AVGN Games - Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)

with that. I mean, come on, it's my

game

, I'm the fucking

nerd

! *Starts dying continuously* Nerd: Okay! Who came with this is... Exactly. He read my mind. They are idiots. Which means that the jerk who made this

game

admitted that he's a jerk and I called him a jerk. You're an Idiot. Excellent! Do I really need to be reminded of "Silver Surfer" again? Why does everything look like a Dick? Oh no. Not the "Where'd you learn to fly" bitch! Then there is the Happy Land where everything smiles. *Happy Land music plays* Nerd: No matter where he dies, or how he dies, there's always one of these things that makes fun of me. *Happy Land music continues playing* Nerd: The death screen always spawns a random quote.

It saves me the trouble of trying to think of something. Let's try "Dungeons and Dickholes." *Dungeons and Dickholes music plays* Nerd: NOW this is going too far! When I came up with this idea during my "Super Pitfall" episode, I didn't know someone would create this over-the-top death trap! I can't even blame anyone but myself. I came up with this! What was I thinking!? WHAT THE FUCK! No way! They didn't do it! It's "The Giant Claw", it's as big as a Battleship. How did you get into this game? It just broke in! Like a battleship crashing into a harbor.

She has received so many hits, like bullets from a battleship. It's a flying battleship! This isn't the first time "The Giant Claw" has appeared in a

video

game. He was also in another FreakZone game, based on another terrible movie: "Manos: The Hands of Fate." Then the question arises. When will "The Giant Claw" attack again? Hmm? The movie was filmed in Hollywood, Manos was filmed in El Paso, I originally streamed it from New Jersey. Hmm? I don't see any pattern. Oh! Of course! A perfect pattern! Next is a level based entirely on Atari porn

games

. Who would do that?

Don't look, children. Then there's "Assholevania", it's like you took all the things that were frustrating about the "Castlevania" and "Mega Man"

games

and put them all together. The biggest obstacle is these death blocks, if you touch them you die. It's all about mastering these patterns and there's almost no room for messing around. *Assholevania theme plays* Nerd: Uh, you missed it! *Assholevania theme continues playing* Nerd: Uh, it's over! Do you think there are enough death blocks? Then there's "Blizzard of Balls", a Christmas snow level. Nothing says Christmas like shitting chickens. The best part is killing Santa and using his body as a sleigh. *Blizzard of Balls theme plays* Nerd: At the polar opposite, we have the hell level, your farts consumed, where you fight Cakademons. *Hell level theme and burping enemies* Nerd: And ride a laser-shooting shark! *Hell Level theme continues playing with lasers firing* Nerd: This is ridiculous.

Then, of course, you will fight the devil himself. *Hell Level theme still continues to play as Satan explodes* Nerd: And don't you just love intentional typos? "Conglaturation?" Is that the new modern way of writing it? Is that what the kids are doing now!? The remaining level is "Boo! Haunted House". You have to play the entire scenario in tunnel vision and this is where they REALLY get carried away with the death blocks. Even when you know it's there, it's still hard not to touch it. *Boo! Haunted House theme plays* Nerd: Oh! That? *Boo! The Haunted House theme continues to play* Nerd: Oh no, oh God! *Boo!

The Haunted House theme is still playing* Nerd: Oh no! *Boo! The Haunted House theme is still playing* Nerd: Oh no! Oh God! Oh! Oh God! AYEHAUGHYOU! Shit! Boo! Haunted House Theme once again, STILL playing* Nerd: After you have conquered all the stages, one last final stage appears. "Laughin' Jokin' Numbnuts", the bane of my existence. This is deliberately designed to be one of the most unfair stages in

video

game history. *Laughin' Jokin' Numbnuts theme plays* Nerd: For example: You have to shoot this equipment to make the platform move, but then the death block kills you, so you have to jump faster than your own bullet!

And after that, more deadly blocks appear, out of nowhere! Meanwhile, there's all kinds of shit flying everywhere! *Laughin' Jokin' Numbnuts theme plays* Nerd: There's no stable place to stand to catch your breath. *Laughin' Jokin' Numbnuts theme continues playing* Nerd: You gotta keep moving! You don't even have time to think! *Laughin' Jokin' Numbnuts theme continues playing along with death sounds* Nerd: Look at this! LOOK AT ALL THESE DEATH BLOCKS! I hate them, I hate them as much as the fucking Medusa heads in "Castlevania" or the grass in "Bill & Ted"! Each game has its own thing. And this is his thing.

It's ANGRY! It was MADE to pee. Me. Off! And at the center of it all, the final boss, my archenemy... *Final boss theme plays* Nerd: It's... It's... *Final boss theme continues* FRED FUCKS! It's the programmer, fucking Fred Fucks! *The final boss theme continues playing, dying and Fred Fucks shitting* Nerd: Finally! I can kick his ass! *The final boss theme is STILL playing* Nerd: YES! Fuck you, Fred Fucks! UHH!! FRED FUCKS YOU, SHIT! NAAAAHHHHH!!! *The final boss theme continues playing* Nerd: UHH!! *The final boss theme continues playing and Fred Fucks sounds agonizing* Nerd: Got it! *The final boss theme plays as Fred Fucks dies* Nerd: Ugh!

I feel like I've played every bad game I've ever played, all at once! And now others are playing it! Thanks to me, it's like I shared all my horrible experiences! Everything is my fault! Fuck this game! *The final boss theme is STILL playing* Take that game! *The final boss theme plays for the last time*