13 Signs You're Dating a 'Nice Guy' Narcissist | Covert Narcissism traits

Hi, I'm Dr. Becky and I'm back with another video on

narcissist

s, so in this video I'm going to talk about what I would consider the most dangerous of

narcissist

s in general, the

nice

guy, narcissist of course, when I say guy , this could easily. being a woman too, so the narcissistic

nice

guy is particularly dangerous because no one suspects the butterfly and what I mean by this is that if someone shows

signs

of being kind and caring, considering that they do a lot for other people, you will initially think that This is a very nice person and you wouldn't suspect that they actually have very little empathy and put themselves first and they actually find it very difficult to see your perspective so it will be a shock and In fact, probably quite traumatic when you find out. that this person is actually a girlfriend and not the nice guy or woman that they present themselves as, so if you end up becoming romantically involved with this person, it can be particularly upsetting, particularly shocking, particularly distressing because then you realize that you have actually become involved. developed.

Romantic feelings for someone who really isn't who they pretend to be, so I'm going to walk you through 13

signs

that someone might actually be a good guy. The number one narcissistic sign is excessive flattery, so the love bombing stage might be particularly prominent. If you get romantically involved with a nice, narcissistic guy, you will be showered with compliments and please a lot of people. Behavior at the beginning of meeting them because they want to make you feel really good so that you like them. them, but the thing to remember here is that it is selfish behavior that is why they are so nice and kind to you.

Well, when I say nice, they are not really nice people, but they are acting nice to you and others. The reason they act so nice to you is because they want to get something out of it and that's their ultimate goal: they want to like you because, in reality, if you don't like them, it's going to be very hard on their ego. They are going to experience a bruise to their ego every time people don't like them, they are very sensitive to criticism and they are going to have problems with that, so it is very important for them to be liked and that causes a lot of pain. problems like honesty is transparent direct communication, so there are many reasons why getting involved with nice guy

narcissism

is going to be problematic in the long run.

Sign number two is their Charming Persona, they come across as extremely pleasant in social situations and this is where you see people pleasers Behavior creeping in again, it is so important for them to be liked that they will try to appear quite charming in any way they can, perhaps by being quite witty or intelligent or being able to entertain a crowd or at least build relationships with significant people, particularly people who are quite important or will have some kind of value to them. Number three is that they will have a grandiose self-image in some way, so they might feel like they are particularly themselves. -entitled or superior to you or other people, there will be some elements of having these kinds of grandiose ideas about themselves, but this is mixed with a lot of doubt and a fragile sense of self, so you are actually behind everything there are deep insecurities, sign number four is inconsistent behavior, so the person who is the narcissistic good guy will go from being very accommo

dating

and doing a lot for you to being very dismissive and inconsiderate, so he will show signs of behavior which is very unpredictable and this will mean that it will actually be quite high, it will be quite difficult for you to trust them, they will often put other people's needs before yours and this will be quite confusing because they will start to seem as if it is really important to help to these other people and seem like a martyr, and in reality the only reason they don't take care of your needs is that they have enormous duties towards other people, who can be their family, strangers or people they barely know.

You know this and this will make it very difficult for you to complain in this situation or express your feelings or say that actually your needs are very important because they will actually make it seem like they have no choice but to help these other people. This is a little confusing because you'll feel like you don't actually have their attention or focus at all sometimes because everyone is playing at being nice to other people. Manipulative kindness. This may seem like manipulative kindness, but nice guys and NCs aren't nice. not at all, this nice behavior is to gain trust or control over a highly manipulative situation, so they will go out of their way to help people and then actually people's opinion of them will be that this is a very person. nice, um, of course, this can be problematic because this can be maintained with acquaintances for a very long period of time, so this person might actually have a lot of friends, friends, and fairly relaxed acquaintances to whom this person has been consistently nice and helpful over the years, no conflicts, nothing too problematic and all. relationship those relationships have held up very well, but in romantic situations because in a romantic situation a conflict arises that absolutely needs to be addressed and resolved that is where these relationships can actually look very different, when a romantic partner is with a narcissist Sky and They experience There are problems in the relationship sometimes when they start trying to explain this to other people or confide in other people who know the individual and are trying to explain how difficult it is to have a relationship with them and are Maybe trying to seek understanding of empathy from other people, actually these people can be very confused because their view of the nice Sky NCIS is that they are actually a good person, so it can be very difficult to show other people when it is.

