An introvert's guide to social freedom | Kaspars Breidaks | TEDxRiga

Because he does not speak? Maybe she forgot the message from her. How would she feel in front of all these people? Oh, I feel trouble. Oh, this is yes, you can do this. Maybe he's shy. He's definitely shy. It can shine. It has become my biggest opportunity for the first 19 years. Of my life I spent in a town with approximately six thousand inhabitants, it seemed big enough when, as a teenager, I was hiding behind the school trying to enjoy my first beer, but it was still small enough to know all those who were around me, not by their names.

Of course, but because of the address of their homes or their connections with others, so it was a very safe and friendly environment to grow up in if you're like me I was shy, how shy back then, talking to strangers, people I didn't know or be in the center The attention towards me was like a sore tooth and back combined with a bullet in my shoulder. Oh, I hated it, but the older I got, the more curious I became about other people's lives. What is he thinking? What is she feeling? And yet, I don't. Ready to face the pain but I wanted to know, so I needed something that would bring me closer to them, that would help me be in the events, feeding my curiosity but also that would allow me to be safe, complementing my modest persona.

I remember being at a birthday party. party and I realized that the only invincible person there is the photographer, so I became one very quickly. He was in the action of events. I was meeting everyone, but as soon as I felt in danger, I raised my camera arm and no one can see me. I'm still safe here and I can see you, but I'm safe, although it took me a while to realize that the saying "you get what you give" is also true in photography. I realized that if you talk to people, if I talk to the people I'm about to photograph, the images are more alive, a joke here and there, and they would forget about the camera giving me the most honest images, but that was out of my comfort zone, so I needed something to help me be. good with anyone anywhere and when I was 17 with the help of the people around me I discovered improvised theater I would take a 45 minute bus from my hometown to the capital to be on stage for 10 minutes performing with people who were not I met in front of people that none of us knew at the same time fighting with my toothache and back pain and a bullet in the shoulder that only I knew about my shyness two years later it was time to move to the capital city and I remember being in front of the Soviet style building the monolithic building in the suburbs of Riga with a single backpack ready to move into my first apartment I press the elevator button in these houses the elevators are very small, it only measures one square meter when the doors open three more people They joined me, we entered because of the size of the elevator, we basically touched each other with our jackets, so I thought this reminds me of my hometown.

Yes, I looked them in the eyes and greeted them saying "night", that's when The longest elevator ride of my life began, two of them turned their backs on me, literally facing the wall, the third took out his mobile phone, disappearing into another world. again I felt so bad what just happened of course the inner judgment came to my shoulder saying things like because part of it you said it too loud no, probably the moment was bad, it's all a matter of the moment, you don't know what you smell bad, Of course, these are ridiculous thoughts, but when I thought about it, it's not like they reacted the way they did out of joy and.

Very soon, the city helped me see that it's not just me or my neighbors, it's almost all of us, public transportation , we would sit next to someone we don't know, only if there is no other option, a packed cafe at lunchtime, watch people stand up. five minutes washing their food they call them just so they don't have to walk up to a stranger and ask, sorry, can I eat with you because the rest of the tables are occupied and of course the latest surveys indicate that we have never felt as alone as we do now Most of us don't know how to be with people we don't know, we don't know how to talk to strangers but they are part of our lives.

Every day we pass by hundreds of strangers, that's hundreds. of opportunities to brighten our day to be kind to be noticed to be grateful for the time and space we share I am no exception there were so many daily moments when due to the interactions of strangers I felt imprisoned in my own fear what will happen ? They think of me, will they accept me? I didn't want to live like this, it was time to free myself. An improvisational theater turned out to be the key, the key to change, to change, to move away to get closer.

I used to see strangers as a possible threat now I see strangers as an opportunity to break my shyness, although most of the world sees improvised theater as comedy and entertainment, it can be so much more and is so much more after a few years of practicing here in Latvia, I decided to go to a place where it all began Chicago, United States, after that I was lucky and honored to perform and study in most of Europe hundreds of hours of shift work thousands of improvisers meant I've read more books on improvisation than I've probably texted, but with each workshop, with each new thing I learned, I realized how it has transformed my personality to a more open-minded one and also that improvisation is a tool that anyone can use to become better at anything. do and we can also use improvisation to be better with people we don't know.

When I returned to Latvia, I created a three-month program using improvisation techniques not to prepare future artists but to prepare people to be people again and be well. with others and with themselves, the moment I saw that more than a hundred people are willing to wait a year to enter a class and simply look into the eyes of strangers, that transformed me without judging or being afraid, to discover and sharing feelings, being playful, joyful and just being here and now creating beautiful connections between strangers out of nowhere and also breaking their shyness when I saw that in the classes I thought this is what we are made for this is what we miss and that's why too I would like to give five tips, tricks, things to think about or just ideas that could be useful the next time you decide to start a conversation with a stranger, let's train our small talk muscle because now this is very important without small talk there is no a great talk number one, say yes to what you feel and think say yes or accept is the rule of ground zero in improvisation we need it on stage creating stories because in an improvised theater we do not have a script so we do not know what is about Passing everything is possible but for anything.

For this to really happen, we need to accept the ideas of others. First, say yes to yourself in life. We are kind and good people, most of the time we have our inner self warning us. Imagine you are in a cafe and a few tables away you notice someone. with a beautiful smile a smile that brightens your day you have this thought now it can stay with you and die or you can pass this thought on to that person when you say yes to what you feel and no matter how absurd it may seem, don't do it.

