Why perfectionists become depressed | Dr Keith Gaynor

Hello everyone, my name is Keith, I work as a psychologist, I work as a therapist and I spend most of my time working with people with anxiety and depression, they come and we sit down and do some therapy for about an hour and they move. and one of the things that I've noticed over the years is that people can have extraordinary achievements, they can do very, very well, they can be building their lives and doing and achieving more and more and yet sometimes they don't they feel it. I don't feel like those things or achievements don't seem good enough and one of the passions and one of the traits that seems to come out of this is that those people tend to be

perfectionists

and whatever they do is perfectionist.

It's not enough and everything you achieve is not good enough, so what we're going to talk about tonight is a little bit about why sometimes

perfectionists

can get

depressed

and why sometimes when we're

depressed

we can

become

perfectionists and how this can actually really hurt us, hurt us and we try to find some ways to get through it so the agenda is very clear. Let's analyze why I am a perfectionist. We will feel guilty. Let's reflect on the mistakes we made. We are going to fix everything and then we will never make another mistake and once we can do this then we will have it all figured out and although that seems ridiculous, the funny thing is that often this is how each of us approaches each day, whether knowing to someone or go to work or go to a meeting or try to get up and give a talk like this we want to do it perfectly and then we're going to pick out every mistake that we made and we're going to go over every mistake that we make and then we'll never make another mistake again and If we do that then we will feel good about ourselves and of course that's not what happens we make mistakes we make small mistakes there are small failures and if those small failures really affect our self-esteem and they really affect how we feel about ourselves then we will feel good about ourselves. very depressed because those mistakes are going to happen, so I guess what we have to think about a little bit is why would we want to make mistakes?

Because who would want to fail, fail, or be imperfect? Surely being perfect is a good thing, that's what we should all aspire to. Who doesn't want to pass their exams or get their bonus or have nice parties or meet nice people or have things go great and we should really strive for those things all the time, shouldn't we get up and strive for those things every day, for What perfectionism on the outside looks like a good thing? should help us and I think the other thing that's important to talk about here is that when I talk about perfectionism I'm not just talking about a little bit of personality, leave a trace of a little bit of quirkiness, that some people are a little bit laid back and some People are a little more organized.

I'm talking about something that's actually a little more clinical than that, which is a little more direct, so there are a lot of different personalities in the world, some people are laid-back and some people are in the audience. that they feel totally relaxed and those other people are a little more rigid, some people are Spanish and others are German and it is good that there are these different ways of being in the world, but we can ask ourselves: when does perfectionism disappear? It

become

s a problem and that becomes a problem when it is excessive, when it begins to have the opposite effect to the desired one and when we begin to feel worse about ourselves even though we could be suffering a loss and that is when we start talking about clinical perfectionism.

Clinical perfectionism is not a diagnosis or a disease, it is just a way of talking about a personality. Trace that when carried in excess it begins to hurt us instead of helping us and it is one of the things we know thanks to much research. is that people who have this extreme personality trait are associated with higher risks of depression, higher risks of anxiety, eating disorders and many other mental health problems, that if we strive to be perfect all the time, the person who comes out hurt are us and often what happens to us doesn't happen because we feel hurt, so there's a wonderful book about this and there's a really wonderful expert that if you ever want to look her up and her name is that, she's a lady called Rush Afrin and That is his book called Overcoming Perfectionism, it is a very easy read, it is very easy to buy it, it costs around 10 euros.

I'm anyone who feels like some of the things coming up today could apply to them, so that's a really good place to start. because there were many medical stories in it, many stories from different people and in a way it is compared, okay? Does that apply to me and some of the ideas Roz talks about in this? Would these be useful things to apply in my own life, so I define perfectionism as setting and striving for very demanding standards that are self-imposed and relentlessly pursued even though this causes problems. It involves basing self-esteem almost exclusively on how well these high standards are met, and so just take that.