It is appropriate to do so and when it is absolutely necessary to seek support from other people so that you can trust them regarding your relationship difficulties. It may be very difficult for you to explain the torture, torment, and pain. that you are going through being in a relationship with this person because that is not the view that others have of this individual sign. Number six seeks praise from other people, so validation from others is very important, which is why you will notice certain behaviors that they do. in their life, it could be about getting validation from other people, it could be to do with their career, it could be in relation to their actions on social media, it could be that they need a lot of praise from you as a partner and that you can I don't give you any constructive feedback number seven, the martyr complex, now the martyr complex is when someone appears to be a victim and that they are sacrificing themselves for other people and that they have no choice in the matter that they were working on. with a client and his partner had signed up every Sunday to cook dinner for 40 people and he made it seem like it was his duty and that he absolutely had to do it it was an obligation there was no way around it this is something He volunteered completely to do it, which is totally fine.

He clearly enjoyed doing it, but every time my client needed him and had a genuine reason for needing him that day in an emergency situation or when something really important came up in the relationship, he needed time. to discuss and was quite serious, he would make it seem like there was no way out of this dinner arrangement and that he had to cook for the troops as he would call them, but in reality this is something he offered to do and if they didn't cook for these people, they were just cooking for themselves, they were competent adults who cooked every other night of the week for themselves, but in reality he really presented this as something he was forced to do and there was no way out.

And my client found it very difficult then to be able to say what her needs were and on the occasions on some Sundays when she really needed it, she felt that there was no possibility of getting her time, on those occasions the number eight is the inability to manage it. criticism, so you cannot have constructive conversations with these people, they do not take criticism very well and this is due to their fragile ego, they are so embarrassed to receive comments about them that are not positive because it takes advantage of this shame that they are having. carrying around that they are not worthy and that they are not good enough, which is their core belief that they are carrying around and trying to hide, so even the smallest criticism will be very difficult for them to accept and that is where you see some of the behaviors of behavior.

In conversations, you may see extreme avoidance when difficult conversations come up, or you may see unusual types of reactions to conversations that most people would engage in in a more positive way. The number nine is gaslighting. Trends now remember this is the nice guy, narcissist, so gas. The lighting has to be quite subtle, but he will do things that make you doubt your perception, but he will do it in a very nice way, so it will be a very soft tone, it will just be things that suggest certain things, um, maybe you, you If you've started a company, you've worked a lot on that company and this could make the nice NCIS guy jealous and it could make you doubt some of the things you have planned for that company and eh. will disguise it as advice and positive feedback, but actually those doubts may arise in your mind and then you can change the way you make decisions now, of course, the exact same behavior can happen with a genuinely nice partner and the key difference here is that The comments come from a place of Love or the comments come from a place of jealousy and it's actually very difficult to know if this person has your best interest in mind and that's why they're actually being so kind and They're telling you things that you may not want to hear if it's because they love you and want you to do well and they're really fighting your corner or they're actually trying to sabotage you in some way because they actually feel threatened by what you're doing.

Doing number 10 is a boundary violation, so actually, in terms of the things that are important to you and the boundaries you've set, he won't respect this, but again he'll do it in the kindest, nicest way, so it has to be pretty discreet and it has to be that it doesn't make him look bad, so you can actually see him doing something extremely out of character, so maybe he gets drunk one night and actually flirts with your best friend, that It's really confusing if you have. Been in a relationship with a narcissistic nice guy because narcissistic nice guy means you think you're in a relationship with a good guy, so if he gets drunk and flirts with your friend, well, your partner, who's a good guy. , I would not do it.

Don't do that, so this is the most shocking thing that could happen in your life. On one hand you think you are

dating

a very nice person, they are doing nice things for you all the time, they are too helpful and then they totally betray you, so actually violating boundaries and there could be so many different types of boundaries. that are breached will happen when you least expect it and will probably surprise you so much that you might even excuse the behavior or think that you are going off angry or that the behavior was justified or rationalized in some way or that it just didn't happen, then maybe you suspect that your phone has been reviewed without your permission Well, you're dating the nice guy and the nice guy wouldn't do that, so in fact, in the early stages of the relationship, your boundaries could be being violated without you knowing, because the narcissistic nice guy He will be very secretive about his behavior, that's not very nice, the 11th sign that someone might be a good narcissistic guy is a triangulation that they might involve other people in the relationship and make sure there are problems between you and these others. people, who could be friends or family, or they could drag another romantic partner or not have broken up with their last romantic partner before starting the relationship with you, so triangulation.

