Bert Kreischer Sweats Profusely Eating Spicy Wings | Hot Ones

punch, you gotta step up ladies, especially since you thought you were going to get the headliner from the beginning, we want Flying Dildos, so I started talking to him and I said, do you guys make flying dildos? They say no, we say beat it and then, like a girl who goes out alone, we like it, I've already seen it beat. unless you're blowing and Doos leaves, then a guy comes out and the guy says he's not even hard yet, step up your game and he's working the crowd and he's like, yeah, you're ready to see me and we know it.

It's not Flying Dill, it's him and the girl so I started booing his dick and then he starts fluffing it and I'm like, think about your mom and he's like you and I was like like you have a sister and he's like, hey , man. he's not okay and then he storms off and now I'm running the show. I'm singing that we want flying dildos and the place is going crazy, they're stomping. I'm like Barack Obama to these guys, not long before Barack Obama was a thing. Barack Obama, but like in Gramp Park with the tearful D speech I'm up there like you want to change and then a woman comes out with thigh high boots, leather biker cap, medicine bag, slams it shut and she goes.

Gentlemen, please, I'm flying dillos, the place is going. bananas it's like it's like NASA's control room on Apollo 13 we're lighting cigarettes, we're high-fiving and she's like, calm down. I'm going to need a volunteer from the audience, so I get up and I'm like, I'm not just watching, I'm part of the show, I'm part of flying dildos, I'm up there, like getting ready to give a speech, I don't even realize it, she turns me on the wives, she puts me second. handcuff me and now I'm locked up and I'm looking at her like this is moving real fast but real respect real and these guys see it in my eyes and now they're seeing something real and they say and I'm not like to slow down guys like Yo, how do we do this? and she's not kidding, she hits my legs, hits me on the back and knocks the wind out of me and I make that noise that while I'm making, she rips my pants.

My cock falls out of my boxers. I look at my best friend, Wio, who is so close to me in the front row and I'm going to put her back in please and he says I won't do that and then she stands over me and proceeds to Excalibur, a black dildo 12 inches in my mouth, you have a choice at that point, you can try to block the shot, purse your lips, close your teeth, possibly lose your teeth in a foreign country, right?, or be an ace and let her go to the yard. your jaw I chose the ladder just ex just goes like 8 back I'm choking the wind has taken my penises out of my boxers I look like the last unicorn and she goes gentlemen this is flying dildos, bring your cameras pain 100 and this is where we start try 100 battery acid pain for me it's the worst tasting hot sauce I've ever had and I've tried every hot sauce oh that, mhm right, it doesn't taste like food. makes it taste like poisonous nuts, right, in my opinion one of the most underrated deep wire experiments got hurt.

Oh my gosh, right, because it was great. Remember that you tried out for a football team and they ripped you into a thousand pieces. Bombing the linebackers MH, you did that when you tried to be a rodeo clown and caught a bull straight to the chest, uhhuh, what's the closest you think you've come to death on camera right now? No, that was it, just no. It doesn't even taste good, yeah, and that's the point of food: you want it to be cable. I think probably without a doubt. The bullfight, that bull, was one of the stupidest things I've ever done in my life and I won.

I won't work with big animals like that again, so I went to him and I went to get in his corner and he didn't want to and then he broke my ribs, he broke my foot, it feels good when you breathe, it hurts. I speak as if a friend told me to treat poison with poison, she told me to bring red wine and I said, "I don't know if that sounds like a good idea, that's bad advice, a horrible idea, but yeah, that bull squared you, knocked it down". I mean the show was a brilliant concept, it was ahead of its time, you're ready to move on, no, no, it gets better, it doesn't get worse, that's how the show is designed, Jesus Christ, of these last three, which is the one of better flavor.

Dog 357 oh well I have something to look forward to ready yeah so I want to talk about the bur cast and podcasting in general because it seems to be this whole community where these comedians are cross pollinating and appearing on each other. other people's shows, but I know from talking to a lot of comedians that there's also a lot of jealousy and a lot of backstabbing in that community. Do you think that the podcast has helped unite the comedy community or do you think that these guys film the in a very relaxed atmosphere of LAX where they tell anecdotes and stories that often involve other famous people, do you think that has fractured even more to the comedy community?

Oh, I should never have touched the water. I got all that juice down my throat making podcasts from the beginning, oh. Oh my god, I feel like I'm in a closet talking to myself, we all talk, you don't even realize, you talk, you just talk and all of a sudden someone calls you and says, hey man, that's what you think. about me and you say I didn't know you heard I went on a podcast one time I talked about TJ Miller who I like and then he was on a show and he just called me up and said would you say I? it was like I don't know he was high, he was high and Fu didn't mean it and he was like well then why are you saying that and I was like I don't know everyone else was saying it and then he was like it's shit and I was like yeah I really agree and uh holy cow I'm feeling elated right now mhm and I really love TJ and what sucks is my kids love his movies and I like his movies. and then suddenly I feel like you made him angry or something.

