Why People Pleasing is Hurting You | Salma Hindy | TEDxUofT

same. Now think about a time when you want to make a decision for yourself as if you don't know anything like changing programs in college, moving out of your house, quitting your job, you're not passionate about it, going abroad for a while to study. or work somewhere marry someone your parents don't approve of or leave the long term relationship you're not happy and you didn't do it because you thought it was better not to do it for the greater good which was you please

people

, I can't lie,

people

-

pleasing

or liberation from people-

pleasing

is not free, liberation is not free, it comes at a cost, shortly after I just started doing stand-up.

I remember I had a show where over 20 of my friends came out and I had a bad set, it wasn't horrible but it wasn't great and I just remember feeling so depressed after that show, I felt so lost because of the validation that there was. been receiving from the public and from my friends until that moment. The point had stopped and I needed it more than because I wasn't getting it from my own parents and that was the first and only time I almost walked away from comedy because when the audience doesn't laugh and I don't have my parents' approval Is it worth it when you disappoint your loved ones to constantly face a lot of things? of doubt when I started comedy I went through a whirlwind of internal battles and I still go through them at some point but pleasing people is not noble we are not heroes we are not martyrs we are these are the lies we tell ourselves every night to deal with the decisions we don't make, we are afraid of being codependent and we owe it to ourselves to stop because we are destined for more, but it goes beyond that.

I realized that I had reached a point where every decision we made in my life was for other people. Comedy was the first thing that was mine. It was the first time I came face to face with a decision of this magnitude whose result. I would have to carry it alone on my shoulders and that was terrifying. We are terrified of our failures, but we are even more terrified of our success. So is there hope? Yes, there is, but it will take time and patience to free yourself from that codependency and you will never completely do it.

You will always fluctuate in and out of it. People Pleasing Even today I like to think about how this video will be posted online and my mom will see it, but what keeps me grounded is knowing that people pleasing comes from an underlying emotion of fear which is weak because it's the reason I live life. out of fear when you can live it out of intention when I finally stopped seeking people's approval I became a better and truer artist a more representative version of myself I was able to bring a more nuanced voice to life on stage and I was able to give life to the people a genuine complexity to relate to the complexity of my identity that I am a Muslim woman that I am educated that I am an extrovert that I am a first generation Canadian that I am killing in not one but two male-dominated fields so in the future when I am sitting with my daughters and they ask me why you didn't go after your dreams mom, I can say that I did and so do you, thank you all very much.