It's very common with narcissistic good guys again, you won't expect it and you won't understand why they are doing it and you will try to rationalize that behavior but it actually has to do with their ego because if there is someone who is fighting. for their attention or for someone else who has a crush on them then they feel much better about them so this is a game they play called letting you and him fight so basically they are setting up two people to fight for them in some way or Sometimes this can just be family members where they subtly say things that their family members have said about you so you don't like the family members and then tension builds up so this is usually be quite subtle and sometimes the nice guy is the nicest one. you are not aware of this behavior it could be so compulsive um sometimes it is compulsive cheating sometimes it is compulsive seduction without even cheating um it could simply be a need to feel loved and being fought by two different people number 12 is ragenarcissist now you will Don't expect this from the good narcissist, but behind their nice guy facade there is anger and aggression, especially when their ego is threatened and they will not control this anger.

They don't want to look bad, so they will ignore you. They are going to deceive you, they are going to avoid conflict and you will not be able to communicate with them or get them to kneel when they are angry with you, often you will not understand that you have done something wrong because they are not going to be assertive they are not going to be direct with you because being direct It means that they don't come across as a good guy so in reality we are dealing with any type of conflict with a good guy.

Narcissis is impossible and that is going to be very difficult for you, sign number 13, because they will give you conditional love, so their love comes with conditions, whether they are materialistic or emotional, you either have to provide for them in a materialistic way or you have to. Provide them with too much in an emotional way, so you will pay the price for being in this relationship. Often a good guy. NES relies heavily on women to provide much more in the relationship than is equal or fair. It has been seen with nice narcissistic guys who actually get into relationships with women who can provide more financially and if they can't provide more financially they do everything around the house, so with nice narcissist Sky he hopes to give more than you. you are receiving in this relationship and that is going to be quite painful for you.

This can be quite difficult if you meet a narcissistic nice guy who seems to need a little help at the beginning of the relationship, perhaps he is struggling in some way. or form and you decide, out of the goodness of your heart, to help them financially, you may decide to move fairly soon and take on the burden of paying the rent that they have promised you that once they start their new career, Let's fix that side of things and they will pay equal pay, but often that day never comes, so even if they end up at the new job, there will be reasons why they won't be able to pay their fair share. and you will end up carrying the weight of that relationship, whether financially or emotionally, and that will be very difficult, so those were the 13 signs that you might be in a relationship with a narcissistic nice guy, of course, not everyone who has

traits

of

narcissism

in reality.

You have a full blown narcissistic personality disorder because narcissism is on a spectrum so if you are in a relationship with a narcissistic nice guy and it's been very confusing for you because you haven't realized for a long time that he's an NCIS and now things are starting to rebuild and you are realizing the reality of the situation, you will probably need a lot of support from your friends and loved ones and maybe even some professional help if you have been embarrassed because in reality the relationship has been a burden for you and you have been carrying a lot of weight and you have been doing more than your share in the relationship, a really good thing is to talk openly about what has been happening in the relationship with your loved ones. friends and family and anyone you have in your life who really supports you because the more you talk about what's wrong in this relationship and how your needs aren't being met and how your partner doesn't really care about your emotions, that goes. to get worse.

It will be easier for you to make a decision on what to do next because the point is that you cannot stay in a situation where your partner does not have high levels of empathy towards you. This is going to be a really painful situation for you, so it's good to start really planning what you're going to do to make your emotional well-being much better than it currently is because your mental health will have been affected if you've been in a relationship or if you are in a relationship with a person. Good guy, NCIS, of course professional help like talk therapy can be helpful, but the therapist needs to know a lot about narcissism because otherwise they might get confused and think that it's actually a very long relationship. more equal and equal than it really is, and remember that Narcissistic good guys are not nice, they have nice behaviors, but nice behaviors are not nice.

Kindness comes from the heart. Kindness requires empathy and it doesn't matter how many good things the nicest good guy has done from time to time if you don't care. about your feelings, then this will be a painful relationship for you. If you have any comments or questions about this topic, leave them in the comments below and if you want to see more of my content, subscribe to my channel.