feel like yes, I help you with everything, but understand everything This isn't cathartic, it's cathartic because I'm going home, she's not going to watch. this she's over it I guess there's no one just she's not going to see it's not going to see it yeah, yeah, you can see Bill on the last national tour of him 50 and he's starting to soften.

I swear to god. I'm feeling the glow in my Watch TD again at TD Garden Boston on October 5th and Madison Square Garden. Go, Wednesday, November 7 for more cities and dates. Thanks for visiting Bilborough dot-com Bilbo.