Don't do it for others Do it for yourself When you follow your first thought Don't expect thanks Don't expect a smile or a compliment You can't control how people will react What you can control is yourself and you I can do good This is up to you This is a lesson that I had to learn a lot that people sometimes do kind things without expecting anything when I was in Chicago it was the second day there at Starbucks enjoying a cappuccino and the young woman came up to me and I said: I like your sweater and she started to walk away.

I left my cappuccino on my head. It was like where do you think you're going? I chased her out of Starbucks because I thought she had definitely thought that something she wants needs maybe she can I'm not saying if you'd like to go on a date, oh, should I buy you a cookie? No, well, let's get married, Jesus, all these thoughts were happening in my hand because what did he just say? She likes my sweater, so, she made number two. We're not machines It's okay to be vulnerable We keep our eyes down when we walk down the street We don't talk to strangers And we ask Google Maps for directions Because it's safe So no one can change the way I feel It's natural that We're trying to protect ourselves from rejection But It is impossible to protect ourselves only from the bad we end up building walls around our hearts and minds and we also protect ourselves from the good in order to talk to strangers we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable ready to change and adapt it is not our weakness it is our strength number three stop trying Being interesting and interested in young improvisers at first is difficult to achieve because there are all these limits, anything I say has to be interesting, it has to be fun.

What's going on? We end in silence because you can't make up your mind. You can't choose an idea. Instead, say something and then make it count. The truly curious mind will always be charming. When you interact with strangers, don't try to pretend. your interest if you are not concentrating 100% on your interlocutor you are robbing yourself if you have decided to dedicate your time to this make it worth it there has to be something that interests you both and finding it will be step by step stones of your future connections number four if you want to be appreciated I appreciate others possibly one of the most valuable lessons improvised theater has taught me is to appreciate time and everything we create because after an improvised story is told, no one will be able to If repeated this teaches us improvisers to appreciate the fragile nature of our work and the connections on and off stage at this point we all, deep down, as human beings want to succeed in life and be appreciated to make others Thank me, it's out of my reach.

I can't control it, what can I control myself so I can be grateful and help others feel appreciated? If you think about your daily life, how many people there are around you that you could thank every day, but you still can't be anyone. bus driver a janitor a chef in a restaurant give others what you want don't spend an hour without thanking someone right now I would like to warn you that sometimes you will fail you can read all the books on how to converse with strangers you can follow all the advice but sometimes you will fail it's part of the process imagine you're at a party and you see someone you're curious about and you think to yourself this is the day this is my moment well don't do this with your body because then everyone will notice and Suddenly the person you are interested in walks towards you, you have eye contact and you think that yes, nothing can go wrong, although with each step this person makes, time seems to decrease, the tension increases, still you decide to fight against your shyness, put a smile on your face you extend your arm you say good morning sir I would love to talk to you hello darkness mom right now it's important to remember tip number five it's not about you don't take it too personally if it's not going well if they reject you if they ignore you most of the time you have nothing to do with it we have no idea what the other person is going through in their life at that moment what he or she is thinking and it's okay if it's going well how are you also don't take it too personally it's not about yet Don't get me wrong, I don't expect that after this we will all walk with open arms and offer free hugs.

I am very aware of the changing behavior of society. It has been a while since a giant lady in the suburbs of Riga in the same apartment building heard hello, how are you? from me for a month and a half every morning at 6:30 until she started talking to me the first few times all I got was boos then it was and then she started talking to me it took another month until she started conversations with me and the first morning I was scared, I think it was time to stop hiding behind excuses because there are many excuses why we can continue the same.

Surely we can blame society. We can blame history. We can blame the parents. Yes, when I was a child my parents told me several times to be careful around strangers. Don't talk to strangers and it's a perfectly good message: they're trying to protect me if you're a young parent. Now keep telling your kids that. I just wish that at a certain age where I could take care of myself, my parents would come back and say son, remember what we said about strangers, forget it, it's okay, now you can, now you must, as a country we have been living in fear for our

freedom

for too long, we've been busy more times than most of us.

You have fallen in love and it is sad and heartbreaking, but in the pages of our history there are more reasons not to trust someone you don't know than there are stars in the sky during Soviet times, everyone was suspicious of a stranger. He could easily be a spy or a traitor, and of course our climate doesn't help much. The average temperatureall year round in Latvia it is more than 5.9 degrees Celsius, so most of the time we spend indoors or so, does this say? I want to talk God knows what's underneath seven sweaters six jackets and everything else so far I haven't named you a fifth of the reasons that affect our feelings towards strangers people we don't know and even if you have all the data in the world, you don't You can complete this list because we all have our own reasons for our previous experiences.

The past is important without it there is no future but if we let the past shape our future we will not reach it we will be stuck in an endless loop of hope for better days there are many good examples of being with strangers too when the chords of your team or they win. I've seen men with mustaches who are older than me grab the nearest person and kiss them on the forehead. high five we celebrate together they don't care who that particular person is at that moment they know we'll be in this together later of course yes by the way I met Gus nice to meet you song and dance festival thousands and thousands of people united.

Do you know each other's names? No, but they still feel great and safe and of course the Baltic unit holds hands with strangers for our

freedom

. So let's focus on these important moments and let them inspire us to greater togetherness. I don't want to change the world the world doesn't need this I need it I want a better and friendlier environment around me I want kind and happy people in my elevator my bus my cafes in my city so that we feel free and look at each other and say I don't know you yet I know you instead of I don't know you I will continue to use every stranger as an opportunity to fight my shyness over and over again I will continue to struggle with toothache and back pain and a bullet in the shoulder thanks to my children, so for them this world It would be a better, prettier and safer place to grow up with a little less shyness and more happiness.

Thank you so much.