You Won't Believe What This Guy Has NEVER Done

I have a question. I've

never

asked

this

before, but does anyone have change for 20? I'm not kidding. I'm kidding. But it was nice of you to offer it, just in case. What did you eat in five? Some? What did you have? I have a ten, five ones and a five. And one five? OK. Just in case, later in the program I want one. I don't need it now though. Actually,

this

is the question I want to ask. So I assume you've all seen the show before. Have you all seen the show? I've

never

asked this before, but is there anyone in the audience who's never seen an entire show?

Maybe you've seen... you've never seen the whole show? Wow. There are many people in the audience who have never seen a complete show. You've never seen the whole show. And you... you are so embarrassed, sir. You...everyone else was very proud to say they hadn't seen the show. And yet, you're... and I appreciate that about you, that you didn't want to raise your hand and say that. I have questions for all of you who have never seen a full show: who are so busy that you can't watch a full show. What is your name? Miguel. Hello Miguel.

How are you? I'm fine and you how are you? Good. OK. I'm good, thank you for asking. So you've never seen... you've seen the show, but not the whole show? Not in its entirety, no. What have you... have you seen it on the Internet or something? Just clips? Yes. But it's not enough to make you want to see it... you've seen it and you say, yes, I see it. You just watched clips and had no interest in the entire show. That's... you're talking... I don't know about that. But I have been interested in seeing the full show.

Yes. And here you are. Yes. And who are you with? My brother. This is my brother, Russ. Hello how are you? Hello. Have you seen a full show? No. None of you. Marvelous. Well that is good. You know, I mean it's a big world and I haven't gotten to all of them yet. And maybe when I die, everyone will have seen me. And where do you all live? We are from Texas. From Texas, okay. Do you live in Texas now, sir? No, not at this moment. I live in Eureka. Eureka. Eureka! And do you also live in Eureka?

I live in Burbank. In Burbank. He will visit me at the weekend. I see. So you live right down the street. What do you do for a living? Well, I work in the film industry. Where? In the Burbank area. Do you work on the Warner Brothers lot? If that? Wow. Should I apologize? I will apologize. That should be mandatory for people who work here to watch my show. Wow. Well... then you've never seen a full show. What happens is that I talk to the audience. Normally it doesn't go that deep. But sometimes I usually bring someone to join me.

So today, Michael, it's you. Low. Hello Michael. Nice to meet you. I am delighted to meet you too. Well, then... and you're tall. How tall are you? Am. I'm 6' 5". 6' 5". I am not. And

what

's your brother's name? Russell. Hello Russell. Hello. So Michael is down here. I could have chosen you, but I chose Michael. Here, you are standing on that red mark. This is... in the business, we call it the monologue brand. And every day they post a different photo of me, just to make me smile. And that's me with Dolly Parton. Dolly Parton has been on the show before.

What parts of the program have you seen? What have you seen me do? I've seen you scare a lot of people. Yes, I scare people. I've seen you have some celebrities and stuff. Play some games. Good. That's

what

we do. Yes. Tell jokes. Yes, you already understood it. That is what it is. Yes. It is not necessary to see another one. So I... Oh. You know what... I mean, the public knows. You don't know what that is. That's the time to take the photo of the day. Photo of the day! Alright. What is this? Take of the day.

Oh. Yes. Take of the day. Yes. That's what we do. Isn't it fun? Yes. We have a lot of fun here. Oh no. You already know what time it is. He doesn't know because he's never seen the show. But it's time for the joke of the day. Bring me my joke, please. But today I'm not going to make the joke. You're going to do it, Michael. My God. Continue. Hold that microphone. You are in the film industry and you know how it works. What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

Do not go? One is a run-down bus station, and the other is a...bark crust...bark...sorry. You're drunk? Crustation. Good delivery. That is wonderful. That's it... Everyone knows what time it is. He doesn't because he's never seen the show. Bring Michael Elsa's wig. We always celebrate... Oh, yes. Yes, that's Elsa's wig. Do you know the movie Frozen? You've seen? I've seen Frozen. Well, you've seen...so you have time for an entire movie aimed at kids, but you don't have time for the adult daytime show, Ellen. Anyway, it's okay. Excuse me. No no no. I'm just giving you a hard time.

Because... You know what time it is. The audience does it. But you don't. Whoever is down here with me takes off their shirt. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. No. No. The lawyers asked us to stop doing that. So we can't do that anymore. But it's okay, anyway, that's what we do. And so you know that today is Tuesday, right? So Tuesday is pony day. There is a lot of dancing that happens. And you've seen the dance that happens, right? Have. Okay, so what happens is whoever is down here talking to me dances over to his seat. And since it's Tuesday, it's pony day.

And usually it's... and I'm not going to say that everyone dances sexy, but most people do. So you'll dance sensually to your seat to the pony song, because it's Tuesday. Alright? Very good, Miguel. Thank you so much. Enjoy the show, Michael. I'm really surprised at how many people there are here who have never seen a full episode. So you've seen clips and then you decide, um, but I'll go watch a full recording. That's what I'll do.