Lastly, that our self-esteem is based almost exclusively on how we meet certain standards and then we think about how fragile that self-esteem will become and how easy it is to not meet those standards, how easy it is for life to just throw something into the void. . somehow or something it becomes more complicated than we thought and if those standards are not met we certainly begin to lose a sense of self-worth, so this is a very busy slide, so I'll read it out loud, but this It's because of a lady named Elena Miller who writes a blog about perfectionism and depression and about her and her mental health, so perfectionism has been that perfect enemy that has accompanied me all my life on the surface, it has helped me do things were fine, but deep down she was always there. at the worst times to whisper cruel criticism in my ear no matter how hard I've worked or how well I've done for Elena, perfectionism helped her get A's all through school helped her get into Harvard helped her graduate from Medical School helped me go from a skinny 13 year old girl with no athletic ability to a division one collegiate water polo player, she has helped me excel at almost anything I have set my mind to and she is also there to tell me that each of these achievements was not enough. that I should try harder do more be better that I achieved something when I had achieved something difficult I was enjoying my success she was there - whisper in my ear it's not good enough set your sights higher o Jamie Varon also talked about perfectionism on her blog The Perfectionism is not about perfecting what you do, it is about maintaining the fear that you will never be able to do it and that is why you go around and around.

Perfectionism is about freezing because you never want to find out that you're not actually the best. In something, you go around the drain and repeat all the behaviors and control what you know you can control because the thought of risking being wrong or wrong or imperfect makes your heart race in a terrible way. Perfectionism exists in the silent way you berate yourself for not being perfect. capable of doing certain things is this insidious belief that everything will be perfect and fine if only you could be perfect and fine. I'll say it again is the belief that everything will be perfect and fine if only you could be perfect and fine perfectionism means you think too much about conversations before and after having them you plan your words you punish yourself if you say something that bothers another person you approach them people because people are unpredictable not being predictable means you can't be perfect and so you contain what you can't control when you come, so something that seems positive and pleasant and seems like we should all be looking for it, in fact has the opposite effect in us, it attacks us and our sense of who we are, it attacks how we feel good. about ourselves, it attacks our own sense of self-worth and therefore sometimes the harder we strive for something, the more we hurt ourselves with it, so when we look at the common effects of perfectionism emotionally, we find that perfecters worry a lot and a lot of bad mood physically they can feel very tired and have bad sleep and muscle tension cognitively they can end up ruminating, that means worrying and turning their minds over, they can end up being catastrophic, making things seem huge and horrible, increasing levels of self-criticism and reduce people's self-esteem and in terms of their behavior, they often repeat themselves, they take too long to do a task, they are too thorough and then that or complete procrastination and avoidance, not doing the task. thing at all. and when you see those kinds of symptoms you can see how easy it will be to map it to depression, how close we are to talking about the things that happen to us when we are depressed, the mood we feel in, the thoughts we have and the things that we do so paradoxically, you often see perfectionism and people who have achieved a lot, but we see it everywhere, but there is this paradox, the better someone does it, the worse they feel about themselves, they set a goal, they guess it and feel. bad because they should have done it faster, quicker, better in a different way, in some other way, and I often see that people who recover from depression will have gone and achieved something that they really wanted, so they came back.

At work they saw friends again and immediately beat themselves up because they shouldn't have had to be here in the first place so they should have been able to do it sooner or I shouldn't have taken them to go do it or it should have been something else that somehow That perfect Heist standard, they say, ruins what is perfectly good, so let's see if this works, if not, some imperfection is intentional and is an aid to learning, that's why there are like two little arrows on the bottom for no reason. Let's see if this works so let's talk about how perfectionism develops and then how it continues to operate in ourselves, so perfectionism often starts with low self-esteem and you wouldn't necessarily imagine that people are working very hard and trying very hard.

It's hard to get out of feeling like you really know yourself as a party because the person feels depressed and worked so hard to try to cover up the gaps to try to cover up that feeling and that leads to very rigid standards and high expectations. should be this I should always be dust I should always achieve this I should never be disappointed I should never stop doing this I should always be nice to my friends I should never lose my temper I should never get in a bad mood with anyone I should always be smile I should always be the best friend , always be the best wife, I should always be the best husband, and then what happens is that person, that person with such rigid standards of low self-esteem has a task, he has to go do something, so I.

I've come to a conference on a Wednesday night, I have to give a talk and it's always daytime at night or they have to go out into the world and do something, and if once you do a task, only three things can happen, you can complete the task so that it temporarily meets the standards, you have gone, you have told us that you cannot complete the task, so for some reason it does not work, so you do not meet the standards or you can avoid the task altogether and do not be there, so this is staying until a day of work you can go and do a day of work you can go and do a day of work that doesn't work you can stay home in bed those are your three possible options the same with school the same with the relationship the same with meeting friends the same with the university the same with anything we do we do it we don't do it or we avoid it what happens with people who are perfectionists is that if they do it they will only do what they set out to do.

