Trump Compares Himself to Jesus, Jimmy’s Shock After Japan Trip & Billy Crystal Pranks Cousin Micki

Everyone up I'm the host thanks for seeing you here in Hollywood please relax it's um we're back to work after uh I took my family to Japan this week and I have to say I'm still not sure how I feel. about what happened there, you know, here in America, we know we have our flaws, we know we have areas to improve, but in general I think most of us believe that compared to the rest of the world, we're pretty closed off. I know. I went to Europe and there were holes in the ground where the plumbing was supposed to be and I hold my breath and I'm glad I'm not one of these people and then I come home but now after traveling to Japan I realized that this place , America, which we always sing about is a disgusting, disgusting country.

We were in Japan for seven days, not only did I not find a single dirty bathroom, the bathrooms in Tokyo and Kyoto are cleaner than our operating rooms here. everywhere you go the bathrooms are clean, they don't smell bad, they have those toilets that wash you from the inside out and not just in a hotel, restaurants, bars, truck stop. I went to two truck stops. I swear to God her bathroom is cleaner than Jennifer Garner's. the teeth are the cleanest, most beautiful and it's not just the bathroom, there is no garbage, people carry their own garbage, there are no garbage cans in Tokyo 30 years ago, some terrorists put something like poison gas and some garbage cans, They say it's okay, no more trash cans, all clean.

Get your stuff together and guess what you clean up, you bring your trash home and it's like the whole country is Disneyland and we live in Six Flags. I've been home 36 hours. I have never felt dirtier. We are that way. Pigs compared to the Japanese, I can't imagine what they must think of us, oh the trash people, yeah American trash, yeah we get home on Saturday night and there's a big time difference in Japan on this moment, right now in Japan, it's next week. so our family was baffled we get home put the kids to bed around 9:00 and then we have my wife and I make Easter baskets, we fill the eggs with the jelly beans, we do everything and around midnight we are in bed and our six year old son Billy walks and climbs into bed with me and I noticed he's holding one of the stuffed animals from his Easter basket and I knew where you got that thing he said from my Easter basket he made I had to stop on the way to our room to see if the bunny showed up and I said, okay buddy, we can't open anything else until the morning, okay, but he's awake and my wife is sleeping and he's kicking, so I take him back to his room, he can't.

Sleep unless we go to bed with this. I get into his double bed with him and it's wet. He had wet the bed, which explains why he didn't have pants on. I didn't realize it, but so I go and find a towel and put it down. He bought her some new pajama pants and we lay there for two full hours. He doesn't close his eyes for a second, about an hour and a half later. I tell him what you're thinking about. I know what the answer is. He goes with my Easter basket and I was crazy about the baskets and then our daughter Jane, who was in the top bunk, is a bunk the way she wakes up and we all lay there for another hour, They won't go back to sleep, they are too excited about the Easter Basket and as I mentioned, it's Tuesday at noon, okay, and I'm wide awake too and I don't want to wait another 3 hours until the sun comes up, so I go to our room to see if my wife is awake and she's not so I made a little noise and then she was and I said she's like what's going on I said I think we need to open the Easter basket like now I do now so we We all got out of bed and as the clock struck 3:17 a.m.

The kids opened their Easter baskets and I made pancakes in the dead of the night and then we went back to sleep. How was Mr. OGM? It was great Jimmy, something like that happened to you, no, I went. to Mexico I went to Puerto Waya oh yes, the Easter Bunny came there, yes he did, it was beautiful, everyone is friendly there, oh yes, yes, of course, yes, yes, nothing like here, no, today in Washington, the president, the first lady, was the hostess. Annual White House Easter Egg Roll is the only day of the year when Joe Biden says you kids come out on my lawn and so he did, the president welcomed the little rollers with a speech from the balcony of Biden's room.

God bless you all, enjoy the day and I'm going to go down and make that Easter egg roll just a minute, thank you all so much, thank you all so much and by the way, say hello to the oyster bunnies, come on bunnies, come up here, you can see them, yes, the oyster bunnies. meet them, you know it's a seafood theme this year, oyster bunnies and in December Santa's clams will appear, then the president handed out baskets full of his two favorite Easter treats, rhubarb and poent, and everyone had a good time a while. All I'm saying, I miss the Trump administration's Easter egg rolls.

Melania reads books to the children. Donald pretends to have once been to church. The Secret Service tries to get Eric to stop eating plastic eggs. That's the Trumps, by the way, they had a very active vacation. Yesterday he posted 77 times on Truth Social like if he was your dad you would have him deleted. One of the posts was this message of peace that he wrote. Happy Easter to everyone, including the corrupt and corrupt prosecutors and judges who are doing everything they can to interfere in the 2024 presidential election and put me in prison, including many people who I completely and totally despise, blah blah blah, happy Easter everyone and, um, Holy Saturday, America's number one Bible seller somehow found time to post this, the crucifixion of Donald Trump, that's right.

You know, Jesus was also treated unfairly, some say he was the second most unfair in history, only Donald Trump would repost a photo of

himself

holding a Bible upside down, but the real Easter miracle came from the money funnel of the campaign fund of Trump's daughter-in-law, co-president Laura Trump, who released new music on the same day as Beyoncé, have faith, just trust, you will see that anything is possible. Autotune doesn't work with everyone. Laara is um, this is interesting. She threatens to release a new song every week until she. She achieves her goal of marrying her father-in-law.

