7 Keys to Recover From Gaslighting | OC Relationship Therapist

Hi everyone, I'm Todd Krieger and I'm here talking to you about seven

keys

to

recover

ing from

gaslighting

. I have talked about gas lighting. Gaslighting is also a pretty common thing that affects people and I just wanted to make sure since I started. Before I really started, I'm Todd Krieger, so I'll repeat myself. I'm talking about

gaslighting

, which is something I've been talking about before and it's a process where a person feels victimized or sometimes not victimized. you realize it, but you are a victim of someone who is not really dealing with their own things and who needs you or someone in their life to manipulate them so that they can feel better or superior or in control and you become manipulated to the point where you might hesitate of yourself.

I even think you're a little crazy and it's really something I work with a lot with people. I have a lot of people in my practice right now. Now they are women, but they could also be men who are the victims at this time. I'm thinking about half a dozen women I currently work with who have been with narcissistic men who are not able to analyze their own problems and who really take advantage of their own shame by trying to make you feel very bad about yourself or uncomfortable. are on shaky ground so I'm NOT going to talk today about how to get out of these

relationship

s I'm talking about, once you're out it's still hard sometimes to fully

recover

from them, some of the people I work with now They have formally gotten out of their

relationship

s, but they are still feeling the effects, the aftermath of this relationship that literally changed how they felt about themselves.

I hear statements like "I lost" Who I am, if you could relate to that, maybe or a victim of gaslighting I I stopped seeing my friends I forgot what I wanted I I don't even know what I want these are some of the comments like this what seven

keys

to recovery I took some notes if I look down I'm just looking at My notes here and my phone, one thing we should do if we are victims of gaslighting is to completely change, if possible we should eliminate all contact with it person, if possible, we should block, we should delete. delete, you may need to change your phone number now, I'm thinking of a person right now, for example, her gaslighter was her husband, he would eventually become an ex-husband and they have a child together.

Okay, the person can't stop completely, so actually. In life sometimes you can't, depending on who that person is, if you can please do it, if you can't you have to set some boundaries, block, delete, change phone numbers, they are all boundary setting, yeah You can't do that, you absolutely have to. just stick to your own boundaries, which can be things like I'll only talk to you if I have to. I will admit that I will only talk to you about our son and nothing more if you get into anything about me, who I am, my worth, or our past.

I will hang up the phone gently and quickly hang up the phone. I'm NOT here to hear another word you have to say and you do it and you block and if you see an email, in fact, you would. just maybe I have a person who makes other people read the email for them, they have a designated email reader and they will say don't delete it or read this, and most of them delete it so I went creative Dealing with guests as this really is. a man that I would have in my practice, but I thought about the one who has been tremendously deceived and manipulated tremendously and has several people, a team that supported him by looking at any email, if you see his name, you don't read that email, so What else does that mean?

I thought it was a lovely way to try to do your best to block out any runs and not get involved with the gaslighter. The second thing is you want to surround yourself with people who support you, obviously there will be people in your life who You know, I'll talk about this, there may be other people who gaslit you before, sometimes you only get gaslit once in your life. , but sometimes it's kind of a pattern of not being validated as a kid, you have to make sure that if there are other people in your life and your family, old friends, whatever, that haven't really validated you, they're not really tuned in. with you, they may not be the people while you're recovering from gas lines to spend a significant amount of time with, if at all, and instead support you.

You know, make sure you surround yourself with supportive people who will validate you and the growth you'll have as you break free from that old gaslighting relationship and discover yourself again. Number three, well, when you're gaslighting. relationship many times the relationship is simply about trying to get through a day spend an hour get to a minute manage try to minute you know how to manage the other person's emotions which is totally impossible, you can't, but you're going to do it I'll just try feel safe, but now that you're not, you need to start practicing some self-care.

Self-care would be things like meditation at the top of my list, meditation that you're actually spending time with. You, you are tuning into something within you, a breath, a wonderful feeling, an image, a word, something that lifts you up and helps you shift your energy, so meditation is at the top of my list. It's important because the movement that you're moving in our bodies, they need us to move and experience blood flow as well as developing stronger bodies and our stronger bodies. Many times, the calmer our mind is, it doesn't work that way all day. sometimes it's long, but I definitely know that when I exercise it calms me down and of course there are other important self-care things throughout the day, not just exercising.