Do they meet the standards? They immediately go well. I should have been able to do it anyway. Too easy. Everyone can do it. That is no. Do you know why I get excited about that? It shouldn't do any good for everyone to do the day's work. They immediately. below - immediately not good enough immediately this thing happens that they said I had to do now no matter or whatever reason they don't meet with us so they can't come to the conference on Wednesday traffic gets stuck, they put on tires, it's been a long day and they don't make it or they get anxious about us and they worry about the pressure, those standards and they decide I'm not really going to do it and they avoid it, and in all three scenarios it's the same.

Something happens, they criticize themselves, so no matter what they do, whether they meet the standard, don't meet the standard, or avoid the standard, they end up punishing themselves, so I do it, I don't or I avoid it and still sit. bad and that obviously has an effect: it reduces your self-esteem and that is the crux of the matter: the person's heart works the more they achieve, the more they try, their self-esteem drops and, therefore, for many people, the more difficult When you work, your self-esteem increases, but when people arePerfectionists, when those standards are too high or rich, their self-esteem goes down and they feel worse, so it's a bit of a strange paradox, it's not necessarily what people expect, it's not necessarily what comes to mind intuitively.

I'm sure we can ask some questions and talk about it a little later, but here's the thing: we're perfectionists and that's why it's so easy to get depressed because the harder they work, the more they're doing the worst they feel about themselves, so please. For example, someone says that I should always do, whatever my job, that I should always meet my objectives. If something comes up, they meet the goal and immediately hit them, that's the least I should do. Everyone achieves their goal. What's the point or not? they don't reach the goal or procrastinate, they avoid meeting with the manager, no matter what, it always comes back to self-criticism, they punish themselves in the end or they have the standard I should always be a good mother, many of us have this standard, who would want be a bad mother?

So, we often have the standard: "I should always be a good mother," but the problem is the rigidity of that always because, in reality, which of us will always be something, which of us will always be something. It's going to be the perfect time or the perfect husband or the perfect father and then this person who wants to be the perfect mother brings her little boy to the supermarket and the little boy is going to do what the little boy is going to do: he's going to kick and scream. and she goes down the shelves and she wants the candy and certainly this person who wants to be the perfect mom feels really exposed because she can't be perfect and have this little child, so she chooses to do something to comfort the child, but then she beats herself up because I showed us what least any parent can do or they can't comfort the child, they can't control this little kid and then they punish themselves for being a terrible time that you know you can't.

Take care of my own son or I won't go to the grocery store at all and we'll settle for baked beans until Sunday so we don't have to deal with the problem and they'll be back to criticizing themselves again. I feel worse about myself, so what we're going to do for the rest of the talk is that. Those are just some examples and some kind of images of how perfectionism works and the depression maps that we will make for the future. The rest is talking about what we can do with ourselves because there are actually a lot of practical and sensible things we can do about it and if we have a tendency to criticize ourselves or if we have a tendency towards low self-esteem, we don't really have it. .

To continue to do that, there are a lot of things that we can change and so what we're going to consider is looking at some of those rules, some of those high standards and expectations, we're going to consider where we undermine ourselves and We undermine our For achievements, we will see avoidance and self-criticism and we can make small changes in all those things that are in our power and if we do those things, actually perfectionism goes down a little bit and self-criticism goes down a little bit and our mood It gets a little better and we're starting to feel a little better about ourselves, so we're thinking about rigid standards and expectations, so I'm going to grab some water before we get there. everyone in my throat and then we would really be in trouble, so a lot of therapy and a lot of psychologists and a lot of things with which people will have discovered what their goals are.

We need goals and that's definitely true if we don't have any. goals then we will be a little directionless and it is easy to get stuck but goals are not sometimes goals are not simple sometimes they are competing What if I want to be a good parent but I also want to be a good employee many times? people get caught with this I want to work hard but I also want to be with my family and you know I can't be in two places at once I want to be a good friend but I also want to do well in my exams my friends I'm going out to have a party and my Jam's they are in the library.

I can't do both and many times our goals compete and it's not easy if our goals are rigid to do both, they pull us in too many directions, sometimes our goals are not within our control we can't manage the whole world is under our control , so we may have a goal to be better at something or want to achieve something, but in reality that may not be ours to control, we can try, we can do our best. Go ahead, we can put you, you know, you can try to move down, further forward, but maybe we can't control the whole world to make this actually happen, so what we find is that goals are not a bad thing in and of themselves, but if they are they become rigid and then they become something bad, so if someone says "I should always be this", then they are in trouble because we can't always be something, we can't always be kind, we can't always be kind, we can.

