Couple Goals - SNL

IT'S TIME FOR COUPLE GOALS WITH YOUR HOST BOB DABILDA. ALL GOOD. ALRIGHT. WELCOME TO COUPLE GOALS, A GAME WHERE MARRIED COUPLES DISCOVER HOW WELL THEY KNOW EACH OTHER, SPONSORED BY SWIFFER WET JET. YOU WANT TO SWIRL SOME WET HAIR ON THE FLOOR, TRY SWIFFER WET JET. WE KNOW OUR CONTESTANTS. THEY RECENTLY MOVED INTO THE HOME OF THEIR DREAMS, THEY ARE NICK AND NICOLE LODI. AND THEY ARE CHILDHOOD BOYFRIENDS WHO HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE THEY WERE 6 YEARS OLD. THEY ARE BRIAN AND ABBY GREEN. AS YOU KNOW, YOUR SPOUSES ANSWERED A SERIES OF QUESTIONS BEFORE THE SHOW, AND YOU HAVE TO GUESS WHAT THEY SAID.

QUESTION ONE, WHAT IS YOUR WIFE'S FAVORITE BOOK? NICK. I KNOW, BOB. IT'S HARRY POTTER. LET'S SEE WHAT NICOLE SAID. HARRY POTTER. THAT'S MY HUFFLEPUFF! EVERYTHING WELL. THE LODIS ARE ON THE BOARD. LET'S GO TO THE GREEN. WELL, I KNOW MY LITTLE READER'S FAVORITE BOOK. IT'S WHERE THE CRAWDADS SING. LET'S SEE WHAT NICOLE SAID. OH, THE BIBLE. SORRY, BABY. YOU WERE SO CLOSE. WAS HE? LODIS, TO YOU. WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S BIGGEST FEAR? WELL, I'M NOT SURE I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THIS, BUT IT'S DEFINITELY HEIGHTS. GOOD. SHE SAYS HEIGHTS AND NICK SAYS HIS BIGGEST FEAR IS THAT YOU'LL DIE IN A FRANK ACCIDENT AND EVEN THOUGH I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT, THE POLICE WILL ASSUME I DID IT AFTER THEY FIND OUT HOW MUCH I COMPLAINED ABOUT YOU IN TEXT MESSAGES TO MY FRIENDS.

I SHOULD HAVE SAID HEIGHTS. I SAY. GOING TO THE GREEN. ABBY, WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S BIGGEST FEAR? WELL, YOU WON'T SEE THIS MAN AT A PICNIC. THEY ARE THE BEES. OH, SHOOT. I SAID LOSE THE CHILDREN. THERE ARE NO POINTS, BUT THE GREEN ARE DOING THEIR BEST. THE NEXT QUESTION IS FOR THE LODIS. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOUR HUSBAND HAS ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW? STILL A LITTLE LITTLE LAUNCHED BY THAT LAST ONE. BUT THIS ONE IS EASY. DO ALIENS EXIST? GOOD. AND NICK SAID HE'S ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW IF THE POLICE CAN STILL READ HIS TEXT MESSAGES IF HE DESTROYS HIS WIFE'S PHONE IMMEDIATELY AFTER HIS WIFE IS CRUSHED BY THE GARAGE DOOR OR AN EQUIVALENT ACCIDENT.

NICK, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN TEXTING? Wow! TO ABBY. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOUR HUSBAND HAS ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW? WELL, I THINK THIS ONE WILL MAKE US ENRICH AGAIN, IF THERE IS A LIFE BEYOND. IT SOUNDS CONFIDENT. BRIAN SAID: WHAT IT FEELS TO BE WITH A MAN. WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT ON TV, BABY? I DIDN'T KNOW WE HAVE TO SHOW OUR ANSWERS TO EVERYONE. AND THE GREEN PEOPLE ARE STILL WEIRD BUT NICE PEOPLE. NEXT QUESTION FOR THE LODIS. WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST FIGHT? GOOD. I KNOW THIS. THE HAWAII INCIDENT. EVERYTHING WELL. NICK SAYS THE HAWAII INCIDENT, AND NICOLE SAYS WE WERE IN HAWAII AT THE TOP OF A WATERFALL AND I WANTED TO JUMP, BUT YOU STOPPED ME AND DIDN'T LET ME DO IT UNTIL THERE WERE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND.

TO FIVE POINTS. THAT'S WHY YOU DIDN'T LET ME JUMP? EVERYTHING WELL. THAT SOUND MEANS IT'S TIME FOR AN ADDITIONAL QUESTION. THIS IS FOR NICOLE. WHERE IS A PLACE YOUR HUSBAND HAS ALWAYS WANTED TO VISIT? I mean, I feel like I don't even know this man. BUT I THINK HE ALWAYS SAID DURANGO. YES, BABY, YES. GOOD. FINALLY. AND WHAT ABOUT THE PERIOD, PERIOD, PERIOD? When I'm wrongly accused of your death, I'm going to the only lawyer I know would believe me, your college roommate Stephanie. THE NIGHT BEFORE THE JURY DELIVERS THE VERDICT, REALIZING THAT THE SITUATION IS HOPELESS, WE WILL DEPARTURE TOGETHER ACROSS THE BORDER.

WHEN WE GET TO OUR HOTEL ROOM, WE SEE THAT THERE IS ONLY ONE BED. HE CALLS THE RECEPTION TO COMPLAIN, BUT I SEE HE'S HOLDING THE BUTTON, SO I KNOW IT'S ON. BY FINDING OURSELVES IN A PLACE BEYOND GOOD AND EVIL, WE MAKE LOVE AND REACH A NEW APEX OF HUMAN PLEASURE. TODAY MAY BE MY LAST DAY OF FREEDOM AND I ACT ACCORDINGLY. DRIPPING IN SWEAT, TEN YEARS OF SECRET LONGING, WE LOOK AT THE CEILING. WHAT IS THIS TOWN CALLED?, WHISPER. DURANGO, SAYS. AND THEN HE RIDE ME ONCE MORE. SO THEY BOTH SAID DURANGO. WHICH MEANS LODIS, YOU HAVE WON OUR GRAND PRIZE.

WE DID IT! WE WON, BABY. PACK YOUR HEADLIGHTS BECAUSE YOU JUST WON A ROMANTIC NIGHT. WALK IN COUPLES ON THE CLIFFS OF DOVER. NO THANKS. YOU HAVE TO. NO. NO. PLEASE NO.