I think this is the culture where we often have to rely too much on exercise. As important as it is and not enough, learning to meditate and sit still and tune in and evoke a relaxation response, you know, that will, which is something we can do through breathing, softening our muscles, easy ways to take care of yourself. of ourselves and our loved ones. Of course, I want to mention what we eat, you know, there are two types of foods, basically those that nourish our body and those that sap energy from it and I'm not saying that you never have fun eating, but I would say that many of the foods that I used to eat they were fun, you actually drained my body of energy, it's not self care, so although I'm not a perfectionist, I don't subscribe to perfectionism.

I think I'm going to eat mostly nourishing foods. I'm not. a nutritionist, but you know there's a lot of information out there, so number three is self-care, number four, you want to uncover your own negative beliefs that contributed to being a victim of gaslighting. Now let me be clear when I say that you need to uncover your own negative beliefs. This is not to blame you for being cheated on. The person you assumed put you down is one hundred percent responsible for their manipulation of you and evoking in you feelings of insecurity, doubt, stress and anxiety still Now that you're out of that or at least getting out of that gas relationship, you want to take a look at some of your negative beliefs, like I'm not enough, I'm not good enough, we want to see where. that may come from where the messages you or I receive, my job in life is to regulate people who have more problems than me, apparently those types of beliefs are dysfunctional, so what are my negative beliefs?

How about a negative belief that I'm not sure? and then you learn it and then you recreate it because that's what we do, we have a negative belief, we unconsciously create a similar scenario that makes us feel the way we did, that was familiar to us when we were young, so you have to make a inventory that you discover your own negative beliefs because once you discover that those negative beliefs exist, you can challenge those negative beliefs and you will put yourself more and more in a state of recovery and you will also become a better, as they say, gatherer.

I will choose a person who no longer resonates with those negative beliefs. Number five, ask yourself what you want. You know when you're in a gaslighting relationship, you stopped that it was about survival, so now you don't have to worry. about the other person's things what you want and start with small things like what warning what I want to eat what I want to call where I want to go if I didn't care about other people's feelings and well-being for a moment, nothing, you shouldn't worry about the well-being of these people, but if I could take note of that, what would I do?

What would I say? Something healthy selfish, can I do it? You want to trust your instinct, you want to practice. trusting Oh energy in this let's do it I don't have energy in that let's not do it what are my feelings when I think about doing that or saying that thing doesn't make me feel happy if you do it and do it if in If in hindsight you made a wrong decision, then what What we're trying to do is help you practice trusting your instinct to do the things you really want to do instead of always having to manage another very important person in your recovery to learn to tune into even the smallest and, therefore, Of course, with the biggest ones, of course, with the biggest ones, number six, now is when you can work towards achieving the biggest ones, what are your dreams, what are your visions?

Think about your visions, because you don't listen. with anyone for these moments, tune into yourself, what I want, what I see for myself and how I can develop that confidence to work towards my dreams, which could be just remembering moments when you work on it or doing little things to move towards it. I dreamed or I risked. I remember a woman who was deceived and I remember her saying that she created a website and she could never finish it, she could never publish it because she worried if she was going to be good enough, that was a belief.

I'm not enough, I'm not enough, I'm not good enough, so as soon as my advice to her was: when you get off this phone, post it, she says, but what if it's not perfect? But the clock didn't happen and whatever she said something. so I said correct it later publish it now correct it later just the act she told me the next week she was in a group that I was doing just the next week only the next day that day she said I posted it and immediately I felt a sense of confidence that I acted like I can make a decision, you know when you make a mistake, you stop making decisions for yourself, so you want to be able to do it, start doing those things that build confidence, work towards your dreams, take small steps, small action steps . along the way and the seventh and last thing, and I always have to say this: get a professional to help a

therapist

.

I do this all the time. I shorten the time. I help accelerate and catalyze people's process as I co-navigate with that person through this process of recovering from being gaslit and returning once again, or sometimes for the first time, to who they really are, so that you follow the steps you need to follow these seven keys, get professional help just like me. We work virtually with you and we can make things happen and do the other steps, of course, and you don't need a person all the time. There are things you can do. Those small steps make all the difference in the world, so I wish you the best.

I wish you the best in your recovery if you know anyone besides yourself who could benefit from hearing these words please pass it on thank you I'm Todd Krieger making this a safe world for love.