We can't always be good, we can't always be hardworking, we can't always be a good neighbor, we can't always be a good father, we can't always be a good husband, we can try to be that most of the time, we can try our best to be that thing, but we are also human beings, we will not be that thing all the time. I should never get angry. I should never get angry. I should never obsess. It should never. Actually it never should. this is also impossible we are human beings we are going to get angry we are going to get angry I should never stay in bed we are going to stay in bed why should we never make mistakes we are going to make mistakes and so if If we have rigid rules for ourselves, then We expose ourselves to criticism and set ourselves up for failure, and people often have very strong beliefs about failure.

I cannot fail, we should not fail, if I failed it is because I have done it. I haven't worked hard enough, I haven't prepared enough, I haven't done it, so perfectionism comes from a dysfunctional dissatisfaction with where you are and who you are, and so nothing is good enough, when I have happy. When you get it, you just want something more. Everyone should hold themselves to the same standards as me, but they don't and they still get frustrated and if you don't park in the yellow box, well, there are plenty of other people who will park in the yellow box. box and if you bother with them you are going to spend a lot of time annoyed, you see, I spend a lot of time in traffic trying to get across town.

I can do whatever I want, you can, but at what cost? we need to be perfect to be loved then we are in real trouble because none of us are going to be perfect we are going to be human we can be good we can be good enough but we can't be perfect so this is something that people may have known before where is the law of diminishing returns? So the people who know this best are professional athletes, they have it absolutely perfectly mastered and it's about their body because their body is their business. Now, what happens is that the harder we try.

We put more result we get during the first hour for the second hour for the third hour, but after that, the more effort we put in, the less result we get and the more we put in, less and less and less if you go to the gym I don't know how you know when you get on the treadmill the first kilometer you start grace second kilometer still no fines third kilometer a little less a little less a little less if you are studying you are trying to concentrate the first half hour is great everything is happening you are remembering everything the second half hour still okay still remembering things third fourth fifth we go down to the bottom the same with being social the same with anyone we are trying to do what we put in the most effort we achieve things initially and then things fail Adele Adele oh we are professional athletes our brilliance is that you know when to stop, they know when to take a break and the physical therapist comes and they get the ice packs and they go to the shower, they know that they have the whole recovery routine built in, they know exactly what to do, there is a whole team of people who rush to take care of them, but we are normal people, so we don't. having that team of people saying enough, you've done enough, now go to the chairs, we actually have to do it ourselves, we have to know, okay, I've done enough, that was a good effort, I'm going to stop, I'll look. after me I'm going to do what I need now I've done the piece it's not much of the goal I've tried to achieve it so much now I'm actually going to take care of myself a little and even though we balance the hard work we do with self care and We take care of ourselves and there's a part of us that says no, no, I'll just work harder, I'll just do more, because what happens is we actually get less and less and less forests past that point, so stop, so When we are thinking about our standards or objectives, what would happen if we engaged in flexible standards?

What would priorities be or would we change if our standards were somewhat flexible and open? I would like to be a good person most of the time but it's okay if I lose my temper I would like to work hard but from time to time I will be lazy I will lose my temper I would like to achieve the things I want in my life but I know I can't control how everything comes and the speed at which it's going to get there I have goals but I'm also looking for recovery and recovery and balance there are things I want but there are also things I need to look behind myself to achieve so maybe I want to do it right and work, but I know there will be ups and downs.

I may want to be a good enough parent, but my children's behavior and development are not under my control, there are so many factors. In life I can't control all of them I can only control my little bit and try to do the best I can or my little bit and that thing doesn't work is part of living and there that is an uncomfortable truth but it is a truth that not everything that If we really set our minds to it it will come true and if that hits us too hard at this level of self-esteem then it hurts too much, but if we can say well, that's part of life, that's how life works, there are subscription options and we dance and then we can get up again and go and do the next thing, so we're talking about rules.

The next thing I want to talk about is when we achieve something and when people often underestimate ourselves, the worst of all, is that there? any of my achievements I discuss now this is for an Irish audience meaning 100% of you discuss each of your achievements 100% of the time I know what it means to grow up in Ireland I don't know if it's part of the Leaving Cert but we are not allowed to accept a compliment or praise because there is a joke. I don't know if it's a real joke, but some Poles who haven't lived in Ireland for a while came home and didn't understand English and it's the English they learned in Dublin and then someone would say something and say pennies tanks like that's what it was, in Actually that's nice, your pennies.