That was not an April Fool's Day joke, by the way, that was something real. Today is April 1st, which is a fact that many find difficult to believe. It's Monday, April 1st. I can't do it. believe How is April already? No, it's April. I can't believe it Sam. I already know it. I can't believe it's already April. It's already April. Yes, I can't believe it. I can't believe we're already here in April. It's already April. I know you can believe that April 1st if you can believe it April 1st can you believe that this April 1st first of all?

I can't believe it's April 1st, can you believe it? April, everyone, can you believe it? It's hard to believe, but today is April. April 1 is hard even to believe the first day of April hard to believe hard to believe is April 1 the month of April something hard to believe hard to believe is APR April 1 hard to believe April 1 April 1 can you believe it? I mean the fact that it's April, but the fact that we're already in April is really wild, it's true, these are the same people who applaud when the plane lands. By the way, we made a good move on my

cousin

Mickey.

In the morning, my

cousin

Mickey works in the booking department here at the show, she looks after the guests when they arrive, so we came up with a little trick: we told her that Billy Crystal needed to arrive early to film a comedy bit before of the show, which was actually true, but what she didn't know is that she would also be in the comedy part. Billy told him that he had a chance with the doctor who randomly makes him fall asleep and that he needed Mickey, who might be the nicest person in the world. world to help you stay conscious Mr.

Crystal hello Hello, how are you Mickey? Thanks for being here. Yeah, is there anything he can get for you? I don't feel well. Sho, it's okay, I'm having a reaction to an injection I received well. Good morning, okay, I don't want you to be alarmed, but because I can faint sometimes. It's something called epilepsy. It's a reaction to this gelatin shot I just got this morning. I have an allergy. Your health is the most important thing for us. I'm really hungry, yeah, okay, what could we do? So maybe like, um, there's a pumping nickel bagel, you'll get whatever you want, okay, but if it's sharp, toast one side on one side and the other, not a half toasted, half notot pumped nickel bagel me too.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you know what's okay, we all get tired, we all, no, it's, it's something different, okay, so I'm here for you. I'm sorry, don't apologize, don't apologize, I'm here for you, it's okay. Back, okay, welcome back and don't worry, you know what I'm really thirsty, what do you want? Probably coke, maybe coke or lemonade, something or if there's vodka, a drink to help me wait in one of those or just. whatever, yeah, whatever they have, it would be fine, it's fine, it's fine, perfect. I appreciate it, oh my goodness, yes, it's a pleasure.

Sorry, no, oh please don't apologize, don't worry, Co bagel is coming, um, Coke on the rocks, I think it's a good idea, okay, Coke dilutes it, so yeah, if you listen. Yeah, we'll take the lemonade and, um, wash it down with Coca-Cola, maybe so, but I think it's also important to have food in your stomach. Yes that is good. hello hello Billy hello sir how are you Billy? um, you know sir, um, um, uh, Jimmy and I are excited to do this fundraiser for you. I appreciate that it's very important to make sure we get the funding we need to unite the country, yes, Billy. you there hello hello Billy I'll be there yes come here yes for one conne hello Mr.

President hello um are you his daughter? I'm not your daughter. I'm a I'm a I'm a friend and he just doesn't feel it. so good right now and I apologize and I know he never meant to leave you hanging, but can he call you back? You know, I just want the traditional White House Easter egg roll. I love the Easter egg. I love that I went years ago and it was great, I'm sure you guessed what, guess what, I'm exhausted, I am, I'm sure you are, that was my grandpa's favorite joke, yeah, you know, I went to breakfast this morning with the Easter Bunny, you guessed it. where we ate where I've done that's good I'm not feeling very well sir to be honest so how are things how is everything everything is fine you sound you sound beat he's not drinking Hees he's not drinking he's not drinking well so we're going well and, but if you need something, could I take notes, yes please, it's important, take a pen and paper and write all this down because I don't have time, I don't like to repeat myself, okay, can it wait?

Can you wait a little? He's just going to eat now. You can't hang up on me. I don't know how to call you back. OK that's fine. Thank you very much for everything you do. We have to go now and I. Don't ask me a couple of questions I'm sorry, I am Hello here are some questions Jimmy is on the phone so you can ask him some questions who's here it's a gift it's the president it's really the president Sarah tells you that she's not feeling well but we' You're taking care of him, you haven't eaten yet, you like some f with him, sure, Billy, I don't know if you know what, you know what day it is, it's April 1st, yeah, it's the beginning of the month, it's always good because It's like a new beginning, yeah, what else is it today, although April 1st closed the guys, oh my God, that wasn't the president, this guy who was actually the president, you do have a little bit with him and I like to fire the president, yes, yes?

No, that was, oh, there he is again, I wanted to tell you something, who is he? Wait, okay, hello, Mr. President, who is this? Hang on me, this is a national emergency, oh, it's the president, cold red, big problem, hello, no, sorry, my, oh, well. Thanks, he's actually the president. I'm sweating today. I could end up dying if that's you Mr. President, thank you for everything he does and if not, you sound like him. Wow, thanks, it had to be done.