15 More Minutes of Katt Williams

- Poor thing, who do you even pray to? Nobody. Even when you fuck, what do you say when you come, atheists? "Oh, oh, oh..." Nothing. That's right, because that's what you believe. You can't even. I know you have to be tough. A black man in America has to be a tough son of a bitch, but we all know black guys who are tough all the time. You can't forget to enjoy your damn life. We all know black people at like seven in the fucking morning. You like, "Nigga, wait a minute, nigga. You mad at breakfast, nigga? You gangbanging bacon, nigga?

This is it. If your life is fucked up, you need marijuana. Marijuana is put on this earth to Niggas in the fight, blacks in the grind. There's a chemical in marijuana called "fuck." And if you could get that into your system, it could change your lives. Some of you would be crying over bills that don't. They can't pay, simply: "I don't know what I'm going to do with this electricity bill." They don't want it, they want it all. Just hit the joint once and see if that doesn't change your perception of what's important in your life.

Just, "I don't know what I'm going to do." "Fuck that damn life. I got 12 candles. I've been waiting to burn 'em, bitches. And enjoy your damn life. Life is fucking short. Enjoy that shit. Some of you just need to smoke some weed and see if It doesn't help the quality of your damn life. I know. I see some of you. Look, I get it. So by all means, make your paper, Boo Boo. But if you don't have a job and you don't smoke pot, I don't know what the fuck. you're doing with your life. Don't tell me it's not a damn drug.

I did the research. And if you set it on fire, there are some. But that's not the same as drugs. do it chemically. You have to add baking soda, water and stir it. I don't know the recipe. I'm just saying. It's shit you have to do. Well, why the hell is it illegal? I don't know. If you take 13 of those, motherfuckers, it will be your last headache. As long as you've been alive, you've never heard of a marijuana overdose. You might have thought that black was dead, but he ain't dead. He'll wake up in 30

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, hungry enough to eat everything in your house.

Those are the side effects, hunger, happiness, sleep, that's all. Go ahead and testify. I'll tell you statistics that will blow your mind. Ain't no niggas making fentanyl. Look at the whites, "What?" Yes. You better believe, white people. We'd notice if black people dropped dead for nothing. I looked up fentanyl, that shit is beyond dangerous. I said, "What do you have to do to die?" They said, "Touch it." That's when I learned that black people are not involved in this. We like to touch everything we buy. We would notice that black people die in the purchase. His last word was: "This must be it." MMM.

They want you to do things that don't make sense. That's why I won't even talk about politics any

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. There is nothing to talk about. What the fuck am I supposed to do if both sides are the dumb side? I don't even want to play any

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! What the fuck is this shit? But that's America. We just don't know what we had last. Ten years ago, some of you ladies were with a full-fledged gang member. Look at you, 10 years later, here with that bank teller. It looks like you work at the bank. It's just a new change. It's a new era.

They say you don't miss what you have until you lose it. And Barack Obama is gone, kids. Oh, I miss that black. Oh. That black will never come back. Every time you see this black man, he is doing more white activities. He went out parasailing and stuff, swimming with sharks and with Micheal Phelps, riding horses bareback. Barack Obama, come back here. Black, we need you. You never heard of overtime, black? Shit. Just give us four or five months to get on our feet right now. It's crazy. Son of a bitch, I'm sick of motherfuckers talking about Joe Biden's shit. "Joe needs to fix his shit." "You need to wake up, Joe." "Come on, Brandon, Joe!" What the hell is wrong with you?

Who raised you? Joe Biden is 96 fucking years old, bitch. You gave daddy the job, bitch! You gave the job to great-grandpa, bitch! Now you want Big Daddy to fix things for him. Joe Biden is doing the best he can. That man is 97 years old. People talk shit about Joe Biden. "I don't like the way he left Afghanistan." Bitch, how the fuck do you think a 98 year old man leaves a fight? Quick and quiet, bitch. Joe Biden left Afghanistan like this. Joe is doing the best he can. Give him a fucking break. Joe is 99 damn years old.

If you're lucky enough to have a great-grandfather, call him on the phone right now and ask him if he's ready to give 12 press conferences tomorrow, bitch. No, it's not! He better believe something. This shit will come to an end. You better have something to believe in. If you're a Christian, make some damn noise in the house. If you are a Christian. Oh yeah. Yes. You are all supposed to be the most excited. Oh. Oh, as long as they're done, they've figured it all out. Oh. Christians are supposed to keep walking until 2012. Shit is getting more aggressive.

Fast food is becoming more and more aggressive. Fast food used to be just a decision you make. Now they are getting aggressive and we have to know when to draw the line. Taco Bell started trying to catch black people. I have to go around the country warning my people to be careful. Taco Bell is trying to get black people. Yes. They made a taco with chicken meat. Yeah, trying to catch blacks there. We have to draw the line. No Bell tacos. No. We won't stop them now, they will eat chicken chimichangas and pig's mouth nachos. No.

We don't want cornbread churros, make them regular. Fast food became more aggressive. You know who I blame for that shit. That damn lady from Popeyes. I love Popeyes, but I can't stand that damn Popeyes lady. That bitch is a slave. Every time you listen to her, she sings that chicken slave song, just: "I love that chicken from Popeyes." Shut up, bitch. I'll let you white people know in front of all these minorities that that bitch doesn't speak for all black people. We've been frying chicken for 400 or 500 damn years. This bitch comes up with new recipes and she don't consult blacks at all.

If every two weeks she got a new chicken that niggas never heard of. Try our new ghost pepper chicken. Wait a minute, bitch. Black people don't even believe in ghosts. You're not getting that voodoo chicken out of here, bitch. We have Christians on this side, I'll let you know. Fuck that bitch. Every time she does a commercial, she has to be something like that. She made Jerry Rice look like Scatman Crothers with Vaseline on his face and a helmet eating chicken wings and dancing and shit. It's a crazy world, you don't know what to believe. The truth is as strange as fiction.

Taco Bell, selling chicken wings. This isn't Revelations, bitch! Open your Bible and look. Some of you blacks are breaking those pigeon fins. Devouring those McTenders. I don't know what the hell to believe. All of us. They lie to us all together. Everyone here was told, "There's a shortage of chicken wings." Look at people of all races and religions, genders and creeds, they all agree. I'm sure they said that. They told us all! There is a shortage of chicken wings. We just believed them. But liars always need a clue. They think they are smarter than them. They told us all that there is a shortage of chicken wings.

Did you notice they didn't say it was a chicken shortage? He said it was a shortage of chicken wings. So you knew they were lying, they then said some things that don't even make mathematical sense. They said there is a shortage of chicken wings, but we have plenty of thighs. They have two wings and two thighs. What are you talking about? Do you have a lot of thighs? Where did you get these chickens with spider legs? Science may have done many things, but God made the chicken. You're not going to tell me that God made the chicken.

He did it for the world. That's how you know it's from God. What group of people doesn't fuck with chicken? Look at the vegans. It's just us. God made the chicken. That bitch ain't safe anywhere. Every time a chicken's leg hits the ground, someone wants to grease that bitch. In China, in France, in Europe, in Mississippi. How do you know God did it? Because that bird is the most delicious bird in the world! And that son of a bitch can't fly. Because God loves you! If chickens could fly, half the motherfuckers here would be dead right now.

If you had to, if you had to catch your own 2 pieces, you would die. You were in the backyard, that was a spicy combination too, I can't keep missing these opportunities. Where are all the guys here with an ugly woman? It makes some noise. Some people saw their entire marriage flash before their eyes. Katt, I trusted you. Look. Oh. Everyone here with someone ugly knows better, they just look at me like that.