Thanks, it was a good talk. Thanks from Penny, we can't really just say thank you. I like this sweater - thanks, it was good, we can't accept a compliment, enjoy praise or recognize your hard work if someone says it was good. I am very satisfied with this, I hope to recognize something we do. It is good even if it is not unique even if it is not perfect and so we can be good parents although I hope everyone on our street is also good parents and the psychologist works in the hallway that only psychologists make up and I hope that you know?

I hope I'm a good psychologist, but I hope everyone else in that hallway is a good psychologist, too. I don't say anything to your husband or say anything about what we do and that we can be good at it or so something good or neat they called some at that time and then we don't have to get discouraged because it's not a perfect single achievement, so , what do you think my chances are actually changing Ireland's so we can get a compliment if someone said? something Isis, we're thinking, you're thinking zero, yeah, so it's actually okay to just own these things now, what we do, there's a positive feeling that comes when someone says you look good, just saying thank you, I think which was good.

I'm very happy with this, you know I did this and it's okay, I don't have to climb Everest before, you know, accept positive feedback on board and I don't have to analyze everything I do just because someone else has done it. I also did it because, in reality, most of the things that we do in our lives, some of the other 8 billion people in the world that our hosts are doing, is that we don't have these unique, perfect achievements, so we thought about avoid it and one of the things is like that but I worked in Ireland for the last five years and I worked in the UK for five years before that and part of that I was working in Oxfordshire for the NHS and if you work in the NHS and Oxfordshire there are a lot of Oxford University students who could come through that service and they're all super bright people, but one of the things that was emerging is that perfectionism was a big problem and depression was a big problem there and you would meet these people who had incredibly high IQs and all that, but they wouldn't haveturned in a paper, you know, for six months or they would have skipped all their exams, so they would get a zero, and what it was about was The fear of getting a B was so high that I actually froze.

I would get an F. Well, I would get zero because they couldn't get a hundred. They couldn't get one again. Maybe this is the good thing about coming from Dobin. It's kind of neat, well wouldn't you be happy with 41? you know, just do it and I know that I would know that that's the answer and that's what happens in perfectionism, that we can't do enough, I only do a little, we have to have it. everything or we end up with nothing and then we have a lot of people for whom procrastination and avoidance are a big problem because if it can't be perfect then it becomes nothing like that, they freeze and can't put in half the time. paper or doing half a day's work or half an achievement that has been it and so this often means that the person will not start or will not take on the task or will not do a part of the task or will not work gradually or will not develop something gradually over time because It can't be they are perfect on the first day the first time they do it, so the anxiety associated with maybe failing is so strong that they can't do even the simple things and of course we are all at risk of failing, that It's what you know when we start something.

If we hit the gym, there's a good chance we won't necessarily become Olympic marathon runners overnight. If you don't listen, you can fail, and avoiding that fear of failing, not stopping us from doing anything, reinforces our low mood, reinforces our negative beliefs. on ourselves and stops any kind of ability to progress and build momentum and our low self esteem people are also reinforced, look it's been a month and I still haven't addressed this. It's been two months and I still haven't started this It's been three months I still haven't started this How bad am I? So there are often many ways to avoid some things that we simply don't do.

Sometimes we are very busy with other tasks, so it should. I'll be doing this but the office is very messy. I'm going to clean everything up and then do this. I would, but I have this cold. He would do it with us, but actually the man is much better at doing it than I am. He could just let her do it. I would do it, but it's actually someone else's problem or it's not my fault or it's something I shouldn't have to do in the first place or someone I don't want to approach and it becomes a reason why I'm not going to take it on or I can't do it because I'm too upset and that can often happen when we feel so overwhelmed by the problem that we can't address what's in front of us and then one of the things about tackling things for the first time or starting things or taking on things They weren't very good for us, but we will feel anxious, we can't help but feel anxious doing everything from the first day.

So it's October, so all the kids started school about a month ago, all the four and five year olds turned gay on the first day, you know, they left their moms and dads, they all feel terrified the first day of school, the first day of high school. day of work, the first day of everything, we feel scared and it's okay, it's a very normal part of being alive, but we still have to take the first step, we still have to go and do the thing, so we have to do the thing. task anyway, even if we are worried that we may fail ourselves now, what we are trying to do is weaken ourselves gradually and incrementally.

Whatever we are trying to do is just a little bit at a time when it is a cliche that begins a journey of a thousand miles. with one step we don't make it with the first step we don't make it with the second step we don't make it with the third step we just have to push each piece one after another after another and there is a lot of anxiety, a lot of fear as we take those little steps. steps, but it's the only way to achieve something, so the last thing we want to talk a little bit about is self-criticism, do you know what that is? depression, we will really recognize it, everyone wants to be a perfectionist, they will really recognize it and that people are very self-critical, they are hard on themselves in a way that they would never be with another person, they are aggressive in their own heads and in their way of being.

