We don't "move on" from grief. We move forward with it | Nora McInerny

Hot plate. For example, we don't look at the people around us experiencing the joys and wonders of life and tell them to "

move

on," do we? We don't send a card like, "Congratulations on your beautiful baby" and then, five years later, think, "Another birthday party? Forget it." (Laughs) Yes, we get it, she's 5 years old. (Laughs) Great. (Laughter) But

grief

is one of those things, like falling in love or having a baby or watching "The Wire" on HBO, that you don't understand it until you experience it, until you experience it. And once you do it, once it's your love or your child, once it's your pain and you're in the front row of the funeral, you understand.

You understand that what you are experiencing is not a moment in time, it is not a bone that will heal, but something chronic has happened to you. Something incurable. It is not fatal, but sometimes the pain seems fatal. If we can't prevent them in each other, what can we do? What can we do other than try to remind each other that some things can't be fixed and that not all wounds have to heal? We need each other to remember, to help each other remember, that

grief

is an emotion that has multiple functions. That you can and you will be sad and you will be happy.

You have to be sad and be able to love in the same year or week, at the same moment. We need to remember that a sad person will laugh and smile again. If they are lucky, they will find love again. But yes, of course, they are moving

forward

. But that doesn't mean they've forgotten. Thank you all. (applause)