I think he might have said something about Chris Deia the other day and I like Chris, but I don't know what I said. He was talking to someone and then. someone said something and I don't disagree and then and you, oh, I really like Chris, I hope he's not mad, I don't know what I said, I'm not going to listen to the podcast again, I like it. like TJ look, maybe I'm jealous of them, I don't know, okay, but they're really good guys, yo, what are you doing with that one? He was about to eat it, oh let's go to the next one, mhm, just take it.

I take my shirt off just for a second, yeah, go ahead, it's like I have it, I have a microphone, I know what you're doing, we have a boom, I've been doing TV for 7 years, we have this, you look great, yeah. I've lost, I've lost a lot of weight, yes, because you're in that whole thing with Tom, it's kind of embarrassing that my fatter friend chose to ask me, a lot of questions are answered on the show, sometimes I was like no. I don't think I took a big enough bite and then I'm like, oh, it took a lot, so all comedians have to deal with hecklers, but I guess as someone who stands up shirtless like the partier and the furious .

It's that you stir up crowds in a way that's unique and probably causes scenes a little more chaotic than your average comedian. I was in Miami, these three gang members up front were booing the host so much that she started crying and the next guy got skinny. His hair was matted and he was excited. I asked the manager if they could escort him and he said we can't, they have guns. I asked him how I'm supposed to deal with them and he said, uh, cautiously, I guess so. I came out, it's like a little trick, but you ask them questions that you already have a joke for, prepare them, yeah, and everything goes very brilliantly.

These guys love me, so I turn to my left to tell a joke, and a great one at that. The blackest guy ever comes on stage and his name is Ray comes on stage. It's like there's a real one on stage. This is what we pay to see a real, you know, real, getting the 305 and everyone is curious. I'm praying not. He gets shot and he takes his dick out and it's huge, he's going to respect, show him your son and I thought what he's like, show him you and I was like, "I'm not going to take my dick out after that," he definitely could have done it. before, but not now, right, and I think it's illegal and I go and Ray, I don't know why I remember his name, I go, Ray, you might want to leave, I'm sure they'll call the police and he's good. looking out and gets off the stage, how do you follow that? and I look at his friends with dreadlocks on his face tattoo and he just slowly gets up, I'm coming please, I say with another dick and he comes up on stage and opens his hands and says you're a real man, this is what you get and he shows his penis now it's not as dark as lightning but it's as big as if it were a pig and and and I say and I'm going to fuck off and he's G, he's a good -Looking at Dude too, so women they like it, the kids are amazed and I'm like, that's fantastic, he says show your son and I'm definitely not behind you two and I'm going and you might want to catch up with Ray because they definitely already caught the police, He is very handsome, he gets off.

I swear you want my kids to be dating a hairless albino, so I get so funny among all the dicks that yours is the only one. I want to see and everyone laughs and he looks at me and slowly gets up and goes on stage and pulls his pants down to his ankles and looks like a lighthouse, I mean, he's white like white, hairless, like the same. a lighthouse a lighthouse and people flip tables they're like saints and he just raises his hand and I look at him and say, that's my show and I just dropped the microphone and walked away, you can't follow an albino anywhere that You can't follow an albino, yeah, so I know I know the lore, you know what's up since we've been talking this whole time, you're one of our day one fans, we've been trying to figure this out for so long. and you're finally here and when that happens it's a great thing, but it's also a bad thing because in some way you have to feel a little disappointed in your experience here, you have to be disappointed in some way, it's probably something I was hoping I would ask you about that, I didn't do it or about some way you thought it was going to be and it wasn't.

I want you to take a little, reflect and if you did this differently, which way are you? disappointed in the hot

ones

now that you're here okay, that might be the best question asked okay ready sounds like he's chewing Tylenol mhm oh me oh me oh this isn't good this isn't good, uh, I didn't, really I didn't think I'd throw up, but you could do it in the trash can, no, no, no, let it happen, no, it's just a taste, I can feel it, I can feel it and feel it in the back of my throat you just feel it oh it's not how you feel it you feel like you did where where you put yours it went down your throat yes, the throat is what makes it not feel so good it's the milk better yes, try something that you know you don't have good manners with The patients, you're scaring me, man, you're scaring me, I'm getting scared 'cause I'm getting scared 'cause I'm in my throat, what are you anymore?

Disappointed at how we let you down, Bert, I thought there would be beer, I thought you definitely had beer for me and I could rule out getting drunk with work, oh mate, it's just Z if you can hear it in the back of my oh, me. I think it could be a race it's in it it's in my teeth I think if you would maybe stop provoking it I didn't, oh man, bring it back to earth it's okay, handle your high it's okay, I feel good, you feel good , IM good and you. I've reached the finish line bir I made it Sean b this is fantastic This is exactly everything I planned like it's definitely on my nose definitely in my eyes all my cheeks definitely a part of you but you did it and you know what that means what's that 30C plug we really go the extra mile for you because you went the extra mile for us B my Showtime special airs in October or November of this year it's called The Machine follow me on YouTube holy oh my gosh I'm feeling like I I'm going to pass out, find me on tour, go to Berber b.com, live comedy until the end of the year, oh my god, my sinuses opened, they just left like an old lady walked in the door.