He would never be aggressive toward a neighbor, stranger, or family member. They are hard on themselves and often it is because people are perfectionists. They believe that self-criticism is useful. It's a good thing I can do. It drives me forward. I need to get it. a higher standard, so come on, let's do it, but let's do this, I want, I don't do it well, that's stupid too and ultimately that self-criticism leads to a decrease in self-esteem, since no standard is high enough and the criticism then becomes relentless as you never face it all you are left with is criticism and criticism and criticism and that repeated criticism is very difficult even if it is just your own mind saying it or maybe especially because it is your own mind that says it and so our confidence decreases and our ability to address the things we are trying to address in life decreases with it.

Well, I'll talk a little bit and just for a minute or two there are two different types of confidence that they talk about, one is the swing. confidence and one is core confidence and swing confidence is when when things are going well we feel brilliant, we are on top of the world, we can do anything, but then as if things start to go wrong it swings and we feel terrible and horrible and that's often the kind of confidence that the perfectionist self has, but then when they're flying and they're getting the grades and everything is being achieved brilliance on top of the world and as soon as it adds up, I'm the worst. and it's gone, core confidence is where you know we're pretty good anyway even if it's not your day even if it's not going well even if what you're up to isn't happening you're still okay I'm still pretty solid in this thing I'm having In on a bad day, this doesn't work for me, but I know I'm still fundamentally fine and it's easy to develop confidence in the swing and it's harder to develop core confidence, and I like it when a key part of that is that we don't. criticize ourselves every day that it's not a good day, we actually try to strengthen ourselves I said, okay, I'm not having a good day, but I'm doing the best I can despite it being a difficult day and that kind of dialogue Internal is actually really important, so self-criticism is easy to develop and often comes from genuine criticism.

Are there places in our lives where people have been critical of us and it is very easy for coaches, teachers or parents to have been critical of us and often have? We have been criticized because, with the best intentions at heart, we receive gold stars for good work. Well, either we don't get the gold star or we get something worse for bad work. And again we talk about children going to primary school. Oh then. Regardless of what the junior infantrymen are, they will get gold stars and knots or gold stars, they will have smiling faces and angry faces until the end, we will get medals for achievements, we don't really get medals for efforts, so we are very trained.

From early on in school and through parenting, you get things to achieve, but in life, in reality, what you need most is effort and the ability to maintain effort over time and that's how it works. They achieve achievements, not through any type of magical ability, and that is why we receive medals for achievements, but achievement is not a methodology for happiness, we need more than just achieving things to be happy, we have to be happy with ourselves themselves and that is the part we need to train. In fact, I'm happy being me, either. a good conversationalist about talking, whether it's a good day or a bad day, that I'm okay, it's not perfect, I know where they fail, but it's okay, and learning to be okay is really important and it's what we should try to teach all of our children, but Hopefully, we will also learn ourselves as we go, so there is the potential here for a very positive cycle and that is where you will develop a resilient self-esteem that is there when it is going well but also when it is not going well.

On a bad day or a bad week, I'm actually pretty good, I'm fine, we have flexible expectations, so we recognize that the world is not always going to be simple and that what we want is not always easily achieved and that I can set my goals but sometimes I have to adapt, we can recognize that sometimes we are going to achieve our goal and what we want and now when we do it, it is very important to praise ourselves and that was well done, I did well. They are good for me, but sometimes we are not going to reach that goal through no fault of our own, things just happen and that is also part of life and the most important thing is not to avoid assuming it, but to work incrementally, a little bit at a time. time. time doesn't bite at once and while all these things happen, taking on the positive events and staying away from the negative ones, only the things we do well, I'm not taking this job seriously that doesn't work, so if can I work? with this?

I think this will appear on the last slide. I thought it was the last slide. I think that's all. If it works like this, we can develop a solid self-esteem capable of protecting our state of mind from the things that may happen to us. us and that life will throw obstacles at us or we will be able to handle them better, it is not a life without obstacles, but they do not have to hurt us on a core level when they appear and then we can be happy with the things that we achieve because when you talk to people, the People are achieving all the time, they're just not achieving this impossible standard that they have in their mind and therefore if we can really be happy with the things that we can achieve then we can be really happy, ok thank you very much. a lot